Candle light flickered in the corner of the room on the desk, not lighting the room very much, but allowing shadows to form and move with its flicker. In the darkness of the room there was moonlight shinning in from the open window that I leaned against. Cold snow fell against the bare skin of my face and hands and yet I didn't feel the chilliness. I felt as if I was numb to the world. I had felt so much pain I couldn't feel anymore…but I couldn't feel the good things either. The bedroom door opened and the darkness that surrounded me disappeared, replaced with light. I turned and looked over my shoulder as Sirius Black entered the bedroom in a thick leather winter cloak. He tore it off of his body as I closed the window and looked at him.

"I thought you'd be in bed," he said throwing the cloak onto the back of the chair by the desk. The swift movement of the cloak made a breeze that blew out the candle on the desk. I said nothing as I leaned against the closed window. I couldn't feel the cold glass against the back of my neck, but I knew it was there…

My eyes traveled around the bare bedroom as Sirius began to take off his clothes. There was hardly any furniture in the room, just the desk and chair with a single candle on it, then a mattress on the floor with a lamp next to it. There was a dresser with my clothing in it, Sirius had been living out of his trunk since we moved in.

We had left Hogwarts last October, and since resided in a small abandoned flat. The place was easy to find, but because it hadn't been lived in before we were sure that there were no previous spells left on it. Sirius and I had covered the flat in protective spells that only the two of us knew. I was secret keeper of the flat and I hadn't told anyone, not even Lily Potter, my best friend, where it was. Since I had been kidnapped over a year and a half ago Sirius and I hadn't taken any risks in our place of living.

I don't really know why we suddenly didn't have nice things to decorate our house with, or enough furniture so we both could sit in a chair. It wasn't a lack of money, most certainly not. Sirius had inherited a small fortune from an Uncle of his, and my Grandfather had left me everything there was in our family (which there was a lot of). I guess it seemed unimportant to both of us that the time to spend money on things that could be destroyed so easily. We weren't really focused on building our life together anymore, like we had been the first year out of Hogwarts. We both realized that we had to fight for a life together first before we could build it.

Our best friends, Lily and James Potter, seemed to think differently about the subject. They had moved out of Gordric Hallow and into a small flat in London so that they weren't as easy to find. They had nice furniture in their flat, worked hard with the Order, and Lily was pregnant with their first child. It seemed that they had a pessimistic view: they wanted to be married and have children before they lost their lives to the fight, because they didn't want to die with any regrets. I had an optimistic view: I was going to live through the fight to have a family. Our views differed, but I never mentioned it to them like that. Lily and I had a small tiff when I found out she was pregnant because I couldn't imagine brining a child into this world when it was one of chaos, darkness and death. But I knew Lily and James would protect the child with their lives, and they would love it like nothing else.

"Cadence?"

Sirius' voice brought me back to reality. He was standing right in front of me and I didn't even realize it. I shouldn't have let my guard down so easily, even if it was to Sirius.

"You okay?" he whispered touching my hips and pressing my body back against the window. His lips kissed my neck softly and I couldn't help but smile. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and leaned back to look him in the eye.

"Fine," I whispered then leaned forward and kissed him very softly.

"Why were you looking out the open window?"

His hands traveled up my body and massaged my back.

"I sent a letter," I said thinking I shouldn't lie to him.

"To who?"

"Gabriel," I whispered.

Sirius stopped kissing my neck and took a step away from me. The look in his eyes was very dark, and unhappy.

"Why would you send a letter to him?"

"Because we need his help, Sirius," I said moving away from him and the window. I took off my sweater and threw it on the ground in a pile of dirty laundry. Sirius turned to me and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Cadence, for all you know he's dead," he said.

"Don't you dare say that," I snapped turning viciously to him. My anger got the best of me and the whole room shook. Sirius threw his arm out and caught his balance against the wall. "He's not dead, Sirius."

"Fine," Sirius snapped. "He could be a Death Eater again! Do you like that option better?"

