I was so excited each time my email told me another person favorited this story. I ran around telling all my friends, but they didn't understand...
I will be posting one more chapter if you want to put this story on alert.
Disclaimer: SM owns! I own plot (literally, mostly based on a true story...)
Well, it's official. I am no longer a virgin. I would jump up and down for joy, but I'm not really walking strait at the moment. Edward Cullen definitely left his mark.
It wasn't until I got home that I noticed the blood had leaked into my underwear; an official stain as a reminder of my cherry popping session. With the blood came a wave of disappointment. I lost my virginity to someone who wasn't mine. Sure, I was his, but he wasn't mine. I still couldn't find it in me to regret it completely. I had felt whole and at home. Well, after the intense burning that is.
And guess what the best part is. The guy who "wanted to prove" something to me, never texted me once for a whole month. I had expected it, but I had also been secretly hoping that he would really choose me. He was also still together with Tanya. Her perfect face constantly wrote endearing messages on "The Best Boyfriend Eva's" wall. He obviously didn't tell her that he cheated on her. I wonder if she even knew that I existed at all.
I thought about Edward more than usual, and that is saying something. I also thought about Tanya. Nobody knew about my secret obsession. Nobody knew about the dreams I had every night. Some nights they were just Edward, and some nights there were huge confrontations with Tanya.
On Valentine's Day I thought about my date with Edward the previous year. I also thought about Edward having sex with Tanya. I thought about them having sex a lot. I wonder what he does with her, and how it differs from me. They are both beautiful people. Does that make the sex better and more frequent? Where do they have sex? What if they are having sex right now in the same spot that we had sex? I was almost sick at the thought. Of course they have sex in his room; they can't have it in the living room. Esme wouldn't approve. Oh God, what if they have it on the pool table? That is just as sickening as them having it on his bed.
In March baseball season was starting. When our schools played each other I had been forced to attend the game. My mother didn't buy that I was sick. He played an amazing game of course. He was an amazing pitcher. I tried to act uninterested, but it didn't really work. I was so into the game that I discovered signals that he had with the catcher to determine a fast ball from a curve ball.
After the fifth inning he was talking to the coach. I was getting cold and I was huddled into my jacket. He looked like he was concentrating on what the coach was telling him, when suddenly his head shot up. He was looking right in my direction. Then he had the audacity to give me "the smile". You know the one. The smile that is lopsided and made girls drop their panties. The smile that worked on me and probably on Tanya. The nerve of him! I tried to give him my hardest glare, but I'm sure that it came out as a grimace.
The rest of the game was uneventful. My school lost, but I didn't really care. My attention was on the other team's pitcher. He was sweating a lot now. His hair that had been sticking out of his baseball cap was now on full display. He took a sip of water, and even from far away I couldn't help but be mesmerized as he swallowed. He then proceeded to pour the rest of his water all over his head. I felt a rush of wetness into my panties and silently cursed him. Why couldn't I have had an ugly god-brother? I would never be in this situation!
I loitered around for a little bit. My parents had left and were on their way to his house. I told them I just had to say goodbye to a few of my friends, but that wasn't true. Deep down I knew I was waiting for the chance to talk to Edward.
A guy with long blonde hair appeared at my side. He was wearing a Forks High baseball shirt so I figured he was from Edward's team. He was very handsome, but not like Edward. I really need to stop comparing people to him….
"Hey."
"Um hi."
"I noticed you were standing over here alone and thought I would come and introduce myself. I'm James."
"Oh, I'm Bella."
"Nice to meet you Bella."
I don't really know the guy, so I don't know if it was nice to meet him yet. I nodded to be polite, and he proceeded to tell me the cheesiest pick up line that I have heard at least a hundred times.
"Did you know Bella means beautiful in Italian?"
"Really?" I said in a sarcastic tone.
"Heard that one before huh?"
I giggled. "Once or twice."
"I guess I'll have to learn to be more original."
"I guess so," I giggled again.
I haven't felt this light hearted in a while. I knew that nothing would come of me and James, but I've been so depressed for so long that a little attention was very welcoming.
Suddenly an arm was wrapped around my shoulders and a kiss was planted to my cheek.
