Author's Note: Hi everyone! Welcome to Chapter 2 of How Far We've Come! In this chapter, we get to learn the origins about Rose's past relationship with a woman named "Lily". Why does Rose feel guilty about her past and what kind of secrets does she hold that it would hinder her present relationship with Alisha? Find out this and more in the drama-filled chapter of How Far We've Come!
As much as I wanted to upload this chapter earlier, I wasn't able to due to my old laptop dying (that and I was focused on getting my latest chapter of End of an Era up before this one). As such, this is the first chapter I'm writing with my new laptop (so a minor milestone for me I guess). I guess I can also attribute the delay in needing to do some research to make sure the events depicted herein don't contradict canon material.
I think what also caused the delay was just writing this chapter in general. As I've already established Alisha and Rose as a couple in my other works, I actually found it hard to write for Rose falling in love with someone else that wasn't Alisha. It was hard to not write Rose's past love, Lily, as someone you aren't supposed to hate, as someone you feel Rose could have been with.
In any case, I think I've said enough for now, so let's get back to the story!
Chapter 2: A Little Flower Blooms
"This looks nice, but it lacks aroma. However, I think this one would probably go better with…"
Again your voice trails away, my brain pulling me back to my thoughts again. This is supposed to be exciting, it's supposed to be special, but for some reason I continue to think about her. For the past month, every time I think of our wedding, I think about the one who took my innocence, the one I gave away my heart to back then.
I want to punch myself every time my thoughts even begin to go back to her, how I think the pain will send me back to reality and the happiness we share now. But the truth is the pain only reminds me of the agony she left before quickly being reminded of the joy she had imparted. Lily, why do I have to think about her now of all times?
"Rose… Rose!"
"Huh?"
"I'm asking you what should be the center piece for the flower arrangements," you return me to reality, holding several flowers in your hand as you point them out to me.
"Oh I dunno, something pink, red, maybe…," this stuff continues to elude me even if I were to concentrate on the situation.
"Maybe something in between would be nice?" Lailah proposes, taking a few flowers from your hand. "What do you think? The bright purple shade on this one certainly stands out amongst a backdrop of white the best. The six-starred shape will also help clear out any space in any bouquet."
"Hm, it certainly does look nice," you say as you picture the bouquet as if it were right in front of us. "You know what, I think we should go with the lily as the center piece. What do you think Ro-?"
"No!"
"Rose?"
The moment I try to get her out of my mind, she just has to come back, her name coming out of your mouth of all things. Already I find myself angry, frustrated in fact, with my hands already curled into fists and my teeth biting down on one another. I can only remain frustrated for a small bit though, your usual concern and teary-eyed look returning me what's supposed to truly matter right now.
"I…I'm sorry," is all I could say as I try to calm myself down.
"…Rose…"
"Okay…, guess we can say bright purple's out of the equation," Edna quips with her usual sarcasm.
"Well, I suppose we can still use the white ones if-," Mikleo tries to suggest, only to be silenced by the earth seraph's umbrella hitting his head.
"Hey, this isn't your wedding, so butt out," Edna lectures.
"So then what about you and Lailah?" the water seraph questions, already becoming frustrated. "Why do you two get to- Ouch! Again, really Edna?!"
"When it's your wedding, you can choose the flower arrangement," she calmly replied after returning her umbrella to her side. "Of course, who would want to marry a kid like you?"
"Likewise, who would want to marry a little girl like you?!"
"Big talk from such a little boy."
I lose track of what they say after that; the two of them bickering like kids as they always do. As usual, the true meaning behind Edna's words fly over Mikleo's head. Sometimes I wish she could just be more forward with him and tell him what she really feels so I can avoid these headaches.
Even with the two's arguing now echoing over everything else, I still see you looking over at me with a concerned look on your face. With the motion of your eyes, I can tell you want to step outside for a moment, to let our friends argue amongst themselves as Lailah and Zaveid try to calm them down. With a sigh, I agree, their insults already giving me a major headache despite the initial amusement I used to get when Edna would give Mikleo her 'love taps'.
"Is something the matter, Rose?" you ask me the moment we step outside the flower shop.
"You'd think after all these years Mikleo would take a hint," I say, trying to keep my head clear of a 'certain somebody'. "Sure it was funny for the first few years, but now it's-"
"I know this isn't about Edna and Mikleo, Rose," you interrupt with a stern voice. "Tell me what's really bothering you."
What's bothering me? A lot of things are bothering me, that's what. Things I can't so easily share with you, things you can't even begin to understand.
"Bothering me?" I say, trying to play things off like nothing. "Nothing's been bugging me. It's just-"
"Something's definitely buggering you and it's buggering me too," you interrupt again, this time using your weird interpretation of 'uncouth speech' as you put it. "What's been with you for the last month, Rose? Ever since the night we became engaged, you've been more distant. Is it something I've done, or are you-?"
"No, of course it's not something you've done," I quickly assure you. "You haven't done anything wrong, Alisha, it's just…"
"…just what?"
…it's just that there's a part of my past that I haven't let go. It's just that the last words of someone I thought was once dear to me are still eating me up to this day. It's just that I don't want the past to get in the way of our future. It's just that…it's just that…it's just that I don't want you to think any different of me if I were to tell you everything that happened back then!
"…it's nothing…," is all I can bring myself to say as I look away.
"Rose, please, talk to me," you hurry in front of me as you take my hand. "We're supposed to be married in one month; I'm supposed to become your wife, am I not? Please Rose, a spouse is always supposed to share everything with their partner, even if what's being shared is something awful and hurtful. Talk to me Rose, please, tell me what's been bothering you."
Spouses are supposed to share everything with each other, no matter how awful or painful it's supposed to be. Yeah, I think I said something similar to you two years ago when it came to your ex-husband and kids, how hiding the truth of who you really were was hurting them, but the truth is…
"…I… I can't!" I quickly take my hand away from yours. "I don't want to talk about it, so just leave me alone already!"
