Five Friends, a Blonde and the Mystic Wind Princess

SerraBradhadair: Welcome to the sequel! Yep. If you're expecting much action revolving around the mystic wind princess, then, er, you're a little early. The first few chapters are there to set up what happened in the past two years. Ok, time to get rolling! But first, we have the Q and A round! Today's guest is none other than the most beautiful and evil bitch on the face of Runescape, she's fiery, feisty and never uses contractions, Miss Cerrin Wyver! I usually like to reproduce emails faithfully, but she insisted on correcting all their spelling and grammar mistakes.

Cerrin: Can we just get this over with already?

SerraBradhadair: Question 1: Are Terrence and Jane together or something?

Cerrin: I think so. There seems to be something there. But they are SSJ4's characters so he is the only one who can say for sure. Go ask him.

SerraBradhadair: Question 2: Why is Alex afraid of squirrels?

Cerrin: Because he is stupid. He is more afraid of squirrels than he is of me, which is not right.

SerraBradhadair: Actually, he's afraid of squirrels because Timmus dropped one on Alex's head when they were kids. Alex thought the squirrel had tried to attack him and he's been afraid since. Question 3: Is Meryl Peemstein Dutch or German, because I read SSJ4's fic and now I am confused.

Cerrin: She is German.

SerraBradhadair: Final Question: Why did Dalton get hit by a flying cow?

Cerrin: Dalton is a character from another fanfiction. The author requested that SerraBradhadair write him in. If you had read it, you would know that Dalton has an affinity for attracting bovine missiles.

SerraBradhadair: Well, that's all folks. Send in any questions, as the next guest will be (checks list) Alex. Oh, great...

Alex: Hey ladies, feel free to send me your numbers and addresses URK!

Cerrin: Shut the fuck up. I have things to do, I have to go now. (Leaves)

SerraBradhadair: Could you two stop it? We haven't even started yet and you're fighting. Anyway, the next six chapters tell you the entire back story you need to know. Then the real adventure begins. We'll decide the order using the (dramatic music) Wheel of Torture! Bunny, the wheel please.

(Bunny appears wearing a gold spangled leotard. She waves her hands and Plot Demon rolls out a large wheel with different coloured sections on it. Each section has one of the characters' names on it.)

Alex: How is that a wheel of torture?

SerraBradhadair: You'll see. Jumbo, strap the green haired guy onto the wheel!

(A large, red, hulk like guy walks in, wearing a fancy spangled suit. He looks about then foot tall and eight feet wide. He grabs Alex and straps him to the Wheel of Torture.)

Alex: Hey! What gives? Get me off this thing! I want my mom! On second thoughts, my mom's a bitch. I WANT MY TEDDY BEAR!

SerraBradhadair: Mishi, bring me the butcher knives!

(A pink skinned blonde woman in a gold leotard prances on with a tray of knives. Bunny puts a blindfold on.)

Alex: Awah!

SerraBradhadair: Jumbo, spin the wheel!

(Jumbo nods and gives the wheel a heave. It spins round, and round and round, with Alex strapped to it, screaming. Bunny grabs one of the knives and hurls it at the wheel. It lands just to the side of Alex's head. He passes out.)

SerraBradhadair: Round and round and round it goes, where it stops, no one knows... its stopping! And it has landed on... ANSELA!

Ansela: Woo! Go me!

SerraBradhadair: Ok, this next chapter is Ansela's story. If you want to throw a knife at the Wheel of Torture, tell me what character you'd like strapped to it, either by way of a review or PM. We can't use Alex twice, it isn't fair. And after the six filler chapters, we'll see more of those freaks. (Points to Mishi and Jumbo) They're actually some of Bunny's plothole fixing workers, but we hired them to be temporary show assistants. Give them a big hand, folks! (Applause.) Several old characters will be making appearances, including Meryl Peemstein!

Meryl: Alex! Let me get du off of dat wheel, meine klein sweetypie! (grabs Alex from the wheel and drags his unconscious, limp form away)

SerraBradhadair: Yucky...there's Ruarai and Drak!

Ruarai: Revenge will be mine!

Drak: Uh, what's my name again?

SerraBradhadair: There's also Gem who's back from Antarctica, and she has a lovely suntan!

Gem: It's frostburn, you bitch.

SerraBradhadair: Terrence and Jane will also be here.

SerraBradhadair: Where the fuck ARE Terrence and Jane? (Mishi hands SerraBradhadair a piece of paper) On a mission? Never mind then. And of course, Slimebucket and Shade will be reappearing!

Slimebucket: This time I will take over the world! Muahahaha!

Shade: You're a fucking moron.

Alex: AAAAAAAAGH! NOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (breathes) OOOOOOOOOOO! (comes running in with his shirt half torn off.) IT WAS MERYL! SHE JUST GRABBED ME!

SerraBradhadair: Stop yelling! What did she do?

Alex: (falls on the floor crying) I saw more than I ever wanted to see! I tried to gouge my eyes out but she tied my hands together! I was going to chew my arms off but then I found a penknife in my pocket and cut myself free! It was horrible! (grabs Shade's legs and sobs) IT WAS HORRIBLE! HORRIBLE!

Shade: Get off me. Right now.

SerraBradhadair: Alright, I'll protect Alex from Meryl Peemstein. (shudders) That's a fate even Alex doesn't deserve.

---

Chapter 1: Crouching Ninja, Hidden Thief

---

Ansela's Seven Rules of Thieving

1- If it looks valuable, steal it.

2- If you're not sure, steal it anyway for there will always be n00bs stupid enough to buy useless crap.

3-Mugging little kids and old ladies is not right. They never have much money anyway.

4- Stealing from churches is fine. If the gods wanted a font made of gold and diamonds, they could make one themselves.

5- Don't steal from your friends, or you may find that you no longer have any friends.

6- Don't try and steal anything you can't carry.

7- I am not above using my 'feminine wiles' to get my own way.

---

"C'mon, stop!" Wally wailed as the tenth cart rushed straight past him. He had been standing on the side of the road, trying to get picked up by a passing cart for about three hours. At this rate, he wouldn't get anywhere today. It had been a week since he left home, he had no idea where Ansela was taking him so he had decided to try and hitchhike on his own. He wanted to go back already. Ansela was lying on the side of the embankment, reading a magazine and giggling at his frenzied howls. "Why isn't this working? Am I pointing my thumb wrong or something?" He said, staring at his hand. Ansela sighed and decided she'd better help him out or they'd be on this stretch of road forever.

"Let me do it." She shoved the magazine in his hands. "Hide down there and let me work my magic, and don't come up before I tell ya." She said, hoisting up the waistband of her skirt and rolling it over. She unbuttoned her shirt and tied it in a knot below her chest, and waited for a cart to come trundling past. Wally decided to give up and. immerse himself in the magazine. He turned to an article named 'Gold- All that Glitters and How to Steal it'.

It wasn't long before a cart came thundering down the path. Ansela leant over, struck a seductive pose and stuck her arm out with her thumb up. The cart ground to a halt and the driver whistled.

"Well hey there. You need a ride?" The driver grinned. He was old, wrinkled and had several teeth missing. Eww, Ansela thought to herself.

"Oh, yes, I'm sooo totally like, lost. And I'm so glad you like, found me!" She giggled, putting on her best 'dumb girl' act. She walked around the other side of the cart and sat in the passenger seat. "Uh, can my like, friend come along too?"

"She as pretty as you?"

