Molly lay in her bed, wide awake. The last time she checked the clock was 2:00 AM. She hadn't slept a wink since she put her head on her pillow at 10:30pm. She tried closing her eyes and counting backwards from fifty. That didn't help so she tried to count backwards from fifty by two's. That didn't help either.

The red head tried to imagine herself floating in water, and the water lapping around her body as a soothing motion. But the mental exercise backfired on her as she focused in on the ticking of the clock just outside her bedroom. She had never realized how loud the clock could be.

So she lay in her bed, straight as a board and unmoving, while listening to the sounds around her. Many thoughts swirled around in her mind, but she tried not to entertain them. Thoughts of her mother and father, her and Melvin, Darien and Serena, and Nephlite, always Nephlite.

No. Stop thinking about Nephlite. Go to sleep. You have to be up in five hours. She ordered herself, but it did no good: the more she tried not to think about him, the more she did.

Her mother's words that morning had cut deep into her, and had turned her world on its head. Not only had she revealed the situation of Molly's conception, but also revealed a very bitter and jaded side of her mother she had never even guessed to exist. The foundation Molly had built her beliefs and values on seemed to have been fostered by the omission of facts. She knew they weren't out right lies, but it almost felt the same.

Molly put her hand on her stomach, where the elastic of pajama pants came to, and felt Nephlite's bandage, a strip of cloth from her old pajamas, tucked into the top. Her day had been spent recalling their encounters: the tennis court, the royal ball, the Tuxedo Mask invitation, and then finally the park. She was having difficulty remembering the details after having made a point for so long not to remember anything at all. Molly tried to recall what she saw in Nephlite and what made her think that he had been a good man.

Abruptly, Molly sat up in bed, the tightness in her chest suddenly taking hold of her: it felt like a large hand had been wrapped around her chest and was squeezing the breath out of her. It had always happened when Nephlite was around all those years ago, and it was happening again now...

"I guess I really never moved on..." Molly said.

Tears started to form in her eyes, and she could feel the tension around her chest lessen with each tear that made its way down her cheek.

"I never moved on..."

Molly swung her legs over the edge of her bed and got out of bed. She made her way to the phone in the kitchen. She had a cell phone of her own, but she had to be frugal with it as it came out of her own pocket. The light under her mother's door way off, which typically meant she was asleep, making the coast clear to the kitchen.

She dialed a number she had memorized since she was six years old: Serena Tsukino's. Molly prayed Serena would be the one to answer the phone, just like she had always.

"Hello?" came a sleepy voice.

"Serena?" Molly replied in a loud whisper.

"Molly!"

"Serena."

"It's two-thirty in the morning, is everything alright? Did you and Melvin have a fight?" Serena's voice came through louder than Molly had expected.

"Not so loud Serena, you're going to wake the whole neighbourhood up."

"Sorry!"

Molly sighed into the phone's receiver: she felt an inkling of regret for having called Serena so late. The red head told herself she should have left it until morning. Or just have forgotten about it all together.

"What's wrong Molly?" Serena asked again, this time a few decibels less.

"Do you... Do you remember when we were fourteen?" Molly asked, "Do you remember dreaming about falling in love?"

"Yeah...?"

"Do you remember when we thought that's all we wanted to do? Just fall in love and life would be good?"

"Yeah...?"

"Is life good Serena? Is this the life we've always dreamed of?" Molly asked, bursting into tears.

"Oh Molly, what's wrong? I don't understand what you're trying to say. You know me and my meatball head." Serena replied.

Molly took a deep breath to calm herself before asking, "Are you in love Serena? Are you still in love with Darien?"

"Of course I am, Molly." Serena replied, "Did you have a fight with Melvin? Did Melvin want to dump you?"

"No, nothing like that." Molly replied.

She took several more deep breaths to keep herself calm, but had only moderate success.

"I don't know, Serena, I can't help but feel like I'm making a mistake with my life. Like, this isn't the life I was dreaming about when I was fourteen." Molly explained.

"Oh Molly."

