Thanks to all who reviewed the first chapter. Thanks baybie,harley-hardy01, it took so long to get a chapter thanks to Rated-R-For- Randomness for being my beta.
Chapter 2
The warm eyes of my favorite Diva comrade did not seem to quell any of my sorrow. It was quite obvious that I was far from being even slightly okay. I couldn't keep all of my feelings bottled up, but I was unsure if I should confide in Melina. I didn't think I even knew what I was feeling. How would I be able to explain it to another?
She kept her hand on my shoulder, willing me to open up… showing me that she was not leaving until she was convinced that I truly was okay. I wasn't that good of an actress…
"So, you have two choices…"
I saw Melina's lips move in her reflection, but hardly deciphered the words. She sighed and turned me around to face her, reaching up and wiping a few stray tears that had yet to fall.
"A – you can be adult about this and tell me what is bothering you," she said impatiently but still holding a gentle tenor. "Or B – you can continue avoiding your obvious emotional trauma and wait until it eats you alive."
I pushed out of her light grasp and turned back around to stare at my reflection. No amount of drops would take the redness from my eyes, but luckily the facial reddened blotches could be concealed. I reached for my powder, but all I accomplished doing was spilling the contents, smearing the marble with a peachy hue.
"Fuck – can't I do anything right anymore?" I ranted to myself, giving a frustrated slam of my palm to the messy countertop. I groaned in discomfort as my wrist began to throb… I didn't know my own strength in would seem. I lifted my now sore hand into my eyesight, glowering at the red mark that was beginning to spread.
"Okay, playtime is over," Melina stated, reaching out to grasp my slightly throbbing hand in hers. "Time to tell me what is wrong with you?"
I looked into her eyes and saw that she was not joking. We had a history of having heart to heart talks, especially when Amy left the company. Amy and I were quite close. We came up through the ranks of the company at the same time. While I floundered for quite a few years, trying to find my place on the ever changing roster of talent, she rose to the occasion almost immediately. Team Extreme made her beloved by almost every wrestling fan. But I couldn't complain… it also helped introduce me to my best friends.
Her friends became my friends and I quickly found a spot among their personal circle. It made the lack of satisfaction I was having in my personal life bearable. I may not have found my place in the spotlight yet, but at least I was happy. Happiness was not something that I had much of in my life before WWE. No true maternal figure, a father who couldn't stand me, and no real sense of friendship led to an unhappy and rocky adolescence to say the least. But I found my place among true friends… found relationships that I hoped would last the rest of my life.
"Is it Adam or… Jeff?"
Tears welled up in my eyes again just because of her question. I was being juvenile, but this is what happened when I let my feelings stay bottled up inside for too long. There was nothing that will console me until I worked it though them. That was a little hard to do considering my friends would not speak to me and Adam was being quite distant.
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I looked into Melina's eyes and immediately saw her own irises soften. I guess she could see the truly fucked up emotional state I was in. She put her arms around me, pulling me into a tender embrace. I put my head on her shoulder and took a deep breath, thinking back to the day that changed everything I had come to know…
Monday April 21, 2008
After RAW Taping – 11:15 pm
The taping had come and gone in a blink of an eye. Maybe that was because the Divas had very little in-ring action tonight because of the King of the Ring tournament. All of us were present on the taping however, ushering in a new Women's Champion in Mickie James… finally being given the chance to beat the Glamazon and recapture the gold after months of unsuccessful attempts. The celebration turned into a face on heel brawl, but at least everyone was featured.
There were many a night when we spent much of our time just talking and passing time. The women's division was not the same as it had been back in the Attitude era. Being one of the only remaining Divas from that time, it hit me hard at times. I knew that we could be just as good as the women from the past. Yet it seemed that as soon as Trish and Amy were gone, the focus had turned away from wrestling and more towards modeling. Oh how I wished that things could change…
We were all together in our locker room, showering and getting ready to head back to the hotel for the night. I was in no rush to leave the arena, especially since there was a certain someone still present in its halls. I thought that the brand spilt was supposed to keep certain people away from the live broadcasts… but with the pay-per-view only six days away, all hands were on deck – including the Smackdown main eventers.
Melina and I were waiting for our turns in the stalls. I could see that she was anxious to leave, but my demeanor through her off guard. Normally, we rushed out into the open night, happy to be away from the backstage politics and drama. Now, I was quite cozy in the cinderblock confines of the locker room. As time went by, Melina and I finally got into the showers. I went about my cleansing routine with little hurry, happy to be one of the only few Divas left in the building. Maybe that meant many of the Superstars had left as well? Melina was my ride for the night, so as long as she was present and accounted for, I saw no reason to rush.
"Someone got some action this weekend."
I shook the suds out of my ears and peered over the tile wall to look at her. She motioned to my neck, and I subconsciously brought my hands up in concealment. It was too late, obviously, but I didn't know if I wanted to explain the nature of the tenderly bruised skin. She looked at me expectantly, knowing that unlike many in the locker room, I was one who did kiss and tell. It wasn't like I had many past sexual relationships that interjected with my occupation. Some, but not many…
"What is it that has you acting so coy?" Melina asked with a grin, flicking some of her peachy scented suds into my eyes. "Who did you see?"
