2: I'll Be Heartless, Killing Her

"Where is she!? Don't make me ask again!"

"I already told you, I don't know!"

"And if you did know?"

"…I probably wouldn't tell you."

"Figures."

"…Could you make him put me down now?" pleaded the Tin Man as he dangled upside down while a living tree dangled him by his steely ankle.

"What's wrong, Boq, getting a head rush?" mocked Elfaba, who stood before him securely on the ground.

"It's BIQ! …Oh, wait. You're right, it's Boq. Seriously, put me down! I don't know anything about a farm girl wearing your sister's shoes!"

The wicked witch snarled between her gritted teeth. Elphaba's patience had run out, and turned away from the former Munchkin. But then, an idea flashed in her head. "How about I give you a proposition?" muttered the sneaky green woman. "If you ever find that girl, I want you to take her shoes and bring them back to me. Bring them however means necessary."

"Why should I help you, you vile-ish green hag?" asked the upside-down tin man.

"Because if you do, I may find a spell in the Grimmerie that will make you human again."

Silence fell between them, as dark clouds closed in on the sky above. Elphaba's time in the Forest of Fighting Trees had run out. "I have to go," she said, and made a hasty retreat before the rain started.

"Hey… HEY! Get back here, you twisted ol' witch! Don't leave me hanging!" hollered the tin man. But it was no use, she was gone. And the rain began to pour while he remained stuck in the living tree's grasp. "Oh… that's just great…"

*

It was no coincidence that there was a rainstorm in the forest that late afternoon. It was the work of the Wizard's most loyal assistant, Madame Morrible. Credited for having powers over the weather, she would conjure up a storm every day in nearly every land, hoping one of them would melt the Wicked Witch of the West. Though she had no real proof of it being true, the rumor of Elphaba's weakness to water seemed reasonable. After all, no one's soul was as black as the witch's. No one blamed the good madam for at least trying.

What was coincidence, or perhaps a play by the hand of Fate, was that Dorothy, her dog, and the Scarecrow would be in that same forest that same late afternoon, curled up inside a rocky cave surrounded by harassing Fighting Trees. They sat back-to-back, both clearly tired and nervous, as the storm raged on.

"Gosh," uttered the poor young girl, "I didn't think the yellow brick road would lead us here."

"I know," frowned the Scarecrow. "It's so dark, and nasty. And this rainstorm's not helping either. Maybe we took the wrong turn after all."

"No, this has to be the right way to the Wizard. And even if it isn't, I can't stop until I get to him. I just have to…" Dorothy started to shiver as a cold breeze blew into the cave. Toto curled up beside her, and she in return picked him up and cradled him in her arms. "…Do you miss it?"

"Miss what?" asked her traveling companion.

"Home. Do you miss being in the field scaring crows?"

"…Nah. It was boring over there. And I wasn't very good at scaring crows anyway."

"I miss my home… I miss my Auntie Em and Uncle Henry, and the nice men that worked on the farm. You know, I tried to run away from there once- I thought this nasty old lady was after my dog, and I wanted to get him away from her. But now… Oh, gosh… I wish I never left." She sniffled.

Scarecrow turned around to face her, and noticed there were tears in Dorothy's eyes. "Aww, you got rain drops in your eyes," he cooed, and started to gently wipe them away with his tattered old glove. "There now, everything's gonna be fine. We'll get you home."

Dorothy sniffled again. "Thanks. You're the nicest talking scarecrow I've ever met… Well, you're the only talking scarecrow I've ever met. But still the nicest."

"I dunno what 'nicest' is… but you're welcome."

They wouldn't have to wait out the storm for long; by sundown, it was over and they were off on the road again.

*

While on the edge of the forest, the trio of travelers stopped on the road to listen in on a strange sound… laughter. Lots of laughter, coming from the far left. Curious, Dorothy and company walked off-road to find the source of the commotion. As the sound grew nearer, it was soon accompanied by an eerie sound of clanging. Someone was having a good ol' time indeed, kicking a tin can around perhaps. When they arrived at the scene, Dorothy and Scarecrow were shocked to discover that the trees themselves- Fighting Trees as they were called-kicking around a helpless, rusted stiff pile of tin shaped like a man.

