Best For Last
Chapter Two
ARIZONA'S POV
Shit. That game really kicked my ass tonight. Maybe I slacked a little over the weekend, I don't know. Maybe I'm beginning to let myself go a little too much. Sure, I love having Lori around, but she doesn't take my routine seriously. She doesn't understand that I need to keep in shape if I have any hopes of soccer becoming my one and only constant in life. I love playing, I really do. It's the only time when I feel like myself. It's the only time when I can let go and focus completely on the end goal. Eliza gets that, but Lori doesn't. Yes, my girlfriend would sooner enjoy a session at the salon than watch me train but I guess that's just where we are different. That is okay, though. I have my best friend here to support me when it comes to soccer so Lori doesn't need to pretend she enjoys it. I wish she did, but she doesn't and that is something I have to live with. Of course, I'd love to see her cheering me on but I have enough support already and I think Lori knows that.
Furrowing my brow as I slow down my post-game run, I glance up to my best friends usual seat and find it empty. I didn't really catch her at all during the game but I'm sure she was here. Like she told me at the weekend…she has never missed a game. I understand that it's all about to change since we are going separate ways, but she doesn't know that I was accepted to the same University as her. I was kinda keeping it to myself a little longer, but I think I may need to tell her sooner rather than later. You know, before she finds herself a new best friend and I'm left out in the cold where our friendship is concerned. I know she is worried about leaving home and her mom, but she is going to be awesome. Wherever she chooses to call home next, she will always be the best she can be. She's Eliza Minnick and she has always worked hard. Her drawings…wow, they're amazing. Truly amazing. Her portraits are so life like that I struggle to find words to describe her amazing art, I really do.
Leaving the field, I find a few of the girls Eliza sometimes hangs with huddled around each other and laughing. I feel like I want to ask them where she is, but I'm sure she around here somewhere. I'm sure she is waiting by the locker room for me like she sometimes does. "Hey, Arizona." Amy throws me a wave. "Good game…"
"Yeah, thanks." I give her a genuine smile. "Eliza around?"
"Mm, try behind the bleachers." Amy giggles. "She was a little busy before…" Oh my god, she's with someone? Way to go, Minnick. Shaking my head and laughing, I wave off Amy and her friends and disappear towards the back entrance. God, I need to shower and I need it soon. It's pretty humid tonight and the fact that I didn't go running yesterday really hasn't helped me. Not at all.
About to head inside, I hear my best friends laugh and it causes me to glance to my right. Finding her against the wall, her tongue down someone's throat, my eyes widen but I'm not shocked. If I'm not mistaken, the woman against my best friend is Kelly. Another artist. I'm not pissed at Eliza, but I do kinda wish she would've told me she was into the ladies instead of her confirming it in this way. I've always thought that she was maybe bisexual, but she never brought it up and it wasn't for me to assume. I've never seen her with a guy, but that didn't mean it was my place to bring it up. Sure, I tried to get her a few dates but something always came up and school got in the way. At least, that's what I thought was going on. "Way to go, Lize!"
"A-Arizona, I uh…" Suddenly pushing Kelly off of her, she seems a little flustered but I don't know why. "Sorry, just um…"
"I'll see you later, okay?" Giving her a genuine smile, I head inside and leave my best friend to do what she seems to be doing best right now. She's putting herself out there and I love that. I love that she suddenly feels confident enough to be who she is. That's my girl. Okay, she isn't my girl. At one time, I was into her. Like, super into her…but it never came to nothing. I didn't have the balls to be upfront with her and I also wasn't 100% sure she was even gay. Now that I know, I'm kinda pissed at myself for never asking her. For never being honest with her. I guess that's just the way life goes sometimes and there is nothing we can do about it. Sure, I always have and I always will find Eliza to be one of the most attractive women I've ever known, but she chose not to tell me for a reason and I have to deal with that myself. Grabbing my stuff from my locker, I check my cell and furrow my brow.
E - Arizona, I'm so sorry.
A - For what? Go do your thing, Lize. I'm happy for you.
E - For not telling you a long time ago.
A - It is what it is. Just be you, okay?
Locking my cell and setting it down in my locker, I smile at the thought of Eliza finally becoming her true self. Maybe she didn't want me to find out this way, but this isn't my story or life. It's hers. It's hers and I'm beyond happy for her. Heading for the showers, I strip my kit from my body and step under the steaming water. It feels good against my skin. Soothing my muscles. I guess Eliza probably wants to talk this out, but I need a little time to process what I've just seen. Not because it affects me in any way, but because Eliza kept it from me. She kept it from me and I don't know why.
