"Are you all right?" a shaky, worried voice said in the darkness.
Remus wasn't sure where the voice was coming from. In fact, he wasn't sure where he was at all. The sudden screech of a seagull startled him and his eyes fluttered open, then quickly clenched close again, the bright light painful to his eyes.
"There you are. I thought you might be dead."
Remus forced his eyes open, slowly. The figure crouched over him slowly came into focus. Remus's first thought was that it was an angel above him.
The man had grey eyes and dark hair that was pulled back into a ponytail. His thin lips were curved into a smile, which Remus took as a good sign. He didn't spot any wings so he supposed he wasn't actually an angel.
"How do you feel?" the man asked.
Remus hadn't thought much about it but now that he did he realised he was in a great deal of pain, especially in his neck and back.
"Hurts! Everything hurts," Remus groaned.
"You're intact at least, which is more than I can say for your ship, I'm afraid," the man said then gestured out to the sea.
Remus leaned his head to the left, which hurt his neck considerably. He could see broken planks floating on the surface of the water and the tip of his sail poking out from the top of the water. Remus groaned, tried to lean up, but couldn't hold himself up so he collapsed, banging his elbow on a rock, sending sharp pain through his arm.
"Ahh," Remus said and grabbed his elbow which he then rubbed in comfort.
"Oh, watch out!"
"I've already done it," Remus replied in frustration.
"The rest of your ship crashed into rocks. The pieces are all there but you won't be sailing anywhere for the time being," the man said.
"Where am I?" Remus asked, attempting to move his head enough to look around.
"Come inside the lighthouse with me and I'll give you some tea and explain everything," the man said with a hopeful smile.
Remus glanced up. He hadn't realized the building was a lighthouse before now.
"Fine. You'll have to help me," Remus said, not really feeling in any position to disagree.
The man bent over, grabbed under Remus's arms then lifted him slightly.
"On the count of three," the man announced.
"OK," Remus said, briefly thinking the man smelt nice.
"One. Two. Three!" the man called, and Remus pushed up as hard as he could as the man lifted, finding himself standing in short order.
Upon standing Remus looked down and realized he was naked and quickly felt embarrassed. The man wasn't making a big deal out of it so he supposed he wouldn't either. He was grateful, for once, that he was in so much pain and exhausted that he couldn't possibly have any sort of uncomfortable reaction to being so close and naked with this handsome stranger.
"Don't suppose you have any clothes I could borrow," Remus said, looking back up at the man with an awkward grin.
The man's eyes seemed to want to look down but instead he nodded at Remus and then stood next to him, putting an arm under his left arm and helping him to walk towards the nearby building.
The man was stronger than his slim figure gave away but walking was still a struggle. At least twice his knees nearly gave out before the man caught him. Thankfully, the steps to the front door weren't steep.
The man managed to open the door without letting go Remus and they stepped inside. There was a table near and the man guided Remus to a chair where he finally sat down.
"Excellent. Let me get you some clothes and you can take a bath if you want," the man said and started to head upstairs before stopping and turning around.
"My name is Sirius by the way. Sirius Black," the man said then walked over and provided a hand for Remus to shake.
"Remus Lupin," Remus said and shook his hand.
Sirius's hand was soft and pale, the fingers long and thin. His grip was firm but not painful. After a moment, they released and Sirius went upstairs.
Remus laid his head on the table, finding it hard to remain conscious. He felt a shake on his shoulder and realised he had passed out. Sirius placed a shirt and pair of trousers on the table.
"I'm sorry if my clothes are a bit big on you," Sirius said.
Remus glanced up at Sirius. He hadn't noticed just how tall he was before now but it certainly was unmistakable now that he was paying attention. He doubted Sirius was ever the shortest person in a room.
"Anything is better than being naked," Remus said as he lightly touched the clothes with a weary hand.
Sirius let out a chuckle and put his hands on his hips.
"I'm not sure I agree. I find being naked sort of freeing," Sirius said.
"Perhaps. As long as it's warm," Remus said and stood up.
Sirius stepped back to give Remus room. Remus almost swore he saw Sirius's eyes briefly dart between his legs but decided he had imagined it.
"I'll help you upstairs. Make sure to tend to that wound on your face," Sirius said.