I turned away trying to control my anger that way the room wouldn't start shaking again, or Sirius wouldn't explode. My mental powers were just as unpredictable and uncontrolled as they were a year ago, something I blamed Gabriel for because he didn't help me finish my training. I didn't want to hurt Sirius, which is why I turned away. Sirius didn't read it that way though—he read my body language to mean that I didn't want to talk about this. Sirius hated Gabriel, like cats hated dogs. He was always jealous of Gabriel and was very nervous about me being around him so much. He didn't trust Gabriel because Gabriel used to be a Death Eater. It was because of me though that Gabriel wasn't a Death Eater anymore, because he loved me. I suppose Sirius had every right to be threatened.

"I'm going to James'," Sirius said. I looked over my shoulder in time to see him pick up his cloak and walk out the bedroom. I sighed and followed him, only to see him march down the stairs of the flat and leave through the front door. I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned against the wall outside the bedroom.

This was the forth time in two months that Sirius left the flat angry with me and spent the night at the Potter's. I returned to the bedroom and collapsed on the mattress in my pants and bra, having no motivation to undress anymore. I tried with all my might to not cry, but I couldn't help it. I didn't understand what I was doing wrong with Sirius. I thought he'd be happier that Gabriel was gone. But after a year of Gabriel missing, I began to look for him and that's when Sirius got annoyed.

My tears stopped when a peaking at the window drew my attention. I got up off the bed and opened the window. A small owl, that was not my owl, sat on the sill and held out its leg to me, where a note was tied to it. I took the note and the owl sailed off with out waiting for a reply. I sighed, Daphne, my owl, must be with Gabriel.

I opened the small note and read a short reply to my letter, making me feel like a bit of an idiot for writing so much.

I'm happy to see that you're still as sarcastic as usual. I'm sorry I can't tell you where I am, Cadence. But I am alive. No, I'm not coming back. I'm sorry.

There was no name on the bottom, but he wrote out my real name: Cadence. I had signed my letter with the code name he gave me: Avery. It had to be from Gabriel. I crumpled up the letter and threw it into a trash basket with annoyance. The bastard was nice enough to acknowledge my nasty attitude towards him, but wasn't going to come back. I laid down in my bed and sighed loudly, not really sure what to do with myself. Just after I closed my eyes, there was a tapping at my window again.

I looked at the window and saw a white owl on the sill. I smiled slightly, I knew that Lily would send an owl over as soon as Sirius got to the Potter's flat. I opened the sill for the second time that night and looked at the owl that flew into the room. It dropped a letter on the bed and I opened it with surprised eyes.

I left the room right away and jumped down the steps, skipping every other one as I went. I stopped at the door and pulled it open. Lily Potter was standing on the side walk across the street from the apartment. When she saw me appear on the street she crossed and looked at me like I was slightly crazy.

"You shouldn't have come," I said as she approached. "Being pregnant and all."

"Cadence," she said completely ignoring my comment. "You know you're only in a bra and jeans, right?"

I looked down. "Oh, right." I had forgotten that I was getting ready for bed when Sirius stormed out of the house. I was so distracted I forgot to put clothes on.

"Am I having a boy or girl?" asked Lily still at least five or six feet from me.

"Boy," I said. "What's my tattoo of?"

"Wings on your wrist," she said.

"What about the other one?" I asked. "That only you know about?"

"Black widow spider right where your hip meets the thigh," Lily smirked. "Sirius doesn't know about that one?"

I laughed lightly. "No, he hasn't taken off my clothes since I got it."

Lily nodded her head with a laugh.

"It's twenty two Roman Street," I said.

Lily looked ahead of her, where my apartment began to appear before her eyes. She raised her eyebrows and moved forward. I knew she was thinking the place looked a dump, and it did. I wasn't going to deny it.

"Wow," she said walking in and taking off her coat. "This is…nice."

"It's a dumb," I said. "You can say it."