"Oh, like yeah. Come on up!" Wally took this as his cue, shoved the magazine in his bag and clambered up. When the driver caught sight of him, he snorted.

"What kind of game or you playing at OOF!" Ansela swiftly kicked him out of the cart and grabbed the reins.

"Climb in, Wally!" He tossed their bags in the back of the cart and clambered in. Ansela whipped the reins. The horse neighed loudly and trotted off. She whipped the reins and it went faster, leaving the former driver in a trail of dust.

"Bitch!" The driver yelled, stomping on the ground. "Fucking evil bitch!" Ansela just laughed.

"Eat my dust, fugly!" She yelled, laughing. "Oh, well, he was obviously delusional if he thought I was actually into him." She did her stupid girl giggle, something she'd perfected from listening to Amelia and Rozy. "Like, ew, hee hee!"

"Oh, Saradomin, he was really mad. We aren't gonna get into trouble, are we?"

"How? 'Officer, I got my cart stolen by a little girl!' That'll go down really well at the guard station, I bet."

---

"I'm sorry sir, but we only deal with important, serious crimes here. Having your cart stolen by a woman is a case for the police." Hench said as he sat at his desk in his (newly rebuilt) office, reading through his mail. The man stormed out, grumbling about bureaucrats and red tape. Hench shook his head and opened the rest of his mail. "Serves him right for picking up hitchhikers. No, I don't need another loan, or credit card deal, or a holiday to Karamja... actually, I might keep that one." He shoved it in his desk drawer. "Huh? When the fuck did I spend 2000 gold coins on booze and room service?"

---

They'd taken the long trail north to Rellekka and abandoned the cart some miles away, and sold the horse to a passing traveller. Neither of them knew much about the place, but it was somewhere none of their friends and family would go, so it was perfect. Wally had said that there were no pubs in the city when they got there, but Ansela had simply winked at him and said you had to know where to look. Within half and hour she had struck up a rapport with the local criminal gangs and they had found plenty of pubs where the ale flowed and plenty of drunk guys liked to sing a long.

It had been one months. One whole, long, arduous and strange month since Ansela had dragged him out of his house kicking and screaming. It was a little undignified, especially the screaming. He thought it was a bit unfair of Ansela to tell him he screamed like a girl, even if it was true. Ever since then, they'd been travelling on the road, Ansela robbing people to get by, and him singing in pubs. He didn't like her that much, but it was nice to be able to sing without fear of the guys in the pub beating you up. In fact, he thought, as they boarded the ship to Miscellania, their journey together had been quite fun. Ansela was definitely a live wire; she was energetic, funny, could drink any sailor under the table and still be sober enough to win a game of darts. Though the journey was nice, there were definitely a lot of other things he could do without.

"Hey, look at this!" Ansela had dragged him up to their ship room right after he'd finished his set on deck. Sailors loved a sing song, though after the fifth request of "What Shall We Do With the Drunken Sailor?" he'd gotten a bit bored. Ansela was bouncing around, grinning like the Cheshire Cat on Prozac and she had all her thieving gear laid out neatly on her bed. It was definitely not a good sign. She sat on the floor and spread out a large scroll of paper.

"A map?"

"Yeah a map! A treasure map!" She grinned and spread it out on the floor. "I nicked it off some bloke in the bar who was bragging about his treasure map. Sit down and take a look." Wally kicked off his boots and sat down cross legged on the floor, looking down at the map.

"Uh, I don't know Ansela."

"Well, if we go there and there's nothing, no harm done. But if there is something, we run in, get it and leave all the other treasure hunters with nothing! Ha!" Ansela said, applying her unique brand of Ansela-logic to the situation. Wally sighed. Here they go again.

"So, it's in Miscellania?"

"Nope, it's this island to the south. No one goes there anymore because all those who ever went there..." She paused and moved the candle under her face and let the light illuminate her features. She put on a creepy voice. "They never retuuuurrrned..." she croaked.

"Stop that." He said, before placing his lute bad in its case and crawling into bed. "Why do you have to do this? Why?"

"Because... I'm Ansela Jonla!" She grinned. Wally decided not to add to that. It was the perfect answer.

---

And the next morning, as Wally and Ansela got ready to go ashore in Miscellania, two people in the cabin below were frantically ripping their room apart in frustration. The shorter one was slim, yet muscled and had dark, spiky hair. He was barking orders at his companion, a huge guy, wide as he was tall, muscles like He-Man and dressed solely in Red Dragonskin armour. Well, when your companion had the brains of a retarded amoeba, there was little choice other than to shout as loudly and as clearly as possible.

"Come on Drak! The map has to be here somewhere! We need it! Look, dammit!" Ruarai yelled as he looked under the mattress. He tossed it back onto the bedstead, and bent down to look under the bed. He ran over to the set of drawers and rummaged through them, tossing everything out. He looked through his and Drak's bags a second time, a third time, a fourth, tipped the contents of the bags out and emptied the waste basket to forage through it. "Why? Why did I let you look after it?"

"Uh?" Drak looked up at the ceiling. "You did?"

"Retarded twit!" Ruarai tossed his dagger at Drak, who ducked. It hit the window and become stuck in the shattered glass. Ruarai sighed and went to retrieve it. He pulled it out and, glass fell apart and the shards fell on the floor. He glanced out of the window at some people getting off the boat. Just a guy with a lute and girl with a large scroll. Wait. A girl WITH A LARGE SCROLL! He screamed mentally. "Drak! Move your ass! I found out who stole the map!"

"What map?"

"Aaaargh!"

---

"How'd you get a boat for us if the locals are so afraid of this island we're going to?" Wally asked. He and Ansela were rowing out to the island south of Miscellania. Actually, Ansela was rowing; Wally was sort of slapping the oars in the water, gasping for breath. They'd been rowing for ten minutes an already his arms were starting to ache. Ansela seemed to be as bright and energetic as she had been when they'd set off.

"Well, I paid 'em a lot. Besides, they said it was their gain 'cause we wouldn't be going back."

"If that's the case, WHY THE HECK ARE WE GOING THERE?" Wally panicked. There might be monsters, like dragons, zombies, ogres, evil bloodsucking tentacle fiends and oh god, such horrible, horrible thoughts.

"Calm down. I'm going to infiltrate the secret place, you just stay and watch the boat, ok?" She said. Wally sighed. Watch the boat? Well, as long as he didn't have to infiltrate any dangerous temples or fight bandits, he didn't care.

---

"They've landed. Drak, bring us ashore!" Ruarai said as he looked though his binoculars from their position, hidden behind some large, mossy rocks.

"Aye aye!" Drak said. "Full steam ahead!" He rowed as hard as he could while Ruarai sighed and smacked himself on the head with his binoculars.

---

When they landed on the beach, the sand quickly gave way to an immense forest. The beach was surrounded by cliffs that were almost totally covered in moss vertically with trees lined up along the top. The forest looked dense and forbidding, and there was no sound on the island except the crashing of the waves and the odd bird flapping through the trees and chirping.

"I guess it's really true that no one ever comes here. It's a jungle." Wally looked at it. "It's creepy."

"Mm-yep." Ansela picked up her bag, placed the scroll inside and did a last check to make sure all of her hidden weapons were in place. "You wait here with the boat. If you get scared, no worries, just call me on this." She handed him a communicator crystal. "Stole 'em from King Toole." She placed the other one in her bag. "See ya in a few hours, Wimpkins!"