"Wound?" Remus said and began to feel around his face.
He hadn't even realized the cut was there until his fingers found it. It burned at the touch.
After Sirius helped him to the washroom upstairs he was able to better examine it in the mirror. It was a vertical cut across his right eyebrow. A claw mark, but it least it was a neat one. Sirius left him some homemade ointment to put on the cut. It would heal over time, Remus was confident of that much.
Remus then ran himself a bath. He couldn't recall the last time he'd had a hot bath. He was somewhat in awe that the lighthouse had running hot water. The only hot baths he'd ever taken required water to be heated by fire then poured into the tub.
The bath was so nice he struggled not to pass out from the sheer comfort of it. It would've been too great an irony if he'd failed to drown at sea but instead drowned in a bath tub. Though he supposed Mr. Black, the lighthouse keeper, would have a great story to tell his grandchildren one day.
Remus found it easier to get downstairs after the bath than he expected, though he still felt shaky and sore. Sirius was waiting downstairs with a hot cup of tea as promised. Remus sat down and took a sip of the tea. It tasted vaguely of apple, honey and flowers.
"What is this? It's nice," Remus said.
"It's called Chamomile. My friend provides it," Sirius said.
"It's very soothing," Remus admitted.
Sirius smiled and nodded in agreement, then leaned back casually in his chair. "Do want to talk about what happened? Why were you out in that storm?" he asked.
Remus stiffened. Obviously, he couldn't tell this man the complete truth, though he would feel bad for lying to him. Remus was used to lies though.
"I need fish for my family. My sister is practically starving. I made a dangerous choice, but it was better than seeing her suffer," Remus answered.
It wasn't a complete lie. Remus did have a sister, though she was perfectly fine as far as he knew. He hadn't seen her many in years though, and he didn't think he would ever see her again.
Sirius nodded sympathetically at Remus. He had thankfully bought the lie.
"So, how did you come to be a lighthouse keeper? Forgive me, but you seem young. You can't be any older than I am," Remus said.
Sirius smiled proudly. Something about his smile made Remus want to melt a little. He was absolutely gorgeous.
"I'm twenty-three. I apprentice to the old keeper, Mr. Dumbledore," Sirius said.
"Dumbledore? That name sounds familiar," Remus said and scratched his head.
"You're probably thinking of Albus Dumbledore. He's governor of one of the southern islands. I forget which one. No, my teacher was Aberforth Dumbledore. No idea if they're related," Sirius said then looked puzzled.
"I suppose I never thought to ask," he then admitted with a shrug.
"So what happened to Aberforth?" Remus inquired.
"He passed away last year. He left me the lighthouse in his will. It's all mine, believe it or not," Sirius said and again flashed that proud smile.
"Must get lonely here," Remus said and took another sip of his tea.
"It can. I have friends, though. James and Peter are their names. And James's wife, Lily, comes around a lot too. It's an hours walk from them to out here though," Sirius said.
Remus realized he had never really had any friends. He had been sailing from place to place on his own for nearly a decade. He wasn't even sure what you did with friends exactly. Talk to them, he supposed.
"There's also a small village down the path not too far from here. Not much to see there though. Actually, after that storm I've no clue if any of it will be left standing," Sirius said then looked sort of worried.
"Here's hoping," Remus said and reached over and touched Sirius's hand.
He wasn't sure what had compelled him to do it. He'd even spilled a tiny bit of tea in the process. Sirius looked surprised but he didn't move his hand. His hand was soft and warm. He had long, thin fingers with nails that had been very neatly trimmed. Remus lightly squeezed then pulled away.
Sirius looked nervous then cleared his throat.
"So, Remus, I think you'll have to stay here for now. I can't make you stay here but I don't see that you have anywhere else to go. You can sleep in my bed. I have a hammock up there that will suit me just fine… that is assuming you don't mind sharing a room with me. I'm afraid I can't offer much else," Sirius said, looking hopeful.
Something about gorgeous Mr. Sirius Black troubled Remus. He couldn't tell what it was on the surface. He seemed nothing if not gentle and had certainly been very nice and helpful. He was, perhaps, a little proud but not in a dangerous sort of way. So why did Sirius him feel nervous?
