Max POV
"Ok well…" I started, staring down at my lap. "You see…um… When you like a guy, I mean really like him, you'll feel it. Your stomach gets all tingly and you get really excited every time you see him. Sometimes its hard to breath when your close to him. You feel light-headed and achy when he touches you, even when its by accident. You'll think about him a lot, and that will frustrate you and just make you think about him some more. You'll always think that he could do better than you, even though you don't want him to realize it."
I paused for a moment to look at her face, it was eager, wanting me to continue. "You'll drive yourself crazy thinking that he doesn't feel the same way. You'll lay in bed at night thinking about him, only to dream about him once you've fallen asleep. Seeing him smile will always make you smile. You'll cry when he cries and so on. When you need someone to comfort you, he'll be the first person you think about. And you'll forgive him for every stupid thing he does- cause lets face it, guys are dumb. When you watch a movie or hear a song or even have a discussion," I gestured to the two of us. " about love, you'll only be thinking about him." I stopped and looked down at my lap. Where did all of the mushy love stuff come from? That's not me.
Your growing up Maximum, said the voice.
Stupid voice, I ranted
I heard that!
And yet you keep talking. Silence. Max-1 Voice-0.
"Is that how you feel about Fang?" came a small, inquisitive voice from my doorway. I jerked my head up to see Nudge and Angel staring in at me, in awe at my openness.
"Girls this is kind of a private conversation, I don't think that Ella wants…" but I was cut off when Ella gasped loudly.
"Is it? How you feel about him" and that was where the conversation turned. Ella apparently abandoning her hopes for advice, settled for gossip instead.
I sighed and gestured for the girls to come in. They jumped on the bed with us, Nudge next to Ella and Angel laying with her head in my lap.
"Max, do you love Fang?" Angel asked, innocently.
"I love all of my family, sweetie." I said smoothly.
"If you did like him, I mean like really like him, like LOVE him, we would all be okay with it. I mean, we all know you guys like each other. Iggy's blind and even he can see that. We just don't understand why you guys wont just tell each other how you feel…" I clapped my hand over her mouth, then smiled feebly.
"There's nothing to tell." He doest like me, he just uses me. I'm an amusement to him, nothing more.
"MAX," Angel screamed. Crap she had heard me. She sat up looking straight into my eyes. "Why would you think that?"
"Because it's the truth Angel." I replied painfully. I didn't want to open this up right now, not here, not with Nudge and Angel. They're too young to know how much pain I'm in. To young to know what I feel. I cant empty this load on them. Their too young…
"Max, you can open up to us, we're family, we help each other." Angel said, her voice brimming with understanding and love. "And we're definitely not as young as we look" she added trying to look more adult. I gave a half-smile, then my eyes became clouded and I tried not to cry.
"Can someone please tell us what is going on?" that was Ella, obviously perturbed by our unspoken conversation. Angel looked at me questioningly and I nodded slightly. She turned to the girls and said "Max doesn't think that Fang likes her at all. She thinks he 'uses' her, for his 'amusement'."
That went across just how I'd expected; with a chorus of "No", "he loves you" and "he would never use you". Ella said, "Why would you think that, Max?"
I could feel the tears bubbling at my eyes, but held them back. I cant break down in front of them, Ill cry when they leave. I have to be strong for them, I'm Maximum Ride for God's sake.
"You guys have to swear to me that you wont say anything to him about this conversation okay?!" After they swore, I began. " Well to start with, he's kissed me twice and both times I've ran away. I couldn't help it, I was so confused. I mean, this is Fang, he's a part of my flock, my right-hand-man, and my best friend. What was I supposed to do. I just didn't know how to handle it. I got scared and I ran." I admitted solemnly.
"But he kissed you, that proves that he loves you." said Nudge matter-of-factly.
"No sweetie, that's one of the things that proves that he doesn't love me." Weird looks all around.
"Okay see, when he kissed me, that's all he did. He didn't say anything. He didn't tell me he liked me or loved me or whichever we are talking about, he just kissed me." I let that sink in for a moment before I continued. "And he's kissed other girls to. Remember the Red-haired-wonder from Vermont? He was all over her, all of the time. And he probably kissed Brigid too. He's just a hormonal teenage boy and I just happened to be there when his hormones kicked in."
"Max, he never liked those other girls…" Nudge began but was silenced by Angel's accusing voice. "There's something your not saying. Something about jealous."
Damn mind reader
"Hey, I heard that" she shouted.
I sighed. "Sorry. The jealous thing is that I think that he gets a kick out of making me jealous, like he likes knowing that he can control me. He knew I was jealous of him and Brigid, so what did Mr. Sunshine do? He taunted me with her. He'd stand closer to her when he knew I was watching, and whisper more. He smiled a lot more than he did with me, and then that stupid blog entry." I had to shake my head to keep on track.
"I think that he just likes hurting me. He knew that he could hurt me and he liked the fact that he had the power to do that. That of all of the bad guys we've ever faced, the erasers, the flyboys, the whitecoats and then Jeb's betrayal and then un-betrayal, it was him who hurt me the most. He doesn't care about me." I said as the sudden realization finally dawned on me. "He just liked hurting me." I started to lay down on my pillow, still determined not to cry, but being slowly ripped apart inside. My head felt so heavy with this new information. I just wanted to make it all go away. "…doesn't love me" I heard myself mumble as I stared at the ceiling. I felt a single traitor tear role down my cheek.
I could hear Ella and Nudge arguing in the background.
"Max, you cant really believe that." Nudge
"Of course she can, he has hurt her. And on purpose too. He hasn't told her how he felt, because maybe he doesn't really feel that way. He's just a stupid teenage boy." Ella
"No, not Fang. He does love her. I know it, I can see it in his eyes."
"Well he's got a funny way of showing it, look what he's doing to her. He's pathetic."
"No, not pathetic, just shy. He doesn't know how to talk about his feelings, its just not something that Fang does."
"So he hurts Max because he shy? Well that just makes him a stupid and cowardly teenage boy."
The conversation went on but I was blocking them out, I didn't want to hear anymore.
I had never said these words out loud before. It was like I had put a dam up and talking about it had completely destroyed it, and now water was seeping into every crack and crevasse that had anything to do with him. I was drowning in all of the water, not able to breath, not able to move. It was nothingness. Blank and empty. I wanted to escape it. To run away but I couldn't find my feet.
I was only slightly aware of Angel stroking my hair and staring off into space. She was whispering something that sounded like "tell her" but it was barely audible over the arguing. Then the whole bed shook when she screamed "TELL HER!!" I jerked upright and stared into her eyes. They looked forceful, determined, and extremely pissed off.
"Angel, sweetie, what's wrong." I said brushing hair out of her face.
"Ask him" she said and jerked her head to the corner she had been staring at ever since my revelation. I turned slowly knowing exactly who I would see.
I met Fangs eyes as he suddenly materialized in the corner. He was shaking and he had tears running down his face. No, Fang doest cry, was my last coherent thought before being enveloped in darkness.
HELP!!!
I'm having a problem with my next chapter, and I need your help.
I know what I have planned but I don't know who's POV I want to do it in.
My Fang POV isn't as strong as my Max one for some reason, but I still think it would be interesting to know what he was thinking during this conversation.
I need you guys to help me decide what to do here.
Please Review.
Oh and thank you so much for your reviews. I really appreciate all of the things you've said.