"I said don't call me..." She had already disappeared into the forest. "...that. By Saradomin, dammit!" he yelled, kicking a pebble across the sand. He had no idea whether she'd heard him yelling. He bet she was laughing her head off, ha ha ha, hilarious. He stood around for a while, tracing patterns in the sand with his toe. "What am I gonna do for a few hours?" He muttered to himself, unaware that was being watched and snuck up on.

"Hey."

"AAAAGH!"

---

Ansela was far too into the forest o hear Wally's scream. She was following the directions the map said. They were mostly in riddles which was what she had spent a few hours this morning before breakfast working on. She felt she had them pretty much figured out. Keep going northwest, the map said, so she checked her compass.

"Halt!" A stern woman's voice resounded through the forest. Ansela stopped in her tracks and looked up in the direction of the voice. A woman was standing high up on a branch on one of the trees. She was dressed in an all black outfit. Her face was partially hidden with a cloth mask and she wore a headband tied around her forehead. Her hair was black and tied back in a ponytail that came down to her waist. She looked supremely pissed off. "You are trespassing on sacred land. I suggest you leave before you regret you decision."

"You want me to go? Make me." Ansela grinned, put the map bag in her bag and unsheathed her dagger. "Maybe you can help me take the rust off of this little thing." The woman jumped straight down from the tree and landed in a crouching position, unharmed. Ansela figured she must have trained intensely in the Agility Training areas. She drew her own knife and readied herself.

"You are a petulant one. I must warn you that I am trained in the ancient martial art of ninjitsu. You have no hopes of defeating me, so I suggest that you change your mind immediately."

"Not gonna happen. See, I'm trained in the ancient art of kickyoass, and I never lose unless I want to." Ansela grinned and sized up her opponent. The woman was taller than her, but she wasn't that tall. She didn't look too strong, but her whole form was hidden by her baggy clothing, so Ansela couldn't see her muscles. She seemed to have no other weapons except her knife, but Ansela was a master of concealed weapons. She knew to expect anything. She waited for the woman to strike first, and she was not disappointed. She charged at Ansela, aiming for her neck. Ansela deftly blocked it, and aimed a slash at the woman. She jumped back, somersaulted high into a tree and threw several star shaped throwing objects at Ansela. Ansela wasn't fast enough to block them with her dagger, so she dodged and threw one of her own knives at the woman. It missed by a hair's breadth as the woman jumped out of the tree and threw a barrage of throwing stars at Ansela, who dodged each one.

"I see. You aren't all bravado after all. You may actually be a challenge." She assumed an attacking stance, knife ready to strike. Ansela grinned.

"Bring it, bitch."

---

"Mmph! Mmwg! Mm, grrph mmmph!" Wally tried to yell for help through his gag. Two guys had just jumped on him, tied him up and shoved him into the bottom of the boat as they sat around plotting.

"Ain't we gonna look for the map?"

"Moron. There were two people here, and that girl went into the forest. She'll have the map with her and all we have to do is wait for her to come out with the treasure, and then we'll ambush her! Is it me or does this whole set up seem familiar? Come to think of it, I'm sure I remember her from somewhere." Ruarai pondered. "Never mind that. All we need to do is be patient."

"What about him?"

"Nah, he's obviously the weak one. He's harmless to us."

"Can we smash him?"

"MRRRG!" Wally screeched. Ruarai shook his head and sighed in exasperation. He did that a lot when Drak was around.

"No, Drak, we agreed. You don't get any free steaks if you smash anyone you're not supposed to. Besides, don't waste your energy smashing a wimp. He's not going anywhere." Wally could hear them perfectly. All he needed to do was crawl a few inches closer to his bag and try and get his gag off. Crawling when tied up was hard, but he was getting there. Very slowly.

---

Ansela was gasping for breath, and so was the woman who had attacked her. They were both cut up and bruised a little, but were mostly tired from running, jumping and dodging. The woman looked up at Ansela, clutching her chest and groaning;

"You are impressive. I underestimated you. Don't get too sure, as you won't get to the village."

"What village?"

"The secret ninja village!"

"Secret ninja village? Never heard of it."

"Of course you haven't, you idiot! It's a secret ninja village! Besides, I am going to kill you so it doesn't really matter whether I tell you this or not. We train here to master the art of ninjitsu and reach the pinnacle of ninjahood. Only those born in the village may be in the village and use our treasures. You are skilled, but you are an outsider, and all outsiders must die to protect the village and out honour. We live as one with nature and as such we are bound to this forest and our home- AGH!" Ansela kicked her in the stomach and knocked her around the head.

"Ooh, nice monologue, Princess Mononoke." She pulled the map out of her bag and continued walking. "Don't worry, I won't hurt any of your ninja friends. Your treasures on the other hand? Now they're mine, no doubt about it."

---

Back in the world of the relatively normal...

"Any sixes?"

"Go fish. Got any nines?" Drak handed Ruarai his nine. Ruarai placed his four nines on the sand and grinned. "I win again!"

"Aw nuts, I hate this game. Can't we play Snap?"

"No."

---

The woman sat on the tatami mat floor, kneeling before two me and a little girl. The youngest man was dressed in the same black garb as her, but he wasn't wearing a mask. His features were quite plain and shallowly set. The room was made up of wood and paper panelled doors decorated lavishly with flower patterns.

"I-I'm sorry, Tokutaro. She used trickery to make me drop my guard and I-" The woman stammered. The man raised his hand and she fell silent.

"No excuses, Junko. You failed to subdue an intruder and so you will be demoted. I will deal with this girl, and you will return your first level emblem to the academy and get a second level emblem. Do you understand?"

"Yes, honourable brother." She bowed and left the room through the sliding door. Hayao shook his head and pulled up his mask.

"I'm sorry my sister has brought shame upon our village, honourable elder and honourable princess. She will be punished further, I shall see to it." He was talking to an old man, seated at the other end of the room wearing red and gold robes. A little girl with long green hair in pigtails, wearing a white kimono, sat next to him.

"Oh, no, grandfather, don't punish her any more than that!" The little girl chirped. "She did her best!"

"Quiet, Kazemi, it is not your place to speak. Junko has indeed brought shame upon us, but I feel that is punishment enough for her." He paused for a moment to consider things. "Tokutaro, your sister is a good ninja. This opponent must be very skilled. Be careful."

"I will, honourable elder Masato." Hayao bowed and exited the room by one of the side panels.

"Miyuki, can you come in here a moment?" One of the panels behind them opened and a graceful looking woman dressed in a blue kimono stepped out.

"Yes honourable elder?" She said, bowing.

"Send a scout team to the beach and tell them to bring anyone they find here. Don't kill them."

"I will see to it right away." She bowed and left through the same panel she had come in through. The elder sighed.

"Intruders are so troublesome. We go to extreme lengths to hide ourselves, yet they still seek us out."

"Why do they do that, honourable grandfather?" Kazemi asked. Masato smiled and turned to his granddaughter.

"Maybe they think we have great treasures. I hope they are summarily disappointed when they see this place." He smiled and patted his granddaughter on the head.

---

"Gees, what a shithole." Ansela said, looking over the village from her vantage spot atop a nearby cliff. From her leafy hiding place, she could see the whole village. It wasn't very big, for a start. Maybe about a hundred people at most, she guessed from the number of buildings. A small area of farmland and grazing land, and most of the buildings were small except for the one in the middle. "I bet that's where the mayor or the lord or whatever lives. They might have something worth stealing there." She got ready to leave, before being interrupted by someone crashing down from a tree behind her.