Sirius smiled at Remus and he was suddenly overcome by a funny sort of sensation that felt like he was bending in on himself. Then it hit Remus: he liked Sirius. He didn't really know Sirius but he certainly wanted to get to know him. Of course, getting to know Sirius would mean letting Sirius get to know him and that was a more troubling thought.
"I suppose I have little choice," Remus said, feigning disappointment and casually finishing the last of his tea.
Sirius nodded but his smiled faded. Remus realized acting like he was unhappy with the arrangement might've been a slight misstep.
"You should go ahead and get some rest upstairs. I'm going to go visit my friends and see what they think about your boat problem. My friend James is an inventor of sorts. You might be surprised at what he can come up with," Sirius said.
Remus gave a small smile, then slowly sat up from the table, wobbling a bit from weakness, and started for the stairs.
"Wait," Sirius said, and Remus turned around.
"I'm sorry about your misfortune. I know you're a stranger and I owe you nothing. But I'm a lighthouse keeper. It's my job to see you safe," Sirius said.
Remus felt tears forming in his eyes. He turned his head down so Sirius wouldn't see then nodded and headed up the stairs in silence. Behind him the door opened and shut as Sirius left.
The room was the only one aside from the wash room upstairs. It was impossible to miss. The walls of the small room were decorated seashells and fishing nets. Whether they had been put there by Sirius or the previous keeper, Remus couldn't be sure but he wanted to make it a point to ask at some point. For now it didn't matter. He climbed onto Sirius's small bed and planted his face into the pillow.
As he drifted off to sleep he had a small thought that the pillow, worn out though it was, smelled nice and that it must be what Sirius smelled like.
Remus awoke to the sound of voices downstairs. It was dark in the room aside from the rotation of the beacon from above. He had slept a long time. He realized his cheek was wet from drool and wiped it off with a twinge of embarrassment. He yawned and stretched hard, sending a sharp pain through his back which he quickly grabbed and rubbed.
Remus walked downstairs, not knowing what sort of people someone like Sirius Black would be friends with. As the table came into view he saw four people seated at it: Sirius, a woman with dark-red hair, a short and stocky, blond haired man and a taller man with messy black hair, dark skin and glasses.
"Well, hello there," the woman said and waved with a pale hand.
"Hi," the blond haired man said, seeming friendly but uncomfortable.
The tall man stood up then walked over and shook Remus's hand firmly.
"James Potter," the man said.
The woman also stood up and walked over, James stepping aside for her. Remus was struck by how lovely her green eyes were. He had never seen anything exactly like them.
Her dark red hair fell to her shoulders. She wore a loose fitting brown cloth blouse and a long matching skirt. She seemed tall for a woman, only slightly shorter than Remus who, though not short, was still much shorter than James or Sirius.
"I'm Lily. James is my husband," she said and shook Remus's hand, giving him a curious smile.
Something about her touch surprised Remus. It felt like holding lightning in a bottle. She was obviously very pretty but it wasn't that. Remus smiled and gazed into her eyes for a moment.
If Lily was lightning in a bottle then Remus realized he was too. He began to wonder if there could be another person with another part of themselves they were hiding because there was an implied mystery behind her eyes.
"Are you just going to sit there, Peter?" James called back to the blond haired man who was still seated at the table.
"Oh, sorry!" Peter said then got up from his seat and ran over and shook Remus's hand enthusiastically with a small, pale hand.
"I'm Peter. Sorry," he said.
"Please, come sit back down, everyone," Sirius said with a gesture towards the table.
Sirius got up and pulled a stool over to the table, between himself and Lily. As Remus walked over to the stool he noticed there was another individual in the room, though this one was much smaller.
"There's a child sleeping on your rug," Remus observed, flatly.
"That's our son, Harry," James said looking proud and gesturing between himself and Lily with a finger.
"I can tell. He looks a lot like you," Remus said, though it was dark and he couldn't see the boy well, there was no doubt he already had his father's hair.
"Oh, you haven't seen him with his eyes open yet. He has Lily's eyes," James beamed.
Lily smiled and winked at Remus. Her eyes were mesmerising, there was no doubt of that. To have those eyes would be a gift.
"That's incredible," Remus said then sat down between her and Sirius.
"So, Remus, Peter and I are willing to help rebuild your ship but we can't do it for free," James said, taking on a more serious tone.
