The night of the fire

"You made up a good story about a patient. Every one of us has done that." Jackson says, staring blankly ahead. "I liked your version a lot better than the real one." They stay in silence for a couple of minutes, before he shakes his head and speaks again. "Now Stephanie is missing and I can't find her."

"It's not your fault, Jackson." Maggie tells him. "These things happen. It's a big hospital. They will find her and she's gonna be okay… she's just fine!"

"I can't help but to feel responsible. I mean... I just-" He says. "I just feel bad, you know. Especially after everything that's happened between us."

"Between you and Edwards?"

"Hmm- yes." He nods, … on the gurney. "I dated her for a while. After April and I broke up… I mean, broke up for the first time."

"Oh… I didn't know that."

"It's a long story. I don't usually talk about it." He tells Maggie, moving one hand to the back of his head, to scratch it. He doesn't' like talking about the past, but he's comfortable enough with Maggie to tell her what happened. "I don't know if you've heard but April was engaged when we took off and got married."

"What do you mean, engaged?" She asks, confused. "April was engaged? To another man?"

"Yeah. Matthew. He was a paramedic." Jackson replies, giving Maggie a reluctant smile, watching her expression change with this brand new piece of information. "We were best friends for a while. Then we started dating and everything was fine. Almost fine." He goes on, thinking about how dating wasn't quite the word since they never got the chance to label their relationship before it all went to hell. "We broke up, eventually…. Well, I broke up with her for the most stupid reason. That's when I started seeing Stephanie."

"Oh wow. I had no idea you two got history."

"Yeah. And I know it's wrong to say this, but Stephanie was… rebound, at first. Then April started dating this guy and he was nice to her, he was a Christian, they shared the same values and I just… I wanted her to be happy and I think she was happy with him. He was good to her, you know. He was actually perfect for her. They… technically belonged together." He says, licking his lips and thinking about how it all seemed to life a distant memory. "I kept telling myself I didn't want her, that April was better without me, that I didn't love her anymore, that my feelings were gone, but then-"

"Then?"

"Then he freaking proposes to her in the most ridiculous way." Jackson says, remembering the awkward flash mob and the way April smiled at him when she hugged Matthew right after he put an engagement ring on her finger. "I realized I still had feelings for her. I've always had."

"What happened next?" Maggie asks when he takes a few minutes in silence.

He moves eyes to the floor, thinks about his mentor, Mark Sloan, and the last piece of advice he gave him before he passed away and with a smile Jackson says in a low tone "If you love someone, you tell them." Mark made him promise him that. Even if it scared him, even if it wasn't the right thing to do, even if it'll cause problems. "Say it loud and go from there."

"What?"

"I stood up." Jackson replies. "I literally stood up and I told April I loved her. During her wedding. Right before they exchanged their vows."

"Oh God!"

"Stephanie was still technically my girlfriend at the time. She was actually sitting next to me when April and I ran away from the wedding."

"So you stole Kepner from her wedding?"

"Guess you can say that. Kind. Well, I told her I loved her. She took my hand and we ran away. We decided to get married on the side of the road on the run, got to Lake Tahoe in less than thirteen hours and got married the next day." He tells her. The shock in Maggie's face is priceless. "I apologized to Stephanie later, but I will never forgive myself if anything ever happens to her."

"But… hold on a moment!" Maggie stops him, raising her left hand, leaving it hanging in the air. "You and April ran away from her wedding, eloped and got married just like that?"

"Pretty much, yes."

"Wow!" She lets out a deep breath, still taking every little detail of his story in. "I had no idea!"

"Believe me, it wasn't easy the first couple weeks after we came back. I mean, the gossip in this hospital... It was crazy. And we were crazy for each other." He says, looking at Maggie with sadness written all over his eyes. He missed those happier times, when everything was fine, when there was no pain, no suffering. When they were simply young and in love. When the world felt right. God, it seemed like lifetime ago. "It doesn't matter now."

"How come?"

"We've been through so much."

"But you still love her. I know you do." Maggie says, placing one hand on his shoulder, tapping it gently. "I can tell by the way you look at her. I'd give anything to have someone look at me the way you look at her. You love her, Jackson."

Jackson looks at his hands, resting on his lap, thinking how she's completely right. "We keep trying to make things work, but-"

"So try harder!" Maggie tells him, moving her face, trying to catch his eyes, unsuccessfully. "Jackson, not everyone is lucky enough to find a soulmate. You've found yours already. Don't let it go to waste."

"Easier said than done." He says, rolling his eyes.

"Well, have you at least said it?" She asks him, making him look at her for the first time. "Have you told her you still love her?"

He gulps, there's a sinking feeling in his stomach, and he can't say anything at all.

"Well, you should follow your own advice and stand up this time, too." She smiles. "And I'm pretty much your sister, so you have to listen to me!"