"Goal!" cheered one tree as it kicked the Tin Man's body under the root of another, as if it were a goal line in soccer. "Three-nothin'! Beat that, splinter box!"

Horrified, Dorothy shouted out, "Hey! What are you trees doing?"

The trees turned their trunks to face her, their fronts hollowed into eyes and mouths. "What's it look like, girly? We're playing Kick The Tin Man." "Yeah. Wanna play?"

Dorothy's blue eyes fell on the limp robot's body and instantly filled with pity. "Why're you being so mean? What did he ever do to you?"

"He's a woodsman," explained the tree closest to her, startling her when it spoke. "That means he cuts down trees. And we're givin' him a good ol' teachin', aren't we boys?" "Yeah," grinned the other trees slyly.

"That looks like fun. I can be the goalie," smiled the brainless Scarecrow. Dorothy elbowed him before turning her attention back to the Fighting Trees. "Well it isn't right, picking on someone who can't fight back."

"And jess whaddya gonna do about it, girly?" threatened the tree that currently had one of his roots planted on top of the Tin Man.

Dorothy stuttered, "I'm… w-well, I-I… I'll sic my dog on you!"

"Yeah," added Scarecrow; "her dog's gonna chew you all up an' spit you out!"

The closest tree to the trio looked down on the pint-sized Carin Terrier. "That little pipsqueak? HA! He couldn't chew up a cat."

Grrr, went Toto, as if he felt their challenge.

"Go on Toto, teach them a lesson," commanded Dorothy.

Bark! Toto charged at the Fighting Tree that pinned down the Tin Man, as it laughed at his bravery. "Oh no, I'm so scared," it taunted. "Look, my branches are shaking! Hahahaha…" His friends laughed with him, until… "…Hey. …What's he doin'? …Hey… HeeeeeEEEEYYY!"

The tree roared with fury, seeing as how the dog did indeed attack him, by lifting his leg and marking him. "Why you little-" growled the tree, preparing to whack the dog with a branch. Toto was quick for his size and jumped out of the way of the swinging branch. While caught off guard, the tree carelessly loosened its grip on Tin Man, giving Scarecrow the chance to pull him away. Now was the time to run!

"Get them!!" shouted one of the trees; they all sounded so similar, it was hard for the travelers to tell which one shouted. It didn't matter, because all at once the furious trees launched a barrage of apples at them as they fled. Scarecrow, for once, did something clever by using Tin Man's body as a shield against the apples. The danger seemed to pass as soon as Dorothy and the gang found their way back to the yellow brick road, but they only had a moment to catch their breath when suddenly-

"Gotcha!!" shouted a Fighting Tree, who snatched up Tin Man's limp body again. This one was tightly rooted to the very edge of the road, but it seemed as though the other trees got the message to him that this robot was trouble. He acted so quickly that Dorothy and Scarecrow were too slow to snatch Tin Man back. "Oh no!" gasped Dorothy.

The Fighting Tree help Tin Man high in the air as it proclaimed, "I'm gonna tear this metal woodsman limb from limb!"

Dorothy then noticed that there were apples scattered on the ground, and so she quickly picked one up and tossed it at the tree like a baseball. She hit the tree right in the nose- if you can call a stump on the trunk a nose. Amazingly, it inflicted pain on the assailant; "Ow!" it hollered, and while reaching for its injury it dropped the Tin Man. An unfortunate thing to have happen, since the drop would have easily broken him.

Luckily, Scarecrow jumped into action. Literally. "I got 'im, I got 'im!" he shouted as he lunged himself under Tin Man's landing spot. Big mistake? Perhaps, if he weren't made of cloth and straw.

FWOMP!

"Oh! ….Dear," gasped a startled Dorothy, witnessing her friend's head get flattened like a pancake under Tin Man's weight. She ran to his side and leaned in carefully. "Scarecrow? Are you alright?"