"I'm afraid I haven't any money," Remus said then shook his head, chuckled and said, "Actually, I haven't anything. Even these clothes aren't mine."
James pushed his glasses up his nose, frowned but nodded.
"No, I wouldn't imagine you would, but money isn't the issue anyway. I have plenty of money, I promise you. But we do have a hungry, struggling village nearby, one that I feel personally responsible for. I've been trying to help them but there's little I can do. With your boat, once it's up and sailing again, you could bring them fish or even find things to trade," James said.
"Surely, they have boats?" Remus said.
James frowned and looked away, curiously seeming almost ashamed.
"They used to have boats. They all disappeared long ago. Lost at sea or simply… lost," James said then sighed and turned back.
"I'm used to traveling from place to place. I don't like being tied down to any one place," Remus said, feeling nervous.
"Remus, you could make a difference to the people here. Surely, that's worth something to you," James plead.
It definitely was worth something to Remus. He had been wandering aimlessly through life for far too long, though not without reason. It would be good to give back to the world in a more direct way. But at some point someone could find out his dangerous secret and it was the sort of secret that tended to be lethal.
Remus scratched his head, his fingers ruffling his honey brown hair while he studied James's impassive hazel eyes. He had a feeling that James might fix his boat anyway but would Remus feel good about it afterwards? Probably not, he decided.
"I'll do it, though I will need a place to stay," Remus said.
"You can stay with us. We have a spare room that Peter stays in sometimes. You could have it. Indefinitely, if you like," Lily said, warmly.
Remus glanced over at little Harry asleep on the floor. No, he couldn't allow himself to possibly endanger a child.
"I'm not sure I'm made for living with children," Remus lied.
Remus loved children, which was exactly why he didn't want to live with them.
"I'd let you stay with me but I live with my mum. There's no really space," Peter said, looking regretful.
"Thanks, anyway," Remus said, with a small nod in Peter's direction who smiled in response.
"You're welcome to stay here with me as long as you want," Sirius said.
Remus looked at the gorgeous Mr. Black, his hair loose about his neck, his hands folded beneath his chin and his grey eyes warmer than Remus ever could have imagined. Oh, yes he would get great pleasure spending more time with this man.
"Don't you need more space?" Remus asked.
"I can move my hammock down here if need be. That is, if you need space. I'm not bothered," Sirius said, making a dismissive gesture with his hands.
Sirius looked like an eager dog who couldn't control the wag of his own tail. He might try to hide it but it was no use. Dammit, he wasn't going to make this easy on Remus.
"If it's not a problem with you then it's fine with me," Remus said.
"It's settled then! Excellent," James said with a loud clap of his hands.
Just then Harry awoke with a cry. James looked shocked then ran over and picked the boy up. Once he was in James's arms Remus realized he looked a little older than he thought at first. Unfortunately, he didn't catch a flash of Harry's eyes through the crying.
"Remus," Lily said with a tug on his shirt sleeve.
"Yes?"
"Would you like to go outside with me while my husband tends to Harry? I feel in need of some air," Lily said with pleasant smile.
"Sure," Remus said and quickly got up from his stool and followed Lily, who leaned over and gave her son a kiss on the forehead.
"I'll try to umm… fix things for you upstairs," Sirius called out as they exited the lighthouse.
Remus sat on the middle step and Lily sat next to him. Remus knew she didn't call him out to get some air, though the chill breeze from the sea was nice.
As he went to close the door a hand suddenly stopped him. It was Lily.
"Do you mind if I join you?" she said.
Remus looked up at her. Even by moonlight her eyes stood out.
"Of course," Remus said and waved his hand across the steps with a smile.
Remus sat down on the middle step and Lily shut the door and sat down next to him.
"So what's your story, Remus?" Lily asked.
It wasn't an accusation, at least it didn't sound like one.
"My story? I'm a fisherman. There's really not much more to know," Remus said.
"What are you running from?" Lily asked then turned towards him with a sympathetic look.
"What makes you think I'm running from anything," Remus asked.
Lily frowned then looked away.
"I know a man who's running. I can sense it. I can sense your thoughts. I can't hear them, not exactly. But I sort of…" Lily said then paused and hung her mouth open.