Already I begin to regret what I say, how I just wanna take back what I said and throw it out a window. It's too late however, finding you standing there in complete shock, your eyes already beginning to water as your lips quiver. A simple glance at your current expression is enough to wring my own heart, my own eyes beginning to burn as I stare into your watery glazed eyes. I try to apologize, I try to tell you that I didn't mean to get upset with you, but before I can make things right, you're the one who's talking instead.
"…so that's it?" you say rather firmly, despite the streak of water that falls down your cheek. "You want to act tough again, is that what you're trying to do? You know what, Rose, you've always been the type of person that always tried to carry the burden on your own shoulders, always trying to put a front that you can put up with everything that comes your way. But you know what, the truth of the matter is when no one's around, you curl into a little ball and sulk in a corner like the vulnerable little girl you truly are."
My regret from just a moment ago quickly disappears now, quickly replaced by another form of rage that takes over everything else. Again I form my hands into fists, my eyes narrowing as I glare into your own. For a quick second, I see a hint or regret in what you just said, but already it's too late. Before I know it, my voice begins to act, speaking the first thing that comes to mind.
"And just what do you know about me, Alisha?!" I quickly retort. "For that matter, what do you really know about yourself?! Who was it that couldn't even be honest about her true self until one year ago? You wanna talk about sharing, then how about sharing the fact that after you left Sergei and your kids, your old family-!"
A dull pain quickly fills my cheek now, the sudden slap causing my own eyes to widen, leaving me paralyzed for a few seconds.
"…don't you dare go there, Rose…," you seethe, your watery eyes still glaring. "I made a choice when I chose you over them. You have no right to bring them u-!"
My own hand acts now, returning the favor of your slap with my own.
"Oh I don't have the right?" I question. "I'm sorry, I thought you wanted to talk about the past, that spouses are supposed to share everything."
"And just what do you know about sharing?"
You slap me again as my face still stings from the first. It's normally my style to retaliate, but I can't bring myself to do it this time. It's not worth it I try to tell myself, that your stubbornness will only keep this going on for who knows how long. It'll go on forever, this feeling of loathing each other more as time passes, how the love and passion we once shared will one day just slowly be replaced with hatred and anger. I should know, after all, this is how things began to crumble between 'her' and I back then.
"What do I know about sharing?" I ask, my eyes glaring at your own. "I know what we're sharing right now is just a hint of things to come between us when we finally do tie the knot."
"Rose… I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"
"You wanna hit me that bad, Alisha, then go ahead, hit me again! Go on, keep hitting me, slap me again, Princess, it'll make things all better, won't it? Go on, do it!"
"Rose, please stop!" you try to beg, trying to play me again with those tears of yours. "I didn't mean to get upset. I just wanted you to tell me-"
"Tell you what? That I'm damaged goods, that I can never be as pure and innocent as you, is that what you wanted to hear? I can't give you everything, Alisha, I can never give you everything because-!"
I find myself choking on my own tears now, as if she were still here, as if she were watching. The air around me feels suffocating, my eyes and throat acting as if they're on fire; I see her smile, I hear her laughter, and I feel so guilty. For someone like me to be with someone as pure and innocent as you, I can't…
"…Rose, I'm sorry, I-"
"I… I can't do this anymore! I can't keep dirtying you after everything I've done!"
"Rose!"
Before I know it, I find myself running, running to god knows where. Everything turns into a blur as I run down the streets, past the numerous people whose faces I can't even distinguish, and past the buildings that all look the same to me. I don't know where I'm running, I don't know where I'm going, all I know is that it's away, away from you so you can maintain what little innocence and purity I haven't corrupted.
The next thing I know, I find myself far away from the city, standing at the edge of a riverbed, and the sun is setting. I have no idea how far I've ran or where I am, all I know is that I'm away from you, safely away so as to not hurt or corrupt you anymore.
"Alisha…," I hug my legs as I sit in front of the river.
Sheesh, just look at me tearing up like this. It's supposed to be you who's always supposed to be all tear-eyed and emotional, but once again a part of you has rubbed off on me. Or maybe what you said just now was true, that I'm just always trying to 'act tough'. Can you blame me for being this way, after everything 'she'-
Great, I'm thinking about 'her' again. Of all the memories I couldn't forget, why couldn't it be 'hers'? For every memory I think of you, another memory of 'her' always has to come back. From our first kiss, I remember the one she stole. From the first time we watched the setting sun together, I remember how she and I would watch the stars. From the first time I slept with you, I remember the time she stole the last bit of my innocence. From our engagement, I remember her final words that I tried so hard to forget.
I want to be happy, I really want to be happy with you, Alisha, but… The past continues to eat at me, this guilt and scum that refuses to wash away no matter how much I try to forget or cry. I want you to be happy, I want us to be happy, but I can't keep hurting you like this, I can't keep corrupting you with the past I want to let go, I-!
"Rose, there you are!"
To my luck, it's Lailah who calls me, and with her is Zaveid. Instinct takes over now, my hands quickly wiping away whatever tears roll down my cheeks. In a flash they're gone, just as my frown turns upside down (oh jeez, I'm sure Lailah would've gotten a kick from that one). I turn around now, doing my best to forget about what I was thinking a second ago as I greet the two of them.
"Hey guys."
"Hey yourself," the-half naked seraph responds with a rarely seen serious tone.
"Rose, are you all right?" the fire seraph is the next to ask. "What happened back there?"
"I…it's nothing," I try to assure them. "Just a little lover's spat is all, you know. I mean, it's normal to get cold feet before you get married, so…"
The look on their faces tells me they're not buying it, no matter what kind of crazy stuff comes out of my mouth. Just go with it, I try to tell myself, at some point they're just gonna nod and start agreeing. But then I start to realize I'm talking to Lailah here, the Queen of Getting Off Subject. It's not long before they interrupt me, putting my excuses to a quick end.
