Orange hair, amber eyes. The dude was definitely weird-looking—was he even Japanese? For a moment, I was too busy ogling to realize he had called me a wimp.
"Excuse me," I said pleasantly, "but I believe you've just called me a wimp."
Carrot-boy nodded as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"And you'd better explain how you managed to fall out of nowhere."
Oh great. This would be tough. Hey dude I don't know—I died. I fucking died and fell into what is probably an alternate universe that I have no clue about. The situation was actually very funny—or it would have been if this was a show. I shuddered. Maybe this was a show. Knowing my luck, it was a very popular show, and the viewers were now watching me make a fool of myself in front of Carrot-boy. Instinctively, I fiddled with the hem of my hospital gown.
"I-I…don't know." I phrased the sentence like a question. How good am I at lying? Not very. Stupid little me had no talent in anything but running, something I was tempted to do right now. Luckily, Carrot-boy seemed to be even dumber than me, because he bought it.
"'Kay then," he said. "I'm Kurosaki Ichigo. What's your name?"
The name rang a bell somewhere, but it shouldn't have. Where did I hear it before? As far as I knew, I'd never be associated with hoods who bleached their hair. Kurosaki Ichigo scowled at me and I realized I hadn't answered.
"Izumi Rei."
A terse silence followed in which the strange boy's eyes seemed to be trying to dig up my memory through sheer willpower. Finally, he slumped, bored and pushed a button on the remote on the side of my bed. Maybe it was a bomb, I thought. Kurosaki had gotten fed up with the lack of information and decided that I would be a threat to the mafia he secretly worked for. Or maybe the Japanese Mafia decided that it would be fun to randomly blow up hospitals.
"I am NOT in the Japanese Mafia!"
Oops. Had I been thinking out loud?
"Yes," Kurosaki sighed.
"Eh, sorry."
Another silence followed.
"!" A black haired man in a doctor's uniform flew towards him, attempting to land a blow to the boy's head. Kurosaki dodged and sent the man through the window.
"Uh," I stated intelligently.
"What?" Kurosaki demanded. The man lied on the grass lifelessly. All of a sudden, he bounced up.
"MY SON! YOU'VE MANAGED TO DODGE DADDY'S FLYING MULE KICK! DADDY IS SO PROUD OF YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"
I stared at Kurosaki, dumfounded. He had kicked his father out the window. I was standing in a hospital room with him. Slowly, I retreated away from said window. Who knew if he would kick me out next?
"Ah, young lady, I see you are awake! Please bear my Ichigo lots of grandbabies!"
"G-g-grandbabies?" I squeaked. Wow, my voice sure could go high...
"Yes, gradbabies," the man proclaimed proudly, "I've even started on the Baby-Making Chart."
That was all I could take without snapping. My eyes narrowed to slits and I scanned the room for throw-able objects. Kurosaki eyed me warily. Picking up the alarm clock, I threw it at the bouncing man as hard as I could. Kurosaki peered out the window.
"I think you killed him."
Great—my first day in an alternate universe, and I was charged for murder.
A/N: Once again, Demon-Pixie had the bright idea of almost ruining my plotline (glares). Fortunately, not too hard to fix. Ish.
Parody Thingy: An Interview with the Ichiberry
Pie: So, Ichi-berry, what do you think of dear Rei?
Ichigo: She needs to die.
Pie:…blunt…
Ichigo: It's my specialty.
Pie: Er, anyways, I don't think now's a good time to mention that you will probably fall irrevocably in love with her?
Demon-Pixie:...don't quote Twilight…it's creepy.
Ichigo: Probably? You're shittin' me right? 'Cause I ain't gonna buy it!
Rei: Um…hang on a second here…
Ichigo: Izumi, you agree with me on this, don't you?
Rei: Well, actually, you know, you are pretty hot…
Pie: You could have billions of half black hair, half orange haired children, and they'd all be super violent.
Demon-Pixie: Don't forget freckles! They'd all be freakishly tall and have amber and aqua eyes, probably mismatched. We'd have to evacuate Karakura due to supreme violence.
Rei: Sounds fun!
Ichigo: !
At 5 in the morning, the Kurosaki household was awoken by the above loud scream. When asked about it by Rei, Ichigo shuddered and turned a nasty shade of green.