"Halt, intruder." Ansela sighed.

"Another one?" She turned around. Yep, a guy in black clothes wearing a headband and a mask. "If that other chick was anything to go by, you ninjas are really crap."

"My sister is weak. I am much more skilled than her, and I share none of her weaknesses."

"Yeah, but you have a weakness she doesn't." The ninja scoffed.

"What?" Ansela dashed over and kneed him swiftly in the groin. He doubled up in pain, giving her a chance to knock him out quickly. She smiled and made her way down the cliff path to the village.

"Hope you didn't want kids." She said with a grin.

---

Just a little closer... yes! Wally had finally got to the bag and managed to nudge the crystal out with his chin. He managed to get the gag off by placing his cheek on the bottom of the boat and pulling. He hoped he wouldn't get any splinters. That would just make this already crappy day even worse, if it could get any worse. The gag fell off and he whispered into the crystal.

"Ansela!" He hissed. Her voice came back through the crystal, sounding crackly, like someone was rustling a bag of chips on the other end.

"What? What's bzzp? Why are you whispering? Speak up, there's this bzzp noise."

"These two guys have tied me up and I can't escape! They're waiting to ambush you!" He could hear a loud snort on the other end of the line. He looked over at the two guys. They seemed to be totally engrossed in their game of Snap, so he figured he'd be ok.

"Give me a bzzp. I'm just outside this secret bzzp village. By Zamorak, these bzzp must... bzzp defective bzzzp bzzz. I bet that bzzp King Toole gave us bzzp ones, the bzzp bzzp bzzzzzWalzzzp hey bzzp can't bzzp."There was no more after that. He stared at the crystal. It didn't seem to be broken, but you could never tell with magical things. He looked over at his captors again. At this rate, he'd just have to hold out and wait for Ansela to come and rescue him. He rested his head on the wooden bottom of the boat and sighed.

A loud yell made him snap up quickly. He looked over. Several men in black clothes were restraining the two men who had captured him and taken him away. They were running around looking for others. Were they friendly? Er, well, probably not. One of the men came over to the boat and looked in.

"I'm not with them! They kidnapped me! So, uh, can you let me go?" The man said nothing and motioned for someone else to come over. They lifted Wally out of the boat and carried him with them, still tied up. "Ok, I guess that means no."

---

Ansela had thought about waiting till night time and then sneaking in, but she figured these people might tighten their security more the longer they knew she was here, so now would be the best time to sneak in. She snuck around the back of the largest building. There had better be treasures in here, she thought to herself as she opened the back door and peered in. The room was made up of the same wood and paper panels. It was empty save for a small ornate gold box in the centre. Treasure chest! Ansela grinned to herself and walked over slowly. She took a small cut log out of her bag, and slid it along the floor. No booby traps, good. She stepped over towards the box and opened it. These people have no sense of security systems. Too easy.

She found out why it was too easy. There was nothing in the box but a small paper scroll. The box was probably worth way more. She put the scroll back in the box and slipped the box into her bag. Easy peasy, and not a bad gain. The box looked nice and valuable, and maybe some magic guy would pay her for the scroll.

"Halt!" A loud voice called from behind her. "Subdue the intruder! She has the sacred scroll!" About five ninja dressed in black were standing behind her. Now this would be fun.

---

Takutaro and Junko were kneeling before the elder, both looking ashamed of themselves. Takutaro groaned in pain and bowed.

"I'm sorry, honourable elder. She must have had the aid of others. There is no way she could have subdued me aloooone." He groaned, holding his crotch. Junko looked at him, concerned.

"Brother? Is something wrong?"

"Nooooo." He groaned, far too embarrassed to admit how he'd been beaten, especially as it involved his... manhood. Masato sighed.

"Two of my best ninja beaten and shamed in one day. Perhaps I need to ask Suzume to deal with her. This opponent must be powerful, smart and skilled."

"You know it, baby!" Ansela yelled, bursting through one of the panels, pursued by several ninja. "I'm pretty hot, too."

"IT'S HER!" Junko and Takutaro jumped up at the same time and pointed. Takutaro groaned in pain. Moving hurt. The five ninja leapt through the hole in the wall and prepared to attack. The leader of them was a woman with brown hair pulled up into a plait.

"Suzume, I see you've already found her. Subdue her at all costs!" Masato ordered.

"I will, honourable elder." She readied herself, drawing her knife. The other four did the same. Now, taking on one ninja, Ansela could do. But in a situation where there were five highly armed, highly skilled killing machines about to unleash some major ninja whoopass upon you, there was only one solution. She pulled a bottle out of her bag. She tossed it on the ground and the room quickly filled with blinding purple smoke, letting Ansela dash out of the front door, leaving several coughing ninja behind.

"Cerrin's patented Smoke Potion Recipe number three! Bye bye, losers!" Yep, copying down some of Cerrin's recipes had been a good idea. They weren't too hard to reproduce. She ran straight through the village, leaving shrieking kids and surprised farmers in her wake. As she made her way out, she was aware that someone was running after her. It was the female ninja she'd beaten up in the forest. She was jumping through the tree branches, following Ansela.

"I lost once! I shall not lose again!" She yelled. Ansela laughed and threw a bottle of potion at her. "Another smoke bomb? I will not be fooled again!" She caught the potion in her hand. "See AAGH!" The bottle exploded in her hand, knocking her out of the tree and into a bush. Ansela turned her head and winked as she ran away.

"Cerrin's Exploding Potion number 12! Explodes when caught! See, mages ARE useful for something."

---

"ROW! Row as fast as you can, you asshole, row like you've never rowed before!"

"I'm rowing! Rowing!" Drak yelled, gasping for breath. They'd escaped from the ninjas and were now rowing away as fast as they could. That kid they'd tied up was still captured, though, and they didn't care.

"Good! Now don't stop until we reach the shores of Miscellania and of freedom!"

---

Ansela reached the beach and hopped the boat. Never mind Wally, they'd find him and probably realise he was so not a threat he probably wasn't even worth killing. She'd come back for him after she sold this box. It sure had gotten dark quick. Then again, you lose all sense of time when wandering through a forest.

---

"... and that is the tale of the beautiful princess trapped in the golden tower."

"Yay, another one!" Kazemi giggled and clapped her hands. Wally sighed and started to re-tune his lute, but Masato motioned for him to stop.

"Kazemi, it's time for bed now. You can hear some more tomorrow."

"Aww!" Kazemi pouted as Miyuki led her away to her room. "Sing me some stories tomorrow!" She squealed, waving happily at Wally. Masato sighed.

"Well, Kazemi seems to like you. And from what I have heard, you didn't come here of your own free will. But we have rules in this village. No one can learn the location of this place."

"Ok, I won't tell anyone."

"It is not that simple. No one who learns the location of this village can leave."

"Err."

"You will have to remain and live here."

"Oh!" Wally breathed a sigh on relief. For a second there, he thought he'd be executed or locked up in a dungeon for the rest of his life.

"Well, we need a babysitter for Kazemi and the other children in the village for when Miyuki has days off. Do you think you can do that?"

"I can try." Wally sighed. Well, it could have been worse. Much worse. But hopefully Ansela would rescue him at some point. Spending the rest of his life singing nursery rhymes to the village kids was not how he wanted to live for the rest of his life.

