This is part 2 of "Eyes Open" my March 2008 HBX Challenge story. I hadn't intended to make this a multi-parter, but it told me that's what it wanted, and far be it for me to hold a story back when it wants to be told.
I don't own JAG, but if I did, I would have had Mic, Mac, Renee' and Harm, all switch partners. Mic and Renee' were too well suited, not to end up together.
Eyes Open Part 2 of 4
by TR
Three days. That's how long it took me to lose the battle with my pride and do what I had to do. Three days of watching her sink deeper and deeper inside herself. Three days of "Yes Mic…No Mic" and all of the one word answers in between. Three days of not letting me touch her. I had tried to pry it out of her. Whatever was sticking in her craw, but it wouldn't budge, and she wasn't willing to help it along. All I knew was that whatever it was, it had to do with him. I tried for two of those days to convince myself that she didn't think about him anymore. But a deaf and blind man would have known that wasn't true. I may have been a cad at times, a fool, even a manipulator, but I was not a liar, especially to myself. I'd been with her long enough to know that when she had that look on her face it always has to do with him.
I walked up the stairs to his floor of the building. I hadn't wanted to risk it with that rickety looking elevator. The stairs didn't look anymore promising. I couldn't help the grimace that came to my face, growing more intense with each creaking step. "What a dump!" I muttered to myself, and shook my head. I knew his parents had money. Renee' had told me as much when we'd had our night out. So why he'd chosen to live in that dive I'd never understand. I'd long since stopped trying to make sense of anything that bloke did. When I got to his door there was a single thought in my head. What had he done to Sarah this time?
I rapped three times on the door. Heard the faint guitar music stop, and the shuffling of his feet before he opened it.
He frowned. "Brumby? What are you...?" Alarm leapt to this face, his voice turned from confused to strong and focused, and I swore beneath that every man facade I could see his knight's armor gleaming. "Has something happened to Mac? Where is she?"
Of course she would've been the first thing he thought of. I hadn't wanted to listen to the logical part of my mind that reminded me that I'd never been to his place, and he had no reason to expect me to be there unless something drastic had happened. That same mind always knew that logic had nothing to do with Harm and Sarah. They were just…connected, and I was beginning to see even then that I'd never had a chance. Even if she wanted to love me, she never would. Not like she loved him. But if I could have just convinced her… I put a stop to the thought, as I watched him pat his legs three times before he realized he was wearing pocketless gym shorts and his keys couldn't possibly be in them. With quick jerky movements he turned around, then back again, grabbed his keys from the table, and was toeing on one of his shoes when I finally stopped him.
"Power down Mate. No need to go taxiing down the runway. She's fine, or…something like it." I felt my back straighten, chin raise. "And if she was in need of rescuing, I'd be the one to do it."
He stood there with one foot in a sneaker, the other bare, holding his keys. Ready to bullet through the door to find her, and I knew why she loved him. He was her knight, her other half, her bloody savior. Who would go through the fires of hell to shield her from danger. But what of the everyday? What of the life that I wanted to give her? Hadn't she known that she'd never get that from him? Hadn't she known that when he valiantly carried her through those flames that he'd set her down, and be on his merry way? Leaving her alone and lonely? My heart squeezed, anger deepened. She knew all of that, and loved him anyway. It took me a moment to realize I was staring down at Harm's shoes. And suddenly they seemed enormous.
I looked up in time to see him nodding in that noble, infuriating way, and say, "Of course Brumby." I didn't know whether he was being honorable or smug, either way I wanted to knock him on his arse, just for being the one she wanted.
He waved me in, and I stepped into an apartment that looked like it had been hand crafted from floor to ceiling. The workmanship was stellar, and I knew he'd done it all, as much as I wondered why everything I saw, heard, knew about this man made my nostrils flare. What had happened to me? What had me feeling inadequate just to have him standing there? I had never been like that before. Before I fell in love with a woman, who'd already fallen in love with him.
"To what do I owe the pleasure Brumby?" He said, as he kicked off his shoe, and went to the fridge. Pulled out a beer.
"I want to know what you've done to Sarah."
He frowned. "Excuse me? You told me she was fine."
"On the outside she's just fine and dandy, but something's eating at her, and I want to know what it is."
He shrugged, and took a swig of his beer. "Why ask me?" He raised the bottle. "Oh…you want one of these?"
"No I don't want a bloody beer; I want to know why she's not talking, or smiling, or…anything!" I took a step forward. "The only time I've ever seen her this way is when she's fighting with you."
He looked baffled, but I couldn't tell if it was a put on or not. "I haven't spoken to Mac in almost a week. I've had my own…things to deal with."
"Yeah, Renee'," I said, and had his eyebrows rising. "What? I don't live in a cave you know. Everyone knows you two split. When I asked Sarah about it, she changed the subject. She never changes the subject, unless she's got something to hide."
The look on his face confirmed his agreement. I moved still closer. He watched me, trying to casually drink his beer. "So what did Mac have to do with the split between you and Renee'? And I want to know the truth."
