A/N: I changed it from Jane/Casey having dated 3-4 months to just two. (Sorry about the excessive use of the word "maybe".) But I do have a question for y'all in the ending author's note.
Disclaimer: Don't own the characters. Not making money. ETC.
Jane was on her stomach on her stupidly uncomfortable couch with a quickly fading icepack over her lower back. Everything hurt and for once it had nothing to do with her job. It did, however, have everything to do with a certain tortoise owning medical examiner.
It had been a week since breaking it off with Casey. She was right in the hospital when she told Maura she didn't think she was in love with the soldier. She didn't think she ever was. He was just the best option she had in a long time and if she was being honest her mother was getting to her, wearing down on her nerves. Jane could recite the whole speech by now from memory. It wasn't like she was getting any younger. Most of the people in her graduating class were married with children. Or, she couldn't help but snort remembering the case a while back, dead or in jail. Somewhere down the line she started thinking that maybe her mother was right. Maybe she should get married and do that whole thing. But getting married, having kids, the whole picket fence and backyard BBQ's was never really part of her agenda. There were always bigger, more important things to do. Like catching killers and not dying. But now, suddenly, she was thirty-five living in a crappy apartment with nothing but a ragamuffin scruffy dog to greet her when she came home at odd hours. So when Casey showed up, once again out of the blue and totally unannounced, she took it as some sort of sign. They had history together, they'd been talking about getting together for a while so why not?
It worked for a while. It was good, even with his partial paralysis, it was good. It wasn't great but it was good. And Jane convinced herself that good was better than nothing. They dated for a couple months. There were drinks at the robber or pizza at his work desk or the very rare moments of dinner at an actual restaurant. They were both a little afraid of what would happen if they were to go to either of their houses for a late dinner. Work or draining physical therapy sessions often got in the way of anything else. Moving in together would have been ridiculous, she had no idea what he was thinking. Maybe, she thought, he was thinking the same thing as her. That he was getting older and they had chemistry, so why not? But it hadn't worked. It would have never worked because they just weren't meant to be.
The hurt was different this time around and actually didn't really have very much to do with Casey at all. She was just so disappointed in him, in herself, in everything. Would she meet anyone that could deal with her life? Her job? Her? Was she just one of those people that were destined to be alone? That was what depressed her the most. That was what had taken the wind out of her sails. It wasn't Casey but Maura thought it was so she asked Jane to join her on a run. And Jane, after seeing the bright smile on Maura's face, found herself completely incapable of saying anything but yes. Unfortunately for Jane that one jog led to more yoga which led to "we should run another marathon!" which led to Jane's current predicament.
Every time she moved her shoulder muscles pulled uncomfortably tight. Every time she stood her thighs protested and every time she took a breath or coughed or laughed her abs clenched painfully. Even her toes hurt. Frankie was supposed to come over with ice. She groaned into the pillow. Jane did not remember her couch ever being so uncomfortable. Frankie was right when he said it was just a piece of plywood that didn't deserve to be called a couch.
Finally, Jane heard a knock on her door. With great effort she got up from said horrible couch to look through the peephole. As expected it was Frankie. "Yes." She whispered before opening the door. "Oh thank god." Jane saw Frankie walked past her carrying three bags of ice, stacked one on top of the other. "Take them to the bathroom and dump them in the tub, will you?" She shut the door.
Frankie quirked an eyebrow. "Ice baths, Jane? You haven't had those since field hockey, what's up?"
Jane rolled her eyes. "Just…put them in the bathtub."
"Okay, princess." He knocked the ice around before opening the first bag and dumping its contents in the bathtub.
"I've been running with Maura." Jane confessed. She swallowed hard as she watched the ice fall into the tub with a clank.
Frankie shot her a look over his shoulder. "You hate running."
"No, I don't! Shut up!" She would have given him a nice little shove but that would have required her to move from her spot against the doorframe.
"You could just tell her you need a break."
Then Jane did shove him. "I don't need a break."
"Yeah, okay." Frankie laughed. "You need anything else before I go?" He asked walking back to the front door.
"Nah." Jane gave him a brief hug. "Thanks, little brother." He grinned nodding his head before leaving.
Jane took a deep breath before hobbling back into her room. As quickly as possible she shed her work attire in favor of a sports bra and short running shorts that were reserved for bedtime use only. Going back into the bathroom she stared at the tub in distaste. Frankie was right. She hadn't had an ice bath since high school field hockey. She hated them then and she knew she'd hate them now. But it was the only way to help ease the ache and soreness throughout her body. It was especially necessary since Maura expected her at six AM sharp for another run at the park. Jane bent over turning on the faucet to let water mix with the ice, before turning it back off. With a heavy sigh and a hiss Jane lowered herself into the freezing water.
…
Maura sighed as she began getting Bass' things for his dinner out of the refrigerator. She found herself home alone again on a Friday night. She had gone on a couple more dates with Dennis. But that little romantic venture quickly fizzled out. He left to speak at a convention and she stayed in Boston. That was how it always worked wasn't it? They would always leave and she would always stay in Boston. No one ever picked her. She was never enough to be chosen. Even in school, she had friends but they were always at a distance. She was never the first choice and always the second thought, the apologetic glance back and the awkward pause surrounded by hushed whispers. She came to the conclusion, now at thirty-six, that no one would ever choose her. So she wasn't surprised, or even hurt, when Dennis left. He was a distraction from loneliness at best anyway.
