Summary: Big, messy tears fall down her cheeks and her nose drips sickly onto her lip as she completely breaks down; absolutely, positively loses it in the middle of a stark white hospital hallway. Chuck & Blair after the accident all the way until the wedding.
AN: Thank you for the response to the first part! I want to warn people again that this is based on spoilers and speculation floating around, mixed with my own ideas. Let me know what you think of this and if you think I should keep going with it... :)
2
Blair's tired eyes blink open to bright florescent lights and clinical white walls.
She quickly realizes she's been snugly tucked back into her uncomfortable bed. Her head feels much too heavy and her body aches but all she can think of is Chuck.
He was so hurt.
He was dying.
She looks to her side and notices Serena sound asleep in the chair next to her and doesn't want to waste the opportunity she sees. Pulling back the sheets, she pushes herself up to sit but has to pause from dizziness.
"Blair."
She jumps at the voice, swinging her head too quickly to the other side of the bed.
The room spins and she slams her eyes shut to try and stop it.
"Okay, you need to lie back down."
Blair opens her eyes back up and glares at him. "Mind your own business, Humphrey."
Dan smiles sadly at her and reaches out to help her lay back.
She slaps his hands away. "I'm serious," she snaps even with her weary voice. "I need to see Chuck."
"He's fine, Blair."
She gives him a look, convinced he is just placating her in her 'fragile' state.
"I promise," he firmly assures her. "It's been touch and go, but right now he's stable."
She allows herself a small breath of relief before shaking her head. Stable isn't good enough. "I need to see him."
"What you need to do is rest," he argues, turning soft. "You were hurt too, Blair. Badly."
She flinches and her fingers itch at her side to slide over and touch her stomach, something she's done over and over again the past few months. But she can't do it now. She's afraid she'll be able to feel the emptiness.
"Chuck would want you to take care of yourself," Dan adds quietly.
Blair scowls, her eyes glazing over with emotion. "Well too bad he's not here to voice his opinion."
Scooting over in the bed, she pulls the covers off her pale legs and carefully moves to let them hang over the side of the bed.
That movement alone makes her feel exhausted.
"Blair, I really think-"
"I don't care what you think, Humphrey," she snarls while trying to catch her breath. "You have two options right now. You can either sit here and whine and watch a poor, sick girl try to walk out of here all by herself."
He snorts at her sarcasm, relieved that she still seems like Blair.
"Or you can actually do something useful help me out of this bed and take me to Chuck."
Dan contemplates for a moment before sighing and giving in. He reaches out his hand which she quickly takes. Slowly he helps her move off the bed and come to a shaky stand on the tile floor.
"You okay?"
Blair nods softly and leans her weight against his side. She must have been running on pure adrenalin before, because now, she suddenly feels so much more hurt. Grasping on to Dan's arm, the two of them slowly shuffle their way out of the room and down the hall.
The journey is silent, with a few short breaks mixed in, but soon they are standing outside of a tall, wooden door.
Blair takes a breath to steady herself before nodding at Dan that she's ready.
Her gaze falls on Chuck the second the door swings open.
He's been changed into a hospital gown that matching her own and there is a thick, white bandage wrapped tightly around his head.
He's so pale.
Tears fill her eyes.
She allows Dan to slowly lead her into the room when she catches sight of the oxygen tube in his nose.
A shaky breath escapes her and she has to hold back a sob.
"Has he..." she begins hesitantly as Dan helps her into a chair right up next to Chuck. "Has he woken up at all yet?"
Dan somberly shakes his head. "He's been unconscious since the accident."
Blair's bottom lip quivers as she stares at Chuck's pale, unmoving face.
"I'll leave you alone for awhile," Dan tells her softly, feeling like an intruder in the small hospital room, "but I'll come back to help you to back to your room."
She nods, disinterested, not looking away from Chuck for a second as if she's afraid he might disappear if she does.
The door clicks shut and suddenly they're alone.
"Chuck," she whispers into the still room, naively hoping he will respond to her voice. "Chuck, please..."
Nothing. Just the gentle rise fall of his chest.
She looks down at the bed as twin tears slip down her cheeks.
Reaching out, she takes his hand in hers.
A tiny sob escapes her when she squeezes his hand and he doesn't squeeze back.
Blair takes a moment to lovingly kiss his knuckles before hugging his hand protectively to her chest.
"Please..." she tearfully begs his unconscious form. "Don't leave me."
Silence.
She takes a deep breath and shakes her head.
This is all her fault.
If she hadn't been engaged to a prince, the paparazzi wouldn't have been chasing them. If she had just made a decision faster, she woudn't have still been engaged to a prince and she would have made a decision faster if she hadn't been pregnant. And if she hadn't been pregnant, Chuck wouldn't have used his body to shield her in the accident.
"You shouldn't have done that," she scolds him quietly. "You shouldn't have tried to save me and the..."
She nearly chokes on her tears. She can't say it. She can't say Baby.
It's all her fault.
She should to be the one who may not live or die.
She's the one who was committing adultery. She's the one who was going to leave the father of her child.
God is punishing her.
"You're too good for me. I don't deserve you..."
Blair sniffles, tears cascading down her cheeks.
"But you can't leave me. Please, please don't leave me," she begs through sobs. "I can't go on without you, Chuck. I can't survive if you're not here."
She pulls his hand to her lips and kisses his palm.
"Please, Chuck..."