"Hey Bella," said the familiar voice.
I looked up to see Edward with a slight frown on his face. He stared at James and muttered a hello.
This is one of the things about Edward that makes me mad. First of all, my stomach is overwhelming full of this butterfly feeling and I can't do anything about it. His sweat makes me want to jump on him when I should be repulsed. I want his arm to stay where it is forever. But again, he has a girlfriend. So why is trying to stake his claim on me? And why is he jealous that I was talking to James? If anyone has a right to be jealous it should be me, not him. I gave him a chance, and he didn't do anything about it. We haven't even talked since the incident.
"Oh, how do you know Bella?" James asked.
"We're god siblings. We've been together since diapers."
I didn't like the way he said "together"; especially right after he said siblings. It almost made it sound like incest. It was such a contradicting statement. He was labeling us in two different ways just to prove that he had more connections to me than anyone else. I think James picked up on this as well.
"So why haven't I seen your sister at any games before?"
It is so weird hearing the word "sister" in reference to me. I'm an only child, and I definitely have never thought of Edward as a sibling. It was almost disgusting to think about. Sure we have always called each other god siblings, but I'm starting to really hate that term.
"There hasn't really been a chance till now, right babe?"
Really? I screamed mentally. He was so annoying. My heart melted at the term of endearment, but my mind scolded him for doing this to me. It isn't fair at all.
I really wanted to get out of this awkward situation. Thankfully James decided to leave and said, "Well I hope to be seeing more of you again then. Hey Edward, say hi to Tanya for me."
As James walked away I got this sick feeling in my stomach now. I heard Edward let out a breath. I had to get away from him before I said something that I would regret. "Well I'll see you at the house," I said as I started walking toward my car.
I was quickly pulled by my arm so I was facing him. I had my back to the wall near the locker room door, and there was little space between us. "I've missed you," he said.
"Really? It doesn't seem that way."
"It should. I always want to be with you."
"Stop saying things like that. You shouldn't lie; it's not nice."
"I'm not lying."
"So you miss me every moment you're with Tanya? She must be awfully boring then."
He winced and said, "Not exactly."
I didn't even want to think about what that meant. "So I'm right, and you're wrong. Let's just forget about it and go back to your house so I can talk to your mother and avoid you and then eventually go home."
"Why are you being this way?"
"Are you serious Edward? Just don't talk to me while you're dating her. I can't handle it anymore."
I hated admitting that, but I had to. I knew his intentions weren't bad. He really thinks that we are going to get married someday. He would never intentionally hurt me. But the fact still remains that he wants to have fun now and come back to me when it's time to settle down. I bet he feels so cocky that he was the one to take me. He probably wants to be the only one to ever have me. I would have let him, but he didn't choose me. I don't know if I can wait like he wants me to.
I hope I didn't sound too depressed as I turned to walk away. I would hate for him to truly understand the effect that he has on me.
However, before I could walk away he gently nudged me back into the wall. His face was hovering over mine dangerously closely. "Bella."
I'm not sure how to describe his voice. It sounded like a cross between a moan of pleasure and a groan of aggravation.
My breath hitched because he was leaning in now and his lips were gently grazing mine. Not exactly touching, but I could feel the buzzing running between us.
"Edward." It was a warning. He knew this couldn't happen. It would devastate me more than I already was. He sighed and took a step back and nodded his head.
"I'll see you at the house," I said as I walked away. I looked back, and he had his head hung down. Just as I was rounding the corner I heard a loud groan and what I assumed was his fist connecting with the wall. I hope he didn't hurt himself too much.
The whole ride to his house I tried desperately to keep the tears out. Only two small ones managed to leak out of my eyes. It probably didn't help that the universe hated me and every radio station was playing a love song.
I pulled into the driveway and there were several cars there. I assumed that it was just going to be a few friends and family. It was just a regular season game after all.
I walked into the house like it was my own. There was a group of familiar faces in the kitchen, and I smiled at my mother. I turned to face Esme when I saw her.
She looked even prettier in person, and my heart broke a little more knowing that she was with the man that I loved.
