It Ain't Easy
Chapter 2
Important Note: In this story, all the Glee kids are 16 and Sam, Sugar and Rory were already there from the beginning. They know each other since middle school but they only joined Glee Club in the beginning of this year.
Previously: Santana came out to her parents. They didn't react well and kicked her out. Now, she is staying at Mercedes'. When no one of her best friends asks her if she's alright, she is upset and disappointed.
Santana Lopez's Point Of View
It's Monday. I spent the weekend at Mercedes' house. I am standing next to my locker; I want to open it and take my books when someone stands next to me.
"Hi, Sanny!" Brittany says happily.
"Hi." I reply flatly.
She pouts. "What's wrong?" She asks.
I look at her and shrug my shoulders. "Nothing."
"Why are you lying to me?" She wants to know.
"I'm not lying." I answer.
"You are. I know you long enough to see that. Did I do something wrong?" She asks me and I clench my jaw.
"Did it ever occur to you that I might need my best friend to talk to after what happened? I lost my family, okay? I have no one other than Mercedes and her family right now. I really needed you."
"Then why didn't you call me? I would have answered my phone." She looks so confused and normally is cute but now, it really isn't.
"I didn't think I had to call you. I expected you to call me like I would have done if it were you that was kicked out of her house. Oh, and another thing. You didn't even ask me to stay with you, no; a girl who I've been calling names for the better part of the year was kind enough to offer. You are my best friend, it should have been you that asked me to stay."
She looks at the ground and I see that she is on the verge of crying. It hurts to see her hurt but… she let me down. She really did. "I'm so sorry, San. I didn't think it would hurt you so much."
I sigh. Why should I fight with her? I can't handle losing even more people so instead of doing what I want to do - walk away and be pissed - I give her a little smile and a hug. It feels good to have some physical contact. It's comforting and I really needed it, I realize. I stop hugging her and hold out my pinkie. She takes it and together we walk to our next class.
A Few Hours Later…
I walk over to the Glee Club table. Yeah, normally I would sit with the cheerleaders but since everyone knows I'm kind of homeless, and no one knows why, they all look at me strangely and I really can't handle their bitching today. I murmur a hello and sit next to Mercedes who grins at me.
"Hey, girl. My 'rents aren't home tonight; wanna watch some movies or something? The others are all staying over with friends. If you want to go out that's fine to." She asks me.
I shrug my shoulders. "I've got nothing to do. Seems chill." I answer.
"Great." Mercedes says.
"Heard anything of your parents?" Kurt asks me. I notice he is trying to ask it as gently as possible. The rest of the table is looking at me and it is kind of uncomfortable.
"No, I haven't." I tell them.
"Do you think they'll come around?" Kurt wants to know.
"I have no idea. Can we please stop talking about it? I'm losing my appetite." I say.
"Sure, no problem." Kurt reacts.
That Evening…
I am sitting next to Mercedes on the couch; we are watching some rom com about a teenage girl falling in love for the first time.
"I think I'm going to choke." I say after the nth sappy and cliché line.
Mercedes chuckled. "Come on, it's totally romantic."
"I think it's hideous." I tell her.
"So, you weren't like that with your first love?" She asks me.
I look at her and then at the hands in my lap, hoping that my long raven hair would hide the blush on my cheeks. She laughs and elbows me.
"Tell me!" She exclaims.
"No." I say. "I am not telling you anything." I tell her firmly.
"Who was it? Come on, I really wanna know and I won't tell."
I actually want to tell her because talking about this kind of stuff is fun but embarrassing at the same time. I've never talked about girls before, not in that way and not with anyone who isn't Brittany or my diary but then I look up into the sweet and curious eyes of Mercedes…
"Brittany." I reply.
"I always knew there was something between you two." Mercedes beamed like she just found the Holy Grail. Seriously, it was hilarious but I didn't laugh. I was too busy trying not to blush. "So, did you guys actually have something?" She wants to know.
"Uhm... Not really, I mean, it was more of a physical thing." I tell her. "Well, for her it was."
"So, you were in love with her but she didn't return it?"
I shrug. "Yeah, kinda. It..." I decide not to go further. I just told Mercedes something I've never told anyone and I have been living here for what? Three days? But I like her. I really like her. Even more than I like Brittany. I can have a real conversation with Mercedes without constantly having to explain things. I love Brittany, I really do but it can become tiresome after a while.
"What?" She urges.
"Nothing." I say. "Nothing." I repeat.
"It hurt you, didn't it?" She asks me and I look at her. I simply nod. "It's okay; I won't tell anyone that you actually have feelings... although everyone can see right through your act by now. We all know you are not the bitch that you pretend to be... but it's okay. I understand."
I look at her.
"Thanks, Mercedes." I say and she simply smiles at me. She has a beautiful smile.
