Chapter 2
Cardiac Arrest
I've been trying to keep my grip,
Yeah I think I'm over this
Yeah I can hear it now oh-no
Yeah my tongue will let it slip,
Why'd I do those things I did?
I straighten my posture, lift my chin, and make my face appear blank. Unaffected. Indifferent. Because if I show emotion, it'll show how scared I am.
Before I reach the steps to the stage, I hear wailing. I turn to see a blubbering Posy run up to me, screaming, "No Prim! Please don't go! You can't! You can't leave me!" I have to fight back the lump in my throat and hold in my tears. I force myself to be strong and pry her little hands away from my dress. This is making it difficult for me to remain emotionless and cold for the cameras.
I can't leave Posy. I can't do this. This is running through my head and I'm about to say something to her, when Darius, my friend and a peacekeeper, picks her crying self up and carries her, kicking and screaming, to Mrs. Hawthorne.
I collect myself once again, and walk up the steps. When I reach the microphone next to Effie Trinket and her stupid pink dress, I look at Rory. For a second I see a tear. Maybe it's not a tear. I feel like my thoughts are jumbled and maybe I'm hallucinating? I look away quickly.
"And how old are you Miss Everdeen?"
"17 years old, Miss Trinket," I respond. My voice, thankfully, sounds a lot stronger and clearer than I thought it would. Good. I can see how impressed she is that I actually have manners and it makes me want to scowl.
"Well, aren't you just lovely, right folks? Give a round of applause for our beautiful Miss Everdeen!"
I never understood the "it was so silent you could hear a pin drop" expression until now. Nobody moves. Nobody speaks. Nobody claps. Nothing.
Then I see it. The District 12 sign. Three fingers placed on the lips, then pointed to the sky. It's meaning? This is not okay. This is not right. We do not condone this.
"Well then," Effie obviously doesn't know how to respond. "Now for the boys tributes!"
Oh god. Please don't be Rory. I think about it. If I got called with only 5 slips, he could easily be called too, since he has more than twice the amount as me. I'm about to start hyperventilating. Oh god. I'm about to show emotion. Please don't be Rory. Please don't be Ror-
"Elijah Grant!"
Oh god. No no no no no! This is just as bad. I try to convince myself it's a mistake, and fail when I see Eli walking up the steps, looking as strong and confident as ever.
This is all running through my head, but none of what I'm feeling is showing on my face. Hopefully.
He locks eyes with me, and only then do I see through his strong tough act. He's just as scared as I am, and I know we both feel pity for the other.
"And how old are you, Mr. Grant?"
"18 years old, Miss Trinket." He doesn't sound scared, or worried, but cold and emotionless, but sneers a little when he says her name.
"Well, don't we have a beautiful group of tributes, isn't that right, District 12?" God this woman needs to be shut up immediately.
Nobody speaks.
The next minute goes by in a daze.
We shake hands, but instead of letting go, we both hold on tight. I wouldn't be surprised if he lost his hand due to the lack of circulation my death grip is causing.
Effie says congratulations- rude- and gives us a hug while I try not to vomit. She says goodbye to the crowd, and we walk into the Justice Building, where we will say our goodbyes to loved ones. Timed.
I'm led to a big room, which is fancy and doesn't look like it belongs anywhere in District 12. I see a vase mad of pure crystal that could feed everyone longer than Effie's goddamned dress.
I sit down and wait.
Two seconds later, Katniss and my mother walk in. My mother has tears streaming down her face. Katniss's eyes are red but other than that, she appears calm. I know exactly what she's doing. She's being strong for me. But I can see the pain and panic in her eyes.
"You can win, Prim. You have Haymitch, if you get him to stay sober, which only you can do. Do it. Eli is your friend, and will be your ally if you join together and fight. He'll stay with you and protect you. You have a better chance than anybody in 12. You know how to kill, okay?" She says calmly. Right now it's not helping.
"People are different than animals, Katniss! I don't know if I can kill a human being," I try to keep my voice even, but the crack at the end gives away my fear.
Katniss's eyes suddenly get determined, "I know, Prim, but you have to. Get to a bow or a knife if you can. Make one. Just come home for me and mom and be an aunt."
It takes me a moment to process what she just said. But when I do it gives me hope. That's when I do cry. Finally. Not sad tears, but happy ones. I may not be alive to meet him or her, but Katniss is having a baby! I hug her and kiss her and promise to try and come home for her and the baby.
"I'll see you soon, mom. We'll be living it up in the Victor's Village. Right next to Haymitch," I tease, and she gives a small smile, which was my goal, "I love you."
I know that I need to hold it together for them, because if I show weakness they'll think I gave up.
"I love you, sweetie. See you soon," her voice is cracking on the last sentence, and I pretend not to notice. The rest of the five minutes go by too fast with hugs and kisses and 'I love yous' before a peacekeeper comes and takes them away.
A minute passes and it feels like an hour.