I took a deep breath, washing the rest of the soap from my hair and eyes. I reached up and turned off the tap, reaching behind me to retrieve my towel. I walked out into the cool air of the room, looking over my shoulder as my friend followed. Should I tell her? This isn't like my past relationship… well, not like I really could call a connection based solely on sex a relationship… but what I had started now seemed to be something more… and it was scaring me, especially because of the repercussions I knew it would undoubtedly cause.
"Anything I tell you stays between us," I muttered, clutching the towel closer to my chest, as I peered around the room to make sure we were truly alone. I turned back to her and saw her nodding emphatically. I walked over to a bench and sat down, beckoning for her to do the same.
"Well… you know how I went to that concert last week?" I asked, hesitantly. She just nodded and sighed. Did I really want to do this? Melina and I were becoming closer friends almost every day, but it wasn't the same as the relationship I shared with Amy. Now, that thought wasn't all that comforting anymore.
"Something happen?" Melina asked, trying to goad me into continuing. I decided to err on the side of caution and start out without revealing much.
"It was in Tampa and… well, it wasn't like I wanted to go alone, so I invited someone," I murmured.
"Interesting," she mused in a droll tone, seeing no reason for me to be so flustered by the situation. Oh if she only knew…
"Well, the past few weeks before said concert we had been talking about our relationship… about maybe trying to patch up our friendship," I continued. The new details seemed to perk her interest. She was about to speak, but I quickly continued. "I soon found out that friendship wasn't the only thing on his mind. But… I've never thought about him like that before, you know?"
I knew that the question was truly rhetorical and couldn't be answered. She did not even know who I was speaking of, even though my subtle hints most likely gave her a clue. I was still trying to piece together my thought process and trying to explain it to another was baffling. What was I thinking? Ever since Jeff had been suspended in March, I felt lost. He was truly my best friend… more than friends actually. It was like we were the same person at times. That being said, romance was never in the cards for us… we had too much fucked up history that didn't involve sex to get involved together. Plus, I had too much respect for Beth to screw up ten years of commitment for something that could never work. Now that he was off dealing with his own personal and professional problems, I was left trying to keep afloat. And that meant turning to the one person I swore I would never rely on again.
"So… I invited him to this concert and we went… having a great time, but then… he kissed me," I relayed, my speech broken up as I remembered the moment when his lips touched mine. To say I was surprised was an understatement. The loud music droned out everything around me except his lips… his taste. I shook my head to get the memory to leave my mind, continuing on with my tale. "The rest of the night was spent in awkward companionship… both of us trying to gauge what really happened. But when we went back to his house, that haze seemed to clear… for him, anyway."
"Hun, you're not making much sense," Melina interjected, but I was too far in my train of thought to stop. I paid her no heed, continued staring at a shirt that was hanging in my locker. It was his shirt… images came flashing across my eyes – the two of us, the emotions that I felt... what had I done?
"He kissed me again and one thing led to another and… we just ended up spending the weekend together," I mused with a smile. Since the brands had just been overseas for a tour, the talent was given a much needed weekend off to retool, especially since Backlash was upcoming. "And you know what? It was absolutely… amazing. I don't know… it was just different than what I am used to. I wasn't expecting it to be, but… it was."
"Who are you talking about?" she asked, as I continued to stare at his shirt.
"Adam," I whispered, not truly trusting my voice to say it aloud.
"Copeland?" she screeched, almost jumping from her spot. My eyes found hers. I shrugged and nodded. "I guess this is going to certainly be a mess, huh? Shit is going to have to hit the fan eventually… unless this was a onetime thing?"
She was well aware of all the turmoil that this would cause. The reason I avoided Adam like the plague for years was because of what he did to Matt. I had to take the elder Hardy's side, it just seemed right considering the three of us were closer than the others . I didn't know the full story but of course I took Matt's side I was swayed by my emotional attachment to his brother. Jeff could talk me into anything and vice versa. It was a curse at times… more so on his part than mine. But in that one instance, I was the one who suffered for my loyalty.
Adam and Amy were two close friends that I lost because of bitter feelings and untold truths. I still wasn't sure exactly what happened… no one was. The only ones that knew the full extent of the affair were Amy and Adam and neither was too open about the details. Sure, there was the storyline that was concocted, based on the facts that nearly ruined Matt's career. But none of that could be taken to heart. Sure, there was infidelity, lies, deceit… but how deep did it run?
Adam and I hardly spoke for years. I was on Rawn for the whole ordeal and when Matt went to the blue brand I followed suit . When I moved to Smackdown, Adam was quickly swapped to the other brand because of injuries in the main event tier of talent. Money in the Bank was cashed and he was the champion. When he came back from his pectoral injury, he was still on Smackdown, but seemingly different. It was as if his time away changed him, made him more like the Adam I remembered. Maybe that was the sentiment that overtook me when he made the offer to bury the hatchet two months back… Maybe it would be that sentiment that would cause more trouble than it's worth.
"It wasn't supposed to be like this," I whispered, more to myself than the woman sitting in front of me. "It was just supposed to be a fun weekend. Two old friends hanging out… maybe patching up some tension, but nothing more. Or so I thought…"
"You didn't answer my question," she said after I had drifted off into my own thoughts.
I searched her eyes, but she did not continue. I knew what she wanted to know: if I was serious about my 'relationship' with Adam. Hell, I wasn't even sure. That was why I had avoided him all day… ever since we arrived, I shied away from all public places. I wrote in my journal, called Jeff, wrote some more, texted Jeff… pretty much anything but concentrate on what my heart was telling me.
That there was something there…