"It's not that, Cadence," Lily said standing with her hands folded in front of her. She was wearing black tights, boots, a brown skirt to her knees, and a black sweater. She was only four months along and had a very small bump revealing she was pregnant. At first glance you wouldn't think she was pregnant, only if you knew her. "I just don't understand why you're staying here."

"Safety," I whispered. "Who'd expect me to stay here?" I grabbed a sweater from the front closet and pulled it over my head, then led Lily into the kitchen. I pulled out a chair for her and made her some tea.

"That's not green tea, is it?" she asked taking her seat.

"Uh," I said looking at the box I had pulled the tea bags out of. "No, it's not. Why?" I looked at Lily with raised eyebrows.

"The doctor said I shouldn't drink green tea," Lily said. "It can cause miscarriages."

I nodded my head slowly not really sure if I should believe her or not. I poured a cup of tea for her and brought it to the table, then sat down next to her.

"What happened?" Lily asked sipping her tea slowly.

"He came home just as I finished sending a letter to Gabriel," I shrugged. "He got upset."

"That's why he was ranting about a Death Eater," Lily nodded her head slowly. "Had me and James scared half to death. James calmed him down enough to at least explain that you two had argued. He was still yelling when I left."

I put my head in my hands. "I don't understand what's going wrong."

"I think the times are just stressing you both out," Lily shrugged. She put her hand on my shoulder. "He's upset that you're still looking for him."

"Why shouldn't I be?" I snapped with frustration. "He's was my partner and we need everyone we can get for this fight."

"I agree," Lily nodded her head. "But you know Sirius is very jealous of Gabriel as it is. You looking for hi makes him even more nervous and jealous."

I shook my head. "It's just driving me nuts. I don't know if I can live with him like this. He was better when Gabriel was around…I don't know…why can't he just get over and see that I'm with him. I love him. Maybe that's not good enough for him."

"I'm sure it will work out," Lily said reassuring me.

"Yea," I said. "But maybe it won't work out well. I've been focusing on fighting Death Eaters and my Father so much that I haven't stopped to focus on Sirius' and my relationship."

"He's been focusing on this war too," said Lily. "I wouldn't blame yourself."

"I feel like I have no one else to blame."

"A relationship is a two way street," Lily said. "You are just to blame in this situation as Sirius."

"Thanks Lily," I said standing up and taking my empty tea cup to the sink. I rinsed it and left it in the sink, leaning against it. I wasn't really sure what to do.

"Cadence, don't worry about it," she whispered.

I stood up straight and forced a smile at her. "Have you thought of names yet?"

"Harry," Lily smiled sweetly. "Harry James Potter."

"That's nice," I nodded picking up her empty cup and taking it to the sink.

"Have you thought of baby names?" asked Lily.

"I'm not pregnant, Lily," I said smartly.

She laughed lightly. "I figured you'd still pick out names…you're going to have kids someday aren't you?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. I hadn't told anyone but Sirius that it would be very difficult for me to have children because of the beatings I'd taken as an Auror. I wanted to have children, someday, just not now…not for awhile. But as of a year and a half ago I wasn't sure if I'd be able to have kids at all.

"You'd be a good mom," Lily said.

"Thanks," I laughed softly.

"You would," Lily said coming to me. "That's why I want you to be Harry's godmother."

I sighed and smiled at her with a shake of my head.

"I don't know if I can accept," I said. "I'm honored, but I don't know…"

"Cadence, you'd be perfect as his guardian."

"I'm a living target. I'm not safe, how could I take care of a child?"

"I'm sure you'll find a way," Lily said. "Please, James and I really want you to be the godmother."

"You're going to ask Sirius to be the godfather?"

Lily nodded. "James is probably talking to him about it right now to calm him down."

I laughed lightly. "Of course."

"Come on, Cadence," Lily said holding my hands. "I'm begging you. If you won't do it the only other woman we can ask is my sister."

"Petunia?" I said shocked. "Okay, okay, I'll do it."

