Chapter 2
Down in the Abbey's engine room, Brother Tobias whistled as he examined some pneumatic conduits.
The pneumatic conduits were among the Abbey's most vital components: they contained the artificial spirits* that transmitted signals throughout the Abbey. What a pity it would be if one of those conduits should accidentally be damaged…
Brother Tobias had a history of "accidents" while performing his duties aboard the Abbey. Once it consisted of "accidentally" leaving a conduit unconnected while repairing vital machinery. Another time, it consisted of "accidentally" downloading viruses into the Abbey's main computer. Yet another time, it consisted of "accidentally" hitting the Abbey's power core with a sledgehammer until it burst into flames. (He had almost been expelled from the Order over the second of those incidents.)
It hadn't been easy infiltrating the Abbey. Despite the Order's rapidly deteriorating admission standards, Tobias hadn't made it past the opening interview when had he first tried applying.
He could still remember that interview.
"Do you attend Mass regularly, Mr. Vinn?" the Abbot had asked.
"Oh, definitely—Christmas; Easter sometimes."
"I see. Ahem. Do you read the Bible?"
"Hmmm, let's see. … I flipped through the Song of Songs once because I friend told me it had some hot scenes in it."
"I'm sorry, Mr. Vinn, but I don't think you show a sufficient devotion to Catholic values."
"Abbot Edwin, you don't understand! I really want to become a monk! Look, I do qualify, okay? I'm not married."
"Then I assume you're abstinent."
"Er …
"Hey, wait!" Tobias had exclaimed, as the Abbot pushed him toward the door. "I don't use birth control!"
It had taken ten months and several thousand dollars in plastic surgery, but he had finally made it into the Order. Now his true brethren were on their way. And once their Master had regained dominion over the earth, he would remember his promises to his servants. Oh, yes. So he had sworn.
Whistling, Brother Tobias gave the ammunition belt a final wipe before heading toward the chapel for Vespers.
Dull red firelight played over the Abbot's features as he stepped into the Abbey's dungeon. Clothed in a frayed monk's robe, the demon hung at the opposite end of the chamber, her wrists shackled to the wall with iron hoops. Torch-crackle was the only sound in the chamber besides the slow spatter of water droplets on the uneven floor. Around the chamber stood various devices designed for piercing and twisting flesh.
This was all for the sake of atmosphere, of course. Scientists had long ago developed pyrogenic lamps that removed the need for torches. Motion-sensitive impetus projectors had replaced shackles in most modern dungeons. And the torture devices currently on the market tended to be much more humane.
"I thought you said the demon had tentacles," said Brother Albert, the Dominican theologian sent by the Holy See to oversee the investigation.
Brother Albert shifted uneasily under the Michaelines' gaze. It had been like this when he first attended the seminary, and it was like this every time he entered a new social setting. Just because he had the head of a dog, people stared at him as if he were a freak of nature! Actually, no, he was just as human as the next man, and if his tendency to hump people's legs bothered others, that just went to show how narrow-minded they were.**
"It used to," Abbot Edwin replied. "But it attempted to seduce Brother Eligius by taking the form of a woman at the last moment."
"The attempt failed, I hope?"
"Of course! Brother Eligius would kill before committing a sin."
"Of course," said Brother Albert. "But how do you stop the demon from vanishing into thin air?"
The Abbot pointed to the small metallic object affixed to the demon's arm. "We call it the Device."
"That's the technical term, I take it?" the Dominican said sardonically.
"No, the technical term is Thingamajig. We've been working on it for years now. It's designed to condense a demon's subtle body, preventing the demon's escape."
"Demons don't have bodies," said Brother Albert. "Haven't you read Saint Thomas Aquinas?"
"Ah, yes, Saint Thomas Aquinas," the Abbot muttered, in the tone of one who regarded Saint Thomas Aquinas as a godless secular humanist. "Well, whatever Saint Thomas said, the Device seems to have worked." The Abbot pointed a spray bottle at the demon. "Now, if you're finished with your questions, I'd like to get on with my own."
The Dominican yipped in fright and leapt back from the Abbot, shrinking into a corner.
The Abbot stared after him. "Is there something wrong?"
"I think he's afraid of the spray bottle," said Brother Eligius.
"I am not!" Brother Albert sniffed, brushing off his habit*** and stepping out of the corner. "I was just startled, that's all."
"Wait!" the demon cried, eyeing the bottle with terror. "Why are you doing this?"
"If you refuse to give us information," the Abbot replied, "we'll be forced to use any means necessary to obtain it."
"But I haven't refused to give you information!"
"You're going to answer our questions freely?" the Abbot asked, looking somewhat disappointed. "All right. Then answer me this: when is the Antichrist is coming?"
"I don't know that," the demon replied. "I'm not sure if the Hierarchy has even made a decision about it yet."
"Liar!" the Abbot shrieked. "Do you think I haven't seen how bold your kind has become? In the past year, there have been two hundred cases of possession in this city alone. Rumors come from the East that the Saracens**** are raising an army to overrun Christendom. And every year, more men and women see visions and dream strange dreams. There have been signs in the sky above and wonders on the earth below. And you mean to tell me that the Day of the Lord isn't at hand?"
The Abbot's finger tightened on the spray bottle's trigger. "Tell me."
"I don't know!"
The demon screamed as holy water showered her face. Adjusting the nozzle from "mist" to "jet", the Abbot spoke again. "When is the Antichrist coming?"
"Please!" said the demon. "I swear I don't—"
Another scream echoed through the dungeon.
Brother Albert stepped forward. "Um, Father, I really think she doesn't know."
"There can be no mercy toward the servants of darkness," Abbot Edwin replied grimly. "When the serpent tempted our first parents to sin, didn't the Lord condemn it to crawl on its belly and eat dirt in payment for its crime? When Jonah defied the Lord's command, didn't the Lord send a great fish to swallow him until he repented? And didn't God turn Lot's wife into a pillar of salt for daring even to cast her eyes back upon her wicked city?"
"Um, and didn't our Lord say, 'Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, and do good to them that hate you'?"
"Brother Albert," the Abbot chuckled, "as a theologian, you of all people should know that not everything in the Bible is meant to be taken literally."
The Dominican's reply was cut short as the sound of the Abbey's alarm siren filled the dungeon.
* According to medieval biology, living organisms are filled with subtle, air-like materials called "spirits" (Greek pneuma, Latin spiritus), which carry signals through the nerves and are the primary instrument by which the soul controls the body. (These "spirits" should not be confused with immaterial beings, which are also called "spirits".)
** Brother Albert is a Cynocephalus, a member of a mythical dog-headed people described by ancient Greek writers and believed in by medieval Christians.
*** A habit is a special outfit worn by a member of a religious order. Each order has its own habit.
**** "Saracens" is a medieval Christian term for Muslims.
