It took some convincing, what with Bucky being positive that staying near Steve was dangerous for the both of them. Thankfully, Buck finally agreed to stay, although he doubted he could be there more than a day without being found by Hydra. Steve knew better than to beg him to stay, it wouldn't get them anywhere if Bucky thought Steve was in danger. Steve just prayed that he wouldn't wake up the next day and be alone again.
After showing Bucky around his small but utilized apartment (and making sure he was always within eye sight), he ended the poor excuse of a tour with showing Bucky the bed room and explaining that Steve would be over by the couch. He didn't want to mentioned that Bucky had already seen a glance of his place when he "killed" Fury.
"The whole room is yours. I have some clothes that should fit you in the drawers...Will you be okay?" Steve felt the need to talk, even if it was pointless questions. Bucky said nothing, he just looked at Steve. ("Of course he's not okay, he's just had his whole world explode in his face Rogers!" Steve quietly rebuked himself)
Bucky nodded after a second. Never breaking eye contact. He hardly had any emotion on his face besides the look of mentally calculation how fast he could reach a weapon if a threat should arrive. It was a look Steve had seen countless times before on Bucky during the war, but never stated directly at Steve. It hurt, God did it hurt but he would never blame Bucky for it. He'd take broken Bucky over no Bucky any day.
"You'll still be here when I wake up?" Bucky asked haltingly, as if he was afraid of the answer. His child-like question brought Steve back to the present.
"Promise." Steve smiled, internally pleased at the look of relief on his friend's face. It made Steve so so pleased to know that this wasn't against Bucky's better judgment. He really wanted to stay and there was no way Steve was going to deny him. Steve's smile was short lived when Bucky's next comment was "I'm..." He struggled to find the right words. "I'm not sure how to sleep...normally. I mean, without orders."
It was proving difficult for Steve to not just grab Bucky and pull him into another tight embrace. It was always hard for him to hide his emotions from Bucky. "It's okay." Was all he could say before swallowing and blinking rapidly. "Whatever I can do to help, you just have to ask."
Again, Bucky looked like it was challenging to ever ask for help or assistance without being told to. "Can you...Can you order me?"
A Hulk sized punch to the gut would hurt Steve less.
Steve opened his mouth before quickly shutting it again, he didn't even know how to start on how much this hurt before he noticed Bucky was looking at him with regret, it took Steve a moment to relies that Bucky thought Steve was angry with him.
"I'm sorry-" Steve started off lamely, his face crestfallen at Bucky's distressed expression. "If-if it helps, I'll do anything."
Bucky's head was lowered, his hands folded in front of him, his face showing him to be nervous of saying the wrong thing and getting punished. But he nodded, showing that this was, at least for today, the only was Steve could get him to sleep. As if this night couldn't make Steve feel even more so like a complete useless human being...
Steve cleared his throat, hoping he wasn't making a mistake when he said in his best commanding voice "It's time to rest soldier."
Like flipping a switch, Bucky stood up straighter, his eyes focused with the task, and before Steve knew it, Bucky had gone into the room, the door shutting in his face.
Steve stood outside the door a while longer but he didn't hear his name get called, and while he knew that he needed to give Buck some space, there was no way he'd be able to sleep a wink tonight. After hearing a few rustling noises that sounded like Bucky tossing and turning in bed, Steve quickly into his living to room to get a couch pillow and the sheet that was hanging over back of the couch. Returning back to the front of his closed bedroom door, he propped the pillow against the hallway hall for his lower back and pulled his knees up.
Steve stayed in the position until sleep overcame him.
CATWSCATWSCATWS
Steve lurched out of a light sleep at the sound of Russian being muttered at in the other room. He jumped up and knocked at the door, terrified of the worst.
"Buck?! Bucky are you hurt?"
Hearing no reply he opened the door without a moments thought. Bucky was kneeling on top the bed, his whole body folded in front of him. Hair was falling in his face, and his hands were pushing forcefully against his ears, making it seem that he was in the process of tearing them off. He hadn't stopped murmuring distressingly. Steve speed up to the bed, kneeling next to Bucky's folded form. He put his hand on Bucky's trembling back before quickly pulling back when he felt Buck flinch away from the contact. Bucky looked up slightly, but enough for Steve to see Bucky's blue eyes filled with fear. Steve inched forward again
"Hey, it's okay, it's alright, it's me, it's Steve, remember?" He soothed, crouching lower to make proper eye contact. Slowly this time, ready to pull back at the first sign of discomfort, he rested his hand on Bucky's back. Bucky whimpered but not because of Steve.
Bucky was quivering with chill. Steve could hear his rapid, terrified breathing. The muttering had stopped but the painful panic-attack worthy gasps sounded worse. "It's okay." Steve says again even though he knows that for Bucky, nothing seems okay.
"I'm sorry." Bucky gasps through his trembling breathing. His eyes wide with terror, looking at Steve like he was afraid that Steve was about to abandon him in disgust. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"
Steve doesn't think, all he could do was pull Bucky close and holds him against his chest. Steve gently rested Bucky's head on his collarbone, he could feel Buck's breath on his neck. Bucky's arms wrap themselves around Steve's waist, his metal hand gripping a little too tight but Steve hardly notices. "It's okay." Is all Steve could say. He whispered comforts and promises in Bucky's ear, gently rocking their clinging bodies side to side. He coaxes Bucky to calm down, all the while promising that he was okay now...and that Steve was never going to leave him.
It takes some time but eventually Steve feels Bucky's breathing slow down enough to where Steve could feel Buck's grip start to slacken, and eventually, after his sniffing and gasping has dwindled, Steve can tell he is asleep, although his flesh hand is still holding on to Steve's night shirt.
As cautiously as he can without moving too much, Steve starts to set Bucky down back on the bed. Carefully, he moves his hand that was resting gently underneath Bucky's head and lays him down. His hand smooths away his stray bangs and pushes them over Buck's ear. He is about to leave, let his friend get some well deserved rest when he suddenly felt his hand get jerked back.
"Steve?"
Steve looks back to the source of the raw voice to see Bucky's metal hand gently (at least he thinks it was supposed to be gently) gripping Steve wrist. Buck's eyes are wide awake and full of attentiveness.
"Please don't go too far..." Bucky ducks his head a little further into the pillow, his reflexes getting the best of him since he knows by heart what happens when assets ask for help.
Without saying anything (mainly because he doesn't think spitting out all the ways he wants to kill and main Hydra for making his best friend into this would help Bucky any) Steve sit back on the bed and pulls Bucky back into his arms. For the first time since finding Back alive, Bucky moves into the hug without hesitation. Steve can feel Bucky's chin quivering as it rests on the crook of Steve's shoulder, Both their emotions very close to spilling over.
They both laid on the bed, Bucky's head resting on Steve's chest, Steve's fingers tenderly running through Bucky messed up hair. After what seems like hours, they both fall asleep peacefully.
