"We're like fire and gasoline, I'm no good for you, you're no good for me. We only bring each other tears and sorrow"

Chapter One: Tomorrow (Part One)

I had been working on my new song, Beautifully Broken. It was a song I wrote two days before the big fight that led us to our trial separate. I was in the recording studio, playing around with chord variations. Singing the lyrics I had written. As I strummed the chords on my guitar, I remembered the fight that led me to write yet another sad song about Tommy.

"We're so beautiful together, yeah, that's what they say" I sang, my voice filled with sadness.

I was making dinner. Trying to be the good housewife, but at the same time I was thinking about my career. It's hard to stay famous after years keep passing. You get older, you lose fans. Some fans remain loyal but others move on to different interests. "With time, you change, and so do your fans" Tommy once told me, on a birthday a few years back. I was losing my fan base, but over time I gained it back - different faces, different people to relate to my life as it is now. Some fans grew with me, but of course, a lot didn't.

I was making Tommy's favorite. An Italian dish, I found the recipe online. It was my first time preparing it, but he'd been talking about it lately, so I took it as a hint. I've been preparing all day. A lot of time and effort goes into good cooking. Unless if you're a chef on one of those timed competitions, cooking is pretty tough. It's one of my least favorite parts of being a wife. Tommy cooks too, though, but he rarely has the time…and after all, it's my job. At least, I feel it should be.

Everything seemed to come into place. The meal tasted fine to me, and I served it to Tommy when he got home from work. "I hope you like it." I said with a smile. Things had been a little strained between us lately. We've both been working so hard. Our careers were growing all the more greater, but it took a toll on our personal lives.

I watched as Tommy took a bite of his food. He said nothing or showed any surprise or happiness for the meal I had made him. He chewed it, swallowed, and took another bite. For some reason, this really hurt me….It hurt so much I wanted to cry right then and there. It was like giving someone a gift without them saying thank you. A gift that you put a lot of thought into. Tommy saw that something was wrong, and asked how my day was, if I was okay.

"No," I said, irritated, "I am not okay. I spent all day preparing a meal for you when I could have been working. And you, you, well you don't appreciate it one bit! So you know what?" I slammed my fork down, "Just…."

"Just?" Tommy raised his brow. He seemed more occupied by what I was going to say next than what I had already said.

"Fuck it." I never cursed, but I couldn't help it. "Sometimes, I wonder why I even bother."

That got his attention. "Don't Jude, if it's so damned hard for you. Don't bother with me. At all."

"I didn't mean it like that, Tommy." I sighed.

"Then how did you mean it? Your work is more important than me? I'm so sick of your ego and your attitude. All you care about if yourself Jude."

"How is that? Look at your plate!"

"Wow, you made me dinner."

I started crying. "Forget it. I'm going to bed. You can sleep out here."

Looking back, I realize that Tommy had a long days work and was probably too tired to even notice or care what I made. How many times had I neglected to thank him for things he'd given me? We've grown so used to each other, we've forgotten what its like to be careful. When you're first in love and everything is new, you're careful not to be mean and scare that person away. You always, always say thank you. You never take anything for granted… but after awhile in marriage, and work stressing you out, you become numb to it all. The fear is gone.

I was distracted with my memories, and lost track of the song. I began again at the chorus. "We're so beautiful together, yeah, that's what they say. Perfect couple, oh, so they say. But behind closed doors, the masks, they fade…away.

And,

You scream, and I cry. You question, I lie. We live, but our souls die. You sleep, while I bleed. You laugh, it kills me. And somewhere along the lines, I realize this beautifully broken love of mine, suits me just fine"

I've said so many hurtful things to Tommy. I've told him I hate him, that I think he's cheating on me, when I know he's not. I wish he would die. I wish I never met him or married him. I don't know how those words ever escaped my mouth, but, I know I've made him cry. I know why he hates me. I know why we're falling apart.

But I simply don't understand how? How did we get this way? How do we neglect, how do we hate? I know we've become numb and used to each other, but still….it seems there's something more. How can I hurt him so bad? Why is it, all we do is cause each other pain?

That night, after the fight…while I was laying in my room crying and choking on my sobs…Tommy came in. I wanted to yell at him to get away, but my body ached for him. He laid down beside me and wrapped his arms around me. "I'm so sorry, baby. I didn't even notice…I was just, so tired, you know? I was eating, not even tasting. It was good, baby. Thank you."

I choked. "Your welcome."

He squeezed me in his arms. "I'm an ass. I'm horrible for you."

I turned around in his arms. "Shh. Don't say that, Tom." I kissed him hard, as if to wash those thoughts out of his mind. Our clothes found their way to the floor, and our bodies to each other. I needed to show him how much I loved him. He needed to say sorry.

It was one of the most heartbreaking moments in my life, but beautiful. Our bodies speaking apologies to each other and trying to wash away the pain.