Draco:
So there I am, bawling in front of harry. Oh hell. I run from him, cussing and screaming and putting as much distance between him and I as I can. I keep running and running, trying to escape him, but he keeps up with me. Step for step. I run into an empty classroom and keep crying. I had said some horrible things to him, but he didn't stop chasing me, like I wanted him to.
I am pressed up against the corner of the wall and I closed my eyes.i have tears pouring down my face in little mini rivers. "I thought you were supposed to be a snake, not a fucking gazelle!" harry screams, but I just stare up at him, shaking. Was he going to hurt me? I watch his scarf fall off and frown softly. He throws his scarf in the air and then acts like a mad man.
Slowly, slide down onto the ground and just stare at him. he falls to the ground and reveals his scars. My heart pangs slightly. "Youre fucking crazy." I spat at him. I slowly wipe my slowing tears as he started asking about my bruises. "fuck you, potter." I say calmly.
He starts picking at one of my emotional wounds. I want to scream, but instead, I hit him. "Who the hell do you think you are Potter?! You don't know anything. You never have. So stop fucking talking about things you could never, ever, understand!" I screamed at him. harry laughed and replied with how if that was true, that had best keep quiet. He smiled and I call him a lunatic, cussing at him. I am overly mean to him, but gasp when he kisses me. I freeze for a moment, my heart racing and I push away from him. "Fuck. You… you faggot. Keep your hands off me!" I don't look up at him. I can feel that im blushing.
And I keep cussing, saying things that I shouldn't. saying horrible things. I call him a horrible word just as snape walks in. harry and I are both standing now, so we turn to look at him. "And just what do you two think you are doing?!" he gives me this judging… cruel look and I just know that daddy will hear about this. I almost whimper. Harry shrugs snapes words off with a smile while I just stare at snape, too dumbfounded to speak. Snapes eyes tighten when he looks at the cuts on harry. Does he think I did that? I shudder at the thought.
Who gave snape a job teaching kids? He should be behind prison eyes are dark with his sickness when he gives us detention. I shuddered and closed my eyes. No. no. dad would kill me! I glared at snape and muttered when he left. "I hate him. he is such a fucking coward."
Snape swirled around and glared at me. "Don't you Dare talk of me in such a manner, you little slut!" he snarled at me and I whimpered. . "Do not make me let your father in for a little 'lesson'. Or better yet, I could give you one myself." He threatens and I want to plead with him not to. But I cant. I coundnt grovel in front of potter. Snape adds a comment to harry about finishing the job next time and then he is gone.
I start crying, but I cant look at harry when he asks what that was. I just cuss at him. telling him to stay out of my business, out of my life. He growls at me, telling me that he is going to make it his business and that he wont let me leave till I tell him. I growl. "fuck off." I cuss at him and shove his hand off of my shoulder and trying to duck past him.
"you don't care about me! You don't care. You just want to know so that you have more to hold over my head so I don't tell others that you tried to fucking kill yourself." I spat at him. "coward. You don't see me trying to kill myself. I walk into abuse every fucking day, and I have never tried to kill myself, Harry." I spat violently. "youd be a shame to your family if they knew. Youd be a coward in their eyes. "
"well at least I wouldn't be a pathetic whore!" he snapped back at me. "now, stop starting fights you cant fucking win and just tell me what that whole fucking thing was about, draco! What did he mean by lessons?"
"fuck you!" I scream. "don't ask me stupid questions like that!" I screamed. "its not your information!" I screamed and spat on him. "youre an ass!" I spat again. He hit me, and I fell into the wall and whimpered softly. "don't touch me!"
"than stop being so fucking difficult, draco!" he screamed. His bright green eyes softened, his shoulders slumped slightly, like he was holding the world upon them. His voice was quiet, low. It lacked the train of yelling. "Draco…" He said my real name. "just tell me."
I suddenly became aware that I had lost myself in those damn eyes. I felt like I was losing control. "Oh yeah, like im going to fall for the knight in shining armor charade." I mumbled sarcastically. "nice try, though." I spat at him.
His eyes seemed to shine with his frustration. They were an open book, displaying everything that he wasn't saying. The soft black brows came together, knitting close in his emotional stare. "Damn it, Draco. I cant believe you are making me do this…" he mumbled. "please, Draco. Please tell me."
Something about how he said my name and the begging made me look away. "Don't you see?" I whispered softly, looking at the ground between us. His shoes were almost touching mine. I barely had any breathing room. "If I tell you…" I slowly thought about how I would say this. "Than… the way that you look at me… will change…" I could feel his breath against my skin. "I...I know it sounds pathetic… but harry… I rely on the looks you give me." I mumbled, softly. "youre the only one… in this whole world who looks at me. Not my fathers name. you see me. Even if you hate everything about me… even if the only thing those bright green eyes of yours hold is hate… you hate me for me, not because I have his name." I mumbled. "and… if I tell you how weak I really am… youd never look at me again. Youd only see the bruises. Youd only see what they do to me."
