Disclaimer: I don't own Sweeney Todd. However if any of you know him, can you please tell him to call me? Thanks!
Sweeney Todd has gotten away from Anthony and is quite pleased with himself for doing so. Little does he know that he is about to run into someone who will annoy him more than Anthony ever did.
He looks around the city. He has arrived at Fleet Street now and is beginning to feel a little hungry.
Sweeney: Golden arches, golden arches... where are they... I WANT A MCHAPPY MEAL!
Suddenly he comes across a quaint little shop. He opens the door and takes a step inside.
Sweeney: This shop seems somewhat familiar, have I held you up before?
Mrs. Lovett:
A delivery!
Wait stay right there!
I'm Mrs Lovett
How on earth did you ever
Get out of your box?
Half a minute can't ye sit?
Sit ye down
SIT!
All I meant is that I haven't been delivered a hot guy in weeks
Are you wrapped in bubble wrap, sir?
Do forgive me if I'm in a state of shock
What was that?
It's rare to get any good stock
Which means the singles keep avoiding
No you don't
Heaven knows I try sir
I'd sell hot guys, but they just never come
But, now you're here so would you like a drop of rum?
Mrs. Lovett passes a bottle of rum to Sweeney who turns it upside down.
Sweeney: Why is the rum gone?
Mrs Lovett ignores him and continues her song.
Mind you I can hardly blame them
These are probably the worst guys in London
I know why nobody cares to date them
I should know
I hate them
They'll make bad beaus
The worst guys in London
They're just so impolite
The Worst guys in London
They're so ugly it's a sight
Mrs Lovett shows Sweeney their Catalogue which is full of the most awful men you have ever seen. They have comb overs, sweat patches and somehow all look like Justin Bieber.
They're nasty and greasy
With big ears and fat tums
When you meet them they're sleazy
You'll need a swig of rum
The worst guys in London
And no wonder with the price of keep
What it is when you get guys
It's so hard to make profits
Just from keeping them all fed.
I'll admit I'm tempted to
let them all drop dead
Mrs. Mooney has a guy shop
Does her business but I've noticed something weird
All the neighbours' daughters' beaus have disappeared
Have to hand it to her
What I calls enterprise
Using Exper'enced guys
Wouldn't do it in my shop
Catching all those young men
would take quite a while
And their girlfriends would
Chase me with nail files
No denying times is hard sir
Even harder than the worst guys in London
Sweeney raises an eyebrow and then quickly shakes his head.
Dead brain cells and nothing more
Aren't they just terrible?
All sweaty and smelly
They've got really bad habits
They eat lint from their bellies
But what can I do?
If they smell like poo?
They're the worst guys in London
Ah sir
Times is hard
Times is hard!
With these words Mrs. Lovett squashes a beetle that is crawling along the counter.
Sweeney: You can keep doing that forever, the beetles are never going to move on.
Mrs. Lovett: Well excuse me if I haven't resigned myself to the health inspector's wrath just yet.
Sweeney watches as all manner of insects came acclimated to his prescience.
Sweeney: No seriously, how do you deal with the health inspectors?
Mrs. Lovett: Oh those guys? I just put them into storage. I sold one last week.
Sweeney begins to sweat.
Mrs. Lovett: I pretty much just grab any men I can. You know, fellas who walk down the street, the mailman, the milkman...
Sweeney's breathing gets heavier.
Mrs. Lovett: Have you noticed how there's no one living in the other houses on the street? The owners are in boxes in my attic...
Sweeney runs to the door and tugs on the handle, but it is locked. He then notices the barred windows.
Mrs. Lovett: Anywho, enough about them. Are you fragile? Will I need to pack you in Styrofoam?
Sweeney hugs his knees to his chest, rocks back and forth and starts to wail.
Sweeney: I shoulda gone to Macca's .*sob*
A/N Thank-you to all those who read and reviewed. Please continue to review and tell me what it was about my story that you liked/disliked so that I can write the future chapters to your liking. And I will continue to keep my word of reviewing one of your stories to say thanks if you review mine. (:
