A/N: As a general update, I'm screwing the two-shot idea and attempting to make an actual fic with this even though I already wrote the infamous Otis scene and will be taking a month or two to finish the first 2-3 chapters about him even BEFORE season 1 or 2 even take place (not counting flashbacks -covered last chapter.) So I'm going to be plugging the crap into the Netflix stuffs and rewatching seasons 1-2 so I don't skip something important and you won't point it out and make me feel like an idiot for not noticing it. For some reason I found the time to binge watch Netflix's Daredevil a couple weeks ago. Okay, so I actually have a defense for Jon Bernthal as the new Punisher, because I'm sure you want me to yammer on about actors in superhero shows on a Walking Dead fanfic.

In other news, you know how in the season 2 flashback, they show how Carol (and Ed, Sophia) met Shane, Lori, and Carl, but not Daryl,Merle, Dale, Amy, Andrea, Glenn, or the Morales family? It's never been mentioned either, and I understand that in Rick's world (his view, his person) it's not that important, but this is focus on Shane and his experiences, and no matter how I see it, I feel it as inevitable that I point out those "moments" before Rick came back and how it affected him - how he was ahead of his game. Oh yeah and as a final note this starts off not long after the prologue's ending - a night or so later.

Disclaimer: The Fox Familiar had ideas again, she's good with ideas. And thank you Sassy Lil Scorpio for beta-ing this chapter for me :) Also I referred multiple times to check Wikipedia and other sources which can be bothered enough to keep up with TWD's seasons that I can't because I'm lazy as hell and have better things to do than to notice every time someone in TWD kills a walker. Also if I owned the Walking Dead Shane wouldn't have died so soon.


Despite what Lori had said about it being okay, Shane still felt guilty about kissing her. Rick may have wanted him to be here for his wife and son, but he was sure Rick didn't want him screwing around with Lori.

It wasn't right, he told himself. If Rick was still alive, Shane would not have been able to justify it, nor would he have even thought of doing it. If Rick was still alive, he would just be Rick's partner, his sidekick, his best friend - if Rick were still alive he wouldn't even be in this position. It would still be his duty to help protect his best friend's family, but not solely his responsibility - not as his main duty.

He shifted on the roof of the car, the highest vantage point they could get in their temporary camp. Nothing. Or, at least nothing he could see in the trees. Either way, their temporary camping site seemed to be safe for now. If something came they would hear it or see it first.

Looking back, where the trees thinned out, he could see the city of Atlanta loomed through the moonlit night, devoid of any obvious signs of life and light, except the fires that raged through the neighborhood. Lori was right - everyone who came to Atlanta for protection was dead. More likely than not, they had been transformed into the undead freaks that now roamed the cities.

His thoughts shifted back to Lori. Part of what disconcerted about kissing her was the feelings he had harbored for her before he had fucked up with the radio call. Before the undead freaks had risen up to eat the living. Feelings that were a bit more than 'just friendly'. Shane had never really paid attention to it before, because it wasn't like he would ever act upon them. He had never gave it a second thought.

Now that Shane did think about it, he wasn't sure if he had been aware of how he felt toward Lori. She was pretty, yes, but she was also Rick's wife. Sure, he had had previous affairs with women, but Lori wasn't just a woman he met in his senior year at high school, or someone he met while on duty at the police station - she wasn't someone that he would agree to have a one-night stand with. She was married. Not only that, but she was his best friend's wife. He wouldn't fuck Rick's wife — he wouldn't cross that line.

"Shane?" Lori opened the door of the car, staggering to her feet as she moved outside.

"I'm here," he responded, sliding from the edge of the car to the ground. In a lower voice, he added, "How's Carl?"

Lori puckered her lips and sat down next to him. "He's asleep - h-he seems to be taking things much better now." She paused. "Shane - we've been here for a week since you took us out of King County. We're low on food - we need to move somewhere else. This is too close to where it -where it happened. I-" She bobbed her head as she spoke, glancing at the car, and added, "I-I don't want him to be - playing - somewhere, and he gets caught by one of those things. I-" Lori turned back, staring at him.

Shane looked away. He remembered what she had said to him after he had kissed her - that it was okay - that she understood why he had done it - grateful for his being there for her - that she needed him.

"We - we're going to find a safe location," he assured her. Lori didn't look convinced.

"How can you be sure that it's safe?" Lori asked, her voice breaking. "We were told that King County was safe, that we would be protected. We were told that Atlanta was safe. We weren't protected. Atlanta wasn't safe."

"Nothing will happen." Shane attempted to reassure her and rubbed his forehead as he spoke, giving away his fear. Lori pressed her fingers to her mouth, her expression dubious.

