Season 1 Episode 13.

Story 13: Until the Day I Die

Chapter 2: Equal

Arthur crawled out from behind the stone pillar. He didn't think he was capable of walking. For a moment Merlin wavered on his feet and then he collapsed. The second he collapsed, Gaius's eyes flew open. "Merlin?" He croaked, looking around and squinting to figure out where he was. He saw Merlin lying on the ground. "Merlin!"

Arthur got there first. He felt like he was moving in slow motion, like he couldn't get to Merlin quick enough.

Arthur shook Merlin, but he didn't wake up. "Merlin?" He asked. His voice was barely audible. "Merlin?" He tried again, but wasn't able to get much more volume. Despair washed over him. He knew this had been Merlin's ultimate goal. He had come here to sacrifice himself for Gaius.

Arthur didn't want to believe that he was gone. It was too soon. Merlin was supposed to be his servant until the day he died. That wasn't supposed to be today. That was supposed to be far in the future when Arthur was ready to say goodbye. He most certainly wasn't ready now.

Arthur couldn't help himself as he cradled Merlin's body. He knew he was crying, he could feel it in the stinging of his eyes. He was just grateful that it was raining so Gaius wouldn't notice. The rain was affecting Gaius's ability to walk, but eventually he was able to traverse the slippery gravel and make it to Merlin.

Gaius put his head close to Merlin's chest. "He still breathes," Gaius said, letting out a sigh of relief.

"Why did this happen?" Arthur asked. "Surely the witch's life would be enough. Merlin said before that you need to sacrifice a life to give a life."

For the first time, Gaius seemed to realize that it was Arthur that was here. The knowledge that Arthur knew about Merlin's magic hit him like a ton of bricks and he was unable to form a coherent statement.

Arthur understood his hesitation. "Please Gaius," Arthur pleaded. "I can't lose him. Gawk over this later. Right now, I need to know if Merlin is dying."

"I can't be certain your highness," Gaius said, finally recovering himself. "The Old Religion is a tricky one. The life of a high priestess may satisfy the debt and restore the balance of nature, but I can't be sure."

"It must not have," Arthur said. It was finally hitting him that Merlin was going to die. There was nothing he would be able to do for him. "Why else would he be like this?"

"He is wounded sire," Gaius said neutrally. "He has severe burns on his chest and he must have hit the back of his head. His injuries may have caused his collapse. Also, in his weakened state, his magic could have taken more energy than he had to offer. Merlin is powerful, but the more exhausted you are, the more difficult it is to wield magic. But it could also be that his life is being offered to the Old Religion. There is no way for us to know. We must get him back to my chambers so I can properly dress his wounds or he will die, whether his life was sacrificed or not."

Arthur nodded. "Where is your horse?" Arthur asked.

"Right ahead," Gaius said. "I imagine the other horse is Merlin's." Gaius looked around, a confused expression settling on his face. "Sire where is your horse?"

"It doesn't matter. Merlin cannot ride by himself when he is not conscious. I will ride with him," Arthur said.

Gaius raised his eyebrows in surprise, but did not voice any complaints.

They both mounted their horses, Arthur taking great care not to harm Merlin further and they departed for Camelot. For hours they road. Arthur had finally managed to stop his tears, but hadn't been able to do anything to rid himself of the fear and despair gnawing in his stomach. Every minute they were away from Camelot was a minute closer to Merlin's death.

It seemed like a lifetime before the gates that surrounded the citadel were in view. Arthur dismounted his horse and gingerly picked up Merlin. Gaius had warned him that too much jostling could worsen his injuries. He walked at the physician's pace knowing that it would do him no good to arrive before Gaius.

When they arrived, Gaius cleared off the table with a sweep of his arm and lay a blanket down. Arthur gently placed Merlin on the table. He stood at Merlin's head and watched while Gaius examined him. Gaius bandaged the back of Merlin's head. He had to clean it first. Arthur watched with grotesque interest as Gaius picked out pieces of rock and dirt from the wound. He poured alcohol over it to sterilize the wound. Arthur was grateful that Merlin wasn't conscious to feel the pain. It was rather a deep cut on the back of his head and Arthur knew how much the alcohol hurt.

Once his head injury had been properly treated, Gaius moved on to his burns. Gaius had to cut off Merlin's tunic and Arthur saw the angry red burns that covered Merlin's chest. He winced, but refused to look away. Merlin was hurt because of him. It was the least he could do to fully understand what Merlin had withstood for him.

