A/N: Hello everyone, I know its been a while. First I want to thank all of you who supported me and kept sticking with me. It means a lot. Special thanks to my dear friend naynay1963, you don't know how much you helped me. You don't know how you basically saved my life. I've been through a lot the past year, more then I ever expected to get on my plate. But I survived. With the help of you R, help of everyone who supported me, help of my family but most of all my girlfriend. I want to dedicate every thing I write on here to her. She's amazing and I would be dead without her, literally. I love her so much and I hope I can really make things right again. I'll make sure of it.

Now you all probably wonder why I was absent for such a long time. A lot has happend the past months. And I want to share my story with you guys cuz it might help one of you who's struggling with something similar.

Most of you know my best friend died last August. That's were the problems started. I was in love with her but then she died. I had much difficulty with it and it made me do a lot of things. The first thing I did was trying to kill myself, I didn't do anything though cuz my best friend's brother found me in time. I felt desperate and helpless but he helped me. I slept around, thought sex would help me but it didn't. Then I started a relationship with her brother. I thought that if I was with her brother, I'd be closer to her. Stupid idea cuz the only thing it gave me was another piece of my heart that got broken and an abortion.

But then I found a girl that made it all better, although it was just for a while. We had it good together but off course I had to screw it up again. I cheated on her and I felt so bad about it, I took an overdose painmeds but then my girlfriend saved me. If she hadn't found me, I'd be dead. She had me commited to a mental hospital, I needed serious help, but there I screwed things up too and cheated on her again. The facility wasn't good cuz I got stabbed there by another patient. My gf transfered me but there things got bad again and I cut my wrists. I found out I was pregnant by one of the guys I cheated with. I couldn't handle that. I got transfered a third time and that was the place I needed. They really helped me and ascertained that I had borderline syndrome which made me do all those things. I'm not saying that its an excuse but its one of the causes. I had a really hard time processing it and it took a lot to overcome everything I went through but in the end, you just have to push through it and make something of your life.

I'm better now and out of the facility for good. I recovered and expecting a baby girl in december. I'm gonna go back to college and make something of myself so that my daughter can be proud of me. That I'm proud of myself.

Once again, I'm not telling this for attention, I think that if one of you is reading this and is struggling with something similar, know that you can talk to me. I wanna do something with this and help others. That's my goal.

Thanks