"Come on, Missy, we get that you're getting cold feet, but we know this has nothing to do with that time of month or whatever you were spouting off about how much tulips sell on the market for this time of year," Zaveid says.
"You mentioned you could never be as 'pure and innocent' as Alisha. That you're 'dirtying' her. Would you care to elaborate?"
Ugh, leave it to Lailah to listen in and open her big mouth.
"…I don't want to talk about it…"
"Rose, I know I'm sounding like a broken record when I say this, but it's just as Alisha said; marriage is about sharing everything with your spouse, even if what's being shared is uncomfortable and hurtful. It's about compromise, about working through things together. You shouldn't-"
"And just how are we supposed to work through this together?!" I can't help but lose my temper again. "You don't understand, Lailah, the things I've done back then, the person I was, if Alisha knew all of these things, then-"
Great, here I am choking on my tears again. Of all the people I had to break down in front of, it's these two. I try to bring myself to yell at them, to tell them to leave me alone and go away, but every time I try to speak, a sobbing hiccup escapes my lips instead.
"Look, whatever's eating you up inside, it's obviously stopping you from taking a step forward," Zaveid says something surprisingly insightful for once. "If you don't want to tell Alisha right now, that's fine. But it's obvious that whatever it is that's bugging you so much that it's gonna destroy what you have with Alisha now. Even if you manage to keep things all bottled up and you manage to make through to your wedding day, it'll eventually catch up to you and destroy everything you two have made."
"Zaveid's right," Lailah nods. "Rose, if you feel that you can't tell Alisha, you can tell us. You know we won't judge, and if you truly wish, we never will tell Alisha what it is that's been bothering you. If it will help, we can even cover our ears when you speak; just talking about it should at least get it off your chest and help you move on, don't you think?"
Get it off my chest and move on, if only it were that easy. If it were anything else, I'd easily be able to do this, but…
Oh come on, get it together Rose! Stop acting like some emo-driven fool and start yappin'. Come on, be true to yourself, be true to others, that's what Brad always taught us, right?
"…you really wanna know?" I sigh as the past begins to play again as if it were happening again in the present. "I guess I should start at the beginning; I think I must've barely been a teenager back then, before the Windriders went into hiding…"
It was cold that evening, a little more chilly than what I was used to for Rolance weather if you ask me. I guess that should have been a given considering I was standing on a rooftop, watching the city below as closely as I could. Actually, maybe it's more accurate to say that I was watching out for someone in the nearly abandoned streets at that hour. Lucky for me, it didn't take long to look for them.
"Target acquired," I would often say back then to psych myself up. "Beginning mission."
Before I knew it, my legs were moving on their own, pushing me forward as quickly as I could while keeping my footsteps muffled. Every once and a while I'd feel the different tiles hitting my feet, but in between, I'd feel the air as I leapt from one rooftop to the next.
It wasn't long before my target was just another few feet away; just one more leap and I'd be right on top of him. It shouldn't have been any different than any of my previous jumps, but stupid me had miscalculated this one, jumping a step too soon. It was obvious that I was going to fall, in fact, I should have fell, but out of a stroke of luck, it felt like the wind was suddenly pushing me, giving me that last extra inch I needed so I could land safely, my feet flatly hitting the floor, yet the sound still muffled.
Before I knew it, I was standing above him; I could easily peek through the edge of the roof and see my target waiting. It was the typical nobleman looking to make some sort of profit in the conflict between Rolance and Hyland, whose name I can't even begin to remember. All I do remember is that he was pretty stupid, coming out in the middle of the night by himself. He was supposed to come out here and meet someone to provide some info on Rolance's gathering forces. Naturally we were hired to take this guy out before he was to meet his contact, and if possible, kill the contact should they appear.
"Ugh, where are they?" I overheard my target complain after only a minute of waiting. "They said they would be here no later than 2:00 AM. I swear, once I see that courier…"
Be patient, make sure it could be ended swiftly. Be quick, be clean, and most of all, don't be seen. It would be one thing to just kill the guy there and then, but I wanted to be efficient and make sure their contact would also meet the end of my knife. And so, I waited with him, waiting for my other target to show up as well. I can't tell you how long I waited on that rooftop, lying down against those hard, curved tiles and practically stargazing the whole time. Finally, I heard something from below, almost like a single footstep. The contact must've arrived I thought, but much to my frustration, it was just the first guy stomping his foot in frustration.
"I've had it!" he practically screamed into the city. "I'm done waiting! I might as well just sell this information to Hyland myself and-"
He didn't even have a chance to finish his last words. It was just as how as I was taught, quick and clean. He didn't have a second to react when I landed on the ground behind him, he didn't even have a chance to scream before one of my daggers slid against his throat. Be quick, that part was already done, but then came the part to be clean.
With his body falling, I quickly pulled a rag I had in my pocket and quickly wrapped it around the newly made wound, catching any drops of my blood that fell in the same movement and making sure to bind the rag tightly so that not a single drop of red could hit the pavement. It was almost like I was strangling the guy with the cloth at that point, but I knew I couldn't keep him standing up much longer. Looking around the area, I found a large barrel that looked to be empty. Dragging him over, I managed to quickly pop the top off of the wooden container, tossing my target inside from over my shoulder as I did so. If he wasn't so skinny and short, he probably wouldn't have fit, but it really did seem like luck was on my side today.
"Patient, quick and clean," I dusted my hands off after topping off the barrel again.
It was supposed to have been smooth sailing from here I thought, but it was then that I realized I forgot the last and most important part; don't be seen.
I was caught off guard back then, my head suddenly being forced into the closest wall. It seemed like I had gotten impatient, the target's contact getting the drop on me after I killed the noble. Already I was seeing stars, my body shaken and wobbling. Even his figure was a blur, the only thing I was able to make out was the sword in his hand thanks to the gleam of the metal.