And before he can say anything, the alarms go off.

After the encounter with Maggie in the elevator, April runs to the nearest supply closet. She doesn't want to see anyone, not like this. Collecting her thoughts, she shuts the door and places both of her hands on it. Then, taking a deep breath, she shivers, barely hanging there, doing her best not to cry.

"Kepner?"

She suddenly hears Alex's voice coming from behind her. Without turning away, she moves her hands through her hair, fixing it quickly, trying to compose herself. "Hmm. Yes?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Totally fine." She says, after clearing her throat and moving on her feet. Facing him she sees he's staring at her, concerned, probably noticing her tearful eyes even in the darkness of the room.

"Are you sure everything's okay? You don't seem okay."

"Oh, it's nothing. Really, Alex."

"Sure."

"Want some help?" She asks.

"No. I'm fine. Just looking for some-" He goes on, turning to the shelve beside him, scanning his eyes through the compartments, searching for whatever he is looking for. "There's this patient who came in with his mom. Two year old. He fell off the porch, nothing broken, but you know how things work with kids."

"Yeah, I know."

"And the kid's mom… well, she's a single mom so it's double the worry on her behalf." Alex says, moving material on the shelves, obviously not finding whatever brought him to the supply closet. "Then the dad came in. They started fighting, blaming one another for the kid falling off. The typical mess."

"I know…"

"Of course the dad had to bring his new girlfriend. The mom is not happy about it either. So, now who has to deal with all that mess? Me." Alex says, continuing to search, now in plastic drawers. "But I get her. When one person doesn't move on, it's hard. There's feeling and kids involved and everyone just gets hurt. It's just easier to move on, but… we both know things don't exactly work that way. Right?!" April stands there, not daring to move or reply, just listening to Alex rant away. "Haha! Finally" He stops, holding a piece of gauze in his left hand. Then, moving again to face April, he shrugs. "Glad you and Avery worked things out for the sake of your baby."

"What do you mean?"

"You live together, you co-parent." He goes on, raising his index finger up to her. "By the way, have you seen Avery?"

"No. Why?"

"The kid scratched his face. Could use a consult."

"I haven't seen him. Sorry."

"Okay. Well, I'm gonna go now. If you see him tell him to come meet me."

"Sure."

He nods, passing by her, who takes a step back and allows him to reach the door. But before he opens it, Alex turns around again. "Can I ask you something?"

"Hmm… yeah. I guess."

"Things between Avery and you… you're fine?"

"Why do you ask?"

But before he can speak another word, the door bursts open. Jackson stands there, confused to see the two of them in the closet, with the light turned off. "Hey. What's going on?"

"Nothing." April quickly replies, immediately looking the other way, avoiding his eyes.

"Avery, come with me. I've got a kid who needs a consult."

"Sure, I'll be right after." Jackson says. Then, still with the hand on the door knob, he turns to April. "April, by the way, what time are you leaving work today?"

"I don't know. I'm covering the pit this afternoon." She replies, crossing her arms against her chest.

"Okay. Well, I leave at five so I'm gonna take Harriet with me, go grocery shopping, then head home. Is that okay?"

"Fine."

"Great." He nods once, giving her a quick smile. April simply smiles back, not knowing what else to do. "So, I'll see you later?"

"Yes. At home."

Harriet is usually a nice baby, she's not much for throwing tantrums or anything. She's a pretty happy girl. Except when she needs to go to sleep and her mommy isn't there to feed her. The bottle is not exactly her best friend. So, she's now, a quarter past seven, she's tired and has been crying of the past thirty nonstop.

After texting April earlier, Jackson found out she's getting home a little later than excepted because of a last minute emergency. So, now all alone with Harriet he tries his best to calm the child down and put her down to sleep. Like her mother, she's stubborn as hell and to make things worse, he lost her pinky and can't find it anywhere.

"Harriet, please." He says, with the crying child in his arms, patting her back gently. "Daddy needs you calm down. Mommy should be home soon, but-" Nothing seems to work. He'd try singing but he's not the best singer in the world and he might even be too shy to try. The pinky was truly his last resort. He passes back and forth down the small nursery with Harriet in his arms. Then something hits him. Perhaps April keeps one in her bedroom, she's always on top of everything so she must have a spare one. Not waiting another minute, he hurries. Opening the door and turning on the bedroom light, he notices how the clean and tidy the room is. There are a few clothes on top of a chair, in the corner, and her boots are by the side of the door, perfectly paired together. He walks in and finds the nightstand with a couple christian books on top of it next to a tender picture he took of April and Harriet still in the hospital, a day after after she was born. Sitting on the bed, he places the baby on his lap, telling her softly to calm down, that daddy was there. Then, slowly opening the first drawer of the nightstand, he looks inside. Reaching in, he sees a blue pacifier inside a plastic container to protect it. Taking another second to open it, he is relived when Harriet takes it right away, calming down instantly.