His whole stance changed. He got defensive at the last sentence, finally coming back to life. He had frozen when I had started confessing to him. he asked "how do you know?" his voice rough, with what I assumed was emotion. He was either about to kiss me, or hit me.
"Because, Harry." I dragged his name out, staring up at him. "You are just like me." I whispered, implying that it was all I saw when I looked at myself.
He pushed away from me slightly, shoving me into the wall as he did so. There was that anger of his, flaring up like a wild fire. "I am /nothing/ like you." He spat, rolling his eyes as he did. "Youre just a bully, Malfoy." There he is, that defensive attitude causing him to be harsh. "You cant do anything right, and so everyone hates you. I am a hero, not some fucked up kid who doesn't know when to stop. And, unlike you, Malfoy, I don't have daddy issues." He growled.
I shuddered softly, the sudden rejection of the similarities between him and I, hurt because that meant that he thought he was better than me. I growled at him, after I had confessed to him, this is how he reacts? I pulled my wand up and stunned him. "Potter." I hissed. "you clearly don't see yourself right." I conjured up ten mirrors so that hed have to stare at himself till someone found him. "youre more like me than youd like to admit, but you know you shouldn't tell lies." I spat. "When you realize that youre just another toy that's been thrown away and no body but me will ever see you as anything different, DON'T come looking for me. I don't need you as much as you need me, Harry." I spat, walking passed his frozen body. I muttered "good night." and walked slowly to my dorm, fighting back tears.
Harry:
Malfoy growls at me, "Fuck off.", and shoves me away from him. "You don't care about me! You don't care. You just want to know so that you have more to hold over my head so I don't tell everyone you tried to kill yourself." he spits at my feet. "Coward." he almost throws the words in my face, making ever syllable count. "You don't see me trying to kill myself. I walk into abuse every. fucking. day, and I have never, ever, tried to kill myself, Potter." I cant seem to say anything against him. He's right… and I know it. "You would be a shame to your family if they knew. You would be the worst kind of coward in their eyes."
I flash with hatred, looking back into his eyes and snapping, "At least I wouldn't be a pathetic whore!" I burn with shame to think about what my parents would have felt about me. "Now stop fucking starting fights you cant fucking win and just tell me what the hell that whole thing was about!" I feel my teeth gnash together, grinding painfully. "What the fuck did Snape mean by lessons?" Why did he have to be so difficult?!
"Fuck you!" he screams at me again, and I sigh. "don't ask me stupid questions like that! Its not your fucking business! " he is spitting just like a cat, and I sweat I can see his hackles rise. "You're an ass!." Without thinking I rear back and punch him, hard. Fucking prick! "Don't touch me!" he says, and I shout "Then stop being so fucking difficult, Malfoy!" I yell, and then realize what I'd just done. How was I ever going to get him to trust me, to tell me what was happening, when if he didn't listen to me I hit him? I yelled and screamed and put my hands on him and… and I became a fucking monster.
"Draco… Just tell me." I can see it on his face for a moment, his façade slipping. Then he pulls away and snaps "Oh yeah, like I'm going to fall for the 'knight in shining armor' charade." he scoffs. "Nice try though. You're good." I sigh, getting frustrated. "Damn it Draco" I didn't think he would make me stoop this low. "I cant believe I'm doing this." I look deep into his eyes from under my lashes, trying to show him my sincerity. "Please, Draco. Please tell me." He looks away from me again, and I sigh.
"Don't you see?" he whispers softly, starring down at the ground. "If I tell you…" he stops, pressing his back against the wall behind him. "Then… the way you look at me… will change…" I know I'm starring, but I cant help it. I had no idea that, well, that he cared so much about what I thought of him. "I… I know it sounds pathetic, but Harry… I rely…" his voice gets even softer, making me lean in to hear him. "I rely on the looks you give me. You… you're the only one in the whole world who looks at me. Not my blood. Not my fathers name. You see Me." he pauses, biting his lip as if he cannot stand his own voice. "Even if you hate everything about me… Even if your bright green eyes are filled with hate… At least you hate me for me, not because of his stupid name." I want to tell him that I never hated him, that it wasn't possible. But it was, and I had. "and… if I tell you how weak I am… you'd never look at me again. You would only see the bruises, only what they do to me."