"Nothing will happen to you and Carl, okay," Shane said, forcing his voice to remain firm. "See-see, we'll find a safe place for you and Carl." Cautiously, he put his arm around her. "It's - you - we're going to be okay."

Instead of pushing away, Lori moved closer to him - not as in an approach, but as if it comforted her to know he was there for him. He supposed it would. To feel safe; to feel her son was safe, as long as she stayed with him.

It wasn't true. But because it gave her solace, he didn't mention the self-doubt that was gnawing at his brain. He didn't say a word about the many disorganized thoughts rushing through his mind - about the many dangers the road that lay ahead had in store for them, or if there was even any safe place left after what went down in Atlanta. Shane had said he would keep them safe, that there was a safe area somewhere. It was his responsibility now to make sure they had one.


Shane kept watch through most of the night, only falling asleep briefly in the short hours before dawn. He awoke to the sound of the car's door opening and scrambled to his feet. The first light of dawn cast shadows upon the camp. The car's back door slid open and Carl poked his head out, rubbing his eyes.

"Hey," Shane called, gesturing to Carl to come sit beside him.

Carl stumbled out, still rubbing his face.

"Your mother asleep?" Shane asked.

"Yeah." Carl motioned to the tent. "You want me to go get her?"

"No, it's fine," Shane responded quickly. "Are you hungry?"

Carl shook his head, shrugging. "No." He paused and moved a bit closer. "Shane?" Carl moved sideways, trying to catch his eye.

"What?"

"I want... I wanted to ask you something," Carl said, his gaze moving to his feet.

Shane rubbed his head, trying to dispel the nerves that were beginning to bubble at the surface. "What's that?"

Carl understood his question as a green light to ask his own inquiry. "Shane... how did Dad die?" he asked. "What happened to him?"

The twelve year old stared at him, and Shane felt shame overwhelm him. He had tried his best to forget it, but despite it, he knew that he would never be able to rid his memory of the time when they - he - had miscalculated the number of criminals, the way he failed his best friend - and found him dead in the hospital. All those memories came flooding back to him as Carl waited patiently for a response." . "He - I didn't make it in time," he managed to say.

"I know," Carl said quietly., as if he were unsure of how Shane would react. "Wh-what happened?"

Shane remembered the days before the outbreak - the end of the day, about after sundown where he had stood there on the grass watching Lori, Rick, and Carl walk away. At that moment, as he should have expected but hadn't, a wave of feeling had broke over him - a combination of sadness and yet an unfamiliar feeling of relief. He had known at the time that he would miss Rick and even his family, but at the same time - for his purposes, they hadn't left fast enough. Now that Rick was gone, he regretted the mere feeling of wanting him to leave.

"Did your mother tell you - about him getting shot?" Shane asked. His throat felt as if it were being squeezed, and he could barely get the words out. "How- how it happened?"

"She said he got shot," Carl said. "She said he was in surgery. But you said he died. You told Mom in the car -when we were on the highway, you said he was dead when you got to him." Carl hesitated. "But y- you never explained how it happened. Mom said you told her." He looked back at Shane, his face intent but uncertain, as though he knew what he wanted but was unsure of how to deliver it. "I want to know how it happened too."

Shane took a breath. He had known he would have to relive this moment eventually, but he still felt unprepared. Carl was a kid. He shouldn't have to go through this kind of shit. "There was a radio call that said that there was two suspects in a car," he began. "Somebody got it wrong. There was a third man - somebody screwed up. We - I never thought it could be a mistake. That kind of thing - doesn't happen too often." He wiped his face.

Shane had explained this part to Lori. But this time it felt different. When I was explaining the shit that happened, Rick -he was still alive. He was in a hospital because of me, but he was still alive. He might even have made it out okay. Now, as he stooped down to face Carl, to explain what happened, his guilt was intensified by the fact that his best friend was dead. That he was never coming back, all because of the screw-up he had made after the radio call. "I screwed up. The third man - we got the other two. But he tagged Rick after that. He shot him in the chest. I had Leon call an ambulance." He took a breath and continued. "They got him to the hospital. I visited him a few times before the outbreak. H-he was fine. In and out, but he was fine."

Shane stared into Carl's face as he tried to focus, trying so desperately not to get sucked into his own memories. He was telling this to Carl. He couldn't decide when to start and finish - he had to do it now. This isn't for me, it's for him.

