Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and I am not earning anything by writing this story.

Dear readers,

another chapter of my favorite story. :) I'm very glad that there are still readers out there who enjoy it as much as I do. Please don't forget to review!

Sunny

Thanks a lot to my wonderful beta, saiyanwizardgurl, for correcting my story and improving it.


Chapter 2 – Severus in Distress

"So, what will you do this evening, Minerva?" Severus asked as he encircled her from behind. He placed a kiss in the crook of her neck and chuckled when she started to purr. His lips touched the necklace he had given her for Christmas, and he smiled at the memory.

"I am meeting up with Poppy, Ro, and Pomona here as you are occupying Alastor and Poppy's quarters," Minerva answered while craning her neck to give Severus better acess to her collarbone.

"And what will you women do?" Severus asked, still placing kisses at Minerva's neck and throat.

"Just drink and talk, Severus. What are you up to? Don't think I don't notice that you are trying to get me to give you whatever answers you want," she said, but did not try to stop him.

"Minerva, I'm shocked," Severus said and stopped kissing her for a short time. Soon, he started again and slid a hand near Minerva's breast.

"Severus," Minerva said warningly and stopped Severus' hand by placing her own on his. "Spit it out." She turned around to look at Severus. His guilty face affirmed her assumption.

Severus sighed. "You won't tell Poppy about my sleeping problems, will you?"

Minerva looked at him sternly.

"Oh, come on, Minerva, it's just temporary. It will be over soon. It's just that the full moon is coming soon and brewing the Wolfsbane makes me a little restless." Severus tried to convince Minerva, but she was not buying his excuse.

"Stop lying to yourself, Severus. You haven't slept properly in weeks. It has nothing to with Wolfsbane, the moon, or Remus. I don't understand why it's so hard to let Poppy help you. Why don't you want her to know about it?"

"Because it's abnormal, Minerva. I'm sick of being abnormal. I'm sick of being 'Severus the mental patient' and hearing how poor Minerva has to watch him. Do you think I don't see the glances the others give you? They pity you for burdening yourself with me. They…" Severus had become angrier and angrier as he spoke. This had been gnawing at him for some time, and now it was spilling out.

"Stop, Severus. You are imagining things. Nobody looks at me like that. How can you think such things? And even if they did, I wouldn't care," Minerva exclaimed.

"But I care," he said loudly before leaving Minerva's quarters, slamming the door forcefully. He was furious. Why can't she take me seriously? Sometimes she is just like Poppy. I hate these 'be reasonable' looks. Especially from Minerva. He felt like a schoolboy when she looked at him like that, and he definitely did not want to feel like a boy in her presence. He wanted her to see him as a man or as her lover, and he wanted to have somewhat of an upper hand in this relationship. He did not want her to feel pity for him or watch him like a stupid child on Poppy's orders.

Of course, he knew that he was being unreasonable right now. Anticipation of tomorrow's check-up had him on edge, so "harmless conversations" like the one with Minerva could send him out of control. The lack of sleep worsened his mood. He shortly thought about going back and apologizing, but he was still too angry and desperate about the current situation that he decided against it. Only two hours until the poker game. I could spend time until then in my lab and do something useful to distract me.

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He had been brewing for half an hour and his thoughts were still on Minerva. He had almost ruined the potion he was working on by stirring it clockwise instead of counterclockwise. He was adding the Flobberworm powder when his hands started to shake, and he felt his heart beat fast in his chest. No, not this again. Damn! he cursed inwardly.

He cast a Stasis Charm on the potion and was relieved that he could still manage to do so. Out of experience, he knew that it would take him some time to calm down, and so he sat down on a chair and placed his hands on his legs to stop them from shaking. He tried to relax with the breathing method Poppy taught him for his panic attacks. He had not had a panic attack for a long time. Poppy said it was because he was more relaxed and happy since he was together with Minerva and since they had begun to share living quarters. It was true. He felt more relaxed in Minerva's presence, and he loved to wake up next to her and realize that he was not alone any longer. He loved her, but lately, more and more doubt had crept back into his mind again. Minerva loved him. He knew it, but he feared she would not be happy with him. So often she scolded him for not taking care of himself, and he felt that she was always watching him. A man should be the one to watch over his partner, not the other way around. She cannot be happy with a weak man like me. He tried very hard to be the man he thought Minerva wanted but could never do as good as he wished.

His heart was still beating fast, and he wished it would slow down soon. Why can I not control my damn body like every other person? Why can't I be a suitable lover and not a weak freak that Minerva has to watch?

He knew that Minerva did not seem to mind. Minerva always reacted very positively to his ministrations and she often told him how much she enjoyed spending so much time together. Nevertheless, Severus had the feeling that other people did not see the situation in the same way. He had the feeling that his colleagues looked oddly at them lately. The students also thought that Minerva was mad even speaking to him. Who cares what the students think, but I hate to see the looks of my colleagues, Severus thought.

He was so deep in thought that he did not realize that Albus had entered his lab. "Everything okay, my boy?" Albus asked worriedly when he saw the odd position Severus was sitting in. The gaunt face of his Potions Master and the sad expression did not help to ease his worries.

Severus head snapped up, and he looked at Albus. He felt caught, and the only thing he could think about was anger at the headmaster having seen him like this. "Haven't you heard of knocking, Albus?"

