Episode 2: And They All Lived Happily Ever... Oh...
Twilight and Lyra streaked through the sky. They had been flying for about ten minutes; the power level had stopped moving, which meant Shining Armor had settled down to rest somewhere on the mainland. Lyra was going over strategy in her head. It was clear that her power level was dwarfed by that of this "Saiyan"; she only hoped that Twilight had gotten significantly stronger in the years since their last battle.
"Hey Lyra?" asked Twilight, interrupting the mare's train of thought. "Mind if I ask you something?"
"What is it?" asked Lyra.
"You're not a pony either, right?"
"Yeah...?"
"And your mom spit you out as an egg, right?"
"What about it?"
Twilight seemed hesitant about the next question. "Are...are you a Yoshi?"
Lyra rolled her eyes. "Yes, Twilight," she snapped. "I'm a green bucking dinosaur!"
There was an awkward silence. "Can...can I ride you?" Twilight asked tentatively.
Lyra groaned. This was going to be a long flight.
(Cue the theme song!)
Shining Armor was not having a good day. First he'd been rudely awakened by his pod arriving at its destination; then he'd found out that his sister apparently had lost her memories as a foal and hadn't followed up on her mission to wipe out life on Gaia; and now this foal he had taken was stubbornly refusing to stop crying at the top of its lungs.
"Shut up," he hissed at the foal. This had no effect. "I said shut up! SHUT UP!"
Absolutely nothing happened; if anything, the filly cried louder.
"Dammit, why isn't screaming angrily making you cry less?!" snapped Shining. He rolled his eyes. "Ah, to Tartarus with this," he muttered. "You're going in the time-out pod."
He picked up Fluttershy with his magic and trotted down into the crater in which his ship had landed. The pod door was now hanging open. He tossed the filly inside and kicked the door, causing it to automatically seal. Fluttershy continued crying, but now it was purely a visual effect due to the soundproofed pod.
"Thank sweet merciful God that's over," said Shining as he climbed back out of the crater. "Now I can just sit back and..."
At that moment the scouter beeped, indicating that two relatively high (for this planet) power levels were headed his way.
"...beat the crap out of whoever's coming," finished the alien unicorn with a sigh. "Great."
"Shining Armor!" shouted a familiar voice from the sky. "Give me back my daughter!"
At that moment, Twilight Sparkle and Lyra came into view. With a resounding cry of "Whee!" Twilight leapt off the Flying Larson and landed on the ground; Lyra landed much less dramatically beside her.
"So, you're here already," said Shining Armor, turning to address his sister with a smug smile. "And I see you brought the Namarekian as well."
"Actually," interjected Twilight, "that hasn't been explained yet."
"Oh," said Shining awkwardly. "Well, it's not like anyone cares about her anyway."
"Well, screw you too!" snapped Lyra. With that, she tossed her robe and her turban aside; the two garments made a loud thumping noise as they hit the ground.
"Lyra, you wear weighted training clothes as well?" asked Twilight in surprise.
"No, Twilight," said Lyra sarcastically. "I just LOVE to get naked when I'm around you!"
Shining frowned as he consulted the readings from his scouter. Their power level is rising! he realized.
"So," he said, "nudity makes you stronger on this planet!" With that, he began to unzip his armor.
"Um...no, we're wearing weighted clothing," corrected Twilight awkwardly.
"Oh, of course!" exclaimed Shining, hastily zipping up his armor again. "Because that would be ridiculous!" He laughed wildly for several seconds.
There was an awkward pause. "So that mane DOES compensate for something," Lyra said finally.
"SHUT UP!" roared Shining. With that, he lunged forward, moving between the two ponies so fast that he left a glowing blur in his wake. As he passed he delivered an elbow to both of their sides, causing them to lunge away from the space where he had been.
"Okay, what the hell was that?!" exclaimed Lyra.
"I don't know," admitted Twilight. "But let's try it again, from behind!"
The two dashed around and attempted to attack the unicorn from the back, but as their horns headed for him he seemed to simply vanish. He reappeared a few inches in front of them and delivered a double-buck to the jaw that sent them both flying backward.
"We REALLY shouldn't be announcing our attack strategy...!" began Lyra.
"Rush him!" cried Twilight, spinning around in midair and lunging back toward Shining.
