Kaito's Stream of Consciousness
Are you familiar with the term insanity? A four syllable word comprised of nine letters. Four times nine, thirty six. Six away from the answer to everything. I-N-S-A-N-E-I-T-Y.
What's that you say? I've spelled it wrong? There's no 'E'? See, that's where you're ignorant. Insanity is the I who is insane. It has to be INSANE-I-TY. What's the TY then? Thank You, come again!
But enough drabble on semantics. What does insanity mean? Let's see…Merriam-Webster! Insanity (n.): a deranged state of the mind usually occurring as a specific disorder.
What's my disorder? Why should I be the one disordered? Is not the world really out of order? Just look at the vending machine that ate my dollar. Is that not a clear enough sign? A sign of conspiracy. Of those who conspire. Against me. Why should they conspire against me? How should I know? Why should I understand their disorder? But they watch. When I sleep. When I eat. They always watch. And know. It's uncanny how much they know. What I like, what I hate, what type of underwear I wear. Yes, you caught me. I'm a boxer man. But I couldn't hold my own in a ring for two seconds.
You see, fighting isn't really my thing. I'm more the sneaky steal-your-lunch-money type. Which reminds me, I'm starving. Let's see. Maybe a pie? Pi? 3.14? I do like circles. Ah, pizza it is then! And lucky me! I have just the right kind. You know, the microwaveable kind. The one with radiation. I wonder if it'll mutate. Oh, if it duplicated, that would be amazing. Two for the price of one!
Hm. Four minutes should be enough. Enough to watch a sunset, to flip the channel four hundred times. Four hundred times what though? Ah, no matter. The pie is almost done.
Isn't time such a strange thing? Such an insane thing? It's so absolute and relative that it's absolutely relative! My time, your time. Time times time. Times time times. Time sounds weird now, doesn't it? That just goes to show how insane time is. Or is it how time insane is?
Insanity, a deranged state of mind. As if I could fit a whole state in my mind. Silly dictionary!
People say insanity is being crazy, that it's the neighbor of genius. I wonder if they fight, Insanity and Genius. Perhaps Insanity borrowed Genius' lawn mower and never gave it back. Perhaps Genius' dog pooped on Insanity's lawn.
A dog would be fun wouldn't it? I kind of fancy myself as a dog person. In my spare time, I like running around and barking. I don't do that whole marking the territory thing though. I need the pee for other things. What things? Things. Don't press the issue. Your hand might get quite nasty.
Ah, the pizza's done! Mhm, I can smell it now! I can feel my cholesterol rising! Oh, it's glorious! Hold on. What's this? Why hath the edge been burneth? Is this…an assassination attempt? Oh, how clever. How very clever the organization is today! BUT! You are still a thousand years too young to challenge me, the great Kaito Kuroba! I see right through your ploy! Just you wait, organization scum!
Let's see, let's see. Now where did I put that knife? A machete? A fruit knife? Ah, here's the one I'm looking for. My favorite! Begone! Away with you, you spawn of the devil! Hahaha! Ahahaha!
"What are you doing?" a voice asks me. That voice! Can it be? My sleeping beauty has finally awoken! Or am I the sleeping beauty that needs awakening? Then he's my knight in shining armor. Or prince. You know what I mean.
Well, this is it! This is the moment I've been waiting for. At long last! Now, calm down. Ask nicely and you will be given all things. The key lies in control. And a kind smile. But mostly control.
"Ah, Tantei-kun! You're finally awake! You must be starving after sleeping for two whole days," I say, turning away from the pizza. I can deal with that later. For now, I need something else for my little detective friend. Something safer. Maybe I should make that pie.
"Tantei-kun?" the little voice asks, "I-is that my name?"
What's this? Why would he say such a thing? It couldn't be, could it? Oh, it could, it could. But why? Of all things why? Wait, make sure first. Calm.
"Of course! You're Tantei-kun." Maybe he just needs a little reminder. It has been two days. Two days is a long time, a long insanity.
"I-I can't remember," the boy says tentatively.
No. No, no, no, no, no. No! Is he for real? He's holding his head. But that doesn't mean anything. What if he just has an itch? Don't be stupid Kaito. It's not an itch.
This isn't supposed to happen. No! Oh, Kami-sama! Why have you done this? Why have you brought about insanity upon Tantei-kun? Oh! I don't know. I don't know if I can handle this. This might be the end. Kami-sama, just take me now. Take me from this insane world.
Oh, speaking of which, are you familiar with the term insanity? I-N-S-A-N-E-I-T-Y. A disorder of the mind. But you know what is more insane than a disorder of the mind? Repetition of the body. Mediocrity is the true insanity.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat…