---

Ansela had left Miscellania and was camping out a few miles west. Best not to be in a populated place when carrying valuable stuff. She opened the box and took the scroll out. They'd called it a sacred scroll. Well it didn't look valuable. Maybe she'd drop it off after she'd sold the box. And she couldn't leave Wally there forever. She pondered to herself. That trip had been a real dud. The map made it look like there was real treasure. Unless it was really well hidden. No sense in getting herself in any more trouble. She looked at the scroll and unravelled it.

"None of this writing makes any sense at all. I wonder if Cerrin could read it? She seems to know everything." Oh yeah, she thought, I can't ask Cerrin to read it for me. Ansela sighed. She did miss them, that was true. Maybe in a few years when all the furore with Hench had died down properly. She rolled out the scroll fully. There was a picture of a girl surrounded by what looked like wind. "Hmm." As she looked at it, the scroll began to glow green.

"Eyargh!" She dropped it in shock as green light enveloped her tent.

---

"Junko, Takutaro, this is serious indeed. The intruder stole the sacred scroll. Without it, the wind princess will never gain her full powers. You must retrieve it, understand? Since you were both shamed, it is your duty to regain your honour and the scroll. Do you feel that you can take on this serious duty?" Both ninja nodded.

"Yes, honourable elder. We will take down the thief and regain the scroll. I swear on my lost honour." Takutaro said, bowing.

"I as well, honourable elder." Junko bowed.

"Then go. Pursue her to the ends of the earth and retrieve that scroll. Stop at nothing. And Takutaro... put some ice on it. "

---

"Oog." Ansela groaned and rubbed her pounding head. The sunlight pouring in through the gap in the tent door was blinding. "S'funny. Don't remember drinking." She groaned, pulling a blanket over her head. After a couple of minutes, she decided she'd have to get up. She slowly got up, groaning. She opened the tent flap and walked out to the edge of the stream she'd camped by. She knelt down and splashed some water on her face to try and wake herself up. I don't usually get hangovers this bad, and I'm never so drunk I remember nothing. It must have been a really long night. She opened her eyes and looked at her reflection in the stream.

"EEEEEEYYAAAAARRRGH!" She was wearing a ninja uniform, but this one was bottle green. Her normal headband had been replaced with a ninja's headband, all her knives had changed into throwing stars, and her hair was now a lot longer and tied back in a ponytail. It still looked a mess though. "The ninjas got me drunk and turned me into a ninja! Or something! No wait, that doesn't make any sense at all." She thought for a moment. "The scroll! That green light! It's a magic scroll that makes you a ninja! No wonder they didn't want me to take it." She looked down at her ninja outfit. "This is really crappy. Way too dowdy looking." She grabbed her dagger and started to make some alterations. When she tore one of the sleeves off, there were symbols written on her arm. She had no idea what they meant and they wouldn't come off with water.

She got up, having made her outfit to her liking, and decided to enjoy this. She wondered if this magic scroll gave her the same abilities as all the other ninja.

---

"IT DOOOOOOOES! YAAAAAAAHOOOOOOO!" She squealed as she bounced through the trees, startling squirrels, birds and other tree dwelling creatures as she made her way through the forest. Testing her ninja abilities was step one. Making use of them that was step two. And she'd completely forgot about the box, Wally and everyone else. Well, they were still inside her head, but right now she was just enjoying her newfound ability to somersault twenty feet into the air. She'd better get a handle on her abilities soon, because there were a few people who wanted her dead.

---

Ruarai breathed a sigh of relief as he and Drak landed ashore. A whole night of rowing around in circles and they'd finally reached dry land on Miscellania's shores. Drak wasn't too happy though.

"Where are we?"

"Miscellania, you dope. I think."

"This ain't Miscellania! I grew up on Miscellania and this ain't it! We're lost! We're on a weird island with no way to escape! No way to escape! Help! We're stranded! Polar bears! Monsters in the trees! What's that weird hatch? WHO ARE THE OTHERS? WE'RE GONNA DIE! PUSH THE BUTTON! AAAAA-" Ruarai tugged off Drak's helmet and hit him hard over the head with an oar. Drak fell silent and stared at Ruarai dumbly.

"You fucking moron!" He yelled, pointing to a sign that read 'Welcome to Etceteria'. "We're on the other side of the island."

"What island? WHY CAN'T WE GET OFF THE ISLAND? LOOOOOOOCKE!" Ruarai shook his head and walked off the beach, heading straight for the local bank, leaving Drak alone to run around, panicking about an island that didn't exist.

"I'm going to get a new sidekick. I am."

---

One year and ten months later...

Well, Wally had been rescued from the ninja village, much to the dismay of the young princess Kazemi. Unfortunately, the two of them had spent most of the past year and ten months fleeing from two angry ninja. Attempts to reason with them were pointless, as both brother and sister were as determined and as pigheaded as each other and set on capturing or killing Ansela. Ansela however, had gotten ninja powers as well and was pretty determined to use them not only to evade the brother and sister, but to steal as much stuff as possible. It was after all this time that fleeing the ninja had inexplicably drawn them to Varrock. Well, Varrock had always been one of Ansela's favourite places to steal in. She just hoped that no one she knew would be there. Of course, there were the underground criminal syndicates, the Phoenix gang and the Black Arm gang, both of whom Ansela knew and was on good terms with. Not choosing sides was always a good idea as neither of them ever tried to kill you.

"Varrock? I hate to tell you, but this place is really close to Lumbridge. What if some of your friends come up to shop and see you?" They were leaning against the brick walls of the alley situated near the local school.

"Cerrin graduated this place years ago, and she says the magic stuff is too pricey here, so she won't be here. And if they do see me, they'll think they're seeing things. I'm dead, remember? Now, there are plenty of lowlifes around here if you know where to look, and I know plenty of good places to look. Now, should I stay at Big Jimmy's place or shall I see if Katrina's willing to bunk me up for a few days?"

"Katrina? Isn't she the leader of the Black Arm gang? She's mean! Or so I've heard."

"Aw, don't worry about it. As long as you're with me, you'll be ok!"

"Hand over the scroll!" A voice yelled from high up in the air. Ansela looked up to see Junko and Takutaro standing on top of the roof of a nearby building, weapons ready. They both leapt down, intent on stabbing Ansela as much as they could possibly manage. Ansela sighed and drew her dagger. The fifth time this month. Wouldn't these guys ever get bored? She readied herself for a fight.

"Come and get me, losers!" She grinned and pulled a few throwing knives out of her robe. Before any of them could do anything, a plothole opened up beneath Ansela and Wally's feet, and they fell in, screaming. It closed up before the two ninja reached the ground.

"Where did they go? That was not a ninjitsu technique!" Takutaro looked around, puzzled.

"Never mind that, brother! I can hear someone coming round the corner! We must hide!" The two of them jumped into the air and onto the roof, running across the rooftops just as someone came stumbling around the corner.

"I could have sworn I heard Ansela's voice." Trip said, peering around the corner and down the alley. "Maybe I should do what Professor Holborn says and stop studying till three in the morning."

---

"What. The. FUCK?" Ansela yelled as she rubbed her ass. She and Wally, not expecting the plothole at all, had both landed in awkward and slightly painful positions. Wally groaned and checked to see if his lute was still in one piece. It was, but he wasn't sure about his spine. They were slap bang in the middle of a large room. The walls were painted white and the floor was covered in white ceramic tiles. In the centre was a huge device with a large flat (what appeared to be to them) viewing crystal in it.

"Don't worry you two! I just need to fill you in on some important info! And besides, you don't have to fight the ninja now, do you?"

