Note: When I stop being lazy, I'm going to change the tense of the previous drabble.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Or my favourite pickup line credited to Tina Fey's daughter Alice.
ii. drunk kiss
To be honest, Itachi was an accident – although, of course, they would never admit that part to their little boy.
He was unplanned. Their entire marriage was unplanned, really, and mostly a matter of "So, like, do you wanna?" After finding out the truth about the Uchiha massacre, he knew he didn't want a family anymore. He was too frightened by the prospect of loving someone so much and dealing with losing them all over again that he had decided he would live his life without a wife, without friends, and certainly without children. However, upon his return to Konoha and all the long-lasting technicalities that came with it, he slowly began to change. After his probation and his struggling and his unasked for but still given acts of "repentance," Sasuke began to change. He started to open up and smile and do all those other seemingly "nice" things.
It was weird.
Nevertheless, it was how he ended up with his ten-month-old spawn that looked freakishly similar to him but with a voice that could only have come from his mother.
"You are loud and annoying," Sasuke said.
The boy was sitting on the island in the kitchen, staring at him curiously. Sasuke only leaned forward to purse his lips at the little boy who had just finished his hourly bout of screaming for no reason at all aside from trying to destroy Sasuke's eardrum.
"You're just like your mother," he added.
And speaking of Sakura, where the heck was she? Sasuke scowled, thinking about how her promises to be around to help him were utter lies. Why did she get to be the one to work while he had to stay home with the boy? They'd agreed that until Itachi was at least a little bit older, he wouldn't take on missions that would require him being gone for more than a week while she would work within the village, but that was no reason to force him into the role of House Husband!
The boy only smiled at him. His lips parted, revealing rather inflamed-looking gums and allowing some drool to dribble onto his dinosaur bib.
"You're such a mess." Sasuke groaned and picked up the boy's current towel. Usually, he went through about seven of them a day, along with a minimum of six bibs. He gently dabbed at the boy's mouth to wipe any saliva off his chin, but Itachi only whined in frustration and tried to shoo his hand away. Sasuke sighed. "You're exactly like your mother, you know."
Naturally, he doesn't quite know when exactly Itachi was conceived, but Sasuke had a good feeling that it took place on the particular night that involved the consumption of a lot more alcohol than there should have been, Sakura being kicked out of a bar for being "too drunk" and a "complete mess" when she apparently only had "a drink or two or nine." That had led them to losing Naruto and the bright idea of going over to Sakura's apartment because somehow Sakura's "Hello, beautiful eyes. Do you mind if I party with you?" sounded so smooth at the time. Or maybe it was the way that Sakura had pushed him against the alley wall just outside of the bar and began fervently kissing him. Like a gentleman and the nice guy he was trying to become, he tried to stop her, but really, the woman came with superhuman strength. Thus, he eventually pulled away long enough to convince her that the alleyway was unbecoming of woman like her and they staggered over to her place where she ended up with a good lay but an awful hangover.
And, of course, a baby.
Sasuke sighed when Itachi changed his mind about his little towel and grabbed it from Sasuke to chew on it.
"Sakura says you're teething now," Sasuke droned, patting the boys head. He was met by a glare and Sasuke only rolled his eyes. He picked up one of Itachi's chew toys (at least that's what Sasuke called them) as according to Sakura, he really shouldn't be biting at towels. He struggled to get the cloth out of the boy's mouth but eventually succeeded. "Wild mood swings and you're not even a year old. Definitely Sakura's kid."
Itachi promptly bit him.