"Tanya, I don't think that you have met Bella yet. Bella this is Tanya and she is friends with Edward, and Tanya, this is Bella my other child."
I could have kissed Esme. She called me her child and Tanya just a friend. I don't know if she knew about my situation, even my mother didn't know everything.
"I'm surprised that we haven't met sooner. I guess I've just been keeping Edward to myself these past six months."
I smiled, but I'm sure it was a weak one. She hadn't been keeping a close enough eye on him, because he hasn't been completely hers for a few months now. That is when I started doing mental calculations in my head. Six months. They must have been together since October. I figured just as much, but it sounds like such a long time when she said it. They have been together for half a year.
I heard the familiar sound of Edward's car pulling into the driveway. Tanya busted into a huge smile and clapped her hands together. "I can't wait to surprise him!"
She rushed to the door. I knew she wouldn't be this excited if she knew that we had just basically kissed half an hour ago.
I looked out the window while everyone continued talking. She ran up to him and wrapped her legs around his waist. He looked up at the window like he knew I was there. She was placing kisses on his neck, and he looked at me like he was in pain. I stepped away from the window and went to sit on the couch.
I felt someone come in and sit beside me. I was too busy staring at my lap to look up.
"Everything will work itself out. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it will."
"I know if I wait, eventually it will work out, but I shouldn't have to wait. I should be more important than someone's second choice."
"I know sweetie, I know," she said as she grabbed my hand.
Suddenly the door busted open and I heard Tanya saying, "I knew I wouldn't make it to your game, but I still wanted to see you so I came here. I only had to wait fifteen minutes before your mother came and let me in."
They walked in holding hands. I stared at their interlocked hands with tears brimming in my eyes. I would not cry. I would not cry.
"It was nice talking to you Esme, but I really should get home and finish a project I have."
Edward looked upset. YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE UPSET DICKHEAD!
Esme could see my distress. "I'm sorry you couldn't stay longer sweetheart. I hope I see you soon." She planted a kiss on my head and I stood up.
"Tell my mom I left."
"I wish you could have stayed longer," Tanya said as I tried to pass them.
"Yeah, bye."
I tried not to sound too rude, but I rushed out of the house. I drove home quickly and lay in my bed and stared at the ceiling until sleep eventually took me.
Now it was the first week of April, and it was spring break. There was going to be a huge costume party at Jessica's house. She is one of my friends from Forks and I don't see her that often, so I'm glad I was invited. My best friend Alice was invited too, so she brought me shopping for costumes.
There wasn't much to choose from, mainly because it was nowhere near Halloween.
Alice and I knew a little secret though. Since the football team in Washington sucked, most of the guys around here didn't cheer for the Redskins. They all seemed to gravitate toward the Cowboys. Alice and I think it has something to do with the cheerleaders, because let's face it; they are the most famous cheerleaders in football.
So that is why Alice and I showed up at Jessica's party as Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. When we walked in every guy was looking at us like we were the hottest thing in the place. I think because of Alice we were.
I knew there was a small chance that Edward could be at this party because it was in Forks. But even if he was, most of the kids from Port Angeles and Forks were here so it was unlikely that I would run into him.
I laughed mentally. If Edward was here we would definitely run into each other. I always know when he is in a room. I would probably trip and fall into his lap because I'm classy like that.
When I was getting ready I wasn't sure if I was dressing up as Edward's fantasy for revenge or if I wanted him to be with me. I feel kind of pathetic that I can't get over him. But this is Edward Cullen, the hottest guy in the world and my kind of childhood sweetheart. I just couldn't help it.
Even though I wasn't wearing much, I surprisingly didn't feel shy, I felt so confident. A few guys asked me to dance, and I did. I was actually letting loose and having fun. I saw James out of the corner of my eye. I don't know why I didn't go talk to him; instead I walked over to Alice and pulled her away from the guy she was talking to without even paying attention.
She began to protest, but then I whispered in her ear, "I need a lady dance."
"But Bella, I was having fun. I don't want to be rude to who I was talking to."
"Whoever you were talking to will probably enjoy the view."