Grabbing my belongings, the rest of the team have already left but I always hang back and run a few laps before I head home. I don't know why I choose to stay back but it became a part of my routine and now it's just drilled into me. Kinda like the healthy eating and the intense workouts. I enjoy it because it keeps me sane and right now, I think I may need a few extra laps than usual. My shower didn't really help with my processing before. I don't know why, but I've suddenly found myself thinking about the past. We must have been around fifteen when I realised I was attracted to Eliza. I don't know why it happened or how, but it did. It happened and there were times when I simply couldn't get her out of my head. We had been best friends by then for a few years at least, so to suddenly become attracted to your best friend, it hit me hard. Harder than I thought it would. I managed to suppress the feelings I had for Eliza but it wasn't easy. She was just always there. Always at my place. Always in my bedroom and laughing with me. The amount of times I came close to kissing her was incredible and now I'm beginning to wish I had.
No, that would've been the wrong thing to do. She's my best friend. Best friends don't just kiss each other and assume that everything will be okay. We don't fool around and then it becomes more. We are best friends and that is how it always should've been. That is where it ends. Where it has to end. Eliza clearly isn't attracted to me or she would've told me about this a long time ago. I get it, though. I get that she couldn't come to me. Especially not lately. I've been too wrapped up in my own half-hearted relationship that she probably felt a little left out. I mean, I call and text her every day but it's not the same thing. Her conversation with me at the weekend makes sense. How she said she had to take a step back. Lori is here and I want it to work with her and I think Eliza knows that. So, she took a step back. She took a step back and found someone else to pass her time with. Someone who she can kiss and fool around with. I'm happy for her, but I'm not happy for us. It just means things really are changing. I wish they weren't.
Dropping my bag at the edge of the field, I glance to my right and find Eliza sitting alone. Throwing her a wave, she waves back and I run off in my usual direction. I don't know if she is hanging out and waiting to talk to me or if she is just sitting alone because she wants that, but I guess I'll find out soon enough. My pace increasing, the burn in my legs tells me I need this but honestly, I'd rather be sitting with my best friend right now. Lori is supposed to be meeting me here in the next ten minutes or so but I'm not holding my breath. She either shows late or doesn't show at all. I know she gets caught up with her friends, but it would be nice to not feel second best for once. I know she only dates me because I'm on the team, but sometimes it feels like more than that. Sometimes, it feels like she is with me because she wants to be. Not because I have the pool back home or the popular name around here. I'm just me and sometimes it's nice to be seen as just that.
"Arizona!" Eliza calls my name as I approach the end of my first lap. Waving me over, I slow my pace and finally come to a stop as she climbs down from her seat. "Hey…" She shoves her hands in the back pockets of her jeans.
"Hey, you okay?" I breathe out.
"Yeah, um…about before." She gives me an awkward smile. "I just…"
"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Eliza." I hold up my hands. "I love you no matter who you're into, okay?"
"Well, I'm not really into her but yeah, thanks." She drops down on the bench. "She just asked me if I wanted to grab some food last night and one thing led to another…"
"Good for you." I drop down beside her. "I'm happy for you…"
"Thanks." She gives me a slight shrug of the shoulders. "Kinda wish you hadn't seen it, though."
"Kinda hard not to see it when it's happening right off the field." I give her a knowing look.
"I thought you had already gone inside." She gives me a sad smile. "I mean, it was bad enough that I missed your game…then this?"
"Y-You missed my game?" I furrow my brow. "But you've never missed my game."
"I know, I'm sorry." Eliza breathes out.
"No, you know what…" I stand. "It's okay."
"Wait…" I grab my bag and turn my back on my best friend. "Arizona, please?"
"No, Eliza." I shake my head as I watch Lori come into view. "I'm happy for you. Really happy for you. You just…you've changed so much lately and I feel like I don't even know you anymore."
"I-I haven't." She tries to defend herself.
"To me…you have." I drop my gaze. "You said it yourself, though. We're moving on with our lives."
"So?"
"So, I guess I just always thought that you would be around." I shrug. "I guess I thought that we would always have each other's backs."
"W-We do."
"Eliza…" I sigh. "You couldn't even tell me you were into girls. I think it's clear that we aren't the same people we used to be." Backing up a little, my emotions are threatening to get the better of me. "You're supposed to be able to trust me with stuff like that. You're supposed to come to me and let me be your person…"
"I'm sorry." Her voice breaks.
"You go and be awesome in Florida…" I nod. "I'm sorry you couldn't trust me enough to tell me but I'm so happy you are finally living your life how you should. I knew, but it wasn't my place to say…"
"Y-You knew?" She furrows her brow.
