Eliza Sue
~Owl from Mum~

Hopefully she'll take me away from this school. I can't believe it! She's sending me to my father in England for the school year! ~ Eliza Diawna Snape

Scattered upon the wooden desk were notes off all kinds. Eliza carefully fingered them, looking over the ones written in blood red ink, to the ones that asked her to just go die. All of them were anonymous, so she couldn't tell who happened to send them. She never showed them to the head of her school. That was though, because of the fact that she felt the lady was ignoring her about this whole matter.

"I really wish mom would take me away from this school." Eliza leaned forward onto her arm, her lip pursing to the side. A deep depression was setting in. It wasn't that she wanted to die, she just didn't want to have anything to do with living a normal life anymore. That was how bad the bullying happened to be.

Suddenly, she heard a flurry of feathered wings and she turned towards the window sill of the girls dorm, where she saw her mother's owl perched on the sill, watching her. Quickly, she headed over and detached the letter from the owl. She opened it up quickly.

My dear Eliza,
~ I am so sorry that you have received these death threats from your fellow students. Personally, with my standing in the community, I have to take this seriously, due to the anonymity. I mean, for all we know, it might not even be a student. So, here is my decision on the whole matter. Please pay in mind I mean the best for you.
~ I am going to remove you from the school. However, I am not able to home school you, as I do not have time to do so. I also can not easily transfer you to another school here in the states. So, I've decided to send you to live with your father over in England. That means it will be an easy transfer for you.
~ Love, your mother

Eliza felt her cheeks suddenly flaring and her cheeks puffing out. Tears welled in her eyes, not to mention a few trickled down her cheeks. Her mind was reeling. It was as if the only words she read were that she was being sent away. Then again, perhaps in her agitation, these were the only words that in truth registered for her, as she chocked out her tears.

"Doesn't mum love me at all?" the girl thought to herself. "I don't want to leave. If she loved me, she would have found a way for me to stay. I feel like I am being punished. As if this really is the best thing for me, sending me away from the family I know. It just isn't fair!" At that, Eliza pulled out her journal and began to write, her anger and agitation getting the better of her.

Author's note – I actually caught this one on the third read through. In her first journal entry, we have Eliza bemoaning that she wants to leave the school, and then in the next one, not believing that she is in fact leaving. Without added detail, it sounds contradictory... and yes... there is missing detail in the journal entry.

Rule of Thumb 2 – Do not contradict what you say in one spot, in another spot later on. This is just bad writing.
Rule of Thumb 3 – Do put in any necessary detail that you need to. Context clues are important. For example, here... Eliza seems to be saying at one point she wants to leave, then that she doesn't want too. However, if EDS had thought about why Eliza was upset, and put in more detail, the contradiction wouldn't exist.