An evil smile took residence on her face and she pulled me close to her and we started grinding our hips together. I loved dancing with Alice. She was fun and we moved well together, and I knew she wouldn't grab my ass. Well, she might, but I wouldn't mind.
She turned around and started to dip down and rub her ass into my crotch. "I hope this gets Jasper going."
Wait. "What?"
"Jasper is the guy I was talking to."
She ran her fingers through her hair and kept dancing. I was frozen in place and she turned around and said, "Bella."
Now Jasper can't be that common of a name. If Jasper was here that must mean…
I looked over to where I pulled Alice from and sure enough he was there. He was leaning against the wall next to Jasper; his eyes were smoldering. I couldn't take my eyes from him.
Alice looked over and saw Edward. "Bella, let's shake it for them."
"I don't know Alice."
"I'm sure he'll enjoy the view," she said quoting me from earlier.
That's when an evil smile came across my face, much like Alice's earlier.
I looked at her and said, "No holding back."
"Never sweets."
We grabbed each other's asses and grinded into each other like there was no tomorrow. When the fast beat song ended, and a slow song followed. We went from relentless ass grabbing to tit gropes and lingering touches. I was a bit taller than Alice so I leaned down to give her a loving kiss on the head. I turned when I did this looking in Edward's direction. He looked pissed. Good. Jasper was holding him back, and he looked like he was about to charge.
I knew it was the liquid courage, because I don't think I would have done it. I didn't have a lot, but it was enough to make me feel brave. I leaned down and gave Alice a peck on the mouth.
"Good idea," she giggled.
We had never kissed before, but we made a pretty good show. We separated and I told her to go get Jasper. He was a pretty great guy.
I had the intense need to pee, so I headed to the bathroom. I felt him behind me before he said anything. He just followed me down the dark hall, and when I reached for the doorknob I was pulled into the wall.
It seems like all of interactions are on a pool table or against a wall. God I'm a whore. Well there was that time on the bed….
"Bella." His eyes were black as he stared down at me.
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing," I said innocently with my big brown doe eyes.
"You were taunting me on purpose weren't you?"
Well, I could never lie to him, "Maybe."
"God," he said.
His hands roamed all over my body, and I let him. I felt kind of dirty at first, but then the pleasure of his touch overwhelmed my senses.
"Edward," I said breathlessly.
He began kissing down my neck. I loved the feeling of his mouth on me. He grinded his obvious erection into me making me moan. He felt so good, like he was made perfectly for me. Of course he wasn't even mine.
I couldn't help but ask. "Where is she?"
"Not here."
"That doesn't make it right."
"It will never be right."
I almost cried. Did he mean us? "What?" I said with a crack in my voice.
He cradled my face and kissed my cheek. "That's not what I meant baby."
"Then what did you mean?"
"I don't know. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm sorry. I wish things were different, but I don't know what to do."
I thought about his feelings for her for once. He must love her. "If you love her, it isn't enough. I know you have feelings for me. If your feelings for her aren't strong enough to make you monogamous then they aren't strong enough."
Of course the same could be same about his feelings for me.
"She is different."
"I thought I was different."
"You are. You are more special than anyone."
"Obviously not anyone otherwise your decision would be a lot easier."
I tried to walk away but he stopped me.
"Please Bella."
"Please what?"
"Be with me." He eyes were turning green, and they were pleading with me.
"Why?"
"Because I need you."
"That's not enough Edward."
"I'm trying baby."
"To have sex with me in a hallway. As hot as that might be, I don't even mean enough to you to have a bedroom."
"You do."
"And I don't mean enough for you to only be with me."
"It's complicated."
"I don't see how it can be that complicated Edward. I want to be with you more than anything. My feelings won't change. But if you really want me for me, you know what to do."
I was able to walk away this time, but right before I got out of earshot I hear my name.
I turned around. "Yes?"
"Are we still gonna be friends? No matter what happens?"
"Edward, as much as I think it might not ever be enough, it would hurt more to lose you all together."
He almost seemed to perk up. "So is that a yes?"
"Yes. I will always be your friend Edward Cullen."
Do you think Bella will leave it alone?
A/N: All Reviews are loved and cherished! PLEASE! They make me smile :)