Instinct took over the moment he lunged at me, my body jumping backward, despite the fact that a wall was still behind me. It was another rookie mistake to not remember my surroundings, and again it seemed like luck when I felt another push of air roll me to the side to dodge the stab. In the same motion as my roll, I was able to draw one of my daggers again, stabbing down on my attacker's arm in the same motion. Strike while the iron's hot I thought as he winced from the wound, my other blade now reaching for his throat. My aim was off though, no thanks in part to still being slightly in a daze; it was another mistake I would pay for.
Another blunt impact hit my stomach, it was enough to loosen the grip of my weapons as my palms stopped me from completely hitting the floor. It wouldn't take me long to realize my mistake though as a sharp burst of air began to fall on my head.
This is it, this it's over I thought, this would be the end. If I were a religious woman, I might have prayed for someone to save me, I would have asked that I be spared, but even back then all I could do was accept my failure and await whatever hand had dealt me.
I swear Lady Luck was watching out for me that evening though because all of a sudden my attacker's sword had fallen to the floor. Just as my vision became clear again, I saw a blade piercing through his chest, as well as a fresh pool of blood that was falling to the floor. In an instant, the weapon was pulled out and his body hitting the floor in the same instant. Again my beginner's luck had kept me alive that night, even though it meant breaking the most important rule for these kinds of jobs.
"Are you okay?" the person who saved me had asked.
It was the first time I probably felt like I was at the mercy of someone else, but in a good way. It was the first time I saw her, the moon glowing behind her as if she were its centerpiece.
The one who saved me wore her hair long, none of it tied down as it hung to her lower back. She had dyed it a strange color, purple almost bordering on pink; it was a little weird, but also fascinating at the same time. Her clothes were also unique, consisting of a leather tunic dyed with shade of scarlet. Various leather dark brown leather belts were also adorned with her clothes, with two each wrapping under her arm and over her shoulder, as well as another the wrapped underneath her chest, as if they were to accentuate her bust. The tunic itself also had a slit on the left side, near the bottom, just below her hip. Strangely, she wore brown combat boots to go with her outfit; the entire thing just looked… appealing, yet somehow functional.
And then there was the color of her eyes. They were a unique shade of brown, with a hint of red. At first glance, anybody would have mistook them for a painting, like a perfectly crafted portrait that never aged. They were like a vacuum, pulling you in as she stared right into your soul. And then there was that smile of hers she gave when she noticed I was looking, how it seemed to just make me feel warm all over while causing my heart to move as quickly as a hummingbird's wings.
"Are you okay?" she asked, offering her left hand to me as I sat on the ground.
I don't even know how to begin to describe how I was feeling in that moment, those bronze eyes paralyzing me as I stared into what I thought was her very soul. I felt the air growing hot, my throat becoming dry, and my nerves shaking; at any other time I would've thought I was becoming a nervous wreck, but on that day, I knew it was something else. I…didn't know what it was I felt back then, but even though I was feeling all of these things, I also felt empowered, like I was flying in the clouds.
"Sorry, you must've hit your head harder than I thought," she apologized back then. "Did you need to see a doctor?"
"No, no, I'm all right," I quickly assured her. "But yeah, thanks for saving me just now. First day on the job and all, you know."
'First day on the job, yeah real smooth…,' I scolded myself soon after.
God, here I was acting like such a spaz that I quickly forgot about the rules for these kinds of jobs. So much for keeping a secret, I was going to make a lousy assassin at this rate I thought.
"Wait, you're not gonna turn me over to the guards now, are you?" I quickly tried to follow up on what I just said. "I mean, don't think I won't put up a fight if you-"
"Don't worry, I won't tell the guards," she surprisingly giggled. "I'm guessing you're Brad's girl, Rose, right?"
"Yeah, that's right. And you are?"
"Lily," she quickly introduced herself. "I'm an old acquaintance of Brad's; he thought I should keep to the shadows while you were out on your first real solo job. Of course, I thought I should take care of security first to make your job easier, but it looks like I accidentally missed one."
"I guess that explains why I didn't really run into anyone else the whole time."
"Your dad's not gonna kill me because I missed one, will he?"
"Dad?" the title made my eyebrow twitch. "He's not my dad. I mean yeah, he adopted me and everything, but I'd never call him my guardian or anything like that."
"I guess so. Anyway, the job's done and it looks like I've finally paid off my favor to Brad," she simply shrugged. "See ya around, Rookie!"
Even though she tried to act pretty indifferent to the whole situation, I couldn't help but feel bad that she seemed to have done most of the work for the job I was supposed to complete. I felt guilty, but at the same time, I felt something a bit suspicious about her. I don't know how to describe it, but it wasn't like I felt like she was going to gut me or anything, but something inside me told me not to feel bad, that I shouldn't take pity; just mind your own business and go. Unfortunately, it was my conscience that beat me to it that night.
"Wait!" I quickly called out to her. "How about we split the pay for this job; after all, it's because of you that I was able to just sneak in and make the kill. How about it, 50-50?"
"You really are new at this, aren't you?" she asked, turning around as she spoke, still speaking in surprisingly gentle tone. "I do appreciate the offer, even though I've already done my part. Still, it was nice working with you so I'll accept your offer".
That smile of hers, it was the first of many times it would force me to drop any apprehension, to just let myself ago. I hate to admit it, but I was mesmerized back then, not just by how she looked, but even her gentle demeanor as well. Back then, I knew after that first job that our lives would always be linked, that our fates were intertwined.
"Sounds good," I said with a quick clap of my hands. "So how about we celebrate the completion of your contract with a drink?"