Lily laughed and then hugged me. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me just yet," I said with a small smile. Lily squeezed my hands and moved back to the table.

"I'm so excited," she said with a girlish grin. I could see it in her eyes that she was excited for this baby.

"Aren't you afraid?" I whispered after a few moments of silence, because I really didn't know what else to say.

"Afraid?" Lily looked at me quizzically. She bit her bottom lip and shook her head. "I forgot that you don't think we should have kids."

"I think you should have kids when there isn't a war going on," I shrugged. "But it's your choice, and I think you're very brave. I wouldn't be able to do it…I'd live in fear because not only do I have to protect them, but they depend on me…look at what happens to me almost every day, Lily…I jump in front of Stunning spells and Killing Curses—I've been kidnapped four or five times since I moved here nearly four years ago! I couldn't do that…"

"I can," Lily said confidently. "I'm still going to fight for the cause, Cadence. Don't think I'm going to abandon it for my child. My child will give me more of a reason to fight."

"But what if something happens," I said going to her at the table. "Then you won't be there for the child."

"Nothing is going to happen," Lily squeezed my hands on the table as she spoke. "And if anything does happen that's why you and Sirius are his godparents. You'll be able to take care of him."

I frowned slightly and leaned back in my chair.

"That still doesn't comfort you?" she asked me.

"I just have a bad feeling," I shrugged. "I don't know what about…just a bad feeling."

Before either of us could speak there was a flash of yellow-orange light. It was brighter then any light I had seen in months, so immediately I knew that light was created by flames. I jumped up out of my chair and grabbed Lily's arm, pulling her out of the chair and then to the ground. I threw my body on top of hers as the kitchen around us burst into flames and flew apart from an explosion. There were flames everywhere, and the darkness that once filled my home no longer existed.

"Cadence!" coughed Lily looking up. There was black ash on her face from the explosion, and her hair was blown in a mess. I could only imagine what I looked like. I got to my feet and pulled her up next to me.

"We have to move!" I screamed over the flames as black billowing smoke filled the hall leading to the front door. I pulled my sweater over my face so I wasn't breathing in smoke and Lily followed suit.

As we raced for the door there was another explosion from behind us. We were far enough away that it didn't affect us, but I heard beams of the flat breaking and falling down. The second floor was collapsing onto the first. I sighed with disappointment and frustration as Lily and I dashed out the front door and across the street. Perhaps Sirius and I had left Hogwarts too soon…

"This is why we don't have any furniture!" I shouted at Lily. The flames were so loud she could barely hear me. We both stepped back as a cloud of green smoke appeared over the burning flat. The cloud shaped itself into an eyeless skull with a snake slithering out of its mouth. Lily gasped and bit her hand with horror.

The Dark Mark floated over my home, causing me to ball my hands into fist. It made me nervous that the house burst into flames just after I received a letter from Gabriel. Either he was a Death Eater and knew where I was now, or his owl had been followed, or Lily had been followed. To blow my house up the Death Eaters didn't need an exact location—if they pointed their wands in the right direction and tried to make something burst into flames the protection spells on the house would have stopped that. They could have made up their own spells to break mine, or my Father could have over powered them.

My Father.

I blinked and moved forward into the street. Lily called after me but I ignored her. I marched forward and in the distance of the flames I saw his figures—it was a tall skinny figure that haunted my dreams. The last time I had seen my Father I had burnt his house to the ground, maybe he was just returning the favor.

His dark eyes met mine and I glared viciously at him. Voldemort's thin lips turned into a smirk and he lifted his hand, waving at me. I lifted my hand and flipped him the bird. He had no reaction, only disappeared in a puff of black smoke. I turned and grabbed Lily.

"Let's get out of here," I said. She nodded and closed her eyes, holding on to me so she could Apparate us to her place in London. Just before we disappeared I looked back at my home with sad eyes. I was tired of seeing Voldemort destroy anything that was mine. I was going to get the bastard.