"Well, no. So, Bunny, what the heck is going on?"

"B-b-b-bunny! Talking bunny woman!" Wally screamed, backing away. Bunny rolled her eyes and smoothed her ears back.

"Talking bunny woman? Learn some manners and have some respect! I am the Plot Bunny, and I fix all plotholes and plot bugs in the fanfiction universe!" She said with a grin, her whiskers wiggling. "Now, I'm going to tell you what's going on. You're aware of the Zamorakian cult that tries to resurrect Delrith once every year? It's getting around that time again, but this year they're doing it early for some reason. Now, usually they fail, but this year someone's helping them. Now, if this was a normal progression of plot, I wouldn't be telling you this. But their newest leader is using an Orb of Plotholing similar to the one Slimebucket used in the Al Kharid wrestling tournament plot. I don't know who this guy is, but I checked on Slimebucket, and he's still in jail. I need your help to stop this guy."

"O-ok..." Wally stammered.

"Not you, I was talking to Ansela." Bunny led them over to the device (which we know to be a supercomputer) in the middle of the room. She pushed a few keys and the screen came up with several hideous creatures howling and snapping at the screen, then bursting into green goo as they were shot at. Wally and Ansela both took a few steps away.

"I am NOT fighting those." Ansela said. Bunny sighed and pressed a few keys, and it went back to the desktop. "Demon! Stop playing Halo 2 on the supercomputer, you brainless bucket of Saturnian hurkyblimp puke! You have a PC in your room, for the cosmos' sake!" Bunny yelled. She brought up a picture of the wizards' circle surrounded by the wizards, who were preparing their ritual by decorating the arch by painting elaborate symbols on the arches with Dulux matt paint. "Arabian Crimson with Dusky Rose? My, they are terrible with colour schemes. Never mind that, the important thing is, you can't stop the summoning once it's started. So, you're going to defeat Delrith."

"You're nigh omnipotent! You do it." Ansela said, resting her hands on her hips and glaring at Bunny.

"I can't. I can interfere in plots, but I can't defeat major bad guys for you. Taking care of Gem was different because she wasn't meant to be in the story, but these guys are an established part of Runescape. Besides, you'll get some quest points." She grinned. "Anyway, go and see the gypsy in Varrock. Just ignore whatever she says and go straight for the Rune Tips guide." She brought it up on the computer. Ansela and Wally stared at it.

"Wow! This thing has everything about Runescape on it. Online Role-playing Game? The fuck?"

"Ignore that and read the guide!" Bunny snapped. Characters discovering that their very existence was fake would be a very bad idea.

"Go see the gypsy, talk to three guys... travel to the wizard's tower? Screw that, I can break in and steal it." Ansela said, clapping her hands together. "Come on, Bunny, send us back." Bunny rolled her eyes. No sense in trying to push it. She snapped her fingers and they landed back in the alley they'd been in previously. "Now, onwards to Varrock Castle!" They ran around the corner and ran straight into a school kid carrying about twenty books.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Trip looked up at them. "Oh..." He nearly fainted.

"Uh oh."

"Um, wasn't he one of your friends?"

"Yeah! What're we gonna do?" Ansela looked around. "If Trip's here, Cerrin's usually near."

"Aah." Trip was staring at Ansela, stammering but not managing to get any words out. "G-g-gho-o-o..." Ansela sighed. She'd have to handle this the proper way, not making any excuses.

"Trip." She shook him by the shoulders. "I'm not dead. Bunny caught me in a plothole and I've been pretending that I'm dead for nearly two years so Hench and Mary wouldn't come after any of you again." Trip stopped stammering and stared dumbly at her for a moment, while his brain processed all of this.

"Oh." He was silent for a minute, thinking hard. "Well, that makes sense. Um, well, Mary's dead. Sally stuck a knife in her head. And Hench burned all the Jonla files, saying that he's going to put it behind him." Trip smiled at her, nearly in tears. "I knew it was your voice I heard earlier! Cerrin and Timmus are going to be so happy when they hear ab- mmph!" Ansela clamped her hand over his mouth and looked around.

"What? Are they here?" Trip shook his head. "Then get this. Don't tell anyone. At least, not for a few more months. I wanna assess Hench myself." Trip looked shocked. "No, I'm not gonna kill him! Just make sure all my files are actually gone. So, keep it a secret and make sure that you don't act too, yah know, suspicious. Promise?"

"Cross my heart."

"And hey, look at you! You've grown! You're taller than me! (A/N Ansela is only 5'4'' anyway, she's pint-sized and mean!) Where is Cerrin, anyway? Aren't you usually with her?"

"Last I heard, she's travelling in Morytania, learning Slayer magic. I've been going to Varrock High for the past, um, about two years? I passed the exam a week after my birthday and got accepted."

"That's wonderful! Uh, Wally, you can go and see the gypsy on your own. I have some catching up to do!" Wally rolled his eyes. Why should he? She always bossed him about, like he was her pet dog or something. Well, he hadn't got anything better to do, so he walked off towards the gypsy's tent on the side of the market place. "So, you're at school here. What're you studying?"

"I'm studying Healing Magic Theory, Rune Studies, Advanced Prayers and Enchanting Theory."

"Meh? You? Studying healing, of all things. You can't be a doctor."

"Well, you don't need to be a good doctor to heal. You just need high magic."

"Ok, that makes sense. How is everyone, then?"

"Everything's changed so much; I don't know where to begin. Um, well, Timmus married Amelia..."

"Say what now?"

---

Wally lifted the tent flap and peered into the gloom. There wasn't a lot of light in the gypsy's tent, but even though it was nearly evening it was still relatively light outside. He saw a dark figure hunched over a crystal ball, muttering something. The ball was filled with swirling mists which were strangely hypnotic. Wally stepped forward to try and speak to the gypsy.

"Um, excuse me, ma'am?"

"Nooo!" The figure howled. Wally took a few steps back in fear. "I do not want to change my long distance provider! Fuck the hell off!" The gypsy yelled into her crystal ball, then smacked it hard with her fist. The swirling mists vanished, and the gypsy stood up, smiling. "I'm so sorry if I startled you, dearie. I just CAN'T STAND TELEMARKETERS!" She yelled, kicking her crystal ball off the table. "So, have you come for a reading? I do palms, tarot, runestones, ceromancy, and many others if you would be so kind as to read the chalkboard outside."

"Um." She's clearly a few sandwiches short of a picnic, Wally thought to himself. "What do you know about Delrith?" The colour drained out of her face and she ran over to the door, checked outside, and then closed it quickly.

"What is your name, child?"

"Child? I'm twenty one!"

"Your name, young man!"

"It's Wally Watkins, ma'am." The gypsy gasped and took a few steps back. She looked thrilled.

"Of course it is! I foresaw the rebirth of a great hero, come to defeat the evil demon once and for all!"

"I think you're confusing me with someone else."

"I don't think so!" She ran up to him and shook him by his shoulders. "If you aren't the hero, how did you come by the name of Delrith?"

"Well, a rabbit woman told me."

"An oracle?"

"Um, well she sees everything in the universe, so I guess so."

"An oracle has told you that you must slay the demon, and slay the demon you shall! Go, brave hero Wally, go and retrieve your blade, Silverlight! Go and see Sir Prysin at the castle, and he will tell you about your blade. Seize your destiny! Go! Go! GOOOOOO! And remember this phrase- Abraxis Wibble Poppycock!" She shrieked, turning him round and shoving him out the tent, leaving him standing in the middle of the city square, puzzled. Ansela and Trip walked over, eating some cake that Ansela had obviously stolen a few minutes ago.