We had just met nearly an hour prior, but for some reason, it almost felt like I had known her for an eternity. The way she talked about past jobs, the way she poked fun of others immediately around her, she very forward, very upbeat. She seemed very honest and sincere, willing to share almost anything it seems. But I soon learned not everything was right in who I thought was a perfect in every way.
"So tell me about yourself," she said as she poured me a glass of wine.
"What's there to tell?" I shrugged. "The Windriders found me wandering some battlefield a long time ago, Brad took me in, trained me for the next few years, and well, here I am. Are you sure I can even have this stuff?" I questioned as she took a sip of her own drink. "I don't think I'm old enough to-"
"Laws and signs are just suggestions," Lily quickly interrupted with a swig of her glass, her nonchalant words enrapturing me once more. "They're there to warn you and give you consequences if you act a certain way, but in the end, it's your choice whether you want to follow them or not? Are you gonna drink with me or not?"
As a stupid kid, of course I took her words to heart. Laws and signs are just suggestions but it's your choice whether to follow them or not, it's ironic on much truth there was in those words.
I let myself go in that instant, gulping down the entire glass in a single swig, not even bothering to enjoy the flavor or contents. Of course, stupid me back then didn't realize how much it was going to burn my throat the moment I swallowed it as I found myself quickly gagging and coughing immediately after.
"Ugh that burns!" I complained.
"Take it easy there," Lily calmly said as she poured me another glass. "This kinda stuff needs to be nursed, you have to enjoy every sip, every drop. It's a waste if you're just gonna chug it like how you did."
"Duly noted," I said as I grabbed the refilled glass. "So then what about you? What's your story?"
"My story?" she seemed to scoff.
It was the first time I had seen the gentle woman before me disappear. The wall that was her friendly and joking demeanor slowly began to crumble before me, leaving what seemed like an empty husk of person in its wake. Her dark eyes turned to the ground, her pupils themselves beginning to well up, and even her mouth remained shut. It was obvious now that this was a sensitive subject, and that maybe I shouldn't have asked. Much to my relief though, she slowly opened her mouth and told me her story.
"…my mom was a traveling minstrel," she relayed her story. "In fact, she was a famous bard that traveled throughout all of Glenwood. She fell in love with a commoner in Hyland; even though they knew they would never have it all like the nobles or royal family, my mother said they were happy. But then her so-called true love did the unthinkable; she left my mother for a Prince of Hyland, marrying him when he asked her to become his bride out of the blue."
"Wait, your mother was in love with another woman?"
"Is there a problem with that?"
"No, no, there's no problem. I mean, it's just I never thought of-"
"Of course, no one really thinks of people like her, like me. Next thing my mother knew, she was dulling her senses in a bottle like we are now. The next few months were a blur according to her, and then the next thing she knew, I was born. I can't exactly say I was a blessing or whatever in her eyes though, maybe I was more of a painful reminder of her lost love or something because when I was old enough, she sold me to some mercenary group. Least she had a big enough heart not to sell me to some brothel."
"…I'm sorry, I had no idea."
"Doesn't matter," she spat, slamming the bottle into the table after pouring herself the last of the wine. "That's my story and there's nothing else to it. And before you say anything else, I don't want your pity either."
I didn't want to upset her anymore at that point, her gaze now turned to the side, as if she were lost. Even though she tried to make her story as brief as possible, I could still see the years of pain she lived through, the rejection and isolation she never mentioned in her tale, the sense of longing for a life she never had. Even though she told me not to pity her, I couldn't help but feel sorry for her regardless. Still, I knew it was best to keep my mouth shut regarding this story, so I thought I'd change the subject for now.
"Well I was going to say something, but it was on another subject," I tried to clear the air. "We made a good team back there, don't you think? You taking out security and then me going in for the kill. I know we agreed to split the money for this job, but I was wondering if maybe you'd like to do this a bit more often. Beats working alone, doesn't it?"
"…I guess it does," she said, a sliver of her former personality coming back in that moment. "So then, I'm guessing that makes us partners then?"
"Yup, partners!" I said as I offered her my hand.
Partners, I thought that's what we were back then; two people working jobs together on equal footing. At least I thought it was equal footing.
I should've known that wasn't going to be the case back then when she shook my hand. It felt light and somewhat loose. A handshake was supposed to be one of the first things that was supposed to help you judge someone's character when you first meet them, at least that's what I was taught. But…
…but if only I knew back then that I should always trust my gut first and foremost…
I can't say how much time passed since my offer to Lily that night; for a while, it seemed like time had just disappeared for the next few months. Every day together was like dancing in the clouds, like we were walking on the beach hand-in-hand. I always looked forward to every job we shared together, no matter how meaningless it seemed. From basic guard duty to assassinations, whatever task we were given, it was like going to the ballet or having dinner together.
For a while I thought maybe we were becoming closer with every time she would smile or share a laugh with me. Slowly but surely I thought the little distance between us was closing, that we were truly getting to know one another. I tried not to delve into her past again during our time together, instead trying to get to know other aspects about her. She would tell me things like her unique interests in fashion, how she hated highborn food because of complexity and tiny portion, and other random things about herself.
Above all else though, there was something else I felt growing inside me. This warmth, this fire that ignited every time we saw each other, this sense of loneliness whenever she wasn't with me, I didn't quite understand what it was at first. Yet it didn't take long to realize what it was.
"Are you going to see her again, Rose? I can't let you."
I still remember Brad's reaction that day. I thought he would be proud that I made a contract with someone on my own, that I had gotten some help outside the Windriders. It surprised me that he reacted the way he did that day, how adamantly he disapproved of how Lily and I hung out even outside of work.