The door swings open and in comes little, beautiful, red faces, bawling Posy. She stops and looks at me, and lets out a loud wail and rushes to me, engulfing me in a hug, blubbering about how much she loves me and how I'm the best sister she ever had, despite no real blood ties. I start to cry then too. Vick is next, saying how he loves me and thanks for everything I taught him about healing. He's very smart and scrawny and short, and wants to be a doctor like me. Mrs. Hawthorne hugs me next, saying she loves me and she'll watch over Katniss and mom, which lifts a burden off my shoulders. Then Gale, who kisses my forehead and tells me I'm going to win. But he sounds like he's trying to convince himself. He says I'm going to be cozying it up in the Victor's Village next to that "old crazy drunk". He says he loves me. The last minutes I have with them Gale tries to rush in everything he knows about snares. They leave.
Before I even begin to turn away from the door, Rory barges in, with a fierce look in his red-rimmed eyes, "Prim, you can do this, okay? I know you can win. You're smart. You're strong. You're beautiful. You're the best person I know. You'll have sponsors lining up for you." His voice keeps cracking, and he looks on the verge of hysteria.
"I can't- I can't kill somebody, Rory! Animals are different than children! I can't kill. I can't lose myself in murder and death in these games!" I am hysterical at this point, and Rory's strong arms wrap around my shoulder, pulling my to his chest, and my tears are spilling onto his shirt as his body shakes.
"You have to try. You don't have to kill. Just survive. You know how. You know plants and how to heal. Just survive. Maybe you can hide and outlast the others," he says, and I know he's crying because of the way his voice sounds.
Right when I'm about to say something, the peacekeepers come in, dragging Rory away. His last words were "I love you" and I repeat them to the door that just slammed shut.
I slide to the floor, not even capable of stopping the tears.
When my eyes are finally dry and my head is pounding, I go to the bathroom, know I won't have any more visitors. I splash cold water on my face to hopefully hide the fact that I was crying. There's a medicine cabinet, where I find some herbs that will make the swelling in my eyes go down. In seconds my eyes are no longer puffy. The only evidence left of my weakness is my red eyes. I find some eye drops and apply them, immediately looking normal again. Once I'm finished I walk back into the room to sit on the velvet sofa.
A peacekeeper walks in to escort me to the car. Eli is in the one behind us with Effie, so I don't even see him.
I'm in a car with Haymitch. We don't need to talk. We have the kind of relationship where words aren't necessary. I think we communicate nonverbally more than we do verbally. He wraps me in a bone-crushing hug for the entire ride to the station. He doesn't say a thing, but his actions say enough. Its perfect for me. When he pulls away, he looks away and tries to subtly wipe the tears in his eyes. I've never seen him cry.
"Thanks Haymitch." I murmur softly, looking at my hands in my lap. I'm entwining my fingers together and apart out of nerves. As we pull to a stop at the station he holds my hands to stop the fidgeting.
He looks right into my eyes with a sharp gaze, "Rosie, I need you to do something, okay? I need you to go up to Eli and take his hand. I want you to hug him and act like the best of friends, alright?"
I feel the confused look on my face that matches my thoughts.
"But Haymitch, I don't undeserstand, why-"
"Rosie, I just want-I need you to do it, okay? And I want you to smile and wave to the cameras like the sweet, innocent, lovely girl I know you are. Can you do that?"
I stare into his gunmetal grey eyes, so like Katniss's, and I see hope. I can't tell him no. Even though I don't know why or just what plan I'm agreeing to, I trust Haymitch completely, so I nod in assent. I don't really have to act anyways. Eli is one of my close friends.
I get out of the car, still clutching Haymitch's hand. I know that the only affection or emotion he shows is for or towards me. So I know the Capitol will be surprised and will most likely want to capture the unusual feelings Haymitch is showing. I squeeze tighter onto his hand as I see flashes of bright lights and people shouting questions at me. My face feels like its on fire. Haymitch puts his arm around my shoulders and draws me into his side.
I make my way up to the platform and Haymitch releases me. I feel a tug on my hand and turn to see Eli. Remembering what Haymitch said to me in the car, I crash into him trying to express my fear and worry and support into that hug. He returns it with the same amount of emotion, whispering reassurances into my hair. Being almost two feet taller than me, he towers over me and has to lean down to kiss my cheek.
I'm not even hugging him because of what Haymitch said, but because he's my friend and I need the comfort.
I straighten my shoulders, put on the fakest smile I can, and force myself to wave and smile at the cameras. They are gushing over me, and I am trying not to show how blind I'm becoming from the flashing lights of the cameras.
I just cross my fingers and hope Haymitch has a plan for me to get back to Pose and Rory and mom and Katniss and her baby. I know he has a plan though, and he's probably been thinking it since my name was picked from the bowl.
I continue smiling until my cheeks hurt. I feel Eli's gaze on me, and try to ignore it and focus on the cameras. But after a few moments, I turn to see him smiling at me. Not fake.
A smile. A true, sincere smile.
And I envy him for whatever force is giving him the hope to produce such a genuine smile.
I blush and turn back to the crowd, waving and smiling and hoping at least one of us will come out alive.
A/N: I just wanted to thank those of you who reviewed; it means a lot to me that you liked the story, especially since it's my first! I am so happy for the positive feedback. This chapter was hard to write, since I'm trying to portray my view of the characters personalities and relationships with one another, and it's difficult to put into words.