"DAMMIT, TWILIGHT!" yelled Lyra, doing the same.
By this time Shining Armor had launched himself up into the air. Twilight and Lyra followed him up into the air, preparing to attack simultaneously.
"Will you at least TRY to dodge this one?!" shouted Lyra.
"Dodge wha- OH GEEZ!" cried Twilight, as Shining unleashed a blast of energy from each of his front hooves, directed downward at the two rapidly ascending mares. Twilight managed to leap out of the way of the beam at the last instant. Lyra wasn't so lucky; the beam caught her front right leg, causing her to cry out in pain. The beams created a massive explosion as they struck the ground.
Twilight landed on the ground. "Hah!" she yelled up at the stallion. "You missed me!"
Instantly he disappeared, moving too fast for the eye to see, and reappeared behind her. "My bad," he said before delivering a kick that sent her flying several meters.
Shining chuckled. He always knew he'd be the strong one in the family, but he had no idea the fight against his sister- with a Namarekian helping, no less- would be so easy!
Note to self, Twilight thought. Less talking, more fighting. She turned to look at Lyra. "Hey Lyra!" she called out. "We may be taking a beating, but at least we managed to dodge that one! BrohooOOOOUGH!"
Twilight's congratulations turned to a cry of horror as she got a look at Lyra. Lyra's right front leg, complete with robotic hand, was currently grasping her front left shoulder, attempting to staunch the flow of blood. Her left front leg was currently nowhere to be seen, having been blown clean off by the blast.
"Uh..." said Twilight uncertainly, "hoofsha- er, salu- g...good job!"
"HAHAHAHAHA!" cried Shining Armor, nearly in hysterics. "Ah, excuse me, has anypony seen my leg? You can't miss it; it's GREEN!" He continued laughing, totally ignoring the two ponies before him.
"Yeah," muttered Lyra. "Anyway, listen. I've got one more technique that should do it. Upside is, I can use it with one hand!"
"And what's the downside?" asked Twilight.
"You'll have to distract him while I charge it," said Lyra.
"Well, that's not TOO bad..." said Twilight with a cautious smile.
"For five minutes," finished Lyra. "And considering he beat us to a pulp in under one...ah, never mind. I'm sure you can handle it."
"Wow!" exclaimed Twilight. "You really have that much faith in me?"
"Yeah, sure," muttered Lyra. "Why not?"
"Well then," said Twilight, dropping back into a battle stance, "I won't disappoint you! Here goes nothing!"
And with a noise somewhere between a battle cry and a grunt, she launched herself and Shining Armor. "READY OR NOT, HERE I-"
And that was the exact moment Twilight began getting her flank handed to her.
Lyra, meanwhile, had placed her remaining robotic hand on her forehead. Veins bulged in her head and front leg as she concentrated on building up energy, channeling as much as she could into her hoof. She decided it would go better if she had a song to hum...
'Dun dunnnnn duh dun dun...mahna mahna dun duh duh dun... mahna mahna dun dunnnnn duh duh duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh, I'mma chargin' my attack!"
By this point, Twilight (who had been getting thoroughly destroyed by her older brother) had managed to latch onto Shining's secondary tail with her magic. "Ha!" she cried. "Got your tail!"
"Please let me go?" asked Shining hopefully.
"Well, since you asked nicely..." began Twilight. Unfortunately, just by saying this she subconsciously loosened her magic enough for Shining to escape and start beating her up again.
Lyra continued to charge the attack, mentally blocking out the screams and the occasional panicked cry of "LYRA, HELP!"
Perhaps on second thought, a whole five minute start-up time for an attack is preeeeeeetty abysmal in terms of usability in battle, she thought.
"Ha!" cried Twilight, out of breath but proud. "Got your tail! Again!"
"Please let go?" asked Shining again.
"I'm not falling for that again!" snapped Twilight.
"Pretty please let me go?" asked Shining, making his voice as pathetic as possible.
"Well..." began Twilight, the tail slowly slipping out of the magic field.
The instant the tail cleared the field, Shining kicked Twilight hard enough to land her several meters away on her back. "Ow, spine!" she cried. "Ow, ribs!" she added as Shining leapt over and stomped a hoof down on her chest. "Definitely ribs!"