Even though they were acquainted, Lily was never a part of any mercenary company, much less the Windriders. She was more a free sword (well more like a sword-for-hire who didn't have a guild or group she normally worked with). Apparently they met during a job when Lily was first starting out, with Brad showing her the ropes of the business and a bit in swordplay. For some reason, he never did talk about her until he asked her to watch over me for my first assassination job; after learning of their past together, I did start to wonder why they never really worked together after their first meeting, but after that conversation that night, I had a feeling I'd probably never know why, for better or worse…
"Is it because I'm splitting the pay with her, is that why you're upset?" I questioned. "I mean didn't you ask her to watch out for me on my first solo job in Pendrago a while back? I don't see what the problem is."
"It's because of who she is, Rose," Brad explained. "Lily is the type of mercenary who will use whatever tools she can at her disposal and I've seen her use them firsthand. I don't mind you working together on several assignments, but for you to become closer on a more personal level, it's just something I don't think I can approve of."
"From what you describe her as being on a professional level, how is that any different than what we do?"
"Rose, you don't understand, the things she's done, not just to targets, but to other people she needed in order to achieve her goals, she plays with them, tortures them in fact, physically and emotionally. I just don't want you to become another victim in her schemes."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I understood that we dabbled in shady business, and that we often had to deal with equally shady individuals to get the job done. I was always told to respect others in our line of work, even if they weren't of our company, that we should come to know each of them because you never know when we'd be done on our luck. But here was Brad, talking down on Lily as if she were nothing more than scum.
Unable to hear another word Brad had to say, I quickly got the rest of my things and began to make my way out the door, only to be stopped for a moment as he tried to explain himself further.
"Lily's not who you think she is, Rose," my guardian tried to stop me again. "Sometimes I think that woman has no honor, that she thinks of no one but herself. I've seen her twist the truth for her own devices until she gets what she wants. Don't get too close to her, Rose; I fear one day she'll throw you away once she has no more use for you or if she has found a new plaything."
"…I'll be back later…"
Like any other stupid teenager, I lied on that day. Okay, maybe I didn't straight up lie, but I didn't tell Brad that I was going out to see her either. She said she wanted to see me that night, not for a job, but for something else. I wasn't sure why she wanted to meet at the time, all I knew was that I agreed to see her without hesitation. She told me to meet her in Lastonbell, to meet her at the plaza after dark. Normally I'd get the inclination that someone was going to stab me in the back or off me if they sent me that kind of invite, but the way she asked me, I knew it was anything but.
I can remember how my heart was racing back then, how I hurried through the nearly empty streets without a care in the world. I was so excited to see her, my lips practically stretched from ear-to-ear as I ran, that smile growing wider with every step I took. Even the night air didn't seem to cool my nerves as I ran, the beating in my chest practically bursting as I saw her standing in the center of the plaza.
She looked different that night, dressed in clothes I had never I'd seen her wear until that night. Her lavender hair was curled ever so slightly, the strands tied in a high ponytail that was adorned in a single pink ribbon. She had given up her trademark leather for the evening, instead wearing a simple, sleeveless sky blue dress that was normally made for summer, along with another pink ribbon she wore on her neck. Even her combat boots and sword were nowhere to be found, instead she was wearing flat navy blue slippers and holding an umbrella in her hand.
I was awestruck when I saw her; I always knew of her unique taste in fashion, but this was something completely different. Just looking at her was enough to paralyze me, to make my breath grow short, to make me feel so powerless. I felt like time had frozen itself over when our eyes met, how the distance between us just seemed to close even though I was no more than an arm's length away.
"You're late," the sound of her voice made it feel like time began to move once again.
"Yeah, sorry about that," I nervously replied. "Brad kinda chewed me out for-"
"It's rude to keep a lady in waiting you know," she said with a huff as she turned around.
In that instant, I had seen another side of her, a side she had never shown me until that night. It was kinda pompous, but at the same time I could see the hint of mischief that curled on her lip as she was turned away from me. Seeing this, I couldn't help but smile and react the way I did.
"Oh my dear sweet lady, is there any way I could ever make up for my transgressions this evening?" I bowed, doing my best to imitate a highborn.
"I'm sure there is something you can do," she turned around. "You can begin by acting as my escort around the city for the evening. And while we're at it, why don't we drop the highborn act, we both know neither of us can keep this up for the whole evening."
"Seriously, you got that right," I breathed a sigh of relief.
Before I knew it, we were walking throughout the city together. Things felt different that night, not just because the city was mostly empty, but even things between Lily and I were different. Neither of us said a word as we walked the streets together, the two of us walking side-by-side. I don't know why I was acting so weird that night, the way I kept trying to look ahead while sneaking glances at her every few seconds. It was childish I thought, it was stupid to just beat around the bush and not be honest with myself. As much as I wanted to just stop acting so bashful, she spoke for me.
"Come on, be honest with yourself now," Lily said, her voice quickly capturing my attention. "You like the way I'm dressed tonight, don't you?"
"Er, yeah, you look pretty," I replied, my cheeks still a little flushed as I spoke. "I mean, you look beautiful in fact."
"Oh, is that all?"
Is that all? I didn't quite understand what she meant at first. I mean it's true that I did sneak a few peeks at her, but back then, it would have been hard for me to admit at the particular areas I did find myself staring.
"Well, I mean-"
"Do you know what the one thing is that most people deny themselves and others the most of?" she suddenly questioned. "It's the truth. Whether it's telling your loved ones where you're actually going this evening to lying about where your eyes were actually staring, the one thing that a lot of people are denied is the truth. A lot of people don't feel bad when it comes to denying the truth, that they can get away with lying about what's truly in their hearts. But you, Rose, you're different. No matter how ugly the truth is, you wear it on your sleeve, no matter what."
"…is that so?"
"People are always afraid how others react to the truth, afraid how it would make others perceive them. Yet with you, you always speak the truth, regardless of how others might react. It's…odd for someone in our line of work to be so honest, so true, and so…pure…"
"When you put it that way, I guess it is weird that I am this way. But I dunno, I guess in a way I always knew that what we do isn't exactly pleasant, but if there's one thing that should remain clean, it's my conscience.
