CHAPTER THREE.
Moving on was a lot harder than I expected. It was more like a string of forced crushes and heavy flirting with everything male in the room to try to erase the memory of Cameron. The worst part was that I knew I was in denial. Denial never helped anyone so I had to deal with it the only way I could. Talk myself into feelings for someone else. Hopefully those new feelings would eventually eclipse my old feelings of Cam. But, it could not be just random crushes... I really had to try to get over him by getting to know someone else. Someone I could like and see myself being with, not just a fast crush to dull the pain of the week.
Sundays could be pretty boring, and I had woken up way to early. It was eight o'clock and I was sitting in my dimly lit room about to take out my black Moleskin journal and write down all the bullshit going through my head when my blackberry started to vibrate. The screen flashed, showing me that it was my mother calling.
"Yes mom?" I groaned.
"Honey, can you please clean up your desk today. Its a mess and you don't seem to have any plans for the day yet so please do this for me." she asked.
"Fine. Whatever. When are you getting home?"
"Around Five. Call me if you need me. Bye, Oh there's food in the fridge if you get hungry." she said just as she hung up and left me to my thoughts once again.
I put my phone down but then picked it back up and started to text my friend Sophie. She was, of course, away on vacation right now but I felt like I really needed to talk to her. Sophie was more than understanding with my whole Cam situation because she had gone through something kind of similar once and she knew how hard it was to just try and throw away such intense feelings for someone whom you've liked for years.
Hey Soph. I can't stop obsessing over how to STOP obsessing over Cam. I need to talk to you asap, oovoo would be best but I don't know if your busy or not so atleast text back! Hope your having fun up there in Boston. X
I pressed send and waited for a reply. While waiting, I started flipping aimlessly through the channels on my TV and decided to watch "Into The Wild". It was a really good film and I loved all the actors in it. Emile Hirsch. Now that was a man I would love to have. No less than 7 minutes after I sent Sophie the text did I get a response.
Becccccs! Oh I've missed you so much! Ugh, still with Cam? I know exactly how you feel.. you know because of Billy and all but we both gotta get over these football jerks! I mean come on look at us two, we are amazing inside and out ;) why do we even like these two idiots?!!? The minute I get back we are going to find new meat. That's a promise. Have fun back in town, and DO NOT mope in your house like you usually do when this feeling overwhelms you, get the fuck out and enjoy being young! Miss you tons.
Reading that text felt like a lightening bolt came right through my window and hit me. Hit me hard. Sophie was right, I needed to get out of the house, put on a hot outfit and enjoy being me. I didn't need Cameron to make me feel whole or loved or any of that bullshit, all I needed was my own self-confidence. I was happy with the person that I was. My future was looking bright and I was determined to be the best me possible. Maybe someone would notice me...and I found myself thinking that didn't really care if it was Cameron anymore. Sure, I wanted to be in love but I did not need to be in love in order for my world to be happy, there was a big difference. Upon realizing that I knew that I could get over Cameron in definite time. Who knows...maybe with this new outlook of mine I would find someone who would be worth my time and energy. Anything could happen. And I left the door wide open to that "anything".