I feel like I'm about to fucking cry and I hate it. "How do you know?" I say to him, my voice rough from all my swirling emotions. He looks at me, his eyes flashing with something I do not know. "Because, Harry," sadness. Anger. Happiness. Something sweet I cannot name. "You are just like me." No. Yes. NO. anger wins. I push him away from me, unable to stand the proximity any longer. "I am NOTHING like you." Yes I am. No. yes, he's right. No. Never. "You're just a bully Malfoy. You can't do anything right, and so everyone hates you." Do I hate him? Yes. /no/ Absolutely. "I'm a hero." they want me to be a hero. "I'm not just some fucked up kid who doesn't know when to stop." Why wont I just shut up? Why cant I stop? "And, unlike you, Malfoy," don't say it. "I," Don't say it. "don't have," Do NOT say it. "daddy issues."
I can see him shudder and I curse myself. Why? What the hell was wrong with me? "Potter." his voice is a hiss, and I want to flinch but I cant. I just stare at him, false rage in my eyes. "You clearly don't see yourself right." He waves his wand and mirrors appear in the air, forcing me to stare at myself. I look deranged, only made worse with the wounds on my neck and arms. "You're more like me than you'd like to admit." he spits. "When you realize that you're just another toy that's been thrown away and nobody will ever see you as anything different, Don't bother coming to me." he turns away, walking toward the door. "I don't need you as much as you need me, Potter. Goodnight." and then he is gone and I am left with a thousand reflections of the only person I wouldn't want to see. Myself.
It takes them hours to find me. Ron and Hermione were still upset at me for the episode on the train and they didn't bother to be worried. Not until it was after midnight and they finally noticed I wasn't in bed. I remember seeing the shards of glass rain in the air in tiny flakes of diamond snow. By then I had my sleeves pulled back down and my scarf around my neck. No one could see. I couldn't let them know I had been so weak. Not me. Not now. They walked with me to the common room, trying to ask me questions, but I wouldn't speak. I had already talked my voice away to my reflection. I had tried to rationalize what I had said to Draco. I tried for hours. But still, all I could see was a stupid child. A big, stupid, brutish child that may have just chased away the only person who could understand him. I don't even remember laying down to go to sleep.
All morning the Gryffindors stare at me, whispering things behind my back. I walk over to Hermione, not wanting to talk to her, but knowing I have to apologize. "Is there something wrong with me? I ask her as she turns to look at me, gasping and dropping her books. She puts her hand over her mouth for a moment like she just saw a monster and stares at me. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I snap. I had been hoping that my friends would act at least a little bit normal. "h-Harry…. Your neck… " she whispers and I swear. I forgot the fucking scarf.
I smile at her, the biggest and most heart warming one I can muster. "Its nothing Hermione. Just some old scars." I shrug, dimming my smile a bit. "Normally I have a glamour on so people cant see them. I guess I must have forgot." I laugh, putting my arm on her shoulder. "You really shouldn't worry so much." I laugh, rubbing my neck with the hand not touching her. It still hurts to remember. The feel of the knife in my hand… my own flesh tearing… and so much blood…. I snap back into the present, my smile still frozen on my face.
"Harry, are you okay?" she says, her voice ripe with motherly concern. I sigh, running my hand through my hair. "Its fine. Lets talk about this latter, okay? We'll have plenty of time for this later." I pull away from her, turning back to the stairs but she grabs my shoulder. "Here. At least… at least let me cover it for you."
she waves her wand and my skin tingles, arms and neck both. "There!" she says with a smile. "Now no one else will be able to see it." we end up walking to the great hall together, catching up with ron along the way. He looks at Hermione oddly, and I remembered that they hadn't been talking to me before now. Hermione explains to him that I had apologized, and he smiles at me, punching my arm. "Good to have you back Harry."
We walk into the great hall to loud jeers from the Slytherins. But for once, they're not for us. They're for Malfoy. "OH what, is the little baby going to cry again?" another chimes in "Poor prince Draco. Cant even get in a little fight without crying himself to sleep." another Slytherin pretends to cry. "Maybe you should stay in the bathroom with moaning myrtle! You two would be a perfect match!" at the last comment they begin to laugh and Malfoy stands to leave.
Our eyes lock and I can tell he is trying to hold back tears. I open my mouth to say something when ron shouts "What, little baby Malfoy couldn't even stand one night away from his daddy?" My mouth merely hangs open as He shoves past me, a small sob escaping his tightly closed lips. Ron claps my back and begins to laugh while Hermione gives me another odd look. Perhaps because before last night I would have laughed along. Maybe even said that myself. And now…. Now it was unthinkable to make fun of him about leaving his father.