"Brad always used to tell me there's only one real crime anyone can truly commit and that's stealing. When you lie about something, you rob that person of the truth; when you kill a man, you rob him of his life."
"So then what about littering?" she asked, somewhat jokingly.
"I dunno, I guess you rob the environment a clean spot where you threw your trash away?" I guessed.
"So then is what I'm about to do also considered a crime?" she suddenly questioned.
"Huh, what are you talking abou-?!"
My body suddenly found itself falling forward and turning, my hair touching the floor but the rest of myself somehow stopping in mid-air. My heart was beating rapidly again, my body held in the arms of my current company as her gaze fell upon my own. Even though she was holding me close to the ground, I felt like I was flying in the heavens, like I was one with the clouds themselves. I felt so weightless, so free, yet so weak and enraptured.
I was frozen again, the air around us practically becoming still as I gazed into those lavender eyes of hers. The curl on her lips swelled the longer I stared at her, my throat becoming parched as my gaze turned to the redness of her mouth. The sight of her lips only grew with every second, growing until I practically felt her breath pushing against my own. I found my eyes shutting as we drew closer, my own hand reaching for her now, my arm gently tugging her closer.
And yet, a gust of air suddenly blew between us, pushing both of our faces back. It had caught me off guard, throwing me out of the moment. Immediately I began to think that the sudden burst of wind had ruined that moment, that Lily would just now want this night to be over and we'd go back to how things were until that night. But…
With her hands still on my waist and shoulder, she pulled me back toward her, until our mouths could meet. Her lips, they were so warm, so soft. Just touching them was enough to make every inch of my skin tingle, and at the same time, it made the world around me feel like I was in the middle of a spring breeze. The single fire that began from our mouths was traveling through every inch of myself, cascading its gentle flame throughout my body, mind and soul.
Heaven, if anything was going to make me a believer, I thought it would be this moment, this single precious moment. Of all things to make me feel so empowered, so weak, and above all, so happy, it was a kiss, this single kiss, my first kiss.
As the night air began to breath between us again, I saw her gentle gaze once again, her lips still curled even after our embrace. Looking into her light purple eyes, I saw my own reflection, seeing how I also shared that same smile, that same light brush of red on my cheeks. I saw I how I still longed for her, how I wished to touch the thin flesh once more, how I wanted to taste heaven again and again. Even though she wouldn't grant me that moment of bliss in that moment, her next words melted me even further.
"That was your first kiss, wasn't it?"
"Mm hm," I weakly nodded like one of those shy girls from those sappy romance novels.
"And this would be your second."
Again she blessed me with the touch of her lips against mine. I had always believed that anything after the first would never be as good as the original, but I quickly learned that this was not the case. The second time was deeper, more intense, reaching further into what felt like my very soul. Again I was losing myself to her embrace, the world around my becoming even lighter, more clear.
Time itself felt like it was frozen, as if this moment could last for all eternity. I didn't want this to end, I only wanted to be there, with her, in my arms and pressing against my lips. This was like a dream I thought, a dream I never wanted to wake up from. But little did I know, that moment I thought was a dream would only get better.
The moment we parted from our lips, I saw a certain spark in her eyes. For the first time through the reflection of her pupils, I saw myself so vulnerable, so weak. She continued to enamor me as if I was under a spell, her fingers gently holding me by the chin as she whispered a sweet nothing into the air, tickling every fiber inside me. I remained mesmerized as she held me there, her lips then whispering into my ear words and a request that would only cause me to melt.
"Will you be true to me?" she asked with a nibble of my ear.
The gesture was enough to weaken me further, the air around me growing so hot and my head so light. Again I feared this was nothing more than a dream, that I would wake up at any second. Yet even as I closed and reopened my eyes, I still found myself in that moment. Knowing that this was real, I replied with a weak nod and said my next words, words I'll always regret.
"…I will be true…"
"You'll be true to me and only me?"
"To you and only you."
"Then be true, my little flower," she adorned me with that name for the very first time. "Be true and let me see you blossom."
"Just so that we're on the same page, we're talking about sex, right?"
'Oh crap, real graceful there, Rose…,' I couldn't help but mentally kick myself after saying this.
Of all the dumb things I could've done that very second, I just had to say something so stupid. If the lousy wind didn't ruin my chances at a kiss earlier, I was sure this forward question was definitely going to postpone giving up my first time just a bit longer, if not for the rest of my life.
To my delight however, Lily simply smiled and laughed, as if I just told her the funniest joke ever. It kinda annoyed me at first, saddened me a little in fact, but then she quickly replied in a similar straight forward manner.
"Yes, I am talking about sex," she quickly dropped the romantic act. "And no, I don't mean out here in the open either. How about the inn; I booked a room for the night. The bed is too big and awfully cold for myself. …that's a hint that I want you to-"
"No, no, I got it this time," I assured her, my cheeks burning brighter than ever. "So then…"
"…so then come and be mine, my little flower…"
The next morning, I truly felt like another person. It was the first time I felt like I saw the sun rise, the first time I felt the sun bathe me, the first time I felt so…alive.
…yet it was also the first time I felt so…alone when I woke up. Turning to my side, I found the other half of the bed empty, with not even an imprint of her body on where she lay. The heat of passion that caressed every inch of my skin was starting to fade now, replaced by a sudden chill that crawled through every fiber it once covered. The rapid pace of my heart from tasting her lips had calmed to a steady, but almost dead rhythm, followed by the essence of nothingness that engulfed my tongue. The memory of the night prior was also fading, replaced by this reality of lying here, alone in this bed.
I was never the type to cry I thought, that I was never the type of person who'd let my emotions get the best of me, but in that very second, I forgot who I was.
