So I know most of you probably don't know German but I couldn't help but think that this song was extremely fitting. If anyone is interested I migth translate it. Hope you enjoy^^
I still own nothing :(

He couldn't explain it, was not able to say what it was. The hairs on the back of his neck stood, a chill ran down his spine and yet all he wanted to do was run right through the anomaly. It was the first time this happened and it was a disturbing feeling. His shock must have shown on his face even after Connor had closed the anomaly because Abby threw him a worried look. He shook his head. Damn it he was a captain and supposed to take care of the team not stand there as if he had seen a ghost.

Man schwört sich, dass man durchhält
wenn es wirklich nötig ist.
Und dass man jeden Tag das Beste geben will.

Man verspricht, dass man ein Mensch ist,
auf den man sich verlassen kann.
Linientreu und fest auf seinem Weg.

Jess had checked on him before he went home. The girl had been thrown off by the looks Abby had continued to give him. Occasional glances of Connor and Matt hadn't really helped the matter either. Still he had said that all was well. It was no use to disturb everyone over nothing. Yet nothing was well at all.

On his way home he stopped himself short from driving to the anomaly. He wouldn't go through it, none would. Not after what had happened with Sarah... He closed his eyes hoping to block the painfull memories or maybe trying to make sure that he would never forget afraid that in the process he would forget her. Instead of driving to the anomaly he opted to visit Sarah grave, something he had wanted to do for days now. Already having flowers did help. When he returned home he didn't know what he wanted anymore. He didn't know whether he wanted to remember or to forget. But this night for the first time in ages he seemed to sleep well.

All die Pläne und die Ziele.
Jeden Wunsch, der in mir brennt.
All das wofür ich sonst so kämpfe,
würde ich tauschen gegen dich

When he woke up it was only to find that the feelings of the previous day had not left him. His whole being screamed for the anomaly. Was he going insane? Taking a deep breath he decided to get changed and leave this particular train of thoughts for another time.

The day went by quite normal after his earlier thougths had left him. At least that was what he told himself until it was early afternoon. Abbys glances in his direction had ceased. What he could not deny anymore though was that he had been fooling her as much as he had been fooling himself. When Jess brought him coffee he couldn't help but realise that he had been faking the whole day. All warmth seemed to have left him, every familiar gesture of his team-mates made him feel even emptier inside, every act of kindness or in case of Jess adoration made him crave something else. There was no way to describe this but nothing could bring him comfort. After drinking his coffee with the team he left them in order to check on security. The fact that he ended up in the deserted lab which contained leftovers of Nicks and Sarahs research didn't even register to him until he felt himself touch a picture of the artifact. It was probably the same moment he came to acknowledge the fact that the emotions he was experiencing were nothing new. The only difference was that they were stonger now. All had started with Sarah's death, a part of him had run cold back then.

Why the anomaly had intensified these emotions he could not even begin to imagine. What he knew was that he would gladly exchange everything, his hopes and dreams just to get her back. They were worthless without her. It was impossible though.

Man schlägt sich durchs halbe Leben
bis man irgendwann aufblickt.
Und man schaut sich um und steht alleine da.
Und man merkt in der Stille,
wenn man ehrlich zu sich ist,
dass jeder einsame Erfolg auch bitter schmeckt.
Meine Hoffnungen und Träume,
meine Vorstellung von Glück.
All das wonach ich mich sonst sehne,
es ist wertlos ohne dich.

Somewhere in the process of thinking he had sat down behind one of the two desks occupying the room. His mind went blank and he stared into nothingness until the alarm went off.

Running into the main room he found that there was no anomaly. Not anymore. "The anomaly from yesterday, it reopened some minutes ago. Then suddenly the detector couldn't find it anymore. I checked via some cameras close by. It's closed again. As far as security tapes say there had no creature came through. No need to check it out until there are reports from sightings", Jess informed the now complete team.

Barely fifteen minutes later most of them went home. He was unable to concentrate on anything though. Even in his appartment the only things he could think of were the anomaly and Sarah. Looking up from the guitar he had started playing about half a year ago he saw that it had started to rain. It was somehow fitting he thought. Going out on his balcony he let the rain cool him down. His thougts began to drift when the dull sounds of the rain and the city lulled him in. His life, his accomplishments, he had done well for the better part of it. He had never been perfect, far from it, but there was no denying that it had been good. Every decision along his way had strenghed him in one way or another. He had dreams he wanted to fulfill and things he hoped would happen but all of this, all these things that would normally cheer a person up seemed grey next to the death of Sarah Page. It wasn't fair towards his team who tried so hard. Not fair towards Matt who was a good leader and intelligent in his own right when all Becker could think of when Matt made an observant remark was how Sarah had always taken in every small detail. It wasn't fait to Abby who did so well with creatures and defended them with so much heart that whenever the girl protested against something all he could think of was how Sarah had argued with whoever had opposed her. It wasn't fair that whenever Connor worked on the ACD or some other devices all he saw was Sarah working on the artifact. It wasn't fair towards Lester that every snarky remark brought forth his memories of Sarah declaring him her hero. It wasn't fair that whenever he looked at an old picture of the old team he barely acknowledged the fact that Denny was still missing because all he saw was Sarah. It wasn't fair that whenever he looked at the pair of glasses on one of his tables he remembered how she had left them there. He was still unable to move them. Most of all though it wasn't fair towards Jess who seemed to genuely seemed to like him that every action of her reminded him even more of what he was missing.

Despite all this he couldn't help himself and tears mingled with the rain.

Meine Hoffnungen und Träume,
meine Vorstellung von Glück.
All das wonach ich mich sonst sehne,
es ist wertlos ohne dich.

All die Kreuzungen und Wege.
Alles was so lang hinter mir liegt.
Man bräuchte mich nicht zweimal fragen,
ich würde tauschen gegen dich.

Jedes noch so schöne Erlebnis.
Jeden Triumph und jeden Sieg.
Meine allerbesten Momente,
ich würde sie tauschen gegen dich

It was the truth; he would give it all to have her back again. With that last thoughthe moved his head away from his hands in order to go back inside. His clothes were drenched after all. He let his eyes wander one last time. His eyes caught a movement down on the street and he turned his head only to stare dead in the eyes of the one person he had thought about not moments before. No coherent thougth was able to be formed yet his lips formed a name so painfully familiar he couldn't believe it, "Sarah..."

Revies are loved^^