"I told myself, when this all went down, I wasn't going to leave him there. I - I didn't stop thinking about him, but I didn't do anything. I-it's my fault." Shane massaged the back of his head repeatedly. "There were soldiers shooting people in the halls. They didn't get to him. He was dead before I found him, Carl. I-I checked his heartbeat before I left and I- I- I did not hear one." Shane wanted to say something - to try to comfort Carl, but he stayed silent. Best to leave him right now. He'll get through this.

Carl didn't say anything either. He just stared at Shane and whispered something so quietly Shane almost missed it.

"Thank you for telling me."

Shane didn't lie to himself; he did not try to convince himself that he didn't know how deep Rick's connections between them all ran. But as he watched Carl open the door to the car once again and crawl into the car, Shane caught a glimpse of his face - an overwhelming expression of loss - and a feeling of deep sorrow filled him as he finally allowed himself to feel the reality of Rick's death and what it meant to him - what it meant to Lori and Carl- and he truly understood what Lori had meant when she said "we're never going to be a normal family again".


It was early evening. The trees' shadows moved across the area as the sun sunk slowly behind the horizon. He could feel Lori's gaze on his back as he opened up the trunk of the car. Four or five empty plastic bags were jammed under the seat next to the bag with the canned food. Shane pulled it out and emptied the contents onto the ground - two cans of corned beef, three cans of kidney beans, and a can of pears.

"That's it. We're down to the last five."

Shane briefly moved his hand across his head and returned the cans. He looked up at Lori. "We're gonna need to move our camp by tomorrow night. That way we can find a way to restock. You were right, we're too close to the highway."

Lori puckered her mouth and nodded. "I'll tell Carl. He- he'll want to say goodbye to Sophia. They've become close friends."

"Wait - Lori, wait," he called, slamming the trunk of the car shut and hurrying after her. "Lori."

She paused in her walk and turned to face him. "What?"

"I - I was thinking," he began, stuttering. "Carl and Sophia - they get along pretty well, so I was thinking... we could invite them to join us? As a- a kind of group, y'know?"

Lori inclined her head. "And if it doesn't?"

"It will, it will," he assured her. "Listen - I'll ask them if they want to come. See-see, we'll figure something out."

She waved her hand toward Ed and Carol's car. "They'll be over there. Carol will probably be "with Sophia and Carl - I asked her to watch Carl earlier." She paused. "I'll come with you."

Shane followed her, slowing as they approached Ed and Carol's car. Sophia and Carl were playing a board game. Carol sat a short distance from them, next to the car.

"Hey," he called.

Lori threw him a quick glance, her expression wary. Shane followed her gaze to the hood of the car. It wasn't facing them, but he could still make out Carol's husband, Ed, who was sitting on the hood of the car, lighting a cigarette. Carol smiled meekly and stood up as they approached.

"Carol, we - we're leaving," Lori said, starting before Shane had a chance to think about how he should word it. Carl looked up.

Carol's meek smile disappeared. "But - "

"We were wondering if you wanted to join us," Shane interjected. "We're leaving tomorrow night, so the offer stands until then. After that - well, if you change your mind -" He cut himself off. "Well, you and your little girl are welcome to come, all you have to do is say yes."

"I'd like to," Carol said, but she seemed nervous and unsure, as if she were waiting for permission to do so.

"What are you doin'?"

Ed jumped off the car and stormed over to them, but quickly changed direction to Carol. She shrank back as he approached. Lori covered her mouth and hurried over to Carl and Sophia, who had stopped playing and were staring at Ed and Carol nervously.

"They said they're leaving tomorrow -they were asking if we wanted to come," Carol said. "I - I said we- I'd like to -"

"What in the hell did you say that for?" Ed demanded roughly. "We don't need their damn help. We can get on just fine on our own."

"Sophia gets along alright with their son," Carol said, her voice faltering. "I just thought -"

"You don't give any damn orders here," Ed snapped, shoving her against the car. He turned to face Shane. "What are you doing here?"

Shane didn't move. He had not thought Ed was the kind of person who would hit his wife- or his daughter - when he met him. Sure, he had only talked to him once, and Shane thought he handled things rather roughly, but he had never really suspected Ed was actually abusing his family.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave us," Ed said threateningly, his voice low and grating.

"No."

"Excuse me? You need to leave," Ed said, barely containing himself. "What have you been talking about, huh?" he snapped at Carol, smacking her across the face. His hand didn't make any sound on contact, but when he pulled his hand back, Shane could see four bright red marks where his fingers had hit.

Shane grabbed Ed's shoulder and wrenched him back, away from Carol, who scrambled to get out of the way, and as she did so he shoved Ed forward, slamming him into the car.

"You- you think you have any authority here?" sputtered Ed. "You think you can just come in here whenever you like and talk to my wife?" He pulled his hand back and struck out, but Shane ducked, grabbing his arm and pressing him to the car's window.

