SotA-G
Public Service Announcements Omake
AKA
What happens when they ask Naruto to appear on TV
Public Service Announcement:Client- Systems Alliance Anti-Drug Administration
Naruto holds up an egg.
"This is your brain."
Naruto holds up a M-920 Cain.
"This is Red Sand."
Naruto throws the egg as far as he can, and shoots it midair with the Cain.
After the roar of the explosion died, he says,
"That is your brain on Red Sand."
The camera goes in for a close-up of his snarling face.
"Feel like shooting up NOW, motherfucker?"
Reaction:
"Nice attempt, Naruto. Three things. One, This is public television. You aren't allowed to say 'motherfucker' on Public TV. Two, using a mini-nuke on an egg is a gross misuse of resources, and probably illegal. Three, we're being sued for damages." Hackett observed.
"What damages? It was an open area, and the Cain's non-nuclear, so there's no fallout!"
"It was in a city park."
"An empty one."
"Which is why we're not under manslaughter charges."
"Fine. Put it on my tab."
"Done."
Public Service Announcement:Client- Systems Alliance Marine Corps. Recruitment Office
A view of the empty void of space appears.
"The galaxy's a cold, dark place. But we are not alone."
Footage from the First Contact War played.
"When we first discovered that, It was our Marines who held the line, and stopped our attackers from advancing to our homes."
Footage from the battle of Mindoir played.
"When slavers raided our homes, it was the Marines who got our people back, and paid it back double."
A Marine wearing the standard black armor stood at attention.
"Always Vigilant, Always Prepared, and always ready to do our duty."
Naruto appeared, and pointed a gun at the camera. A gun retort sounded, and a flash and a wisp of smoke came from the barrel.
"System Alliance Marines. We shoot evil in the face."
Reaction:
"'We shoot evil in the face?'" Hackett questioned.
"It's simple, to the point, and sums up the duties of a Marine in less than ten words. How'd it poll?"
"Turians don't like it, as it implies they're 'evil' for their actions in the First Contact War. Batarians don't like it for similar reasons. Salarians, like you, thought it was 'refreshingly to the point.', as did most Krogan. Asari we polled are divided, although the Justicar Order tried to buy the copyright to the phrase, as did an order of Drell assassins."
"How much did they bid?"
"Not much. Both factions are rather acetic."
"Damn. How did it poll among humans?"
"They laughed their asses off. However, there is something I have to bring up."
"What?"
"The fact you shot the cameraman."
"I thought the gun they gave me had blanks. Even then, It didn't hit anywhere important. AND I immediately provided first aid."
"Which is why you're not in a cell. Tell me, since you are obviously a rookie, what is Rule Number One?"
"Friendly fire isn't."
"NOT THAT RULE NUMBER ONE! ALWAYS, AND I MEAN ALWAYS, TREAT A FIREARM LIKE IT'S LOADED!"
"I did. I treated it like it was loaded with something a movie studio would load it with. EG, blanks."
Hackett sighed. "Get out of my office before I throw something at you."
Naruto was gone before Hackett finished the sentence. He dealt with Tsunade too often to assume he was exaggerating.