"Deep down, yeah." I smile as I nod slowly. "I gotta go. Lori is waiting for me." Turning on my heel, I head towards my girlfriend and she wraps me up in a hug. "Hey, let's get out of here…"
"What's wrong with Eliza?" Lori asks, her forehead creased.
"Nothing." I sigh. "Nothing at all…" There has never been anything wrong with her.
"Hey." My cell resting on my shoulder, I settle down on my bed and close my eyes. "Thanks for meeting me after the game tonight."
"Maybe I love seeing you in your sweaty state." My girlfriend replies. "Something about a worked up Arizona kinda gets me going…"
"Good to know." I smile. "So, um…something happened tonight."
"Who was it?" Lori asks.
"Who was who?" I furrow my brow.
"Who did something happen with?" She asks, a little more abrupt.
"Oh, Eliza." I sigh.
"I knew it." She scoffs. "I knew she would eventually try it on with you…"
"Excuse me?" I ask, incredulously. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Oh come on, Arizona…don't you see how she is around you? How she looks at you?"
"Uh, no." I laugh. "And did you just accuse me of cheating on you?"
"Maybe I did." She says, nonchalantly.
"Oh, that is what you usually do, Lori." I'm so mad at her right now. "You're the one who needs more than just me…"
"Maybe because I knew this would happen one day…"
"First of all…Eliza is my best friend." I state. "And second? When I said that something happened…I meant that I caught her kissing Kelly."
"O-Oh." Lori clears her throat. "Well, I guess we all knew she was gay."
"That's not the point." I sigh. "You've just accused me and I think we're done here." Ending the call, I throw my cell to the bed beside me and release a deep breath. What the hell does she mean by the way Eliza looks at me? She doesn't look at me like anything. She's my best friend. She always has been. Maybe Lori is just so wrapped up in not knowing who she is banging that she is trying to create a scenario in her head to end things with me, I don't know. It no longer matters anyway. I just ended things with her and I swear, this time is the last time. I don't care how gorgeous she is. I can do better and one day, I will do better.
Is it true? Does Eliza look at me like I'm something more to her? Does she feel how I felt a few years ago? Surely not. Surely Lori is just reading too much into something that doesn't even exist. How do I feel knowing Eliza is gay? I'm not sure. I spent so long suppressing my feelings for her that I thought they'd totally gone away. Sure, I've had moments since then where I find myself daydreaming about her, but again, I've never acted on anything. If I'd known sooner, would I have? Probably. I'd like to believe that we could've just maintained that best friend status but if I'd known she was gay for sure way back, I know I'd have kissed her. God, I'd have kissed her so hard…and forever. She is just my kind of person. She is the only one who makes me laugh until my stomach hurts and tears are running down my face. She is the only one I talk to for hours every night. She is the only one I knew I would always have in my life…and then I walked away from her. Tonight, I walked away and left her standing there upset. That isn't me. I'm not that kind of person. Eliza is my best friend and I hurt her tonight. Maybe not intentionally, but I still hurt her nonetheless.
A - Sorry about tonight. If you ever need to talk, you know where I am.
E - Don't worry. I created this mess myself. I'll be okay.
A - I don't want to lose you, Eliza.
E - I think it's for the best.
What? No. Just no. She cannot stop our friendship because she thinks she hurt me by not telling me. I know I was a little mad earlier, but she missed my game. She missed it and she promised me she wouldn't. Okay, maybe she didn't say that word exactly, but I knew what she meant. I knew she was silently promising me that she would be there. I guess it's just been a bad day all around and now I've lost my girlfriend…and my best friend. Lori, I'm not overly concerned about, but Eliza has just basically expressed her desires to end our friendship and I can feel my heart sinking into my stomach. Do I tell her? Do I tell her how I once felt about her? I feel like I should but I'm not sure it will achieve anything. I'm not sure it will change anything. It will only mess things up further.
A - If you can't be my friend anymore, I'm sorry. I did have a surprise planned but I guess it no longer matters. Be safe, Eliza…and be careful.
Tears falling down my face, I power off my cell and curl into the fetal position. I guess tomorrow will be spent figuring out my University of choice now that Eliza no longer wants me in her life. Maybe down the line, she will come around but I'm not hopeful. I meant what I said when I told her she had changed. I meant it, but I still don't have an explanation. If she would just talk to me, she would know that I'm here for her. Seems I'm not the one she can come to anymore, though. If I've messed up and been a shitty friend to her, I will apologize. I will apologize and try to make things right. I just don't know where we go from here now. She is making it clear that she wants to distance herself from me and our friendship and I guess I just have to live with that. Whatever I've done wrong, I'll be forever sorry.
You don't do things easy, Robbins.
Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.
