One of my wishes is that those dark trees,
So old and firm they scarcely show the breeze, Were not, as 'twere, the merest mask of gloom,
But stretched away unto th eedge of doom.
-
I should not be withheld but that some day
into their vastness I should steal away, Fearless of ever finding open land,
or highway where the slow wheel pours the sand.
-
I do not see why I should e'er turn back,
Or those should not set forth upon my track To overtake me, who should miss me here
And long to know if still I held them dear.
-
They would not find me changed from him the knew--
Only more sure of all I though was true.
-*-
I wrapped my thick grey scarf around my neck, tucking the ends inside my black duffle coat and stepped out of the library into the light fog and darkness settling over the campus. As I headed towards the car park I reached around in my bag to find my phone, balancing the newly borrowed stack of books against my body. After two rings, Alice's bright voice answered, revealing a lot more excitement than I was prepared for.
"Bella! You've finished?! I've cleared out the closet in your new room and the pasta's on the boil! Did you get much study done?"
I couldn't hold in the laugh that escaped my mouth at her enthusiasm, "Not a whole heap, but I'm making sure I overcompensate with the number of books I've borrowed."
I heard her giggles on the other end. "Thank-you so much for this Alice. Although I won't be using the closet space as efficiently, I really appreciate you letting me stay in your house."
Her giggles chimed again down the line, "Our house Bella! You know that I wanted to get a housemate in here anyway; it's too big and old to be here on my own! Plus, you don't have to worry about filling that closet space," she trailed off suggestively.
"Oh no, no, no Alice - no shopping trips! Not at least until I have a couple of chapters of my thesis done," I said as I opened the door to my car, throwing the books on the passenger seat.
"We'll see, Bella," she said ominously before giggling.
"Have you been drinking, Alice?" I asked with a smile before throwing the keys into the ignition and turning the heater onto full blast to force the chill out of my body that had seeped in from the short walk.
She giggled again, "No, silly! I just can't wait to see you!"
I let out a laugh, partly at what she said, partly at the relief that I had made it to the warm comfort of my truck. I had tried to tell myself that my discomfort walking alone at night was normal; that it was a healthy sense of self-preservation. But somewhere in the back of my mind, irrational or not, it was because I was half expecting him to be waiting; trying to catch me alone to beg me to take him back, or worse.
"So Bella, you'll be home soon?" Alice's voice brought me back from my thoughts and I smiled at her words.
"Sure thing," I started to reply as rain drops began lightly dappling the large windscreen of my truck, "I made it to my car in good timing, it's just started raining - it might take a bit longer to get there."
"No problems, Bella," replied Alice, "I can put the linguini to the side for a couple of minutes".
"Great," I said as I turned my windscreen wipers on, before clicking the key over to turn the engine over, churning it to roaring life under my fingers. I looked up at the screeching of the wipers across my windscreen and my heart leapt into my throat, adrenaline hit my body like an aching fire, and I froze in my seat, dropping my phone as my muscles locked up in fear. My wipers moved the large red card back and forth in front of my face, waving it at me, a contrast in absurdity. I couldn't help the guttural sound that escaped my throat as the red ink started to smear in front of me from the wet rain.
"Bella! Bella?! What happened?! Are your okay? What's going on? Bella, what's happening? Speak to me!" Alice's voice yelled up from the phone in my lap.
I picked it up quickly with shaking fingers, "Alice, he's been here. He found my truck," I choked back the sobs that started to rack my body, "he put a card on my truck - it's nothing, really, I think." I tried to slow my breathing and calm my voice, "it's just he found my truck, he's come here and found my truck and put a card on it."
I reached next to me and locked my door as I started to worry whether he was watching, waiting for my reaction to the gift he'd left. Alice's voice soothingly spoke, "Bella, don't worry. Shhhhhh, it's okay. Bella, it's okay"
The shaking started to get stronger as my body began to cool from the adrenaline.
"Bella, Jasper's still on campus finishing off some work for his supervisor - I'll give him a call. He was going to try and make it for dinner anyway, okay? Stay in your car, you'll be okay, and call security straight away if anything happens, okay Bella?"
My breathing was starting to slow down, the warmth of my truck's cabin comforting me as I reached out with shaky fingers and turned off the wipers; ceasing the horrible screeching that matched the red smears across my windscreen. "Okay, Alice. Thank-you," was the most I could muster out before hanging up the phone and sitting back in my seat, staring at the large lettering on the card in front on me blazing "I love you, I'll never give up".
Within five minutes, Jasper's name and a photo of him kissing Alice in a cowboy hat flashed up on my phone, the notes of Rossini's William Tell Overture gaining crescendo; a sound that would normally make me giggle, but under the circumstances made me feel emboldened. "Jasper, thank-you so so much," I answered.
"Absolutely no problem darlin'," his southern voice resonated, relaxing me as he continued, "You gave me a great excuse to get out of this place early and see Alice," he joked, knowing that I didn't like to be the centre or cause for other people's bother.
"So darlin', where will I find you?"
"I'm just parked outside the law library." I replied, looking around me.