She sighed then placed the palm of her hand under her chin.
"It's like threads leading many different ways. The threads make vibrations and I can feel the vibrations. They tell me you're afraid of something, something you're trying to run from. They tell me you're excited but worried and that you're desiring someone. Sirius, I've no doubt," Lily explained.
Remus was stunned but there was no use denying she was right.
"I promise you I have no intention-" Remus started.
"I can feel your intentions. I know they aren't bad. But whatever it is you're afraid of worries me. If you could tell me what it is maybe I could help you," Lily said, sounding sincere.
"I wish I could. I would give anything to have someone to talk to about it," Remus said then hung his head down.
"You could. Confide in me," Lily said and placed a pale hand on Remus's shoulder.
There was that feeling again. It made Remus nervous.
"You can sense it, can't you," Lily said, staring at her own hand on his shoulder.
Remus glanced at her then away and said, "I'm not sure what you mean."
"When we touch. It's electric, like lightning," Lily said.
Remus didn't know what to say. He didn't know what was safe to say.
"Sorry. But you do feel it, don't you?" Lily probed.
Remus finally nodded without speaking. Lily laughed, startling him. Remus turned to her in shock.
"Forgive me. I've just never felt anything like that before and I'm glad it's not just me. It's a relief," Lily said.
"What are you?" Remus said.
Lily frowned.
"I can't tell you," Lily said.
"And you expect me to confide in you?"
Remus sat up and crossed his arms.
"You don't understand. I would give anything to tell you… to tell anyone. Even James doesn't fully understand, and he knows more about me than anyone. When I say that I can't tell you you have to understand that I don't mean that I'm unwilling. I can't say the words. Something stops me, some sort of force greater than me," Lily confessed, her eyes blazing in their sincerity.
Remus read the passion in her eyes then said, quietly, "I believe you."
Lily smiled and wiped at her eyes with a forearm.
"I want to tell you about myself, Lily. But I must confess I'm tired and very much afraid. I've never told anyone who didn't find out for themselves in a rather… unfortunate manner. I want to trust you. There's something about you that makes me think we could be great friends with me," Remus said and willingly reached over and grabbed one of her hands, softly.
The touch no longer made him nervous. Instead he was filled with a warm, calming sensation.
"I feel it about you too. We're kindred spirits. I feel it," Lily said and placed a hand on both their hands.
"I promise I will tell you. But not tonight. I'm sorry. I just…" Remus trailed off and closed his eyes.
He felt Lily squeezed their hands and he sighed.
"In a single day this is already the first I've ever felt to something stable. Something real. I can pretend my life is normal. I have friends, a purpose, and a beautiful, peaceful place to live. It's a lie but it's a lie I want to cling to," Remus stated.
"It doesn't have to be a lie, Remus," Lily said.
"Yes. Yes, it does. And someday you'll understand why. But not today," Remus said and stood up.
Lily also stood up and then surprised Remus by embracing him tightly. The electricity swarmed over Remus, making his toes curl slightly.
"Thank you, Lily," Remus said.
"I haven't done anything," Lily said.
"You've done more than you know," Remus said but he didn't explain.
Instead, he pulled away and went back inside. James had Harry sleeping in his arms. Sirius and Peter seemed to be quietly playing some sort of card game.
"We should head home, Lils," James said.
"Of course. Goodbye, boys. Goodbye, Remus," Lily said with a smile and brief touch of his arm.
"See you soon, Remus," James said and the three of them headed out the door.
Remus looked over at Sirius and Peter and smiled then yawned.
"Amazingly, I'm still tired. I'm going back to bed," Remus said.
"Good night, Remus," Sirius said and smiled at him brightly.
Remus smiled back and went upstairs. He crawled into bed and drifted off to sleep easily with the knowledge that Sirius Black would be joining him in the room at some point.
When he awoke in the early morning light Sirius was there in the hammock. It occurred to him that Sirius normally slept during the morning since a lighthouse keeper was needed at night. Sirius must've been really tired all day yesterday, Remus wagered.
As he pulled himself out of bed he tried hard not to look at the beautiful man quietly snoring in the hammock. He felt a great appreciation for him. But he was also attracted to him and afraid of what might happen if they got too close. If he were to ever hurt this gorgeous man he would never forgive himself.
