Title: Never Lost
Rating: Pg-13
Pairing: Fleur/Hermione
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Summary: All Fleur ever wanted was to be with Hermione, but she was shot down. It is now their sixth year and Fleur's moved on, but she notices that Hermione is acting very strangely...
Background Story: Fleur is muggle born and she moved to England with her father when her parents got a divorce when she was six. She is in the same year and house as Hermione.
A/N: I had some time to write this up today. It's not my best, but I figured I'd post it tonight, though I might edit it later. If anyone would like to beta for me, let me know. Would be massively appreciated!
The last of classes had ended for the term and the common room was obnoxiously loud that evening because of it, with everyone excited for Christmas break. Fleur slouched in her favorite, comfortable couch near the fire, basking in the homely warmth it offered her. The next night would be much quieter, she knew, because everyone was leaving, going home the next morning, while she would spend the next two weeks within the confines of the castle walls. Her father had owled her earlier that week telling her to stay at Hogwarts over break because he was going on a month long business trip all around Asia. Since she did not want sympathy from others, she neglected to mention it to anyone, including her best friend, who, she knew, would immediately cancel her skiing trip with her parents to stay at Hogwarts with her, and she did not want the other girl to do that.
"Hey, Fleur," Hermione greeted and collapsed onto the couch right next to her, looking exhausted.
"Hey," she said softly, staring at the glow of the fire. On the other hand, maybe she should let Hermione spend Christmas break at Hogwarts because it would mean two weeks alone with the other girl without the pressure of studying for OWLs or the frequent D.A. meetings. Grinning slightly, she realized that Hermione would most likely study anyway or spend the majority of her time reading. Fleur loved the cute frown that formed on her face whenever she was concentrating on something.
"So there's something I want to talk to you about," Hermione stated. Her fingers played with the silver ring on her right middle finger, a nervous habit she had picked up after Fleur had given her the ring for her birthday that past September.
"You're always so straight to the point. Why can't you start some casual conversation before you lead up to the dreaded 'we need to talk' phrase?" she stalled anxiously, praying that Hermione had not figured out her feelings for her.
"I'm always so straight to the point? What about you?" Hermione smiled lightly and Fleur felt her heart crack one more time.
"What about me?"
"You're worse than Ronald with how blunt and straightforward you are."
"Are you comparing me to Ron?"
"Yes." Hermione nodded affirmation and then frowned as she realized that comparing Fleur to Ron was a bit insulting to Fleur.
"But you love me more," she added, playfully nudging the older brunette with her shoulder, to which Hermione grinned and nodded.
"Of course…"
Fleur's gaze fell back to the fire and her smile faltered slightly. There was always that internal debate going on in her head, whether she should tell Hermione how she felt or not. For the past two years and half years, Fleur nursed a soft spot for her, but never went as far as thinking she was in love with her. As of lately, however, her feelings had taken on a new intensity, rendering Fleur almost speechless whenever Hermione was around, and she was beginning to question just how far her feelings stretched.
"So what'd you want to talk to me about?" Fleur asked, her curiosity definitely peaked, even though she was nervous of what the answer would be.
"I overheard McGonagall telling Filch to add your name to the list of students staying at Hogwarts…" she trailed off. She looked expectantly at Fleur, who stared grimly at her prefect badge.
"Yeah…" Fleur began, slightly embarrassed that the other girl had found out, though she would have figured it out the next day when Fleur did not ride the train with her, Harry, and Ron back to King's Cross. "My dad's got a business trip so you know how it is…" As Head of Finance to a multi-billion dollar clothing company, Kieran Delacour spent most of his time traveling to factories in other countries and to have meetings with other companies. It disappointed her that she would not see him again until the summer, but she had grown used to it over the years.
"That's what I thought," Hermione said. She looked at Fleur. "I can stay at Hogwarts if you want me to," she offered, just like Fleur knew she would.