"Ah, so I wasn't the only one staying back researching?" I could hear the noise him walking outside and immediately hoped that he had an umbrella as the rain continued to pour down. "Well Bella, how about I grab my car, pick you up and we'll head back to your place together; I'm guessing you're not feeling to up for drivin'?"
Hearing Jasper say your place and know he meant the one I now shared with Alice reinforced the warm fuzzies that were bringing me out of the shock I had been feeling.
"That would be lovely Japser, I have to be back here tomorrow anyway, so can leave my truck here overnight." I mused.
I heard the purr of Jasper's car in the background, a well loved classic, the name of which I could never remember, a point Jasper loved to tease me with in mock frustration.
"Well, Bella, it seems we parked rather close to each other," Jasper smiled into the phone. "Huh?" I looked around me and saw Jasper's car, lights on, in the rain behind my truck.
I laughed and gathered up my books and bag and prepared to jump out of the car, when I looked up at the card still tucked under the wipers.
"Jasper, would it be too much of a bother to ask you to come grab something for me?" I asked tenatively.
"No problems, Bella," he replied as I saw him jump out of his car in my rear view mirror as I hung up the phone. I opened my door, smiling over at him and nodded my head in the direction of my windscreen.
He caught on immediately and reached around, grabbing the card and ran back with me to his car, attempting to escape from the deluge.
After jumping in and shivering the rain off me, I looked over to see Jasper smiling at me with concern in his eyes.
"Would you like me to hold onto this for you, Bella - you don't have to even look at it if you don't want to," he said, watching my reactions.
"Thanks Jasper, but I think I'll be okay - it just.. just knowing that he sought out my truck in the carpark, and that he's not going to just disappear out of my life… I just really don't know what he's capable of doing," I looked up at his eyes between his dripping hair, "I'm scared."
Jasper wrapped his arm around me, drawing me to him across the console, "Shhh… I know Bella. It's completely understandable. You've made the right decision, okay? You are so strong- you'll get through this and we'll be here with you every step of the way; not just watching, Alice and I are here to help in whatever ways we can."
I moved back out of his arms to look at him, "Thank-you, Jasper. That means so much to me." It really did. What Jasper said gave me strength and courage. I took the card out of his offering hands, avoiding looking at it directly and shoving it into my bag as Jasper turned back and started the short drive from the campus to Alice's, and now my place.
Jasper's car pulled into the narrow one way street lined by beautifully restored single storey terrace houses and shifted perfectly into a break in the cars parked on either side. I grabbed all of my books and bag and slid out of the car onto the sidewalk and looked up at the narrow fronted house.
Although the 19th Centruy house was only the width of a room and a hallway, it extended back quite far, much longer than it was wide. The light over the painted black front door cast shadows from the matching coloured wrought iron cornice and eaves across the white painted stone.
The soft pink of the flowering cherry blossom in the same black wrought iron enclosed front yard contrasted against the stark white picture. It was absolutely beautiful, and couldn't be more Alice.
"I'm surprised the pixie's not already out the front door to great us," Jasper winked at me.
Apparently Jasper spoke too soon, as the front door sprung backwards to reveal Alice bouncing up on her toes, "Quick! Get inside before you guys get drenched!" she squealed.
Jasper opened the fence gate for me, letting me pass through and up to the house where Alice could barely contain her energy, "Bella!" she gasped as she pulled me into a tight hug, "Are you okay? Come in, get warm. Are you feeling alright?"
"I'm okay, Alice. A little bit shaken, but I'm just glad to be here and that Jasper was so close," I replied.
"Do you want to talk about it now or have some dinner first?" she asked me with a worried look. My tummy grumbled giving away my answer before I could vocalise it. Alice's giggle confirmed she knew my answer."Okay missy, you know which one's your room. Go freshen up and meet us down the other end of the house," she ordered.
I smiled at her and started heading down the high ceilinged wooden-floor hallway to my room, grinning even harder when I heard Alice being swept up into Jasper's arms.
I had met Alice on my first day of law school, finding myself seated next to her as we were herded into a lecture theatre to hear an address from the Dean. After grabbing a coffee together afterwards, and similar raised eyebrows at the majority of our new classmates; me for their ridiculously garish attempts to demonstrate the size of their trust funds in both their appearance and conversation, Alice at their transparent shallowness and predictable pret-a-porter taste. Outside of sharing the same lectures and tutorials, we found our daily coffee sessions became an essential element of surviving law school; for both the caffeine and unloading of gossip.
It was during one of these sessions that Alice met Jasper. I had been filing Alice in on a girl in a tutorial who had come to a realisation a little late in life thanks to a constitutional law problem and an unforgiving tutor. Just as I was getting to the punch line of the story, I noticed Alice's eyes shift from mine to across my shoulder.
Following her line of sight, I turned to find her expression mimicked on the face of a tall, blonde haired Apollo; one of the most gorgeous men I had ever seen was staring directly into Alice's eyes.
As if Alice picked up on my discomfort being caught in the crossfire of these stares, she stood up and without looking at me said, "I'll catch you in class, Bella," and walked over towards the blonde god.