I stay stuck between Ron and Hermione, hoping that Draco will be okay. He told me not to chase after him… not to come near him… But will I be able to ignore this forever? Of course not. He knows it because… because he was right. Hermione makes me eat, piling food on my plate like Mrs. Weasley. Finally I leave, telling her that I'm fine and that we will be able to talk later. Too bad that later will never come.
I walk all around on the endless stairs. It was fun to be so high, yet never reach the top. I could never fall from the highest staircase. I would never get there if I ran up them my whole life. It would be like flying. Then I hear someone…. Crying. And close. I begin to walk up the stairs slowly, listening for the person. I hear it again…. But its familiar…. No. It cant be. I begin to run up the stairs, making a real shit-ton of noise. Draco. It has to be him.
I find him, half off the stairs and crying into his knees. I fall beside him, wrapping him in my arms against his protests. He calls me a bastard, a fool, a prick. "I know." I whisper back, still holding him away from the edge. "You're right. I know." he pushes me away from him after a moment, knocking my head against the railing. "Hey, what was that for?" oh stop it, I think to myself. you know damn well what it was for you dolt. Stop lying to yourself. He has ever damn right to hate you right now.
"Stay the hell away from me you pervert!" he spits at me, leaning against the opposite rail. "What?!" I snap, trying not to glare at him and horribly failing. "What the fuck do you mean?" but he just glares at me, even showing his teeth. I can feel my anger build boiling up to the surface, shining through my eyes. He growls, his mouth showing all of the bitterness held inside of him. "Stay the hell away from me. Don't touch me." he glares at me, his eyes filled with the venom of a cobra. "Ever again." I take a step closer, balling my fists and shout "What the hell are you saying?! I'm not trying anything!" Malfoy just scoffs, glaring at me. "Yeah right. You're just like my f-father."
I open my mouth to speak when the air cracks, and Dobby is in front of us. He is holding a tiny piece of paper and his wide eyes are filled with something…. Melancholy. "M-master sent th-this for you…." The small elf holds the tiny slip of paper tightly in his hands still, looking at the ground. "Master h-has ordered D-dobby to read it aloud, sir." The blood drains from Draco's face as dobby begins to read,
'My pale son,
I cannot wait to feel your body again. I have a new lesson for you, and I know you will be eager to learn. You are always so eager for me to teach you… I will be coming to see you soon. I have almost forgotten what your naked body looks like. I think I shall bring a few toys as well. Just some of your favorites. Something to help you remember me when you are so far away at that school of yours.
Oh, and your mother and I have separated. For good this time. Now, it will be just you and I on your breaks from school. Wont that be wonderful? No more having to hide this away in that small room. I could fuck you on the dining room table if I wanted… Wont that be perfect?
With love,
Daddy'
Dobby disappears with another loud crack and Draco begins to sob, falling onto his knees. The tears stream out of his eyes in miniature waterfalls, leaving paths down his reddening face. He shakes with the force of a small earth quake, and all of this without making a sound. I watch the Malfoy I know shatter into someone else. Someone I've never seen before. Not even in his lowest moments had he willingly let me see him cry.
I walk over to him, my mind reeling. His father… he and his father… I could not even think it. To me having parents at all was… amazing. But to be with them like that? To have your father use you in such a way, even to talk about it casually… Did Draco want that? Did he like t-to have sex with his daddy? "What…. What was that…?" I say, standing over him as his sobs leak out of him. "W-why did your f-father say those things?" I want to ask him if he is crying because he is happy that he and his father will be left alone to revel in each other. But… his father beats him. He would never let his father do that to him.
Finally he stops crying long enough to whisper "Because Harry," he looks directly at me with his tear filled eyes. "My father hates me." I am stunned at his honesty, at his tears, at him. "My father hates me and wants me to suffer." he starts to cry again and I sit next to him, pulling him into my arms and rocking him back and forth like a baby. I don't say anything for a long time, but after a long while I pull him away from me. "Draco…" I whisper, looking at his tear stained face.
"No. Harry, don't say it. I've already heard it a hundred times. A thousand times. You're going to tell me that I'm a whore or pathetic or something and then you're going to leave. So, please, just… don't. Don't judge me." he pauses, taking a deep breath as if he is choosing his words with the utmost care. "I-its not my choice, okay? If I could… if I could…" he pauses, fresh tears coming into his eyes as he looks away from me again. "If you want to leave, to forget this ever happened, then go. But… don't say it."
I stare at him in openmouthed shock. How could he think that I would..? But of course. It was all I had done when he had confessed to me. Instead of saying anything I bring my hand up slowly, resting my hand on the side of his face. He flinches as if I were going to hit him and I feel him blush, his pale skin blooming small peach roses on his face. I gently push on his cheek until he is looking at me and I smile, just a small one, before leaning in and pressing my lips against his with the pressure of a butterflies wing.