"Come on, sweetie," he heard Lori say to Carl. "Let's get back to the car." Shane heard them get up; heard them walk away, but the noise was faint, as if it were just another part of the background, and he glanced away from Ed. Carol stood back; her face twisted and mouth open in a silent sob. Sophia looked like she was going to cry. Lori and Carl had disappeared into the cluster of trees towards their car. Shane turned back to him.

"You hit your wife or your daughter - you hit any off them ever again and I'll beat the shit out of you."

"Stop it," Carol begged "Please."

Shane hesitated. He has threatened Ed out of concern for Carol - now, in the catastrophic world they lived in; there was no law; no law enforcement left. Everything was gone - and there was no one else to stop Ed from hurting his wife or daughter. Shane didn't move.

"You touch them again. You just try it, Ed. I'll beat the fucking shit out of you," Shane said, projecting his voice loudly so that Ed could hear him, and relinquished his grip on Ed's shoulder. Ed muttered something in retaliation but didn't make any further moves toward Carol - but while he staggered back, his face was a mixture of anger and humiliation. As he moved away from Carol and Sophia, Shane turned to Carol. Sophia had buried her face into her mother's waist.

"If you want to come with us, you can," he said to her, trying to reach out to her with words. "No one's going to stop you."

Ed grunted something indistinctly, but he seemed to have understood Shane's message - at least for now - and instead of approaching Carol, he stayed leaning against the tree where he had retreated to.

Carol seemed upset and yet she did not acknowledge him and he felt the sting of old memories at the hurt, haunted, and yet slightly vacant expression on her face. It was the way many abused women had behaved when he and Rick had come to help - but more over, it reminded him of the way his own mother looked when she came home after working her ass off just to pay the bills. To feed him; to give him a roof to sleep under. For Carol it was worse.

"Hey," Shane called out to Carol. She didn't respond. "Hey," he said again, rubbing his head as hearly began to feel agitated. He didn't know what Carol was thinking or feeling. "Carol." He touched her arm, trying to snap her out of the daze she seemed to be wandering in.

She wasn't looking at him, as though she were angry at him, and yet her posture wasn't fearing, hating, or rejecting his presence.

"You threatened him," Carol said, uttering the words so softly as she jerked away he almost doubted he had heard them. But something told him he had heard her- correctly, and he stooped down to face her.

"I had to," Shane said. Sophia barely acknowledged his presence, her face still hidden as she hugged her mother - and Carol's eyes met his and he saw her confusion on the issue.

Carol's eyes darted to her husband, then back to Shane. She didn't reply - only giving him a dismissive glance, if the slight jerk of her head had even indicated that she cared about his presense.

He couldn't explain it to her. She didn't seem to understand his point, but for Shane it was vital that she accepted and understood that that he intended no harm to her when he had threatened Ed.

"I had to," he insisted. "He was going to hurt you."

"Thank you," Carol said after a moment. Her hesitation was all he needed to know she didn't mean the words as much as he wished she did.

"I was just trying to keep you safe," Shane said, attempting to get her understanding. "I didn't..." he broke off rather suddenly. He couldn't and wouldn't undo the act of telling Ed to keep his hands off his wife and daughter. It had to be done. There was no one else to stop him.

He needed to be dealt with, Shane told himself. If I didn't stop him, no one else would have...

He had dealt with this kind of shock and hurt more than he cared to think about, but Carol wasn't just any victim of domestic violence and it wasn't the same as bringing the suspected abuser in for questioning.

"I had to stop him," he told her again. "I couldn't just stand there..." He squeezed her shoulder slightly.

He remembered the domestic violence calls he and Rick had received on occasion, and how they just sat, cowed and broken at the table in the waiting room. Not really seeing or feeling or even appreciating their efforts to care for them in the aftermath of their abusive partners' assault.

Shane couldn't explain it to her, but he was certain that he needed to make things right somehow. He wouldn't apologize for telling Ed to stay away from Carol - from Sophia, but he felt he needed to make sure she felt safe from danger - protected, the way he tried to make Lori and Carl feel; to make sure they were shielded from the harm this new world had in store for them.

"You can come with us," he repeated. "I - we'll find a safe place. For you and your little girl. You don't have to stay here. We can all go together. As a group. We - we'll find someplace safe," he said, his words becoming ineffectual to himself as he recalled this was what he had told Lori; and that he had not yet confirmed his promise. Right now, it was nothing more than a flawed hope he held onto. "I can - I can help you. I can keep you and your little girl safe," he prompted her. "All you have to do is say yes."