"I did knock, my boy. Several times. I was worried that something happened, and so I came in without your permission." He came over to Severus, who had moved his hands out of their awkward position and was now clutching the edges of his chair. Albus laid a hand on Severus forehead to feel his temperature.

Severus anger increased, and he jerked his head away. "I'm not a child. Why do you always have to touch me?" Severus jumped out of his chair, almost knocking over the cauldron in front of him to gain distance between Albus and himself.

Albus eyebrows knitted together, and the twinkle left his eyes. "What's wrong, Severus?" It was obvious to Albus that Severus had spent too much time pondering something and now had problems being reasonable.

"Nothing is wrong. Everything is just perfect," Severus spat while backing further away from Albus.

"Oh, really?" Albus said as he approached Severus, who could not back away any further because his back had met the wall. On his way to Severus, Albus glanced quickly into the cauldron to make sure that Severus' strange behavior had not resulted from the potion's dangerous fumes. It looked harmless enough, and no fumes were wafting above it. It seemed perfectly brewed. His eyes wandered to Severus again. He was clawing at his robes. "Is something wrong with your hands, Severus?" It cannot be the Dark Mark. It almost faded completely after Voldemort's defeat and has not bothered him since.

Severus tried to calm himself. Now that he was fully back in reality and out of his thoughts, he regretted his violent reaction to Albus. "It's nothing, Albus. I'm sorry about my reaction. I'm just a little tired. Maybe I should skip Poker this evening."

Albus had reached Severus. A look at Severus' hands, which were loosely hanging beside him, assured the headmaster that they looked completely normal. Tomorrow is his check-up with Poppy, so I don't have to pester him about what this was. "I think you have brooded enough about things, and spending an evening with your friends will hopefully distract you. Or would you like to tell me what it was you were thinking about when I walked in?"

"I wasn't thinking about anything, Albus. I was just tired," Severus lied.

"Severus, I would prefer you tell me that you don't want to talk about it instead of lying to me," Albus said sadly.

Severus sighed. "I don't want to talk about it, Albus. It was just stupid." He let his head hang.

Albus ran his fingers through Severus' hair and then pulled him into an embrace. Severus did not try to stop him. It felt good to be hugged, even though he wished Albus had not felt the need to hug him. He was the only person with whom he did not feel like a total freak when he was comforted like this. "I'm sorry, Albus."

"I don't know what is bothering you, Severus. I just wished you would talk with me about it," Albus said, still hoping Severus would open up.

"I cannot. It's stupid. Nothing to worry about."

"It seems you worry a lot about it, Severus. Maybe it would help to get it off your chest. We still have time before Poker." Albus did not loosen his embrace. Out of experience, he knew that Severus opened up easier when he was not looking at the person he was speaking with.

Severus buried his face deeper in Albus' robes. "It's how they all look," he whispered.

"Who, Severus?" Albus asked gently.

"All of them. Pomona, Filius, even Poppy and Alastor. They hate me for being such a burden on Minerva," Severus pressed his face into Albus' robes in the hopes that he would not really understand what he had just said.

Of course, Albus had heard every word and was very worried. He drew back from Severus a little to look at his face. When Severus refused to look at him, Albus moved his hands from Severus' shoulders to cup his face and lift it. "Severus, what are you talking about? Nobody thinks you are a burden on Minerva. What gave you that idea?"

"Albus, they all look at me very oddly. And I see them looking at Minerva. It's pity, I know it."

"Your colleagues are looking at you lately because it is obvious that you have taken a step back again. You look ill lately. You have bags under your eyes and your mood is often edgy. They are concerned. When they look at Minerva, they are trying to find out if she has realized it as well, and they look sympathizing at her because they know how hard it must be for her to see you like this. Minerva is worried, and I'm sure she is looking forward to your check-up tomorrow as much as we are. No, Severus, don't tell me that you are okay," Albus said when he saw Severus starting to protest. "You aren't. We wouldn't be standing here if you were healthy and okay. Concern is not pity, Severus."

"It will never change, Albus. I will always be the one everyone has to watch over. The one who cannot take care of himself. I want to be normal, Albus."

"You are normal. Just because we are worried and keep a close eye on you does not mean you are below us. It's just necessary that we look out for you because you often don't do it yourself. It's the same as us looking out for Rolanda so that she doesn't hurt herself on the Quidditch pitch and Pomona when she drinks too much at a party. It's not a burden to do it. It's what you do to help out a friend."

Why does he always have an explanation for everything, and why the hell does it always sound so reasonable? Severus felt stupid that he had accused his friends of thinking badly of him. What Albus said made sense. He really had not felt good lately and was often in a bad mood.

"Maybe I have interpreted the glances wrong," Severus said sullenly.

"You have, Severus. Let's see what Poppy says tomorrow and what we can do to help you, okay?"

Severus groaned and rolled his eyes. "At least the rest of you are looking forward to my damn examination."

Albus chuckled. "What about this potion? Can you let it stay at stasis or do you have to finish it now?"

"It can stay like as is. I will finish it tomorrow," Severus said, following Albus out of the lab.

Or Charlie will finish it when Poppy keeps him in the hospital wing, Albus thought. Albus had not missed the slight tremor that went through Severus' body as he had held him. There was surely something wrong with his health, but that could wait until tomorrow. For now, he would try to distract Severus from brooding.


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