"Ah-ha!" exclaimed Shining Armor. "Attacking an opponent roughly four times your strength in a one-on-one battle! A cunning strategy!" He paused. "No," he added, "no, not cunning. What's the opposite of that?"
"Retarded?" suggested Lyra, who clearly still had enough mental power to spare to communicate.
"That's it; thank you!" exclaimed Shining. "Now, disregarding the Namarekian, I-"
"Uh-uh!" corrected Twilight. "A Yoshi!"
"I'M NOT A FAUSTDAMN YOSHI!" screamed Lyra.
"But you said you were!" protested Twilight.
"IT'S CALLED SARCASM!"
"What's that taste like?"
"DAMMIT, TWILIGHT!"
"STOP IGNORING ME!" screamed Shining, once again stomping his hoof down on Twilight's chest.
"AH, MY RIBS!" cried Twilight. "I THINK YOU BROKE MY RIBS!"
"STOP! IGNORING! ME! AND! DIE!" shouted Shining, punctuating each word with another stomp.
Suddenly he stopped. His scouter had just detected a massive power level, one significantly higher than Twilight and Lyra together. And it was coming from the direction of the crater...
"STOP BEATING UP MY DADDY!" screamed a voice suddenly.
Shining spun just in time to see Fluttershy, a look of intense rage on her face, burst out of the pod. Debris from the ship flew in every direction as the filly catapulted herself at Shining.
"No, my space pod!" cried Shining, before impacted by a headbutt from the filly hard enough to shatter the chestpiece of his armor. "Ah, my space armor!" he added.
"We get it, you're from space!" snapped Lyra.
Shining Armor stumbled backwards, clutching at his chest with one hoof. Fluttershy landed on the ground, a bit dazed but overall looking pretty good for somepony who had just delivered a headbutt powerful enough to wind the strongest being currently on the planet.
"F-Fluttershy?" asked Twilight in disbelief. "What... was that?"
"Daddy!" exclaimed Fluttershy, running over to give Twilight a hug.
"No, no seriously, what the hay was that?!" cried Twilight, confused and slightly angry. "We were getting slaughtered out there, and you could do tha..." She trailed off as she realized that Shining was now back in the fight and looming over her daughter. "Oh crap," she said quietly.
"UNCLE SHINING IS PISSED!" screamed Shining Armor, raising one of his front legs to backhoof the side of the filly's head.
Disclaimer 1: I, Golden Keyblade, do not condone violence toward foals.
Disclaimer 2: I do, however, find it hilarious.
Fluttershy was sent flying back by the force of the blow, sending her rolling along the ground. Shining began to stalk towards the filly, clearly intending to do more permanent damage.
"Wait, hold on!" cried Twilight, reaching out as if to stop Shining.
"Oh, what?" scoffed Shining, glancing at his sister. "Miss Shattered Ribs is going to stop me?!" He turned and stalked back towards Fluttershy.
"Listen, you don't understand!" cried Twilight. "Nothing you could do could EVER compare to what Octavia will do to me if she found out she died!"
"Well, sucks to be you," said Shining. A massive ball of crackling dangerous-looking pink energy began to form at the end of his horn.
I don't have any choice, thought Twilight, struggling to stay conscious despite the pain. I have to use my last technique!
"NOW DIE!" screamed Shining, preparing to fire the pink energy at Fluttershy.
"FULL NEIGHSON!" exclaimed Twilight, who by a Herculean effort had climbed to her hooves and thrown herself at Shining, wrapping her front and back legs around him to pull him onto his back legs.
"A full neighson?" laughed Shining. "That won't work on me! I am Shining Armor!"
He struggled for a moment before realizing to his utter shock that he couldn't break free from the hold. "Okay, let go!" he snapped at his sister.
He struggled a moment more, but still couldn't shake off the injured unicorn mare. "Seriously, this is starting to piss me off!" he yelled.
"Lyra!" called Twilight.
"Ready!" shouted Lyra. She had finally built up all the energy she needed; she could feel all the power in her body coursing into her remaining hoof, and the power-focusing mechanical hand at the end.
"Good!" exclaimed Twilight. "Just make sure you give me a signal before you fire that thing! I'm right behind him!"
"Oh sure, I'll give you a signal!" said Lyra sinisterly. "It'll be the last signal you'll ever GET!" She then decided it would be appropriate, given her last remark, to laugh evilly for a moment.
