A/N: Half-heartedly written chapter two. I've been going through some really rocky days recently and I've had nothing better to do than play G.U. and draw. I picked this up a few times a wrote some things and then finally sat down and did the second half because I wanted to see it completed. G.U. gives me so many ideas!

I re-read chapter one quickly and groaned aloud at some of the grammar mistakes, so I might run back and re-upload a fixed version because little errors sometimes bother the hell out of me.

If you're wanting a sweet Ovan, you'll have to wait till later, kay? I'm trying to keep the volume one and two characterizations in first priority as far as the fic itself goes.

Anyway, some warnings as before. Till next time.

SELFISH

He gawked at his inbox for a good ten minutes, wondering if his eyes could somehow be deceiving him. After briefly scanning all other possibilities he concluded that no, there could not be any logical reason for the one unread message in his mail other than the fact that Ovan himself had sent it.

He considered deleting it. It would be so easy – just one click. That would show that smug bastard to think he could play with him. Just one click, and he would never have to worry about it again.

….hell, who was he kidding?

Although he could already feel the anger rekindled inside him, he opened the letter uneasily. The colored avatar with the bastard's face (but never showing his eyes – he hated that he could never see his eyes…) popped up on screen, and beneath it, the typed passage.

Haseo took a deep breath and began to read.

I suppose you shall hate me for this, but I think I'm doing what is best in ignoring your request not to contact you. I believe you'll only stay up late worrying, rather than getting some closure on the topic.

Atoli and the others can see through you rather easily. I would advise against pulling your 'everything's cool' façade in front of them, as it will only make matters worse.

I have a gift for you. Come to Halle Granz Cathedral.

Normally I would advise you come alone, but I think you know better than to bring an audience with you after your embarrassment yesterday.

I look forward to seeing you.

"What?" He hissed aloud. He re-read the message, only half-aware of his hands balling into fists. "What?!"

Cursing loudly, he turned back to his desktop to log in. He sure as hell wasn't running back to him, but there was no way he could call it a night either. Not with that prospect running through his mind.

He logged in, wondering if it was something he would regret.

The transformation took place in a second. With one click he was 'Haseo' again, his player's face back on, eyes switched back to their deep crimson red. The bright, neon arcs of light that surrounded him as he warped in faded swiftly, and in seconds he felt a soft body press up against his and a high, delighted voice sounding in his ear.

"Haseo!"

The girl stepped away, capturing one of his hands in both of hers as she did so. "Haseo, I can't believe it, I was just beginning to think you'd never log in! We were just about to go on a quest!"

He blinked, staring down at the cheerful Harvest Cleric before him. For a moment his busy mind questioned who she was, and then he remembered – he was no longer the Terror of Death, or the strange new Twilight Brigade member. Being with Ovan sometimes seemed to suck him into the past.

"…Atoli." he said, forcing a small smile and telling himself to regain his composure. "Hey…wait, a quest? You were waiting?"

"Mm-hmm!" she nodded happily, squeezing his hand a little, not noticing the tiny flinch it extracted. "Silabus and I found a cute new quest and we thought we'd take you along!"

"Huh." was all he could think to say. Everything about her seemed out of place, suddenly. Probably, he told himself, because of his current mindset after all that had happened...but she was just so…bright, with her shock of yellow hair and pink lips. The green to faded blue of her pixy-like outfit stood out clearly against the darker gold's of Mac Anu's backdrop. She was very small, he realized suddenly. Ovan was so tall that he always had to lean his head back to see his face clearly, but Atoli was just his size.

A quest, he thought. It would certainly be a distraction. He began to walk, and she followed beside him, peppy as ever. "Well? Are you busy? Is it okay?"

He really was very tall. Haseo couldn't imagine it any other way. He wondered if perhaps his face would appear different if he had a chance to see it under better lighting. Maybe if he was shorter, it would be easier to see his eyes, instead of just the glare from his glasses –

"Haseo?"

Atoli stopped walking suddenly, and both gloved hands moving to her chest in worry. "Um, Haseo?" she began, her high voice dipping suddenly. "Is something bothering you?"

