Personal log. Stardate 2341.17.
[Begin Recording]
I have determined that there are vital pieces of information that it is important I impart in this personal account, which were not in my previous recording.
I find that this experiment takes up much of my thoughts. It is an unusual sensation to be distracted in my work by a personal project. I am told by Taurik that it is a 'most Human expression.' I find his analysis to be fascinating. I believe that he understands intellectually that I find his comments to be often complimentary, though I do not think that he originally intends it as such. That he continues to make such comments suggests that he finds my company to be satisfactory. That is a desirable state of events.
Because this is a personal self reflection, I have determined that it is necessary for me to record the reasoning basis for my decisions. Whether or not they were arrived at logically, and whether or not they reflect upon my sentient nature, is of importance to me. I have made very large decisions on the direction that I perceive is the best for my life to go in.
That is another metaphor. I am still experiencing difficulty with mastering them. The metaphors that I employ are simplistic and repetitive. In Human figurative language, I do not believe they are even considered to be metaphorical; more that they are vital expressions. The 'direction' that I should take my life in is based upon my own personal reasoning.
I decided to join Starfleet because of their involvement in rescuing me from isolation on my planet of origin, Omicron Theta. I do not remember my primitive years, but it is my understanding that I was left alone for several of them. When I was first activated, I did not understand the concept of isolation. I assumed that because I did not experience emotions, I would not be susceptible to pain or loneliness. This is false.
In my last recording, I illuminated my idea that sentience is based upon personal self development and desire. I am discovering that I have a limited capacity to understand situations that I do not desire, as well as situations which I do. This must be due to the very nature of desire itself. When one desires a certain outcome, there must be outcomes which are equally unfavorable. I found loneliness and isolation to be unfavorable. My decision to join Starfleet was based upon their efforts to rescue me from it.
They activated me, thus aiding in my sentient nature. I owe my state of awareness to the Starfleet officers aboard the U.S.S Tripoli.
Starfleet is not a perfect organization, but I wished to learn more about it. The facts I obtained were that it is an interstellar military organization devoted to the exploration and understanding of alien races and cultures.
Starfleet took me in, when I had been abandoned. I do not feel gratitude, but I can understand the practical application of it. I wished to complete an action that would show an indication of gratitude, which I believe to be a logical emotive response. I cannot experience the emotion, but I am able to complete tasks that adhere to my perceived structure of it. By dedicating my life to Starfleet, I am showing that I do not take for granted what has happened to me.
My own natural curiosity has also proven to be an asset.
My strength, agility, speed, and computational ability are all assets to Starfleet. I am immune to radiation, psionic influence, gaseous toxins, and intoxicating substances. My training exercises with the other cadets have proven me an invaluable resource to Starfleet. Even though all of these things are true, it took one month of deliberations between the Starfleet evaluation committee members in order to accept my entrance into the Academy. This was due to one specific person who opposed my entry, a Commander Maddox, based upon on the grounds that I was not a sentient being.
I chose to disagree, and I approached the evaluation committee with the benefit of the captain of the U.S.S Tripoli. Captain Leverson made a point of suggesting that my refusal to be considered a pile of circuitry and sub-processors indicated my level of sentience. Admiral Tirina agreed, and Commander Maddox's opinion was invalidated.
I still correspond with Captain Leverson, though he is no longer in command of the Tripoli. I choose to remain in contact with him because of his role of guidance in my life, however small it may have been. He was responsible for my entering the Academy, and I feel an affinity toward him, though I cannot speculate as to why this is.
I live in shared quarters, a topic that I am interested in exploring.
My roommate's name is Alyssa, a Human female from a Starfleet colony Korgalis X, and pursuing Medical track. She states that she is interested in Starfleet because she believes that she possesses a military mind. I am uncertain as to what that means, though I have observed innate tendencies in her behavioral pattern toward adherence to structure, rule, discipline and self control. When I inquire about this, she informs me that these traits are popular within the familial military mindset. She believes that Starfleet is 'good for her', in terms of her mental health. Her reason differs from my own, as do the reasons of most of the people that I have asked.
Taurik joined Starfleet because he admired a man named Spock as a young child. He would not classify it as such, but I believe that as children, Vulcans are far more prone to emotion than they would allow anyone to acknowledge.
Taurik often displays rebellious emotions, and a distaste for authority figures. He insists that he does not subscribe to such notions, and I do not believe him to be a liar. I cannot yet fully understand the nuances of his statements, but as I spend more time interacting with him I am forced to conclude that he is living under an ideological rock.
That is another metaphor. Living under a 'rock' or a 'shell', is a Human way of describing an extremely sheltered existence. A lack of knowing of the outside world, and of one's place in it.
Taurik understands the outside world, but he does not understand his own mind. He has sheltered himself away from the notion that he is an emotive being, as most other sentient species I have met are emotive beings. I believe his refusal to admit to his true nature may be because of an emotion called shame.