I couldn't figure where Alice might know him from, but quickly realised they had surprisingly never met when she put out her hand, saying something to him after introducing herself. He tipped an imaginary hat at her, took her hand in his and both walked out of the coffee shop.
I sat there completely perplexed for a few minutes, before shaking it off, finishing my coffee and looked forward to finding out what had happened from Alice later.
From that point on, Jasper and Alice had a connection between them that ran deeper than could be articulated; they bounced off each other, but to be honest, it was as if they had always been waiting for the day they would meet; from the outside, there were no fireworks, no symphonies playing, no overarching declarations of passion. It was just as if they always were, and always will be, completely in love and supportive of each other.
It was a complete contrast to what I experienced. In fact, I think seeing how Alice and Jasper had it gave me a reality to reflect upon; although I had come to accept to some degree that that sort of love wasn't going to happen to me; it was too unlikely, too improbable and too hopeful to think otherwise, however the contrast of that type of love somehow provided my subconscious with leverage from my relationship.
I stepped into my new room. The high ceilings gave a freeing sense of space, matched with the creme coloured walls. Fleur de lis capped the ends of the rod from which similar coloured drapes hung down, covering what appeared to be a large window out to the side of the house.
Against the far wall was large wrought iron queen size bed, with light yellow sheets and covers that I could only guess, being purchased by Alice, were a blend of silk edging and Egyptian cotton. A large wooden desk sat on the opposite wall, reminding me of the stack of books I was still holding, pulling on the already tense muscles of my shoulders and neck. I placed my books and bag down on the desk, and after taking a deep breath, headed back into the hall to the bathroom next to my room.
Alice had the master bedroom at the front of the house with its own ensuite, and so the classic claw foot tub that now faced me brought immediate relief to my shoulders at the idea that I could soak into its depths later this evening. The sudden ache that thinking about what had happened that day shot through me before I quickly shook it off to wash my face and freshen up before heading down the hall to the open plan back end of the house.
Past my bedroom, the hallway opened up into a large living space that housed the kitchen before opening up to glass doors into what I was sure would be a landscaped courtyard. The entire space was open and light, with modern and clean furniture, with classic Alice embellishments.
The glorious scent from the kitchen hit me and my grumbling stomach like a dizzying spell. "Alice, what is that? It's absolutely amazing," I called out as I walked into the dining space, finding Alice cuddled up softly in Jasper's arms as they sat at the dining table drinking a glass of red wine each.
The soothing sounds of Puccini's Turandot filled the space creating a scene that I suddenly felt that I was intruding upon.
A sudden bell from the kitchen announced the required attention of a something Alice had been prepared and Alice's head popped out from it's cradle against Jasper's chest, "Perfect timing, Bella!" she smiled at me as she sprited to the kitchen. As I turned to Jasper, I suddenly felt myself surrounded by Alice's arms, as she had obviously made a detour from her dash to the kitchen, "This is your home now, too, Bella - It's our home, you and me, okay?"
Her sudden outburst of emotion removed any discomfort I'd had at perhaps walking in on something between her and Jasper. "Thank-you so much Alice, and you too Jasper. You've both been so supportive to me through this," I felt such gratitude at their love and warmth towards me; it was such a contrast from what I had experienced that I wasn't quite sure how to handle it yet.
Jasper broke me from my reverie, "Glass of red, Bella?" he asked.
"That would be fantastic, Jazz, thanks." I replied with a smile.
I sat down at the table as Alice served a plate of bruschetta and three large bowls of her famous comfort food of spinach and roast tomato linguine.
The warmth and flavours rolled over my tongue deliciously and the wine trickled down my throat with robustness that eased the tension across my neck and mind. Our chatter about Alice and my final year of our law degrees, and Jasper's final year of his PhD flowed continuously, with Puccini continuing to fill the background murmur.
I felt safe, loved and home.
Opening Poem
Robert Frost, "Into My Own"
Music
Rossini, William Tell Overture. (.com/watch?v=JkymTHSbWe0)
Puccini, Turandot. A beautiful opera. I picture Nessun Dorma playing quietly in the background to the scene in the dining room (.com/watch?v=2RdJmqLrsbo)
Full links for all music and poems available on my profile.
The architectural style of Bella and Alice's house is the Melbourne Terrace Home; the style flourished throughout Melbourne during the Victorian gold rush and is the style of many now gentrified and sought out inner-city homes. Pictures and links to more information can be found on my profile.
Author's Note: Welcome to Depth of Soul, my first fanfiction and as such I would love any feedback that can be offered. Is the story interesting? Is the development too slow? Grammar/style/concept? Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Also, any offers for a Beta would be fabulous!
This story will be an Edward/Bella fanfiction, and unfortunately Jacob is likely to be the sacrificial lamb so to speak, but with good reason!
I hope to share my love of music and poetry through this story, whilst exploring the notions of the soul (as a secular concept) and love.
There may be some unusual spelling and words as I will be writing this story in UK English as I am Australian; please let me know if there are any words I need to explain.