Two Weeks Later...
I am still living at the Jones'. I love it here. They are all so excepting and totally cool. Mercedes' sister Candace is really the coolest person on earth and Jeremiah is like the little brother I never had. Jeremiah is 11 and so cute, really. He doesn't look 11, more like eight or nine so it's totally adorable when he tries to act like a 'real man' which he does often. Mercedes and I have grown closer and I can say that she is slowly becoming my best friend. After our film conversation a few weeks back, she hasn't asked anything else that has anything to do with my sexuality but she makes it clear that if I need to talk about anything I can always come to her.
I thought she was really not going to ask anything up until we were sitting on her bed, looking at yet another fashion magazine. She looks at me while I'm practically drooling over Beyoncé (don't judge, she is hot).
"Santana, stop drooling." She says with laughter in voice. I snap my mouth shut and blink my eyes. I look at her with a sheepish smile. She giggles. "So, is this how you knew you were gay? Because you drool over every pretty looking girl?"
I shake my head. "Nope, I drool over every confident girl. It's different than just pretty. I mean, look at Tina. She is pretty but she lacks confidence so I'm not attracted to her. I always knew I was different but when Britt accidentally missed my cheek and pecked my lips... Yeah, that's when I knew. I was only 12, but I knew." I tell her.
"Was Brittany your first kiss?" Mercedes asked.
I frown, thinking. "Yeah, she was. I didn't kiss her again until last year though. I went in a mayor gay panic because when we went to church a few weeks after the accidental peck, the pastor went on and on about those bad gay people who were ruining the world. I was really terrified but last year I just thought 'fuck it' and kissed Britt again. She was totally okay with it and stuff. Now, enough about me. Who was your first kiss?"
"Sam." Mercedes says a dreamy look on her face. Why does it make me feel so weird? Like someone just kicked me in my stomach. I shrug it off. It's probably nothing.
"Fish Lips? Really?" I ask her.
"Stop calling him that! He is a sweetheart."
"Yeah, but he still has gigantic lips." I let her know.
She snorts. "You dated him." She tells me.
"What? I like being the top bitch and to be that; I needs man candy." I explain.
"It's sad." She tells me.
I frown. "What is sad?"
"That you have to pretend to be someone you are not just to be at the top. I think it's sad." She lets me know.
I sigh. "It's not ideal, that's true but it's not that bad. I don't have to look out for slushies and no one messes with me."
"Why can't you just come out at school? You are a Cheerio and people are terrified of you. Like they are going to treat you badly." She says.
"It's not about what they say to my face, it's about what they say behind my back and besides, it's no one's business what my sexual orientation is. All they have to know is that I'm better than them. That's all." I say and she shrugs.
"Fine but if it's no one's business then why do you keep dating guys?" She asks me.
"There are already rumors going around that I'm 'at least bisexual' so when I date dudes, no one believes that."
"I wouldn't be able to date someone I don't like... Sounds awful." She says.
"It's not that hard. I just ignore them most of the time. It's cruel, I know." I react.
She doesn't comment on it.
Mercedes Jones' Point Of View
Santana continues to read the magazine but I just look at her.
She is a nice girl. She really is. She is sweet to my little brother and actually more polite than I thought she would be. I mean, she is a totally different girl outside of school. She smiles all the time, she jokes in a friendly manner and doesn't use as much nicknames as she usually does. She has become my best friend and I love every second of our friendship. Even at school, she sticks up for me. I am 'off limits' she told Karofsky and Azimio who wanted to slushy me. We always sit together during Glee and I just feel really comfortable around her. There are things that are the same outside of school. It's still hard for her to show her feelings and she still loves to hate a lot of stuff but not everything, like I thought she would.
There is one thing I am confused about though...
She touched my hand when we were making dinner, just because she wanted to get my attention, to ask me where the pepper was but it just made me feel so... funny inside. Like someone was tickling me, but not quite. My stomach flipped and it was a great feeling but it scares me to. It was like I felt with Sam. That same feeling of... of what exactly? I mean, what is it that I'm feeling? Is it just because I know that she likes girls that I feel like this? Because it's her that's touching me? I don't know, I really need to talk to someone. I can't talk to my best friend about this because she is who it's about but I could talk to Kurt about it. He'll be able to help me, right?
"'Cedes?" Santana's voice snaps me out of my dream and I look at her questioningly. "You were just staring at the wall. Come on, you have to see this dress. It's totally awesome." She tells me and I smile.
I begin to read with her. Soon, we are laughing and giggling again. Her giggle is pretty cute.
Author Notes: I got more comments then I thought I would get. I mean, this is really not a popular pairing but I'm glad that there are people interested. Please, keep reviewing because the Rachel Berry in me needs applause to live. ;). If you have any ideas, let me know.
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