It took Gaius hours to treat the burns. He had explained that there were various stages of the burns. There were smaller burns that surrounded some more severe burns. Gaius alternated between smearing a yellow lotion over his chest and putting cooling cloths over him. Arthur wasn't sure what the purpose was as the burns didn't look any better, but he held his tongue. Gaius knew what he was doing.

Once Gaius had finished with his treatment, he coated Merlin's chest with the yellow lotion and wrapped it securely. "That's all I can do for him," Gaius said with a sigh. "The rest will be up to him."

Arthur nodded, not taking his eyes off of Merlin. "There's nothing to do but wait," Gaius said, hinting to the prince that it was time for him to leave.

"I'll not leave him," Arthur said in an even voice.

"But sire," Gaius said shocked. "You are not yet recovered from the wound you received from the questing beast. You must rest."

Arthur sighed. "I don't care. I will live. I don't know if I can say the same for Merlin. I will stay," Arthur said. Nothing would budge him on this.

"Very well sire," Gaius said. He looked around uncomfortably. It wouldn't be proper for him to sleep while Arthur was still here.

"You can sleep Gaius," Arthur said gently. "I am not oblivious to your fatigue. Don't worry about me. I'll wake you if there's any change."

"Thank you sire," Gaius said gratefully. He truly was exhausted.

Despite how uncomfortable the prince's presence made him, Gaius managed to fall asleep within seconds of getting into bed.

Once Arthur was sure Gaius was asleep, he pulled a stool up to the table Merlin was lying on and took his hand. He rubbed soothing circles into the back of his hand, willing him to wake up.

He didn't and eventually Arthur found himself dozing off. His nightmares were filled with strange images and events. He saw Merlin die one thousand different ways and Arthur was always left all alone.

Arthur was pulled from his sleep by a strange movement. For a moment, he had forgotten where he was. He couldn't figure out why his back and neck ached, nor why he was sitting in a dark room.

It took him several moment to remember how he had come to be there, but the second he did, he sat up straight. He waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness.

"Bryne," someone muttered and suddenly Gaius's chambers were filled with light.

Arthur's squinted his eyes at the unexpected light. Once his eyes had adjusted, he looked towards the source of the spell. "Merlin," Arthur whispered. "You're awake." Arthur couldn't help the emotions that filled him. He couldn't stop himself when he wrapped his arms around Merlin. He knew he was being reckless. He knew anyone could walk in, but he didn't care.

Without thinking about it, he lightly pressed his lips to Merlin's. It took him a split second to realize what he was doing and he immediately pulled back. "I'm so sorry," Arthur said quickly. "I'm just relieved that you are awake. We weren't sure if you were going to live. Gaius said the Old Religion can be tricky and that Nimueh's life might not be able to fulfill the debt, but it was. You're alive."

Merlin stared at Arthur. He could see Arthur's lips moving, but he couldn't hear a word he had said. His heart was pounding in his ears eliminating all other sound. His lips were tingling from where Arthur had kissed him. He couldn't think about anything else.

It had been so unexpected and Merlin had never ever thought about the prince like that. It was now impossible to ignore his feelings. They seemed clear as day. Merlin realized they had always been there, he had just been ignorant of them. He had been too preoccupied with saving Arthur's life and running errands for Gaius and cleaning up after Arthur and making sure Camelot was safe from everyone that wanted to harm it, that he hadn't had time to consider his feelings. Not until now.

Merlin could see that Arthur was still talking. What he was saying, he had no idea. He put his finger over Arthur's lips effectively silencing him. He knew Arthur would be looking at him confused, but Merlin had closed his eyes. He had a decision to make.

He could pretend that nothing had happened. He knew Arthur would be too embarrassed to say anything further. They could go on to live ordinary lives. Merlin would serve Arthur as he was destined to do and he could ignore the tension that would undoubtedly build between them. Merlin immediately shied away from that option. He would never be content pretending this had never happened. He would never be content not knowing what might have been.

Or he could kiss him back. He could let Arthur know he had these feelings for him and hope that Arthur hadn't just kissed him by accident. Their relationship would have to be a secret if it existed at all. Keeping secrets wasn't anything new to Merlin, but this was different. No one could know about this, not even Gaius. But Merlin could be happy.

Merlin had made the decision before he had consciously thought of it. He leaned towards Arthur, tentatively brushing his lips against Arthur's. He waited for some hint that Arthur wanted this, that his kiss before hadn't just been an accident.

Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin's neck, drawing him closer. He deepened the kiss. It was an explosion of feeling for both men. Although Arthur was three years his elder and was his prince, it didn't seem it now. For the first time in his life, Merlin felt like he was Arthur's equal.