They had gone through this sort of routine countless times. This time he ignored her, continuing to walk. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her look down at the ground, perplexed, then jog back into step with him.

"B-because…" she began again, "You don't seem very happy today…"

Of course he wasn't happy. He had just been proposed to.

His walk slowed a little, remembering. He was seventeen years old, and he had been proposed to by a complete stranger? Because technically they were strangers, right? Strange enough not to ever think that he would…ask something like –

He realized in the middle of his thoughts that both of them had come to a stop. He was standing in front of the guild shop in Mac Anu, which seemed oddly small and sad looking without Gaspard behind it. Wishing he was somewhere else, preferably somewhere alone, he pressed his palm against his forehead, wondering if there was some easy way out of this.

Silence hung between the two like a fog. "I'm sorry." Atoli whispered, and he resisted the urge to kick the neglected Shop Acorn in frustration when he heard the tones of pity in her voice. "I brought up a bad subject didn't I? Pretend I never mentioned it." she smiled uncertainly. "So, are we on for the quest? Silabus said– "

"I have somewhere I have to be." he muttered flatly. He really didn't want to see her at the moment, he didn't want to look at her face and wonder what the girl behind it was thinking of him right now. Ovan's words kept echoing in his head; not them, he said.

Not them….

"Oh? ….okay. Um, I hope you don't mind us leaving without you, then? You were going to be our third party member." she looked up at him, concerned.

It was…exhausting, he thought. Always having to answer, always having to be the one in control of every little thing. The guild, the party, the battles, the sorrow…he wished for a moment that he could live like Atoli, leaning off others and letting them be in charge instead. He thought of the word 'bride', how he hated it so much, because it seemed so horrifically submissive. But it would be so much easier, he thought with a little laugh, to let someone else deal with your problems, the way Atoli and the others seemed to have grown accustomed to doing.

I could almost envy them.

"It's fine. Have fun." he wondered if his voice sounded bitter.

"Y-yes! Of course. I'll see you when you get back?"

"Yeah…."

"Okay then! That settles it!" she said brightly, but it was obvious just by her tone that she was more than just a little upset about it. Atoli really was bad at putting on a happy façade sometimes, he mused.

But there was no where else to go now - except where Ovan wanted him to be.

"I'll see you, Haseo." Atoli said with one last caring smile, and then she turned and headed off in the direction of Canard's HOME, her gold-lined heels clicking lightly on the fake marble floors.

He wished he could follow her. But at the same time, he wished he could run the opposite way. Maybe now, he could log out, just for the day, or maybe for tomorrow too. Maybe he could take a small vacation and rest his mind, that way Ovan would get the message, and when he came back he'd have plenty to do to get his mind off it. He'd only have to hope that there were no AIDA sightings or calls from Yata in the meantime.

He laughed at the thought. It was impossible, of course. He was stuck here.

"Ovan…" he whispered, looking up at the always-blue sky. "…..damn you."

He headed back toward the chaos gate, his footsteps feeling too heavy and his heart feeling too anxious.

What's the worse he can do?

No. Rephrase that. If what he said was true – if he meant what he said yesterday, then…

What's the worst he can do, if he really is in love with you?

"In love." he repeated as he reached the chaos gate again. The ghostly azure orbs in the center spiraled about as if they were alive, chasing each other in some endless game of tag. "Ovan. In love." It just didn't seem to fit.

But everyone falls in love someone, right? Even the best of them fall in love sometime.

The imagine of Shino, smiling her sad and lonely smile, flickered into his mind briefly, and his heart clenched. Her gray hair, soft features…the mystery about her, the fact that he could see how badly she wanted to be normal, to be alive. The feeling he used to get around her, like nothing mattered except making her happy, making her smile for real. Her body in his arms, fading.

Love isn't worth it.

It wasn't worth the pain of being the one to hold up the complicated, heavy world that existed inside of just one single person. It wasn't worth falling apart when they fell apart. It wasn't worth being leaned on.

I'm not in love, Ovan. I'm not in love with anybody anymore.

And I'm definitely not in love with you.

