Hospital

My eyelids fluttered a little before they started searching the bright room. All I could hear was many beepings – coming from somewhere behind me. After a short while, I noticed that someone was sitting beside me. I tried to turn my head, but something hard was holding my neck still. I lifted my left hand, but realized that something else was dragging it back down. My breath came out in a sigh when I saw the needles that were stuck into my hand.

"Just relax, sweetie", a voice ordered me.

At once I recognized my mother's calm tone, and tears started building behind my eyelids.

"Mum?", I tried to say, but the words came out in a low whisper.

"I'm right here, Jess", she answered, and I could feel something warm touch my hand.

"Mum", I whispered again. "I'm so sorry"

It took a while before she answered me, and I guessed she was trying not to start screaming at me.

"Jessica, can you give me ONE reason why I shouldn't send you to a boarding school as soon as your out of this hospital?", she said in a low, but angry voice.

"I'm sorry", I said again, but this time my voice was a bit stronger.

She sighed and rested her head against the uncomfortable bed I was lying on.

"I know that, honey. But it still doesn't change anything, does it?", she whispered.

I didn't answer her, instead I let my hand slowly search for her. It didn't take long until my fingers found her soft, dark brown hair. I dropped my hand there, and hoped she would feel a bit comforted.

"Just tell me what you were thinking, Jessica", she said after a while.

"I don't know, mum. I'm sorry, but that's the only answer I've got", I told her honestly.

She lifted her head - which made my hand fall back down against the bed - and leaned over the bed so that she could look into my eyes.

"Jessica, like I said before; give me one reason why I shouldn't…."

"Mum, I've already told you – I don't know what I was thinking", I interrupted her. "I guess I just thought it was the best thing to do", I added in a low voice.

"You…you thought it would be the best to try to kill yourself?", she yelled at me – not able to hide her fury anymore.

I dropped my gaze so that I didn't have to look into her angry eyes.

"I…I didn't know what to do, mum. I was…devastated", I murmured.

"So you thought jumping off a building would help?", she asked, still in a fierce voice.

"No…I just…", I couldn't finish the sentence.

The tears that had been waiting behind my eyelids, now ran silently down my cheeks.

"You now I can't lose you, too", my mum whispered in a new tone, and I realized that she was also crying.

"I'm sorry", I whispered again and felt relieved that her anger was over for now.