She rests her forehead against his hand gripped tightly in both of hers.
"Please, please," she cries, her eyes clenched shut as she wishes with all her heart. "Please, don't die. Please..."
The sudden click of the door breaks into her emotional trance and she snaps her head up to look to see two nurses standing in the door.
"S-Sorry to interrupt," one of the nurses stutters awkwardly.
Blair doesn't even attempt to wipe away her tears because she doesn't want to let go of Chuck's hand.
"We need to take him to have a CAT scan," the other nurse explains.
She nods reluctantly at the two women before standing, swaying a bit on her feet.
The women eye her cautiously as they catch sight of her hospital gown. "Would you like us to call someone to escort you back to your room?"
Blair shakes her head. "I can manage."
Turning back to Chuck, she kisses the back of his hand one more time before setting it carefully back at his side. She leans forward and places her lips reverently on his bandaged forehead.
"I love you," she breaths against his skin before pulling away only because she has to.
She watches with her heart in her throat as the nurses futz with the wires and equipment on Chuck's body before they wheel his bed out of the room, leaving her standing alone in the nearly empty room.
Helplessly she wipes at her tears, trying to pull herself together at least a bit, before she realizes her efforts are useless.
Warily she starts to make her way back to her own room. Her feet shuffle slowly across the floor and once she enters the hallway she uses the wall to hold herself up as she walks. It's a short distance but along the way her eyes catch sight of an open room she didn't notice before.
She curiously pauses in the doorway and fresh tears fill her eyes.
It feels like fate to stumble upon this room at a time like this. It feels like this is where she needs to be.
She steps forward, her heart beating nervously in her chest as she enters the hospital's small church. She gradually makes her way to the front of the room near the large cross on the wall.
Blair kneels in the first pew and and clasps her hands tightly together in front of her.
Tears slip down her cheeks as she stares up at the cross.
Her mind goes a million miles with every thought and regret she has for her conduct over the last few months and especially the last few days.
"Dear God," she begins quietly, her shaky voice breaking into the comforting silence.
She takes a deep breath, trying to gain the strength to say what she knows in her heart she has to say.
"I am so sorry..." she says shakily, "for everything I have done wrong. I am sorry that I have sinned. I cheated on my fiance. I committed adultery. I tried to run away from my child's father with another man."
She squeezes her hands together and hopes that someone is listening to her.
"But please don't punish Chuck for my sins," she begs tearfully. "Please. Let him live."
She sniffles and sobs.
"I'll do anything. I promise. I'll start going to church. I'll volunteer at more charities," Blair pleads, offering anything she can to get God to spare her soulmate. "I'll fix my mistakes. I'll... I'll marry my fiance. I'll fix it. I'll stay away from Chuck. Just, please, don't let him die."
Her body trembles with tears.
"You've already taken everything else from me," she cries. "Don't take him too."
Dissolving into a puddle of emotions, she buries her face into her hands and cries uncontrollably over the mess her life has become.
Someone touches her shoulder and she nearly jumps out of her skin, looking up wild eyed at whoever is interrupting her moment with God.
That's when her eyes land on him.
Louis.
His sudden presence feels like fate; a sign.
Immediately she bursts into tears all over again.
"I'm so sorry, Blair," he quickly apologizes. "I didn't mean to scare you by sneaking up on you."
She shakes her head at him, telling him without words that that's not why she's crying, but she can't find it in her to speak.
He sighs and hesitantly kneels next to her. "And I'm sorry I didn't come see you right away," he hesitantly continues to explain. "But I heard you were with Chuck in the accident..."
"It was a mistake," she interrupts desperately. "I wish I could take it back."
Louis nods shortly. He scrutinizes her for a long moment before gently reaching out and touching her cheek. "Are you okay?"
She shrugs.
"Is the baby okay?"
Her only answer is a sob.
His face falls in absolute heartbreak and he reaches out for her without another thought.
Blair jumps into his open arms even as a sick feeling begins in her stomach. "I'm sorry," she cries into his neck, holding onto him tight. "Im so, so, so sorry..."
"It's okay," he breathes into her hair, his own tears of pain failing from his eyes. "It will all be okay."
"It's my fault," she mutters against his shoulder.
Louis rubs her back and shushes her gently and both of them choose to ignore the fact that he doesn't refute her claim.
"It was a mistake," she cries again, pulling back to meet his gaze.
Another wave of guilt hits her at the sight of his tears.
"It's the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life," Blair hysterically tries to explain. "I just want to fix it. Please! I'm so sorry, Louis..."
Louis bites his lip before nodding almost imperceptibly. "We were fighting and we hadn't seen each other in so long," he theorizes, trying to convince them both of the situation. "I had been back in New York a week and I didn't even try to come see you even when I knew the paparazzi were harassing you."
Blair nods in quick agreement. "I was overwhelmed and confused and..." she trails off in tears. "I messed up."
"We'll try to fix it," he concludes, his voice anything but strong.
She ignores his tone and smiles in relief, pushing forward into his tight hold once again.
"I love you, Blair," Louis whispers against her ear.
Her stomach twists but she smiles in spite of it. Her eyes drift back up to the cross hanging on the wall while she clings to her fiance.
Blair bites her lip and snuggles into his arms. "You too."
She is going to fix her mistakes and keep up her end of the deal, she just hopes God keeps up with his.
TBC…?
Feedback is always appreciated... :)