"So, what did the gypsy say?"

"That crazy old bat? She said we have to go and see Sir Prysin at the castle about the sword."

"Ok, to Varrock castle, and then we can finally slay that demon!" Ansela said. "Hop to it, you two!" She said, leading the way up the road to the castle. Junko and Takutaro peered around the corner of the nearby alley.

"Slay a demon? Should we allow them to do it?"

"Well, retrieving the scroll is our priority, first and foremost. But demon slaying is beyond us. We should just stick to our main objectives and attack them as soon as possible."

"But a demon? I'm finding it hard to make up my mind."

"Lemme make it up for you." A voice cackled before the two of them fell screaming into a plothole.

---

"The Delrith? The Delrith, are you sure?"

"As sure as eggs is eggs. Where's this Silverlight, so we can get on our way and slay this demon before those ninja assassins catch up with us."

"What ninja assassins?" Trip asked.

"I'll explain later." Ansela said. "Silverlight?" Sir Prysin stared at her blankly for a moment.

"Oh! Ah, yes, Silverlight. It's kept in a box. We need three keys to open it. Captain Rovin has a key, and the other one belongs to Wizard Traiborn."

"You said three but you only accounted for two." Trip told him. Sir Prysin glared at him indignantly.

"I did not! I have one. Oh, wait, no I don't. I dropped it down the drain a while ago. You'll have to retrieve it from the sewers."

"The fuck?" Ansela and Wally glared at him. Trip shivered.

"Sewers? I bet they have loads of rats in them..." Ansela glared at Sir Prysin, folding her arms and tapping her foot on the ground. She looked around the room. There was a box with three keyholes above it hidden in an alcove.

"Whatever. Let's hurry up and go get those keys!"

---

"I can teleport to Lumbridge and get the key from Wizard Traiborn." Trip said as they left the castle. Ansela shook her head.

"Nope. That'll take too long. I'll just break in and steal Silverlight. It'll be quicker, easer and we won't need to prat around in the sewers looking for keys."

"But..." Trip started but Ansela motioned for him to be quiet.

"If we collect the keys, you're going down the sewers." Trip quickly shut up. "Ok, you two wait here, I'll go in and get it. Remember, I have ninja reflexes!" She grinned, before jumping over the wall, hopping from shrub to tree and up to the window of the room where Silverlight was kept. Deftly, she pulled a lockpick out of her robe, and opened the window quick as a flash before clambering in. Trip had to laugh.

"She's exactly the same. My mom said that everyone changes a little bit every day, but Ansela never does."

"You're telling me." Wally laughed. "It's sure getting dark. Maybe we should hide before those ninja come after us again."

"What ninja? Ansela said she'd explain, but she didn't."

"Oh, Ansela stole this treasure from this ancient ninja clan and now they're pissed at us. So they're chasing us all over trying to kill us and take it back. Yep, good times." Wally muttered the last part sarcastically. "And now some crazy rabbit woman ordered us to kill this demon. Life is weird." Trip smiled and laughed. That sure sounded like Bunny, always popping up randomly with some new thing to do.

---

Meanwhile, a procession of dark wizards was making its way from the north of Varrock, through the darkened streets and to the altar to the south. The leader motioned for them all to stop just as they reached the square.

"Now, tonight is the night that our lord Delrith shall be reborn!"

"Don't we usually do it in July?" One of the followers asked. "The leader sighed.

"Yes, we do. But this year, we're doing it in June!" He cast a large fireball at the wizard who had asked, which burned him into a crisp. "Anyone else got a question?" There was absolute silence. "Good! Now, before we go any further, I need some volunteers-"

"Me!"

"Pick me, great leader!"

"Don't pick him, pick me!"

"Ooh! Me!"

"Meeee!"

"...to be human sacrifices." The leader finished. The entire group fell silent. The leader sighed and smacked his palm on his forehead. "Well, someone has to volunteer, unless you can find two new human sacrifices standing around."

"What about those guys!" One of the cultists pointed down the road at where Trip and Wally were standing. The two of them turned and stared at the black robed mob. The cult leader grinned and clapped his hands.

"Brothers, get them!"

"Ruuuuuun!" Wally and Trip yelled at the same time.

---

Wally, being of weak constitution and lanky legs, and Trip being incredibly clumsy, they didn't get very far before the dark wizards grabbed them, tied them up, and dragged them off to the altar. Just as they were at the end of the street, Ansela hopped over the wall, sword in hand, just in time to see the end of the procession dragging a loud, screaming Wally away.

"Oh, great, got themselves kidnapped again. I guess I'll have to go and rescue them. Again."

---

"Oh mana maaa, mana maaa, dah bada, dah bada baaaaah..." The dark wizards chanted as they walked in a circle around the stone altar, bowing and dancing in a strange elaborate fashion. The cult leader raised his hand and they began chanting again, and dancing in formation with what looked suspiciously like 'The Macarena'. Wally and Trip were both sat, tied up, in the centre of the altar, looking at the wizards nervously.

"I think we're dead."

"Hopefully Bunny and Ansela will save us. I hope." Trip sighed. "Too bad they took my runes away."

"Meh, I don't think I could've done anything." Wally sighed. "Maybe if I convert to their religion they'll let me go?"

"Uh, I doubt it."

"Worth a try." As the dance and chant came to an end, the leader stepped forward and raised his arms.

"Welcome, brave and loyal followers! I, Denath, welcome you to the 253 rd Annual Raising of Delrith!"

"I know him!" Trip hissed. "He works at the post office!" Wally stared at Denath.

"Looks really are deceiving." Denath couldn't hear what they were saying, so he continued.

"It has failed so far in the past, but this year, I have a secret weapon! Step forward, oh great and mighty one, Lord Darkvel!" A huge, tall man in head to toe black robes stepped forward, holding a black stone that shone with an eerie purple light. "Commemorative photos, key chains, t-shirts and mugs will be on sale at our gift shop!"

"I am Lord Darkvel!" Lord Darkvel proclaimed, holding the stone in the air.

"These dark wizards really don't like subtlety." Trip muttered.

"Today, we will achieve what none of our brothers in the past has achieved! We shall raise the great demon Delrith, to help us raze this land of Saradominists to ash and re-build it as our Zamorakian Utopia! And remember that the Bi-Annual Cult of Delrith Family Picnic is next week, folks! Now, we shall chant and raise our great lord!" The cultists began to chant again, dancing around the altar like crazy. Lord Darkvel stepped forward, glanced at Trip and Wally for a second, and then placed the stone on the altar. The wizards all circled round, chanted and danced as red light began to engulf the altar. Trip and Wally clung to each other for dear life as the light rushed upwards, converging at one points as Delrith slowly began to emerge. The light stopped and Trip and Wally stared in horror at the sight that befell them.

"Guys! I got Silverli-ai ai aaai!" Ansela yelled. "What the hell?"