Living with Alyssa has allowed me to gain a better understanding of the way that Humans conduct themselves. In the beginning of our association, Alyssa was very apprehensive about sharing quarters with me. She says that over time, she has developed an affection for me, due to our close contact with one another on a daily basis. I am unsure as to why this has happened.
Alyssa tells me that it is a Human failing. Humans tend to place personality among things that generally have none. Animals, computers, even their own children's toys. She says it is a way in which Humans are able to connect with things that they cannot always understand. She says that, by interacting with me, she has noticed several displayed traits within myself that are consistent with a 'personality'.
Alyssa has stated that she believes me to be curious, engaging, self sufficient, outgoing, polite, and mild mannered. She says that these are all traits associated with a typically friendly Human adult male. I find her approach to my 'personality' to be extremely interesting.
I have observed a number of things since living with Alyssa. She requires at least six hours of sleep, and four main meals per each twenty four hour period in time. My own brain, though it is not composed of organic material, rather a highly advanced positronic neural net, is wired to perceive days in intervals of twenty six hours.
Alyssa tells me that Humans have brain programming as well, though it is far less accurate than my own. The Human brain programming for night and day is composed of neural feedback from the thalamus and hypothalamus regions. I have researched the Human brain meticulously.
The thalamus is the area of the Human brain that controls sensory input, and the hypothalamus is the area that regulates melatonin, orexin, temperature, and neurohormone production. The relevant functions are of producing melatonin and orexin. Those are the two chemicals responsible for the circadian rhythm, and for creating sensations of hunger, thirst, and fullness.
The zenith of the Human sun is received through the thalamus. Because it is perceived as becoming 'light' and 'dark', that function is regulated by the hypothalamus. When it becomes dark outside, the hypothalamus begins production of melatonin. This begins the circadian cycle. Human circadian cycle is therefore dependent upon the apparent orbit of their sun. Because I am an android, I do not require sleep. I am unsure as to why Humans and other species alike require such long periods of restive behavior.
Alyssa and Taurik have both been unable to answer my questions relating to it. Taurik tells me that the pattern of sleep in the night time is potentially related to the Humanoid evolutionary pattern that night was safer than day, in terms of predatory animals. When a Humanoid rests, it allows for healthier cell division, and it results in a Humanoid at their peak. I am therefore forced to conclude that as an android, I am at my peak at all times, because of the waived need for cell reproduction.
There are times when I am forced to undergo a regenerative procedure, in order to fix any malfunctions I may display that my internal diagnostic program is unable to identify and correct. I have postulated that this is comparable to sleep.
Alyssa also undergoes a strict exercise regimen that involves something known as 'kickboxing'. She says that it is used to promote physical well being, cardiac stimulation, and mental health. She has been unable to explain the latter, though I am certain that it is due to the production of endorphins associated with long periods of activity. Alyssa generally exercises between thirty minutes to an hour per day.
Five days ago, she attempted to involve me in the procedure. She says that I am too stiff and uncoordinated to participate. I am endeavoring to learn how to make my movements more fluid and natural.
I have also attempted to master the practice of 'appearing engaged', another element of my natural posture that offended Alyssa. She stated that I was too rigid, and unmoving in my facial features. Alyssa believed that the looming stare I presented to others was 'eerie' and intimidating, and that she should not feel like she was speaking to an inanimate object.
This took me some time to understand. Eventually I began to notice 'listening behaviors' through observing Alyssa and Taurik, and to a lesser extent the other cadets around me. I have practiced several hours at this, and Alyssa's response to my improvements is a positive one.
Living with Alyssa has proven to be a valuable experience. She is allowing me insights into private Human behaviors, and is unafraid to answer any questions I have about her conduct.
She has confided in me that when we were first acquainted, she was uncomfortable and frightened of me. She did not understand my questions, and could not answer them properly. She told me she had never thought of things the way that she is now forced to think of them, in order to answer my questions. She simply exists in her natural state, and has never had cause to examine it before. She found this to be disconcerting, and unnerving. Since speaking with me in depth, she has amended her statement to suggest a new curiosity for her own behaviors.
I would not say that Alyssa or Taurik are my companions, but I know that I am growing more comfortable with speaking to them. I do not need to be hyper-aware that they may be playing a practical joke on me, which has occurred on several occasions in my sixteen days of being here.
Alyssa tells me that I force her to examine every aspect of her functioning as though it is new, and wondrous. She says that she has developed a new appreciation for Humanity through her interaction with me, and that she regrets her participation in a practical joke that her friends orchestrated to welcome me to the Academy.
I find this to be satisfactory. I understand specific situations in which forgiveness may be applied as an emotional reaction, due to my observations of others. I do not necessarily understand forgiveness, but I am able to determine that the situation with Alyssa would warrant such, were I able to provide it. As such, I harbor no ill will or malice toward her. She is a highly acceptable roommate.
[End Recording]
