"Baaa-aaah! Baaa-aaah!"
Kisuke grumbled under his breath. Sheep. Sheep!
They were milling together in a flock, about forty of them. Each one had a full coat of pristine white wool. They were beautiful; the best Seireitei had to offer. And Kisuke couldn't deny that he needed sheep. But two worries still troubled him.
First, Kisuke hated sheep.
Second, these were not his sheep.
Oh, that second fact would hardly trouble him most days. But these sheep, these very special sheep, happened to belong to Captain-General Shigekuni Yamamoto-Genryuusai, or as Kisuke's friend Shunsui liked to call him, Yama-jii. But Yama-jii had sheep, and Kisuke needed sheep.
Kisuke was a captain, sure, but Yama-jii was still a dangerous man to rob. He could do things to Kisuke. Like that one time, with the snakes and the peanut butter... Kisuke shuddered at the memory. Yes, Yama-jii was a very dangerous man. But he had sheep. So Kisuke was just going to have to make sure he wasn't caught.
Kisuke whistled shrilly, and his lieutenant faded into existence before him. Kisuke stared down at the little lieutenant and stuck out his tongue. The twelfth division lieutenant ignored him. "What are your orders, sir?"
Kisuke plopped onto the ground, probably getting grass stains all over his white captain's cloak. GOOD. It could do with a bit more green. He cupped his chin in his hand and stared at the lieutenant. "I need a distraction, (NAME CENSORED)."
His lieutenant pulled out a little notebook and began to scribble notes. "Large or small, sir? Who do you want to distract? How long? Where do you want their attention?"
Kisuke rattled off a series of specifications, and when he was finished, the lieutenant faded out of existence again. Kisuke sighed to himself. Too uptight. But the best lieutenant I've found, really. The last five didn't even last two weeks. I should remember to send a thank-you card.
Kisuke plucked a dandelion from the ground beside him and began twirling it between his fingers. He stared at the sheep, formulating a plan.
A loud explosion from somewhere far behind him, followed by a tremor in the earth and the clanging peal of alarm bells announced that the diversion had begun. Kisuke was curious what his lieutenant had cooked up, but didn't have time to investigate. As long as it kept attention away from Yama-jii's sheep.
Kisuke stood and walked forward toward the sheep. Now, he needed to transport them, and he needed to make sure they went unnoticed. The easiest way to do that... Ah! Kisuke snapped his fingers and smiled.
Reaching into his pocket, Kisuke pulled out a small candy dispenser. He masked his reiatsu and walked toward the flock of sheep. When he reached the first one, he popped a small sphere out of the dispenser and shoved it into the sheep's mouth.
"Oi! What the heck are you doin', Kisuke? And... What the... I'm a SHEEP?" The mod soul seemed taken aback, and slowly the sheep's eyes tightened in anger. "You put me in a SHEEP. Do you know what this thing has probably had in its mouth, Kisuke? This is just gross. I hate you."
Kisuke rolled his eyes. First try, he had to get one of the COMPLAINERS. Mod souls were no fun at all. Always so uptight, just because they didn't have bodies. At least it hadn't been one of the angry ones.
Kisuke grabbed the sheep's chin and tilted its face up so he could stare it in the eyes. "You know what, if you don't like it, I've got a whole load of you guys here who'd love to get their hands on a body, any body. I can take you out and put one of them in. No trouble at all."
The sheep danced back a couple paces, bumping into a few of the other members of the flock who were staring, mystified, at the scene in front of them. "No, really, Kisuke..." The sheep gave a braying laugh. "No, it's fine. It's just, I'm a sheep... you know... I was just surprised is all."
"Okay, then." Kisuke nodded, folding his arms in front of his chest. "Now, I want you to get to Yoruichi's office as fast as you can. Don't get caught, don't let anyone see you. And remember, if you do, you're a SHEEP, damn it! No talking! If Yama-jii finds out about this, he'll have my head. And you can bet he won't be any nicer to you. You know how much he hates mod souls."
The sheep sketched a small bow, folding its forelegs. "Okay, Kisuke. Okay. No problems. But what am I supposed to do when I get to Yoru..."
"She'll let you know when you get there. Now just GO. You know I hate sheep." Kisuke turned to the next member of the flock, which retreated a couple steps in panic before Kisuke was able to shove the next pill down its throat. By then, the first sheep was already bounding away down the hill, back toward the center of Seireitei.
Yoruichi smiled and stroked Soi Fong's forehead. Pretty Soi Fong. She turned back to the sheep. "All right, is that all of you?"
A small voice piped up from the back of the flock. "Yes, ma'am. Kisuke said I was the last, and I didn't see anyone else around when I left. Baaah." Some of the mod souls weren't strong enough to completely master their forms.
Soi Fong squeaked in terror at the talking sheep. She still wasn't used to it, even though Yoruichi had been conversing with the flock for nearly a half hour.
Yoruichi pulled the bed covers up to the girl's neck, tucking her in tightly. "All right, sheep! You have your orders. And remember, no more human talk. It scares my little Soi Fong." Another smile for the trembling girl. "And you, Soi Fong, DO go to sleep. This insomnia has got to stop. How are we supposed to have fun if you're always falling asleep on me?" The smile was replaced with a wide, toothy grin. Soi Fong let out a tiny wail, her face turning bright red.
"Now, Soi Fong, I know numbers aren't your strong point. Should I count for you, or do you want to try yourself?"
The first sheep took a running start and vaulted over the bed, 'baaah'ing through the air. A thin scream escaped from the girl's lips and Yoruichi sighed, lying down beside her on the bed. Yoruichi ran her long, dark fingers through Soi Fong's hair, caressing the girl's scalp.
"Okay then. That was one. Two? Two? Damn it sheep, you're too slow!"
Yoruichi's hand tightened in anger, pulling Soi Fong's hair painfully.
Soi Fong began to cry.