He looked away, set his beer down and braced his arms on the counter. "Brumby, the truth is, Mac had nothing to do with the state of my relationship with Renee'. That was no one's fault but my own."
"I don't doubt that for a second, but Sarah was somewhere in the middle of it wasn't she?"
His eyes flashed, and I knew I was almost to the line. "I told you, she had nothing to do with it. And if you're having a problem communicating with Mac, maybe you should look at your own relationship."
I had to push. Had to know. "She won't let me speak your name. Why?"
"I don't know."
"She took the picture of the two of you down from her dresser. Why?"
"I don't know."
"She's trying to hide something. Walking around with the same expression, she had right before she boarded a plane to Russia and went after you." I felt my hand smack the tile of his counter, making my fingers sing in protest. "Why??"
"I don't know Mic!! How many times do I have to tell you?"
We stared each other down, then I finally nodded, seeing the truth in his eyes. "You really don't know, do you." I ran a hand through my hair, fought the urge to yank it out by the roots. "Damn it!" I stuffed my hands in my pockets, paced away, back again. "She's slipping away from me." The words were out before I could stop them. I hadn't wanted to reveal so much, but I was on shifting sand and didn't know how to plant my feet. It was unnerving to realize just how much of my relationship with Sarah rested on Renee's presence in Harm's life. Now he was free. What would she do? Would she run to him like she always did? Only this time, would she push for something more?
"She loves you Mic." His voice was quiet.
"She does? Has she told you that? Because she's never said it to me. She doesn't need me."
It was a small consolation to see the surprise on his face. "That's not true."
"Then why does she always come to you? No matter what she needs, it's you she runs to."
"We've known each other a long time. She's my partner, she supposed to be able to come to me..."
"I want to marry her. I thought she wanted the same. How can that happen if she never turns to me for anything?"
He looked away, uncomfortable. "She chose you."
I felt a frown crease my forehead. "What?"
He took a deep breath. "Damn it Brumby! She chose you. When we were in Australia, she...I...we had an opportunity to be together. I told her I wasn't ready. Not yet anyway. She didn't want to wait for me, she chose you instead. I'm no threat to you."
I clenched my fists. She didn't choose me, she settled for me, because she couldn't have him. It was only the fear of arrest, and worse the knowledge that if I beat Harm's face in that Sarah would certainly leave me, that held me back. I imagined my face was as red as my vision. I saw his eyes widen as he took a few steps back.
"You'd like to be a threat though wouldn't you mate? You'd love it if she just packed up and left me."
Temper shown in his eyes. "She wouldn't leave you Mic, she'd just throw your sorry ass out on the street and stay in her home. Don't come threatening me, just because you can't connect anymore with Mac. She makes her own choices. She chose you. You, not me! But that's not enough for you is it? You have to question her judgements. Her reasons, instead of taking with thanks what so many men would give everything they had to possess. Her. You have her, and it's not enough."
"I don't have her! Not really."
"She won't leave you Mic. She's not that kind."
I couldn't keep the snarl from my face. "But you'd love it if she did wouldn't you?"
His face grew stoney, his eyes fired. "Yes I would. Because you're not good enough for her. You act impulsively, and I don't trust you not to break her heart."
"Like you did? Is that it Rabb? No one can break her heart but you?"
"I didn't break her heart! She chose YOU!"
"Because she couldn't have you! She'd never talk about that trip to Australia, now I know why. You turned her down didn't you?"
His silence was answer enough. And I suddenly wanted to run. Suddenly wished I had never had the hair brained idea to show up at his place. I'd learned far more than I ever wanted to know, and none of if had made me feel any better. I blew out a long breath. "Something's going on in that head of hers. She won't tell me what it is. But she'll tell you. You should..."
His jaw clenched. "You're going to leave her aren't you?"
I felt simultaneously transparent and uneasy. "That's up to her."
"Bullshit Brumby! I didn't tell you what you wanted to hear and you've already got one foot out the door don't you."
I didn't have time to respond before he waved his hand toward the door. "Get out. Get out of here, and out of her life before you make anymore promises you don't intend to keep."
"Now listen here..." The fury in his eyes, stopped me from going any further.
"Out! NOW! Before I throw you out. You don't deserve her."
I headed toward the door, but shot back. "Neither do you."
"No I don't, but when I promise her I'll stay, I won't leave her at the first sign of trouble."
I tilted my head. Studied him for a long moment. "Then you've already made your decision as well."
I wanted to fight him, but there just wasn't any fight left in me. I didn't suffer fools, and I certainly didn't want to see one every day in the mirror. It was humbling to say the least to realize that I couldn't win. I could never have won.
His eyes met mine, and we shared an unexpected understanding. We both loved Sarah Mackenzie. "That's up to Mac." He said softly.
"It always was," I said, and opened the door to walk back down that dump of a hallway, and away from that whole bloody mess.
End of Scene. Good? Bad? Lumbricus rubellus? Let me know.