He could see his outline, faintly glowing silver in the church light, the flat blue hair in hues of navy and tinted gold, how crisp his clothes seemed, how rough the shadow of his unclenched hands appeared. Haseo didn't say anything when he entered the cathedral, he assumed just the sound of his footsteps would be enough to alert the other man.

Ovan glanced over his shoulder as he came closer. He could almost see the look in his eyes behind those concealing glasses. There was a small smirk – or was it a smile? The word 'smirk' seemed to fit him better, he thought.

"You're here." the gunman acknowledged. "I'm glad." The soft, ghostly music turned the silence into something different – a breathing pause, more graceful than just standing there, feeling odd and out of place and horribly alone in spite of the fact that they were only an arm's length apart.

He was waiting here. I wonder how long he would have waited before he realized I wouldn't show up?

"You knew I would come, didn't you?" the words spilled from his mouth before he had time to think them over.

"There are always possibilities around you, Haseo." Ovan answered gently. "But you never disappoint." That smirk seemed to become more of a smile this time. Haseo frowned and looked away.

"….so why are you here, anyway? What's your stupid reason this time?"

"I have a gift for you. I told you that, didn't I?"

He raised an eyebrow, waiting. Ovan turned around fully this time, the sound of his armor clinking a little, his footsteps heavy and weighted. He reached out his hand. Haseo reached forward, frowning, and touched the center of his palm, where the item seemed to be.

There was a familiar bell-like sound before the notice came up on screen. Haseo stared at it, feeling his heart jump a little, but at the same time unsurprised.

"Your member address." he said flatly.

"Tri-Edge's Data Drain must have wiped everything from your account, isn't that right?" Ovan said silkily. "I'd give you Shino's as well, but I think it would be best to get her permission first."

He cringed a little at her name. "I'm not calling you." he said shortly.

"Then I shall call you instead." Ovan said with a faint smile. "The gentleman always makes the first move, isn't that how it goes?"

Haseo felt his face redden. "You don't need to level up." he pointed out.

"But you do." His tone sent a pang of guilt through his brain, remembering the day before and how he had almost been wiped out by a single monster just because he was impatient to get to the beast statue. "I won't be free always, of course, but I can spare time to help, if it's for you, Haseo."

"I won't." he repeated, a razor edge to his tone.

Ovan looked down at him, an odd expression on his face. It was surreal, Haseo thought, with the cathedral light shining around him and making him look like a different person. He hardly noticed when he moved closer, other than the shifting of the rays of golden light, powerful yet gentle, replacing the empty space where Aura once stood.

"Leaving me empty-handed? How cruel." The face he had fixed his eyes on ducked a little, leaning down to be on the same level as Haseo. "Let me kiss you." he whispered.

"No." Haseo muttered icily.

"Oh?" One of his hands found Haseo's smaller one and laced their fingers together with surprising care. "If you pretend I'm whoever it is you admire so much these days, would you let me then?"

"…stop it." This is turning into a repeat of the other day.

"It must be exhausting, looking after them." Why did I even come here? "Having all the others expecting you to protect them." I should have known he'd only say the same things. "And now you're always the shoulder to lean on, aren't you? There's no pause in the action that lets you lean on anybody else." So, why did I come here?

He could feel his breath on his face. Ovan was too good at this, his hands were too warm, the light around them was too soft and illuminating, and his mind was straying back to the other day, how enraged he was, how unfair all of this was.

"I love you."

"You're a good lair, I'll give you that much." Haseo said bitterly.

"Let me kiss you." he repeated. Haseo untangled their hands and stepped away, resisting the urge to look past those damn glasses and try to catch the expression on his face. "I have things to tell you." Ovan said. "About AIDA. About the World."

"You're going to blackmail me?"

"Would I do such a thing?"

This time he did look up at him. It was a mask, he told himself, that face, those glasses, the light and the soft cathedral music and the silly words that were meant to ensnare him. All of it was a damn mask.

But he had promises to keep. A promise to Shino, and smaller but just as important promises to Atoli, and Silabus, and all the others he had stumbled across the second time around.