I let the tears overwhelm me in that moment, I let the coldness of being alone take over me. Used, for the first time, I had never felt so used in my entire life. I wanted to scream, I wanted cry out in anger, but the sadness within me was too much. Was it just as Brad warned me the night before? She was manipulative he said, she just uses others for her own goals and whims. Was I going to be just another one of those pawns as he described, to be thrown away and forgotten now that she was done? I thought this would be the end of things, that she was done with me, and yet…
…and yet the door to the room soon opened, and walking through from the other side was Lily.
"Oh, you're awake," she greeted with a smile. "I bought breakfast."
Like a child, she held up two pastries and two mugs of coffee her seemingly innocent expression causing me to tear a little more. As soon as she saw my reaction, she immediately put the food on the closest table and hurried over to me, her hand quickly caressing the side of my face as she took a seat on the bed.
"Why didn't you tell me you were going to get breakfast, you idiot?" I wept like a kid. "You could've woken me up or left a note."
"I did leave a note," she pointed to a paper on the desk to the side of the bed, again forcing to scold myself for jumping to conclusions. "Wait, you didn't think that I'd actually leave you after everything that happened last night?"
"Well how was I supposed to know?!" I acted out rather brashly. "I mean, after everything that's happened between us, and with you being my first…"
"Sh, it's okay now," her arms quickly wrapped around me as they did the night before. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I would never leave you alone. I could never leave you alone. Rose, my little flower, please know that I will always be here, no matter what happens."
"Lily…," I felt my lips curl as I stared into those lavender eyes. "I love you."
I can't bring myself to continue telling this story now, stopping myself from saying another word. Even though Lailah said she and Zaveid would act like they wouldn't listen to anything I said, it looked the total opposite.
They watch me like a hawk as I continue to stand in front of them, looking at me with anticipation for the next part of my story. It annoys me at first as they look at me in this way, how I just wanna jump into a fire and be done with this whole thing. Before I can even try to do that though, the fire seraph begins to speak.
"Is this what has you upset?" Lailah questions. "That you were in love with someone else before you fell in love with Alisha?"
"I don't see why the princess would have a problem with that," Zaveid agrees. "I mean, isn't falling in love just a natural part of life? Personally, I lost count on how many times that's happened to me, but-"
"I think what Zaveid is trying to say is that Alisha would be understanding once you've told her," the Prime Lord interrupted. "After all, even after she found out that you were the member of the Scattered Bones that tried to take her life, she still forgave you and loved you regardless. I don't see how-"
"You don't understand," I quickly shook my head. "What I told you all just now, that…wasn't the whole story."
"Whole story or not, Missy," the half-naked seraph intervenes again, "even if a part of you still loves Lily, I'm sure Alisha can accept that the love Lily gave you made you who you are today, that it helped shaped the you that she fell in love with."
The love that Lily gave me, yeah, isn't that a load of crap if I had ever seen it.
More instances of the past flash before my eyes, that morning after having just been a preview of things to come. I remember the cold air that painted over me after those days of dying passion, the empty words that once filled me with hope and fire now leaving me despair and ice, and then the smiles that would later turn into tears. I remember…, I remember…
"…you'll never be happy… People like us can never truly love, we can never settle down. Keep denying yourself as long as you can, Little Flower, but one day when you think you've found the one meant for you, you'll learn soon enough that there can never be a 'happily ever after'…"
…I remember the last words she said before I killed her…
Author's Note: And so, we bring the curtain down on this tale for now.
Originally I was hoping to cover all of Rose's past relationship with Lily into a single chapter, but I thought the chapter would end up too long if I were to do that. As such, I figured I'd at least divide up Rose's past into separate chapters so we can get a better idea of how Rose fell in and out of love with Lily. In order to create good drama I felt, building up that moment was necessary; I felt I was able to do it more concisely with Simply because both Rose and Alisha's characters were already established in the game. However, with this story, as Lily is an original creation, a bit of backstory was necessary I felt (I'm sure Simply readers also recognize the identity of Lily's mother for that matter; for readers of Because, this story takes place before Mikleo and Edna officially became a couple, and as such, Mikleo is still oblivious to Edna's feelings).
As far as where the events of Rose's narration fits into the canon timeline of Tales of Zestiria, it begins a few years before the events of the game and before Rose even met Prince Konan. As you can guess, the events that lead up to Prince Konan's betrayal will appear in a later chapter, possibly the next if page permit counts.
I'm sure readers also recognize the "sudden saves" from the wind sprinkled throughout this chapter. Since it was impossible to have Dezel make any sort of presence in any of my other works, I figure he can at least play a minor (non-speaking) role in Rose's past.
In case any readers are wondering, no, there is no uncut version for this chapter, and thus, no lemon scene of Rose's first time. As I said in the beginning of this chapter, it was already hard to write for Rose to be in love with someone other than Alisha after establishing their relationship in Simply, so to write a lemon between Rose and Lily was just impossible for me.
Also for readers for my main project, End of an Era, you all might be automatically thinking now that Melrose can't be Rose's descendant if her first love was Lily. While I won't confirm or not confirm this information, but I can say that Prince Konan will play a role in Rose's love life in the next chapter, and as such, this doesn't eliminate the possibility that she did have an illegitimate child before the events of Tales of Zestiria.
I'm sure some Street Fighter fans might recognize Rose's "Target Acquired. Beginning Mission" line; Caitlin Glass, Rose's English voice actress also voices Cammy White from Street Fighter IV and Street Fighter V; I originally wanted to throw in this easter egg into Simply but couldn't find an appropriate place for it, so I figured I might as well put it in this story.
In any case, in the next chapter of How Far We've Come, with the stage now set, the drama that was Rose's first love begins to play. This tale of love begins to spiral into a tale of loss as Rose and Lily further their relationship romantically and professionally, the lines of which beginning to blur with the passing of time. The snake of betrayal eventually bears its fangs and turns these lovers into bitter enemies. In this game of love, there is nothing to win, only everything to lose. Hope you're all looking forward to it!