But there was this other part of her that was so utterly confused and it had nothing to do with Dennis or loneliness or anything else of the sort. She did not like feeling confused. Maura started placing things on Bass' placemat. It was Jane or more specifically Casey. He threw a monkey wrench into everything. In the two months that he and Jane dated she saw very little of the detective. Every time Jane said she couldn't come over because she was meeting Casey she felt…something. She couldn't even place what the something was. She was never any good with raw human emotion. She could determine though that it wasn't entirely pleasant. Did it even have a name? Maybe it was just uneasiness because Casey had already broken her best friend's heart once. Maybe she would look it up on the internet. She scoffed at the idea. She was a renowned medical examiner and was at a complete loss over something so simplistically complicated as human emotion, it was laughable.
She remembered as a child reading emotion flashcards with her nanny before she was old enough to start school. This is happy! This is sad! Even at that young age Maura was unbelievably bored with the game. Looking back, she wished she would've paid more attention, maybe those cards would've come in handy, and maybe she wouldn't be as socially awkward as an adult if she'd studied them better as a child. With a disgruntled groan she sat down on the floor next to Bass. She hated not knowing things. He scooted a little closer. Maura put a hand on his shell gently rubbing back and forth.
She would normally ask Jane this kind of question, but seeing as it concerned her that was absolutely not an option. And going with that line of thinking Angela, Korsak, Frost, and Frankie were also knocked off the list of potential answer givers. Maybe she would call her mother? Maura laughed at the thought. Yes, they had grown closer but still something didn't feel right about asking advice on such a personal matter. At her outburst, Bass stuck his head back in his shell. "Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie." Maura said rubbing his shell a little more. Slowly he stuck his head back out. It almost seemed as if he were giving her a very pointed look. "I'm being ridiculous aren't I?" Maura sighed. Surely, whatever feeling it was it would go away now that Casey was gone, right?
…
The next morning Jane rolled on her back slapping her hand over her screaming alarm clock. If the noise hadn't awoken her the pain shooting in her hand and the barking dog next to her sure would have. With a hearty groan and more effort than she was prepared to give she heaved herself up from the bed and went to her bathroom. Jo Friday followed her until the door shut. Jane heard the pup whine on the other side of the door. "If you hold on…" She mumbled through a mouth full of toothpaste. After her and Jo Friday's morning routine Jane grabbed a bottle of water, her keys, phone and wallet before leaving and locking up her apartment. At 5:50 AM Jane found herself sitting on a park bench half-asleep and sore all over. Only Maura, Jane thought throwing her head back, only Maura could make me do ridiculous things like this willingly.
Maura stepped out of her car with a smile on her face. She took a deep breath of the muggy, warm Boston air. Running in the morning was definitely her favorite time to run. She could be free and wild. She could sprint or cut through the grass forging a trail in the dew or she could jump over logs and trees and dips in the sidewalk. Mornings were full of promise, liberation and freedom. Trail running in the morning, especially, was one of her favorite activities. That's what she and Jane were going to try that particular morning. She was anxious to see how Jane would take it. They'd never gone trail running together before. It seemed more on Jane's style though. It was a lot rougher and more unpredictable than just running on the paved sidewalk. Speaking of Jane, Maura could see the top of her head on the bench they normally sat on after cooling down. Maura couldn't keep the grin off her face as she tapped the brunette on the shoulder. The detective opened her eyes. "Ready?" Jane nodded standing with a yawn. "We're going to try something new today!"
"Like what?"
"Trail running!" Maura clapped her hands together in excitement.
"Are there even trails out here?" Jane asked disbelievingly.
"Absolutely!"
"And you've run on them before, so we won't get lost?" Maura nodded still smiling. Jane couldn't help the slight grin tugging at her own lips. "Lead the way, Yoda." Maura went through their warm up before starting their actual run like she always did. At the new pace Jane felt her body protest slightly. She felt like her body was an old house just on its last leg, creaking in the wind and about to fall apart.
"Try to keep up, Detective." Maura laughed noticing Jane lagging slightly behind. She slowed down a hare allowing Jane to catch up before veering off into an alcove like tree tunnel that Jane, the home grown Bostonian, never even knew existed.
Jane narrowed her eyes at Maura's back before pushing her body to match the honey-blonde's pace. "You are so buying me breakfast after this." Maura grinned wider as she pushed the pace once more to something that was more her speed rather than Jane's. That was also why she loved morning runs with Jane. It was the one thing that she was stronger at than Jane. It was nice being ahead for once. "And I'm getting extra bacon and like four million cups of coffee no matter what you say." Jane huffed pushing more and more.
"I wouldn't think anything less." Maura replied before the run took over. Silence shrouded them as they each got lost in the feel of the uneven dirt beneath their feet and the slightly muggy air.
Jane had no idea how long (or how far) they had run but all she could focus on was breathing. Maybe that was point. To just keep breathing. Maybe that was why people actually liked this sport. She wondered if that was why Maura liked it, she'd have to ask later. Jane could certainly see the appeal. There were no homicides, no family, no failing relationships. She didn't have to be anything out here. She could get lost in the anonymity of it all. She was just a person without a name, without a face, just running and breathing and being. Everything else faded away.
Jane fell behind a fraction once more as they took a tight turn and were faced with another hill. She glanced at Maura who was barely breathing hard. Someone ate her Wheaties this morning, Jane thought before looking at the hill they were about to climb. With an inward groan she pushed again trying to get even with Maura. Just keep breathing, Jane thought as they raced upwards towards the bright morning light.
A/N: Morning trail runs are actually the best thing ever. Maura's mother: I was talking about Constance, not Hope. I don't think I'll ever bring Hope into the story because that's like a story on it's own and not the point of me writing this. (Although, someone should get on that!)