She laughed dryly and shook her head. "Don't worry about it," she declined. "You have parents who actually want to see you and they planned the ski trip so it would fit in with break."
"But I don't even like to ski."
"So you're trying to use me as an excuse not to go?" she deadpanned.
"No! No, I'm just going to feel really bad if you're here by yourself over Christmas," Hermione quickly said, not catching Fleur's joking tone.
Her chest constricted painfully when she heard the sincerity behind Hermione's words. She knew how much the other girl cared for her, and at times like those, she found it so difficult to be just her friend.
This particular memory came to Fleur's mind as she strolled up to the library to research an essay Snape had assigned in Defense Against the Dark Arts that day. In the end, she had convinced Hermione to go on the ski trip with her parents, but not without some regret. And the agonizing stabs of jealousy that ensued after she had found out that Hermione had spent only a week skiing with her parents before going to spend the rest of break at Grimmauld Place with Harry and Ron had been almost unbearable.
Harry and Ron were in the library (working on the same essay) when she arrived. Edging by the ever-watchful Madam Pince, Fleur went and sat with the boys, but not before glancing around to see if Hermione was anywhere in sight.
"She's not here," Harry said without looking up from his parchment.
"Oh," Fleur said, plopping down in the chair next to Ron, feeling satisfied. "Good."
It was the first Thursday of term. Despite Fleur's promise from the train to talk to Hermione, she had successfully managed to avoid the girl all week, whether that meant going to bed at 10:00, or rushing out of class the moment the bell rang, she had managed.
"She really wants to talk to you though," Harry said, glancing up.
"About what?"
"We don't know; she refuses to tell us," Ron said, finally done paraphrasing from the book in front of him. "Here." He passed her the book he was using. "This book's got a lot on Sirens."
"Tell her to go shove it. I really don't want to talk to her," Fleur said rather cruelly. She began skimming the pages so as she did not see the look Harry and Ron gave each other.
"You know you're going to have to talk to her eventually. You share a dorm and three classes," Harry said.
Fleur sighed. "Later rather than soon, I guess then."
"What the hell did she do to you that's got you acting like such a bitch to her?" Ron inquired.
There was a moment's hesitation before she answered, "I'd really rather not talk about it. It's between me and her."
"It's between you and her, but Harry and I are both your guys' friends so we're kind of caught in the middle," Ron said.
"I don't care if you guys are friends with her." Which she honestly did not.
"But both of us want you two to be friends again," Harry said quietly.
Angered, Fleur slammed the book shut, stood up, and leaned over the table. "Hermione and I are done!" she whispered harshly. "We're never going to be back the way we used to, okay? You have absolutely no idea what happened between us. I love you guys, but if you keep bringing up Hermione whenever I'm around, then I can't be around much longer." She stood up straight. "I'll see you guys in the common room."
"Don't forget Quidditch practice tonight!" Harry called out and she distinctly heard Madam Pince say "Shh!" as she left.
Instead of heading back to the common room, Fleur decided to take a walk around the lake to clear her head. She regretted getting so angry with Harry and Ron, seeing as they were only trying to help. If only they knew how deep it went, if only they knew how much it would hurt her to be friends with Hermione again. She was trying to move on, and if they kept shoving Hermione in her face, she would never be able to do so. The other girl made herself perfectly clear that she did not feel anything for Fleur.
The two girls sat side-by-side on Fleur's bed. It was early in the evening and most people were still at dinner. That is where a hungry Hermione would have been as well if Fleur had not asked to speak with her in private after their last class of the day. So there they were, sitting in the dormitory in silence, Hermione curious to know what the blonde wanted to talk about.
After several moments, Hermione was sure that Fleur would not say anything so she decided to begin the conversation. "So what did you want to talk to me about?" she asked.
Fleur said nothing.
"Fleur?" Hermione said, bending her knee and turning so she could face the other girl. "Are you okay?"
