Kurotsuchi Mayuri was rushing back to the twelth after a captain's meeting that had dragged on late into the night, hoping that his idiot fukutaicho hadn't ruined his newest experiment, when he made the mistake of turning down a dark alley. After all, he was Kurotsuchi Mayuri. People walked in pairs at night and avoided dark alleys because of him. Ostensibly, he had nothing to fear. If he were lucky, he might even encounter something new and interesting to experiment on.

When a cloaked figure stepped out in his path, his eyes lit up. Either this person was a moron or he was strong and thus worth a look. When a flash of light reflected off a pair of glasses under the hood, his heart leap for joy. The Quincy! Back for a rematch! Now if only he could get a straightjacket on him before he attacked.

His last thought, as his vision wavered before finally going dark, was how interesting this poison was that it could effect him like this, so quickly and efficiently. He didn't even notice it being administered.

Light flashed behind his eyelids as he returned to consciousness and he blinked his eyes open, taking in the bare bulbs that swung gently from plain sockets overhead. They passed by in steady succession as he was wheeled down an otherwise barren corridor, the medical gurney squeaking loudly in the silence. He tried to bolt upright, but was firmly restrained by the straps across his chest and legs, wrists and ankles secured tightly to the cold metal beneath him. Cheerful humming reached his ears and he tilted his head back, trying to get a look at his captor.

Silver hair in a low ponytail and glasses over bright eyes that gleamed with a casual cruelty he'd only before seen reflected in his own mirror. The tingling feeling all through his body informed him that he'd probably been given a mild paralytic of some kind and that his reiatsu had been sealed. He had a sudden sinking feeling as he realized that he just might be in over his head this time.

When they finally came to a stop, he was able to make out some familiar shapes surrounding him. It looked almost like a scene from one of his own labs.

His captor leaned over him, brandishing a scalpel nonchalantly. "This will hurt," he explained, "but I assume you are intimately acquainted with such things."

"Who are you!?" Mayuri demanded. "When I get free-!"

The other man chuckled softly. "There will be no more freedom for you, and I suspect that no one will mourn your loss. Though, if you must have a name to curse when you are in the throes of unending agony, you may call me Kabuto."

Mayuri, having heard the words from his human subjects far too many times, could not help what next left his mouth. "Is this going to involve an anal probe?"

With an unholy smirk, Kabuto put down the scalpel and pulled out a huge, phallus-shaped medical probe. "Do you want it to?"

His entire body trembled, then went completely still in an instinctive reaction to fear. "Oh my God!"

Kabuto's smirk widened into a maniacal grin. "Wrong direction."

Kurotsuchi Mayuri was never seen again, though rumors persisted for years that on still nights, his screams could be heard echoing up from beneath Seireitei.