"Take me to an area." Haseo said at last, watching Ovan's unflinching expression carefully. "Tell me what you know."

He placed his hands on his hips, trying to make himself gather back some of the control he always seemed to be losing in their conversations. "I'm no good at being somebody's whore." he spat. "You either tell me or you don't, there's no 'give me a kiss first's in between, you got that?"

"I wouldn't dream of it." He laughed softly, reaching forward to touch his face. Haseo blinked as the gunner took a lock of silver hair between his fingers fondly. "My bride is so feisty…"

"I'm not your fucking bride." Haseo said sharply, slapping his hand away.

"Of course not, we're not married yet." Ovan said as if such a thing were obvious.

"I'm not marrying you!" he shouted, watching the older man raise his eyebrows in a manner that was far too smug for his comfort. "And stop looking at me like that!"

"You're blushing." he pointed out with some satisfaction.

"You…" He touched his face, his fingers feeling cool against his hot skin and realized with a new spur of fury that he was, indeed, blushing again. "…you horny bastard." he stumbled.

"Hm." he seemed to consider it. "Such words, Haseo…if you said such a thing to the others, you might just break their hearts."

"I wouldn't have to say anything," Haseo snapped back, "Because they'd never – "

"…oh?" He smiled. "Of course. They'd never."

A silence fell over them, and he realized at once that this was like a battle – the stakes were the same, the rules were the same. You fight, you keep your pride, you try and bring yourself back up when you get knocked down. Playing this silly love game with Ovan was like a battle, and suddenly he felt like he was the one who was on his knees in defeat.

The cathedral music filled the air, making his thoughts seem strange and dead, everything and nothing. He didn't watch the man's face anymore – his eyes fell to his feet, distantly wondering if this was a battle that would end, or if it would just keep going, the way that AIDA seemed to. Not deadly, of course, but draining, confusing, making him feel weak.

You want me to be stronger, but you're making me feel weaker…?

"Why me?" he whispered, thinking of Shino and Atoli and the distant face of the 'Key of the Twilight.'

"I don't think anything I could say would answer that question the way you'd like to it be answered, Haseo." Ovan's voice fell over him like a spell. "Besides, I could ask the same of you. Why did you come here today when you were so intent on staying away from me before?"

That's a good question. He thought bitterly. "I can't avoid you." he sighed. "And you said you wouldn't…." he wanted to repeat the words 'force yourself,' but they seemed too harsh to imagine. "…try anything." he finished.

"I see." the silence returned, but only for a moment. "You're curious." he said at last.

"You're always hiding something."

"Maybe so." There was a slight hint of amusement in his voice.

"So why me?" he repeated. "Everyone respects you."

"Everyone respects you, too. You've grown a lot since that day, Haseo. Everyone wants a claim to you now." he stooped down again, looking up into his face with a tiny smile that said that there was more to this than he was picking up on. "…maybe I'm just selfish?"

Selfish? He thought of Atoli taking his hand, and Endrance confessing unblinkingly to his face, and Alkaid giving him her impatient stare. His heart jumped into his throat. Selfish…?

"Now then, shall we go?"

The party invite screen popped up in front of him, snapping him out of his thoughts. Haseo quickly pressed accept, before he could talk himself out of it. He looked from Ovan to the tiny panel with their party stats on it at the bottom of his field of vision, and suddenly he felt like he was back in the past again, and Shino would walk in and ask how they were doing any second now.

Ovan held out his hand with mock politeness, like a stranger at a dance. Haseo scoffed, looking away, feeling his face turning pink once more and mentally screaming curses at himself to get a hold of himself.

Such an odd sight, the cathedral, the light, the one outstretched hand. His fingers were rough and the material around them dark and smooth. It wouldn't be like holding hands if he took it, because there were gloves on his hands as well and it wasn't as if their skin would be touching….

Maybe I'm just selfish? the voice repeated in his head.

"…come on already." he said, trying his best to sound coarse and unintimidated, and he turned on his heel without another glance at the tall steam gunner, heading out the chapel's front doors with the haunting melody of the Lost Ground echoing in his ears.