"Well, okay," said Twilight, "as long as we're clear on that..."
Lyra slowly brought her metal hand- the second and third fingers of which were glowing with concentrated energy- a couple inches away from her temple. Now it was time for the hardest part of the entire process: pronouncing the name of the technique, which was "Makankosappo"; the name had been suggested by Lyra's other half Cadance, and now that she thought of it she suspected she had made it so difficult to prevent what she viewed as "her evil half" from using it in battle.
"MAKANSA-" stammered Lyra. "MAKAKASAPOP- MEKKASAPPA-" She rolled her eyes. "Oh, to Tartarus with it!" she snapped. "SPECIAL BEAM CANNON!"
She pointed the fingers of the mechanical hand at the pair of alien unicorns. Two brilliant beams of pure energy emerged; one flew straight, while the other spiraled around the first. The twin beams surged forward, headed straight for Shining...and for Twilight.
"Is that what you're gonna yell when you- OH FAUST!" cried Twilight as the beam pierced both her and Shining Armor's chests, passing straight through them and vaporizing a nearby mountain, much to the anger of an earth pony who was attempting to scale it.
Both Saiyans collapsed to the ground. Blood flowed from identical open wounds in their chests.
"Dammit!" cried Shining, as he felt his life force ebbing away into the ground. "And there was no way I could have gotten out of that!"
"You know, you could have flown," remarked Lyra, trotting over to the dying creature.
"DAMN YOU, HINDSIGHT!" screamed Shining Armor, before dying with a mundane "Bleh."
Suddenly Lyra looked up. A helicopter had just appeared in the sky. Inside she could clearly see the shapes of Spike, Fleur, and Granny Smith.
"Twilight!" cried Spike on a megaphone. "After several hours of debate, we decided you might need our..."
He stopped as he realized that Shining Armor was already dead, and Twilight was rapidly approaching the same state.
"Ah crap," he moaned.
Ten minutes later, Twilight's friends were clustered around her body. They had looked into bandaging the wound, but it was clearly too late: she was beyond normal help.
"Twilight, you can't die!" cried Spike, clutching the mare's hoof in his claws. "Here, I brought a Senzu bean!" He held up one of the magical beans which could heal any wound, even mortal ones.
"I...don't think that's gonna work," said Twilight weakly, as if every word hurt her (which it did).
"Why not?" asked Spike tentatively.
"I sort of have a hole in my esophagus," she explained.
"Wait, then how are you breathing?" asked Spike in confusion.
As if in answer to the question, Twilight's eyes closed, and the Saiyan mare who had been Spike's best friend for years passed from this world.
"Twilight?" asked Spike, his voice trembling. "Twilight?!" He tried to shake the mare, but it was clear she was gone.
"Holy crap," he whispered. Then, in a louder voice, he exclaimed, "I'm not the first one to die in this series!"
"Spike!" snapped Granny Smith.
"What?" asked Spike innocently.
"Too soon!" snapped the elderly hermit.
"I can't believe she's gone!" exclaimed Fleur, cradling the unconscious Fluttershy with her magic.
"Yeah, pity that," said Lyra, sounding uninterested. With a roar of pain and exertion, she suddenly sprouted a new leg where her front left one had been cut off. Green goo spurted off the new leg, splattering the ground. Lyra (who by now had retrieved her clothes) pulled a new hand from the pocket of her robe and affixed it to the end of her hoof.
"Wait, what they hay?!" exclaimed Spike, running over to look at the daughter of the Demon Queen. "You can regenerate?!"
"Yeah," said Lyra with a sinister smile. "And you know what else?"
"What?" asked Spike nervously.
"I'm taking Fluttershy; bye!" exclaimed Lyra. And with that, she grabbed the filly with her magic and flew off back towards the Meteor Wastes.
"Quick, somepony stop her!" exclaimed Spike.
There was an awkward silence. Spike could've sworn he heard the same crickets from back on the island.
"Dammit, Granny!" exclaimed Spike.
"Shut up, Spike," muttered Granny Smith.
"Aw..." said Spike weakly. (Spike Owned Count: 2)
- Dividing Line -
Meanwhile, in a parallel universe...
"Fluttershy!" cried Twilight. "Do a Headbutt!"
"Fluuuutter-SHY!"
Fluttershy used Headbutt! It was super-effective!