"I feel like I've been living a lie for years now. And even though I'm moving and going to University, I don't feel like that's going to change how I feel about my life."

"Maybe... Maybe that's what you're afraid of?" Serena suggested, "Maybe you're afriad of moving and going to University that you're second guessing yourself?"

"That's not it, Serena..."

Both young women sat on their ends of the phone in silence. Molly knew Serena was struggling to say something kind and supportive. Serena had always been that sort of a friend, always loyal, even if she didn't quite understand what was going on, and even though they had drifted apart considerably since Junior High. Despite her outward air head nature Molly knew Serena could put the pieces together. Eventually. Serena had more pieces she could put together that most, and Molly knew this because she knew Serena's secret.

Serena suspected that Molly knew her secret, and Molly had suspected Serena's secret for a long while, thought neither of them had ever brought it up. But the red head wanted to bring up Serena's secret now because her friend had been there when Nephlite had been killed. Molly was beginning to become a little puzzled as to why Serena wasn't saying anything about it. Molly didn't really think her friend was that dense.

"Serena, I'm sorry I called." Molly finally said.

"No, Molly, wait. Something's wrong, I understand that. I just don't understand what is bothering you."

"It's OK Serena, I'll be OK."

"Does this..." Molly her Serena start uneasy over the phone, "Does this have anything to do with someone who was killed four years ago?"

Molly said nothing and bit her lip, unsure of how answer. Now that the moment had come, she didn't know if she could really say what was bothering her.

"I don't know Serena. I just... I just feel like the direction my life is going is wrong. And I don't know which way it's supposed to go either." Molly said, a tear rolling down her cheek, "I don't think I'm strong enough to make a change either."

"Did Melvin ask you to marry him?" Serena asked.

"What? No. Why does everybody keep asking me that?"

As soon as Molly finished her sentence it dawned on her why people were asking her lately, "Oh Serena, he's going to propose isn't he?"

"I'm not supposed to say anything..." Serena replied.

"Oh no, this is horrible!" Molly said.

Her legs began to feel weak again and she slid on the kitchen floor, clutching the phone's receiver. On top of everything, Molly felt rather queasy as well.

"Really Molly? Melvin's not a bad guy, would it be really that horrible?" Serena said, a hint of disappointment in her voice.

"Yes," Molly replied, bursting into another round of tears, "Because I don't think I love him. And my mother said that was a good thing, because real love doesn't exist."

"Oh Molly! That's a horrible thing for your mother to say." Serena said, "Of course love exists!"

"I don't know anymore, Serena. It doesn't feel the same like it did. Now that I know what Melvin wants to do, I realize I don't want the same thing."

"What do you want?" Serena asked quietly.

Molly took a few deeps breaths to calm some of her sobbing before replying, "To feel like I used to? I don't know Serena, I can't put it in words. When I see you and Darien, I get jealous. Whatever you have with Darien I don't have with Melvin. I had it once, but not with Melvin. I had with someone who died..."

"Nephlite?" Serena asked, sounding surprised.

"Yes." Molly replied.

"Molly, he died years ago."

"I know. But the way I felt with him, I've never felt again for anybody else."

"Oh."

"I can't marry Melvin, Serena, especially I know you can bring people back to life. You could bring Nephlite back to life." Molly finally blurted out.

"I can't bring people back to life." Serena said slowly.

"Yes you can, I know you're Sailor Moon, and I know there's a lot you can do. I've seen you make miracles!"

"Molly, you don't know what you're asking of me."

"Please, Serena, please. I just want to see Nephlite again, just once." Molly pleaded.

"I'm sorry Molly, I'm so sorry."

"Please, you were there. I know you understand. Please, Serena, I just want to see him again."

"Even if I could Molly, what would you say to him? It's been four years, and you're such a different person now."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Molly really, what would you say to him? What would have to talk about with him? What would he see in you? Nephlite was a general of the Negaverse, he would know how to do anything else."

Molly's sobs quickly faded into silence. Molly could hear that Serena's voice was filled with concern, but couldn't help but be in total shock at Serena's words.