"There you go, baby." He says, kissing the top of his daughter's head. However, as he was about to close the drawer, he sees something inside of it that catches his attention.

Lost inside one of the corners of the drawer rests a single, very familiar ring. It's adorned with a big diamond and a few others all around the band. Jackson reaches out, taking it with a free hand and holding it above his eyes. It's April's engagement ring and he wonders what it's doing there.

When they divorced, he didn't want the ring back. It was hers. It was present he gave her and he would never consider taking it back. Sure, it felt strange watching her go around the hospital the first few days after without the stone in her finger, marking his territory, showing the world his love and affection towards her. But with time he got used to it, just as he got used to having his own finger completely free, without his own wedding band. He eventually completely forgot about it, right until now. After the divorce he never asked her what she did with it, but it turns out she kept it all along. It was in her nightstand, out of the box and he wondered if she had been wearing it after work, or maybe just looking at it recently.

He remembers going into the best jewelry story in Seattle and choosing that exact ring to his wife. Because he didn't have time to buy her one before they got married, he wanted to give her the most beautiful ring he could find. And he did. That was one amazing piece of jewelry and it made him the happiest man alive to watch her glow, wearing it with pride.

Jackson gave her the ring after a long day at work, when she came home exhausted and had a surprise planned for her. He had cooked dinner and set out a nice table with candles just for the two of them. Then, a little into the night, he took her down to the balcony, got down on one knee and told her he loved her, presenting the ring afterwards. He smiles at the memory and quickly realizes he would do the same exact thing now, if he had the chance. If he could, he would still bring himself down on one knee, tell her he loves her and wait for her to tell him she loves him too.

They were so happy back then. What happened? What led them here?

April has been sitting inside of her car for the past twenty minutes just evaluating everything. She sees the living room light on so she knows he is home and she can't hide inside the car for the rest of the night. She already knows how everything will go down. She will go inside, make small talk with him, tell him she's not that hungry, drag herself to the shower and call it a night. He'd probably put Harriet to sleep all by himself because it was already late and she'd thank him for it anyways.

Things had been awkward and she has been fearing going home exactly because of that. Confrontation has never been her strongest personality trace and she recognizes it. Plus, they were never the best when it came to communicating. The lack of it always brought them trouble, has always been the reason for most misunderstandings between them.

The song that plays softly on the radio brings her back to the moment. "If you love her let her go…" The singer says in a mellow tone, making it even harder to breathe, the walls of the car so thin around her, she can feel the emptiness of her heart scream louder that the tune playing on repeat. "… My love goes free."

Perhaps it was for the best if she did let him go free. Their living situation wasn't perfect. They were both trapped inside this house, coming home to each other every night, but not really… not at all. Because they didn't belong together anymore. She wasn't his and he wasn't hers. They were just two people fighting their feelings, covering them with a fake normality they will never truly find like this. Plus, if he is indeed developing feelings for another woman, it is only unfair if she keeps living in his place. He needs the freedom to make his own choices without her under the same roof, possibly feeling guilty about them. He is an amazing man who deserves the world and beyond and someone who makes him as happy as he once made her. He deserve to find happiness after everything he went through. He deserves it all and she's not that selfish. She realizes it's time to move on, even it hurts like hell, even if it maybe feel wrong, even if it breaks her completely.

"… My love goes free." The singer on the radio hits those final notes and she decides it's time to go.

When she enters, she feels the warmness of the room in contrast with the cold night outside. Taking her jacket off, she asks for his name. Without an answer, she moves along the hall, finding her way to Harriet's room. Opening the wooden door, she finds Jackson with a dim light sitting on a rocking chair, with the baby on his chest. He is softly caressing her back with one hand as she sleeps quietly. The tenderness of the moment makes April smile.

Jackson, feeling her presence in the room, opens his eyes and smiles back. "You're home."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."

"No, it's fine. I wasn't sleeping." He retorts, carefully moving on the chair. "She wore me off tonight. You weren't here to put her down and she wasn't happy about it."

"Last minute surgery…"

"I know. I guess she just misses her mother." Slowly standing up, Jackson places Harriet on her crib and April comes forward, helping him in the process. Adjusting the sheet to cover her daughter's body, April kisses softly on her rosy cheek and follows Jackson outside the room.

"Long day?" He asks, but she simply nods, making her way to the living room. "We had a board meeting first thing in the morning about the fire and you know Minnick got fired too-"

"Yeah, I know." She cuts him off, thinking about how this small talk conversation was already too long. "Look, Jackson I think I'm gonna head into bed. Okay?"

"Oh… sure. I mean…" He stops, places his hands inside of his jean pockets and shrugs. "We haven't talked about yesterday."

"What's there to talk about?"

"You were crying. I was worried."

