Dearest Diary,

Sometimes I just don't know what I'm going to do with this rebellious son of mine...

First of all, Gilligan decided to sleep in again! So I barged right through his door and opened his blinds.

"Uppity up, Gilligan! The worms aren't going to catch themselves you know!"

Suddenly, something caught my eye on the floor and I almost had a cow when I saw what it was.

"Gilly! What do you think you're doing with this?" I demanded, "Do you realize the danger of harboring this… this… dangerous… danger?"

"Father… we've been over this five times," he mumbled from underneath his blankets, "It's a comb."

"We both know your level of coordination is equivalent to that of a two year old. You could be holding this weapon, about to comb your luscious locks, when you miss and stab your eye repeatedly!"

"That's absurd. But if I was to accidentally stab my eye, I'm pretty sure I would stop after the first time."

I continued my rant, "Before you even realize what you're doing, you could be blinded forever! Then, all of my- I mean your dreams of finding a wife, becoming mayor, and having eight children will be thrown out the window! YOU WILL DIE ALONE I TELL YOU!"

"Did you take your medication this morning?" he asked with a familiar look on his face.

I ignored him. "Just look at the menacing spikes of death on this thing! I'm not comfortable with you having this. I'm very disappointed in you, Gilligan! If I can't trust you, I just might have to remove your door. That way you can't sneak in these weapons!"

Now that I have described to you, darling diary, that conversation with my rebel son, what do you think?

OH that's absolutely right! I knew I could count on you to help me think about my life situations. Gilly was being completely unreasonable.

That takes me to the next event of the day: my announcement to Akari on the news station…

It started off just grand. I double checked my hair, making sure it pointed in the correct directions, and I triple checked my zipper (forgot to do that once… not a pretty story). The red light on the camera turned on and I smiled widely.

I clapped and happily noticed that was getting easier to reach around my stomach. I only slightly broke into a sweat this time!

"Akari, will you go out with my one and only son, Gilligan? He is the future mayor of Harmonica Town! He's too socially awkward to ask you himself, but that shouldn't deter you from-"

I looked down and couldn't believe it; I thought I zipped this darn thing up!

I need to go to the tailor's shop for a new pants fitting. For some reason, they keep canceling my appointments. I hope it doesn't have anything to do with the day I forgot to wear my Depends…

Ahem. Sorry diary, that was off topic. Back to the announcement…

After I zipped my pants back up, I continued speaking. "Please call 555-GILL. That's 555-4455. He is awaiting your call, Akari! Don't break his heart and make him die alone!"

I wished I could have seen her reaction. I bet she was jumping up and down with joy.

As I am writing this, I am sitting inside the Town Hall, listening intently to the hidden baby monitor so that when she calls, I can hear their conversation.

I know I did the right thing today. Gilligan is going to be so happy that I took the first step in getting them together.

I WANT GRANDBABIES!

~Hamilton Fawn Derrièra~


Hi! violetfireflies here! I just about died laughing when swingdancer23 told me she thought Hamilton wore Depends, so I had to use that in here. :P I hope you enjoyed this diary entry. I also hope you aren't being mentally scarred, because I think I am. :O Pretty please leave a review~

Thank you so much all who have reviewed:

Fanfiction Ninja (yes, swingdancer23 and I know each other in real life), MidnightxMusic, harvestmoongirl987, HorseGirl784, and coolestperson19. And thanks to the anonymous reviewer who has no name for giving us the first review!

I have issues with long author's notes... I just like to thank everyone! And ramble on about stuff ;) haha anyway, swingdancer23's entry is next! Look out!