Summary: What the captains do when they need to take a dump.

A/N: Thank you so much for all your reviews! They made me smile. I'm happy that the story got such positive responses, so here's the next chappy!

I hope you all like it! :)


Shigekuni Yamamoto Genryusai: He gets up slowly and excuses himself from the room. Much like his ripped chest, he also has a muscled colon and does not have continence issues likes Barragan.

Soi Fon: Her bathroom breaks are covert missions in themselves. No one ever sees them happen.

Rose Otorabashi: He takes his guitar with him to the bathroom. Maybe he'll get inspiration there. Who knows?

Gin Ichimaru (former captain): He just smiles creepily at Izuru and says something about attending to personal business before leaving.

Retsu Unohana: She heads off serenely to do the deed.

Shinji Hirako: "Huh. I've gotta pinch a loaf. I'll be back."

Sosuke Aizen (former captain): As a captain: "If you'll excuse me, there are certain urgent matters I have to tend to."

As a demi-god: "I have no use for such matters." Aizen just blinked. A minute passed. He got up from his throne and the motion caused his cheeks to relax, allowing a long high-pitched fart to pass from his ass.

All of his followers shrank away, repulsed by the toxic stink. Nnoitora giggled hysterically, pointing his finger at his god.

"THE FUCK WAS THAT?" Grimmjow howled, pinching his nose tightly with his fingers.

Someone in the background made wretching noises. Aizen glowered down at them, silencing his obediant supporters as the deadly cloud permeated their once clean air.

The stern look passified them. They all dealt with it and held their breath until Aizen left them to go take a steaming dump.

After all, this was only the tip of the iceberg. There were far worse things Aizen could go...like picking his boogers and putting them in obvious places such as his throne or the underside of the table in the meeting hall.

Later, he would convince everybody Nnoitora or Grimmjow (the troublemakers) had done it and he would make them scrape the petrified boogers off every conceivable surface in Las Noches.

Yes...it wasn't easy pleasing your god.

Byakuya Kuchiki: He gets up without saying anything or addressing anybody and leaves. If he's stopped by someone, he swiftly dismisses them.

As soon as he's alone—finally alone—he sighs and allows his body to unwind, unleashing the torrent of gas he'd been holding all day. His body bows and he puts a hand on the wall as he squeezes out one more fart.

Not wanting to linger in the stench, he opens the door and hurries past a maid just as she steps into the toxic cloud he'd emitted and shrieks.

Sajin Komamura: He's too self-conscious to use public restrooms so he goes into the woods to handle his business. He buries it so one accidentally steps in it.

Shunsui Kyoraku: "Nanaoooo. Would you like to hold my hand while I walk to the bathroom?" WHAM.

Kaname Tousen (former captain): "Pardon me. The path of least bloodshed is leading me to the facilities."

Kensei Muguruma:"Excuse me." Mashiro, who was staying over for the weekend to eternally harass him, looked up at Kensei with an almost miffed expression.

She was sprawled across the floor doodling on his paperwork while at the same time effectively blocking the doorway.

His jaw clenched when she asked, "Why?"

"It's none of your business!" he barked. "Now move the hell out of my way!"

"Well, it's obviously not that important. 'Sides, you could always just step over me."

Kensei felt his spine go ramrod straight and his cheeks tightened at the thought of moving his legs that far apart just to get across her when he was already sure he couldn't hold it.

"Mashiro, move!" he ground out.

"No," she said briskly.

They shared banter for 30 minutes before Mashiro finally gave up, at which point Kensei was constipated and needed a laxative bad. With his ex-vice-captain around so often, he was surprised he wasn't impacted.

Toushiro Hitsugaya: "Matsumoto, can you handle this stack of paperwork while I go out?"

Rangiku looked at the aforementioned "stack," which looked more like a mountain.

"Aw, captain, do I have to?" she whined. "There's so much I have to do."

"Unless it entails you shirking your duties as a lieutenant, I think it can wait," he said, in dire need of a toilet now.

"Captain, how did you know! That's exactly what they told me! Thank you so much for understanding, you're the best!"

Strawberry blonde hair streaming behind her, she pivoted and darted for the door. Toshirou sighed heavily. It looked like the bathroom would have to wait...

Kenpachi Zaraki: He leaves Yachiru temporarily in Ikkaku's care, scares everybody out of the restroom, and spends forever using the toilet.

Afterward, he doesn't flush and leaves a nice surprise for the next occupant...who so happens to be Yumichika.

"OH MY GOD!" The 3rd seat flies from the facilities, arms pinwheeling. "UGLINESS! UGLINESS!" he screams, voice carrying through the barracks.

Mayuri Kurotsuchi: He claims to have also made a solution to that, like Szayel. No one still believes it.

Jushiro Ukitake: He's too cute and handsome for anyone to think of him doing his personal business.