"You don't have to worry about me, Jackson. Actually, I think it's time you stop worrying about me." She says, harshly. Then, turning on her feet, she starts to walk away from him. However, he stops her from taking another step, by grabbing her hand, turning her around and making her face him.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong with me." April lies, quickly taking her hands from his and crossing her arms around her chest.

"You've been distant, cold. You barely talk to me. You-"

"I'm fine, Jackson."

"Then why were you crying in the bathroom yesterday? Why were you hiding in the supply closet today?"

She wonders how he knows she was trying to hide, but she figures Karev must've told him something regarding to that. "I said I was fine. I'm fine. You stop worrying about me, or my feelings or whatever." She snaps at him. "I'm tired, I want to go to bed and then tomorrow we can talk."

"We aren't going to talk tomorrow or the day before that or ever… because this is what happens all the time."

"What are you talking about?"

"This. Us, not talking." Jackson says, his tone rising. "We don't talk. Actually no, we only talk when you want to talk, we only do things the way you want to do them."

"What?"

"Tell me I'm wrong."

"Don't be unfair." She says, taking a step back, wanting to remove from the conversation once again.

"See? This is what you do. You don't wanna talk, you turn your back on me. Every damn time. I just don't understand. We were good, after Montana, we were working things out." Jackson retorts, making her stop, uncross her arms and take a step towards him. "

"Were we, though?" She goes on, the range in her tone palpable. "Are you not going to tell it was just emergency sex to you?"

"What?"

"I know you, Jackson. I know you all too well."

"If you knew me you'd know I would never use as emergency sex." He says, moving closer, noticing how she doesn't take a step back this time. "You'd know that!"

"Well, you don't have to pretend anymore."

"Pretend what?"

"That you're fine with this, with us like this."

"I'm not pretending. I'm obviously not happy with it, with any of it. I don't like arguing with you."

"You know I'm not talking about that."

"Then what are you talking about?"

He feels his heart race inside his chest, licking his lips, he stares right into her hazel eyes. They have a fire in them he hasn't seen in too long. Something has sparked in her, the fighting perhaps. Even though he hated fighting with her.

Their faces only inches away as he begins to move one arm under her back, trying to pull her closer and feel the sweet taste of her lips intoxicate him completely.

"Jackson…" April starts, closing her eyes and whispering. "I will always love you. Always. But I think it's time for me to move out." She says, letting him go. "To try and move on."

"What?" He is snapped out of his haze.

"What we had was so special, so beautiful, but-" April replies, letting her arms fall down beside her, almost in despair. "But we can't fix us. I have no strength left in me to fight. So, for you, I give up. For you, because I want you to be happy."

"I don't understand, April. I don't want you to move out."

"You don't want to, because you're a great father, Jackson. Because you want to be close to your daughter and I applaud you for that, but it's time." She says, stepping away, turning her back to him once again. "I can't hold back you any longer."

"Who says you're holding me back? April, what we had was-"

"Amazing."

"Yes and-"

"And you'll always be my best friend, Jackson, my first love, my first everything, but you've got your demons and they all look like me." She says, her throat hurting, tears forming in her eyes. "And I'm still trying to find myself after what happened to us. But I don't think I can do that… I don't think I can keep doing this."

"This?"

"This. All the fighting and the break downs, the silence and the distance. The kiss and make up, trying to fix us, giving up, hoping and doing it all over again. It's taking all the life out of me. And you! And I don't want this for any of us."

"So you're saying you don't want me anymore?"

"I'm saying it's the best if we don't live together, if we just… quit trying once and for all."

"Could you just try and listen to yourself?" He shakes his head, shrugs and realizes it's not worth it. "It's useless."

"Where are you going?"

"I need some air." He says, finally reaching for the door. If she could run the shots and decide when to talk or stop arguing, so could he. "Oh, I found this, by the way." He says, reaching inside his pocket and showing her the engagement ring he found earlier in her drawer. "It's yours anyways, you can have it." Jackson says, letting it drop on the floor.

With that, he was gone.

She lies in her bed wide awake, wondering where he is, because it's past midnight and he hasn't come home yet. Grabbing her phone for the thousand time, it takes everything in her not to call him.

On the other side of town, he pulls his car by Meredith's door and makes a quick run to her porch since it's pouring raining now. After ringing, he waits for someone to come to the door. He's confused and just needs to someone who will listen.

"Hey. What's wrong?"

"Can I talk to you? I need to talk to someone."

"Sure." Maggie says, opening the door to let him in.

...

AN: First of all I want to thank every single one of you for all the amazing reviews! Thank you sooo much. Your reviews and opinions mean so much to me.

I hope you like this chapter and if you did, please leave a review!

Sorry for the mistakes you might find, but english is not my first language.

Again, thank you so much. More to come soon.

Love, Annie.