"...Molly?" Serena asked when Molly didn't respond.

"I'm here."

Again, both fell into silence filled with tension. Molly couldn't believe Serena would say those words. Serena had Darien, and she wanted to keep that sort of love all to herself? How could Serena claimed that love existed if she didn't want her friend to have the same in her life?

"Molly, say something?"

"Was that Serena or Sailor Moon talking?" Molly asked, a little more sharply than she had anticipated.

"Molly, you know Nephlite was dangerous and a liar. Do you think that's any way to build a relationship?"

"But he had a good heart, I know he did. I could feel it."

"Did he have that change of heart because he knew he was going to die?"

Molly was more taken aback by her friend's words again. They had never spoken so openly about the incident, but they were arguing now as if it only happened a few days ago. Serena's arguments were shockingly thought out and logical. Molly knew her friend always had had it in her, but to argue with her now? About this? Didn't Serena understand how she felt?

Molly wiped her eyes, but the constant flow of tears kept her eyes damp, "So you won't help me?"

"Molly, I can't help you. I'm sorry..." Serena said, "I wouldn't know where to begin."

"I'm sorry Serena, for calling so late." Molly said quickly before placing the receiver in its cradle.

Molly didn't move for several minutes following her conversation with Serena. She simply stared at the phone, unsure of what to think, or what to do next. She looked at the clock, though how late it was didn't seem to phase her. Molly didn't feel like she was fully awake anyway, nor did she truly feel sleepy. Habit took her back to her bedroom to lie down in her bed, and wiping tears from her face as she went.

Her cell phone flashed several times, indicating that she had received a text message, and then vibrated, indicating that another message arrived. Molly made no move to look at or answer those messages. She assumed they were from Serena, but she didn't want to talk to her anymore; what else were each of them supposed to say on the matter?

Mrs. Baker, her mother, insisted love doesn't exist. Serena, Sailor Moon, insisted love does exist, but wasn't willing to help Molly find it again.

Sleep continued to elude Molly as she lay in her bed, curled around one of her pillows. Her thoughts invariably turned to Nephlite, and how she missed him. Serena's questions wormed itself into her thoughts as well and Molly had to ask herself: what would she do if she did meet Nephlite again? Did he really only have a change of heart because he had been facing his own death? ...Would he want to see her again if he did come back from the dead? Molly hesitated asking herself if she really did miss Nephlite or if she simply missed how she felt around him.

Another one of Serena's questions echoed in Molly's mind, "What do you want?"

Molly touched the bandage tucked into her pj's and felt her stomach sink. She felt like crying again, but her body couldn't produce anymore tears or sobs. She felt torn between wanting something she couldn't have, and having something she didn't want.

What are you going to do about it? A voice in the back of Molly's mind asked.

Nothing.

Why?

There's nothing I can do.

There's more than one way to be together.

But he can't come to me, and I want him.

Then go to him.

How?

You know how.

"How?" Molly asked aloud to no one.

Her mind produced no further responses, but Molly carefully turned over the phrase, "Then go to him."

The only way I can be with him is if I die... Molly pondered, I need to die.

The notion didn't frighten Molly the way it had immediately following Nephlite's death. It had been the first time she had ever encountered death and the uncertainty of an afterlife had frightened her. Molly had, in a way, blamed herself for Nephlite's death: she knew she had hindered him during his escape, and distracted him during battle by being incapable of defending herself. After he had sacrificed himself for saving her, she felt guilty for wanting to die herself, just to be with him, just to see him once more. But she had told herself his death would have been in vain, though it never lessened the pain of his loss. But Molly didn't feel guiltyany longer for entertaining the idea that there was perhaps an afterlife and she could meet him there.

Molly felt a sort of calm wash over her as she came to her conclusion. She felt comfortable that her death was the only way to make things right. She had given this life an honest try without Nephlite: she had tried very hard to move on, but none of it felt as right as her jumping off a bridge to her death and knowing that he would be there to greet her.

"Nephlite, it's my turn to die for you." Molly whispered as her eyes closed, finally falling asleep.