I was never the same after that. How could I be? I had left the love of my life. Sure, the divorce was easy compared to most. I let my lawyer do everything. I didn't care what he kept, he already had me. I moved back to my capital. Most days I stayed in bed. Not bothering to get up, to eat, to live. Someone might have come by, knocking on the door. I could never be sure, I was only there half the time.
At first I was numb, but as the months past, the pain began to make its self known. It would hit me when ever it wanted. In the middle of anything. Nothing was safe. Everything reminded me of what I had. What would never be mine again. I knew there was no way I could ever be happy again. How could I with a shattered heart and without my slaniečnik?
It was quiet. In winter, I heard the hum of the heaters. In summer I heard the air conditioner. My boss sent a maid to make sure I lived. They would probe me to bathe, eat at least once a day. They kept the house clean, not that I used it much.
Then one day, I decided I would get up. I was going to put on a show. I dressed myself, but not in my old dress. Net, too many memories attached to the style, the cloth, the colour. I picked something new. It was a simple white, linen dress that fell to the middle of my shins. The petticoats were a cotton blend would keep me warm. The dress fitted my figure snuggly, but not so much so that it showed exactly how thin I had become. The only colour to contrast the stark white was a thin honey-coloured ribbon tied taunt around my ribcage just under my bosom.
I took a deep breathe as I tied a ribbon in my hair to match the one on the dress. This was going to be my way to living. In no way was my depression gone, if anything it was at it's worse. But I was determined that no one know that. They would all think I was functioning properly.
My boss had told me there was a world meeting today and I was determined to go. No one would be expecting me, but I would be there. I gave a nod to my reflection, a self-encouragement of sorts. With that, I grabbed a white cloak to match the dress and ventured into my harsh climate.
A short while later I arrived in Hungary's capitol; the meeting's location. I wiped my heart and face clean of emotion as I walked into the hall. Being the fist there, I was spared having to see their looks. I pulled out some paperwork that explained recent affairs and began to study them.
I could hear their steps halt as the caught sight of me each time. I felt the stares. After all, it had been about eight years since any of them had seen me. Honestly; I had been surprised my seat remained. But it did, between Hungary and. . . . Canada. It took me a moment to remember who it was.
Then Russia walked in. I continued to stare at the papers, my face blank. But I never read past the word 'and'. He stood there for what felt like forever. His confused eyes stuck on my figure. I could feel his eyes wondering over my sunken face. Felt his eyes trace how gaunt my features had become.
Thankfully, Germany called the meeting to start and everyone fell to their seats. When he welcomed me back I only gave him a slight nod. Through out the whole meeting though, everyone's eyes were on me. I ignored them. Focusing on whoever was speaking. Except when Russia spoke, then I searched out the window for something less personal.
I kept my own turn short. "I would like to resume all of my trading activities of ten years ago." My voice sounded stronger than I felt, it was clear and precise. Regaining its cold edge. They all agreed to my request with shocked affirmations. I nodded back and resumed my dissection of the meeting's minuets.
Just as I was gathering my things to leave, I felt a tug on my cloak. Freezing slightly, I turned to see who it was and instantly defrosted a few degrees when I saw it was only America.
"Can I help you?" I asked, quirking my eyebrow up in question.
He smiled and took my into his arms, I could feel my face raise in alarm. "You're back!" He yelped as he shook my whole body side to side.
"Uh, da?" I couldn't help but be startled, what was he doing? He put me back on the ground, but kept his arms around me. And if I wasn't mistaken, those were tears brimming at the edge of his happy eyes.
"I thought you'd never come back!" He said, as if it explained his actions. "I kept trying to call you, but you never answered, so I came over, but you still didn't answer the door. And Heroes don't go in a lady's house without being invited or something, ya know?" he rambled.
Slowly I removed myself from his grasp and continued packing away my papers. "Good." I stated indifferently. I glanced at him as I walked away, only to have him follow. He's like a puppy.
"Alfred. I am to be going home now." I stated as we made it to the last steps of the building.
"Cool, I'll come with you." He beamed at me.
Glaring, "Net, I think not." It had taken enough out of me just to be at the meeting. What I really wanted was to go home and throw off this façade.
His smile dropped considerably, but not completely. "Oh. Well," He ran his hands through his thick locks as he searched for something to cover the awkward.
It tugged at me a little to see him so disappointed. After all, he was once my friend. So with a sigh, "Perhaps another time, da?" I amended.
Instantly he lit back up. "Really? Sweet. How about we get something to eat or go somewhere after the next meeting?"
"Da." I dismissed as I got into my car. "Next meeting, America." He waved like an idiot as I pulled out of the parking lot and onto the street. I sighed and let my face show the strain of acting for three hours.
The next meeting was two weeks after. In that time I dismissed the maid and began cleaning and cooking myself. I did my best to keep my thoughts blank, shoo away thoughts of him. Even with all my efforts, I still cried at night. Every night.
But Tuesday morning I wiped away evidence of the night before and got up. I dressed the same as the last meeting, but my ribbons were a soft powder blue this time. I smiled at myself in the mirror. "You need practice." If I was going to act, it needed to be believable. Leaving the house I already knew it would be a long day.
I was a little later today, as it was in England, but as soon as I sat down he bounded over to me.
"Hey Bela!" He called, his voice cheerful as ever. It took all I had to keep away the frown.
"Belarus, America." I corrected.
He frowned pitifully, "But we're friends, Bel, you let me call you that before." He scooted closer to me
"That was before I broke!" I hissed at him. Quickly my eyes flitted around as I regained my composer. Unfortunately, everyone was here. Everyone saw. Even Russia. My heart was threatening to shatter again, but I battled myself to pull the pieces in. Looking back to America I notice his 'hero smile' was wavering.
"I'm sorry. ." He whispered as he ducked his head. I sighed, Smooth Natalia. Making America cry is like making a baby cry. Great job.
I patted his head stiffly once. "I am sorry. I did not mean to yell at you." I spoke reluctantly. Immediately he lit up like a roman candle.
"Okay! I'll totally stop talking about stuff that makes you sad Belarus, cause Heroes don't make lady's cry. That's not cool." His words jumbled together and it took me a moment to decipher what they meant exactly. I gave him a small nod and returned to look over my papers.
"So." He said in an obnoxious child's voice as he twiddled his fingers. "What'd you say if I told you I convinced Potato-Head to let me sit by you?" His eyes roamed the ceiling as I balked.
"You did vhat?" I shrieked. He did not!
"Germany is letting me sit in Hungary's spot and she's sitting next to Austria." He smiled as I took a calming breath.
"Sit. But I am making no promises on if you will live." I threatened.
"But you can't kill me," he looked at me with his child-like face, "We've gotta go eat later!"
It took all I had not to bang my head against the table until I died. I swiveled my head around to face the opposite direction and glared at Germany as he prepared for the meeting. I will come for you one day, Bastard.
