Torchwood's Got Talent

Hi there- me and kaseykc were talking on MSN a couple of minutes ago and this sort of came up in the discussion.

So, therefore, I would basically like to thank her for the inspiration.

I DO NOT CLAIM RIGHTS TO ANY OF THE TORCHWOOD CHARACTERS OR THE PERSONALITIES ON BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT.

*NOTE*: In the conversation, Kasey replaced the letters in the profanities with the *, so I added the real letters back in for this.

Ant: Emotions are running high here in Cardiff

Dec: Yes, now let's meet our next contender.

*star wipe to a video of a Welsh girl with a pretty big gap in her teeth*

"Hello, my name is Gwen Williams and I'm from Wales. I work for an organisation which deals with some... very odd customers. My talent is strange, mainly because it's something I use all the time but rarely get the chance to perfect. In fact, my husband is the one who calls it a talent, although I fail to see how it is. I hope the judges will like me."

*cut to Gwen walking on stage*

Simon: Name.

"Gwen Williams" *she gives an annoyingly happy smile*

Amanda to Piers: *quietly* I think I hate her for some reason

Piers: *still smiling* I don't think you're the only one, judging by Simon's glare.

Simon: Now, what exactly is your talent, Mrs. Williams?

"Well, my talent is really weird, because you see, I can talk anyone into doing what I think is best. Like, I'm the heart of my company because I have a sense of morality."

Piers - "Morality... okay.... not exactly what I'd call a talent. Your smile on the other hand..."

*Rhys appears on the edge of the stage* "Oi! That's my wife you're talking to mate... keep it in your pants!!"

*Giggles and looks at Simon* "That's Rhys. My husband. He's basically a whole other talent in himself."

Simon: "Just get on with it Mrs Williams. We haven't got all day..."

"Aww, Simon. You're such a doll, you know that? I love how you're so honest with everyone you meet. I honestly admire that!"

Simon: "Listen you stupid Welsh-bitch! Just show us your talent and then fuck off okay?"

"I am showing my talent! By the way, your trousers are a little high. Don't you find that a little... restricting on your... *quietly* manhood?"

*Amanda laughs while Piers grins like a Cheshire cat with cream. Simon chokes on the sip of coffee he's just taken*

Simon: Okay I've made my decision... NO, NO, NO and NO!

Amanda: Yes, definitely

Piers: What kind of person would I be if I said no to the person who got Simon to blush like that? Yes, obviously

"Yay! Thank you... two yeses means I'm through, right?"

Piers: Yes you're through Gwen Williams the Simon-silencer!

"YAY!"

*Gwen runs off stage and hugs Rhys*

Meanwhile...

Simon: *leans his head back, closes and rubs his eyes* You utter, utter GITS!

Piers: Oh, come on Simon- she's a sweet kid. There's something about her I like.

Amanda: It's the fact that she can do what no one has ever been able to- make you look completely stupid on national television!

Piers: *looks at Amanda* Well said Holden!