She barely heard the other girl. Her stomach felt like someone was pounding it with a rock, she was so nervous, and the rate at which her heart was beating made her feel slightly faint. If she did not do this now, she would lose her nerve and it would take a long time to strike up the same amount of courage. Fleur's feelings for Hermione were becoming too much to deal with. Her heart would ache every time she saw the other girl, she would lose capability to speak clearly, and her whole body would tingle with excitement.
"I'm fine." Her voice came out croaky and she cleared her throat. Wiping her sweaty palms on her skirt, she said, "There's something I need to tell you." Her heart pounding was becoming unbearable. It was now or never…
"Yes?"
It took her a moment to realize it but suddenly, Fleur's lips were on hers. Hermione's eyes jerked wide open and she pulled away sharply. "God, Fleur, what the hell are you doing?" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
"Oh my god." Fleur was absolutely mortified. In all the scenarios she had pictured to happen when she finally kissed Hermione, never did she expect that kind of reaction. "Oh my god," she repeated much more quietly.
Running a hand through her wavy hair, Hermione tried not to think about why her stomach was feeling very light. "Um… Fleur, why did you just kiss me?" she asked much more gently.
"That was a mistake," Fleur said, her face beet red. "I shouldn't have done it."
"Yes, but why did you in the first place?"
She had gotten this far, she might as well finish. There was still hope, was there not? Mustering up all her courage, Fleur muttered, "I did it because…"
There was a pause. "Because?"
Fleur sighed. "Because I like you."
There was silence. Hermione sat there, trying to think this through. Fleur liked her? As friends, right? She could have slapped herself for being so naïve. Not as friends, you idiot, why else would she kiss you?
"Are you going to say something?" Fleur said quietly. She wanted to throw herself off a broom, she should never had said anything about her feelings. Hermione was being too quiet.
"You…you like me?" Hermione asked weakly.
Biting her lip hard and avoiding eye contact, Fleur nodded. She could still taste Hermione's lips on her own as she ran her tongue over her bottom lip. They had been so soft…
"Oh…" She did not know what else to say. Obviously, she had missed something. Licking her lips, Hermione realized that she could still taste Fleur's chapstick, and her heart skipped a beat at that thought.
Fleur silently waited for the brunette to say more. There was still hope…there was still hope….Her palms had grown so sweaty that she wiped them on her skirt again, and her heart had calmed down a bit. At this point, though, she was dreading the worst.
"Fleur…I'm sorry, but I don't…" Hermione swallowed hard before finishing. "I don't think I like you in that way…"
And that was the day Fleur's world fell apart.
The heartache from that day returned, nearly blasting Fleur off her feet. That was possibly the worst thing Hermione could have said, short of her saying, "You're disgusting, I hate you." But sometimes, she thought it might have been better if the other girl hated her. The day after she declared her feelings (she had fled the room when Hermione rejected her), Hermione had hunted her down and told her that she still wanted to be her friend. Overjoyed that the other girl did not hate her, Fleur had graciously accepted the offer, but after a couple of months she began to pull away, the tremendous feeling of agony in the middle of her chest too much to bear. After some time, she began to be openly rude to the other girl, making fun of her until one day, she started to ignore her completely. Wanting to get over the beautiful brunette so badly, Fleur thought it would help if she just pretended the other did not exist. It did not help, but that is beside the point. Over the summer, she had met Matt at one of Lavender's parties and fallen for him, and now here she was, plummeting off a cliff for Hermione once again. Fleur knew she could not justify her anger, but that did not stop her from feeling it towards the other girl.
Looking up at the darkening sky, Fleur held back her tears. She was done crying over Hermione, she was done shedding tears over unrequited love. She would talk to Hermione, yes, but only to tell her she was letting go of her. Maybe once she did that, she would finally be able to move on. Hopefully. She prayed. Hermione was not the one for her, she knew, but even though she knew, she could not help but wonder…
Why does it hurt like this?
