When James left the bathroom wearing the pajamas, his clothes tucked under his arms, a rush of steam followed him. He was pleasantly drowsy from the warm water. Even though he had only taken about ten minutes in the shower, Lily was already sound asleep, wrapped up in her blankets. James walked over and looked down at her, then at the place in the bed beside her longingly. He settled for leaning down and kissing her cheek lightly.
"I love you," he whispered, hoping that she would give him a chance to say it to her face at least once more. Then he left the room, closing the door behind him.
The crib sat in the middle of the family room and was fairly large for Lily to be moving all by herself. Then he noticed the wheels.
Harry was sleeping peacefully on his stomach, his tiny hands clenched into fists. James dropped the clothes that he had come in on the floor, sat on the couch and, for a long time, just watched the baby sleep. He couldn't believe that he had a son. The thought hadn't even occurred to him that such a thing could have happened while he was away. But now, right before his eyes, a baby with hair as black as his and eyes as green as Lily's lay sleeping just a few feet from him.
James folded the pile of clothes on the couch absently as he thought about how he could possibly get Lily to forgive him. She had every right to be mad. When he really thought about it, James figured that he should have guessed that his parents weren't themselves. The blank stares and long pauses between words. He had just been so wrapped up in Lily and in Auror training that he didn't notice. He should have questioned their sudden dislike of Muggle-borns. They had always loved Lily. He had been a bloody fool to listen to them.
When the last shirt had been folded, James took of his glasses, placed them carefully on the ground and lay down on the couch. It was too short, his feet hung over the edge, but he was so tired it didn't matter to him. He was asleep in seconds, despite the constant mutterings of his mind.
()()()()()
James woke to the sound of a baby screaming, which was a first for him. He'd never had any brothers and sisters and he'd never had to deal with a baby in any way. He sat bolt upright before he realized that it was a baby crying and not a fire alarm.
It was pitch black outside as James got to his feet and scooped Harry out of his crib. James held him carefully, trying to quiet him so that Lily wouldn't wake. He tried rocking the baby and talking to him quietly, but it didn't have near the effect it did when Lily performed the same action. The screaming lessened, but didn't stop. James sat on the couch, still rocking the baby, and began to sing quietly. Harry's cries began quieter as he stared up at his father with big, green eyes.
Wanderers this morning came by
Where did they go
Graceful in the morning light
To banner fair
To follow you softly
In the cold mountain air
The baby's eyes eventually began to droop closed and James stood carefully, laying Harry back in his crib. He turned around to walk back to the couch and caught sight of Lily vanishing down the dark hallway back into her room.
James smiled.
()()()()()
When the sun finally rose, James' tired brain had exhausted its supply of songs to sing. He was curled up on the couch, watching Harry sleep enviously when Lily walked into the room, wrapped in a pink robe, her red hair a mess. James thought she looked beautiful.
She sat on the edge of the couch, careful to keep at least three inches between them.
"That was the best sleep I've had in a long time."
"I'm so sorry I left you. I can't even imagine doing this by myself every night." James looked up at her. She did look significantly brighter than she had the previous evening.
"Well, had I known that all I had to do was sing to him…" Lily looked down at James, a smirk on her face. "You did better than I expected you to. Maybe there's hope for you after all."
"What does that mean?"
Lily shook her head. "Nothing."
"You know, I never even looked at another girl while I was gone. I always intended to come back."
Lily sighed. "James, please don't. You broke my heart once already, don't do it again."
James scrambled into a sitting position. "I'm not kidding, Lily. I always intended to come back. I didn't apparate onto your doorstep by accident."
Lily picked up his glasses off the floor and handed them to him. "You should probably go. I'm sure someone's missing you."
James shoved his glasses onto his face and stared at her in alarm. "I'm not leaving you here in this crappy flat to take care of a baby all by yourself."
"Well, you can't stay here," Lily said, crossing her arms. "I've survived this long on my own, I can carry on fine."
"But I thought…"
"You thought that I'd take you back just like that and that we'd get married and live in a charming little house somewhere in Godric's Hollow where you'll teach Harry how to ride a bike and I'll make Christmas cookies and we'll all live happily ever after, yeah? This is the real world, James. There's no such thing as happily ever after." Lily got to her feet, her crossed arms almost hugging herself instead. James had a sudden urge to wrap his arms around her, but he repressed it and got to his feet instead.
"I'm sorry," he muttered, gathering his clothes that he had left floor into his arms. "I'll go, if that's what you really want."
Lily nodded, not looking at him. "It is."
James bent over the crib, committing the face of his baby to memory, touching Harry's cheek lightly with his forefinger, then turned on the spot, apparating home.
He didn't see the single drip down Lily's cheeks, darkening the dirty carpet.
The song lyrics are from Tiger Mountain Peasant Song by Fleet Foxes. Such a good song. Anyway, sorry that this chapter was so short, it was just a nice cut off point. I hope you enjoyed it, please let my know what you thought by clicking that lovely REVIEW button down there.
~theSunlitEarth