"Doo di doo doo doo!" Delrith was singing... "Ah'm a siiiiiiingin' in the rain! Ah'm a siiiiiiiingin' in the rain! What a glorious feeeeelliiiiin', ah'm happy agaaaaain!" And that wasn't all. He was wearing a pink, flowery shower cap, holding a rubber ducky in one hand and a loofah in the other. It took him a moment to notice the hordes of shocked cultists, a shocked bard, a shocked magic student and a shocked ninja-thief staring at him and his rubber ducky. "Eeeeek!" He reached back into the hell dimensions, pulled a pink towel out and wrapped it around his waist. "Why the heck are you damn cultists summoning me in Ju- I mean" He cleared his throat noisily. "WHY HATH THOU SUMMONED ME, PUNY MORTALS! I SHALL CRUSH THEE! I MEAN, SMASH THEE, I MEAN aw, nah, they sound crap. I SHALL SMITE THEE! Yeah, that sounds great! I need to remember that."

"G-great Lord Delrith! We have summoned you t-to raze the land to ash and smite all Saradominists!"

"Oh, for the love of cheese, can't a demon get a break? I mean, why don't you raze the land yourselves! I get very little me-time, and you morons have interrupted it! And, those human sacrifices are lame! Not a virginal maiden among them!"

"S-she's a virginal maiden!" The cult leader pointed at Ansela, who was standing at the edge of the stone circle, looking at the palaver with a very amused expression.

"Ansela? Virgin?" Wally and Trip burst out laughing so hard, they nearly fell off the altar. Delrith stared at Silverlight.

"Not only have you morons summoned me at a bad time, but that girl has Silverlight! Which one of you morons is responsible for this?" All of the dark wizards took a step away and pointed at Denath. Delrith glared at him, ready to blast him with a fireball.

"No! Wait! Lord Darkvel!" He looked around, but the robed man was nowhere to be seen. "Lord Darkvel AAAAAARGH!" Those were his last words before Delrith incinerated him. The rest of the dark wizards ran before Delrith could turn his attentions to them. Delrith turned towards Trip and Wally, who backed away, but Ansela was quick enough to leap up and strike him with Silverlight. Delrith screeched in pain.

"Dude, I'm a Zamorakian through and through. But don't you dare think you can whale in my friends and get away with it!" She grinned. Delrith laughed.

"You may be able to weaken me with that glorified butter knife, but if you think you can beat me without thte magic incantation, you're sorely mistaken!"

"Incantation?" Ansela, Trip and Wally yelled in unison.

"Yep! You can't re-seal me without the incantation! Ha!" He aimed a swipe at Ansela, who dodged and stuck the sword in his arm, slashed him across the chest and sliced a chunk out of his neck. Even though he was weakened, Delrith couldn't be killed, and continued to laugh it up. Ansela growled in frustration, but Wally had an idea.

"Abraxis!"

"Blarrgh!" Delrith squirmed in pain. Wally grinned. So, the gypsy's gibberish hadn't been gibberish after all.

"Abraxis Wibble Poppycock!" Wally yelled. Delrith screamed, before he was sucked back into the hell dimensions, rubber ducky and all. Ansela stared at Wally.

"What was that?"

"Well, the gypsy told me something that sounded like gibberish, but I figured out that it was actually the incantation!"

"Go Wally!" Trip cheered, and Wally smiled contently, basking in his newfound glory.

"Fine, we sorted out all that, but what about Lord Darkvel and Bunny EEEEP!"

---

"Well done!" Bunny clapped her hands and cheered. "You sealed Delrith!"

"Why can't you warn us before you do that? My ass is bruised all over!" Ansela yelled. Demon ran over to Wally and Trip and cut their ropes, then ran back behind his sister. The two of them clambered up, re-adjusting their clothes. Wally was relieved to find out that his lute still remained undamaged.

"Hey, Bunny, could you drop me off so I can teleport back home? My mom's gonna be worried."

"You still live at home with your mom?"

"Well, until the deposit on the apartment is secured and Cerrin pays her half, yeah."

"Awuh!" Ansela cooed. "You're moving in together!"

"Um, yes, do you have to pat my head like that?"

"Yes! It's sooo cute!" Bunny laughed and clicked her fingers. Trip dropped down through a plothole.

"Ok, back to business, you two! I take it 'Lord Darkvel' disappeared again?"

"Yeah. Pretty dumb name." Wally said.

"Well, it's not his real name, by any accounts. Now, I'll explain so all this doesn't go over you heads."

"Wall of text!" Demon yelled, before a stone wall with 'text' written on it fell from the ceiling. Bunny glared at him and he shoved it in a plothole.

"Guys, you can come out now!" Bunny snapped her fingers. Four people jumped out of the shadows and stood in a line next to Bunny. There was a blonde woman with pink skin and unusual red tattoos on her head, wearing a pair of short legged dungarees over a red t-shirt, a man (or was it a woman? Ansela couldn't tell) wearing a long, pale blue robe that billowed even though there was no wind, a huge, ten foot tall red ogre-like guy in a chef's outfit and a small, fairy with blue hair and wings wearing a white dress and holding a Filofax.

"What the fuck?" Ansela took a few steps back in shock.

"This is my Plotholing Team! Ok, the blonde chick is Mishi, she's a mechanic." Mishi giggled and wiggled her hips. "And she's from Venus, which is why Wally is currently passed out on the floor, drooling. They exude ten thousand times more pheromones than a human." Ansela had noticed that Wally seemed to be barely conscious.

"You know, I think I'm becoming attracted to her."

"Well, you get used to it eventually. This is Harry." She pointed to the very feminine looking man wearing the flowing robe. "Yes, he is a man. Actually, he's a Sylph, you know, a wind spirit. He's a computer expert, surprisingly. The big red fellow, he's from Jupiter. His real name is Ah'du'kakalla'mabanga'shmah, but we just call him Jumbo. He's the head chef. Try his soufflé, it's divine."

"Ah du smalla..." Ansela tried to recall the name.

"Just stick with Jumbo." Bunny smiled. "And last, but no least, this is Katy. She's from Zanaris, and she's super, super organised. We put her in charge of all the travelling schedules, the plotholing ventures, and most importantly the TV schedules. She's basically like a personal assistant, but way, way cuter!" Bunny said, patting her on the head. Katy giggled and flapped her wings. Bunny stepped over to Wally and tossed a load of blue powder over him. "Anti-pheromone dust. Should stop all that drooling." Wally snapped out of his lust induced trance and sat up.

"My cheek is wet." He mumbled, wiping it off with his sleeve.

"Now, plotholing beings like me come from all over the cosmos. Now, I'm basically in charge of the whole cosmos, but I can't keep track of everything at once. Even the gods can't, and that's why I'm here, and I have lots of little plot beings everywhere to keep track of things. A little while ago, one of the minor plot beings disappeared, and with his disappearance lots of weird things began happening. Let's see, just citing your friends, Cerrin's been pursued by plot bugs, Alex, Timmus and Amelia have been trapped in plotholes until I've rescued them, and now the wizards of the cult of Delrith found a way to bend to plot to finally get the summons to work with the help of one of those plot bending stones, like what Slimebucket had."

"How do you get one of those? You don't give them out, do you?" Wally asked.

"Hell no! Some plot beings, especially weaker ones, have trouble bending the cosmos like I do. So they have plot bending stones to help them channel their powers. Sometimes, they get lost or displaced, and most of the time they get retrieved before any harm is done."

"I see." Ansela smiled. "So one of your boys has gone renegade but you can't find him, huh? And since you can't directly defeat characters unless they're from the wrong plot, like Gem, you need people to help you?"

"Got it in one! Now, this may hurt you, but I'm going to need to get the whole of your gang together. Even Rozy, Alex and Timmus. So, are you willing to explain to them why you faked your own death?" Ansela sighed and considered it for a second.

"Sure. Why not?"

---