"…Ahm fnnn," he mumbled while lying face down and giving a thumb's up. "Ah guttim." ("I'm fine. I got 'im.")

Dorothy couldn't help but crack a smile. "You got 'im, alright." Her smile was soon dropped when she heard the Fighting Tree start to growl. As quickly as she could, she peeled Scarecrow off the floor so that he could carry Tin Man out of harm's way. And not a moment too soon, as another set of apple missiles came flying at them. They took off as quickly as anyone carrying a two-hundred-pound robot could.

*

Getting out of that forest was no picnic, as one could imagine. But the travelers were lucky enough to find a small cottage by nightfall and settled in. There, they would find the oil and tools they would need to fix up the poor tin woodsman. They would also discover that he was in fact steam-powered with old fashioned gears and tubes on the inside working like a clock. Or, perhaps more suiting, like magic. But they had no idea what words would come out of his mouth the moment his jaw became loosened.

"WHERE IS SHE!? I'LL KILL HER, THAT SLIMY HORRIBALISTIC SNAKE! WHERE'S MY AXE? I'LL CHOP HER TO PIECES!"

"Woah, woah woah!" Scarecrow spoke up, as he and Dorothy jumped into a corner of the living room in terror. "Slow down, friend! Who's a snake?"

"The Witch," hissed the Tin Man. "That green scaly, no-good backstabbing heart-stealing Wicked Witch of the West!"

"Wait… Back up. She stole your heart?"

"Yes."

"…So you're in love with her."

"Yea-WHAT!? No! I hate her! I got a personal score to settle with Elphab—the Witch."

"…I'm confuzzled," frowned Scarecrow, scratching his potato sack for a head.

"It was a spell, you dimwit," said Tin Man harshly. "She and her sister both tried to kill me, and then I passed out and when I woke up I was this… this ugly hunk of junk."

Dorothy took a breath before approaching the steamed robot. "So… you were human once?"

"I'd still be human… if I only had a heart."

Scarecrow then jumped to his new friend's side with a big smile. "Hey, we got something in common! I'm almost whole too, and I only need a brain. Me n' Dorothy are going to see the Wizard, 'cause he's gonna help us."

"Pfft. The Wizard. He's too busy hunting down… you-know-who."

"How do you know?" Dorothy boldly spoke up. "Maybe he can hunt down the Witch and grant our wishes. He is all-powerful, isn't he?"

The robot formerly known as Boq looked down at her unsympathetically. "What do you know about the Wi-…. Wh-where did you get those shiny shoes?"

"Oh, these?" the little girl innocently glanced at her bejeweled slippers. "These were at the place where my house landed. Glinda the Good said I could have them."

"They… they look like…" Boq didn't want to think about his life as Nessarose's slave, but seeing her shoes again brought back those memories. His eyes lit up as if they had seen a ghost. "You know what? Nevermind. It doesn't matter…" Suddenly his tone changed from hostile to docile. "So. You're going to seek the Wizard's help, huh? Well, I guess it couldn't hurt if I came along. I just need to find a new axe, since the trees tore up my old one."

"Here," assisted Scarecrow, as he ran quickly into the tool shed nearby and tossed many a tool before realizing an axe was nailed to the wall. "I found one!" Carelessly he grabbed and yanked it off the wall, nearly toppling over from its weight, and carried it over to the Tin Man. "Here you go."

"Thanks," muttered the tin man. "I guess I'm ready when you two are."

"Three. Don't forget Toto," smiled Dorothy.

"Yeah, Toto too," shrugged Tin Man.

Dorothy and Scarecrow took a few minutes to gather up food into a basket while their new friend stood motionlessly nearby. He wasn't rusting again, he was just thinking very deeply. He couldn't help but stare at those shoes, how they sparkled in the firelight. A familiar, haunting voice crept into his head: "Give me the shoes, and I'll make you human again…"

One could only imagine life without a heart; there would be no care, no joy, no love… no remorse. Ah, one without a heart could easily chop off a girl's shoes by the ankles and carry them mercilessly back to a witch's domain. Then again, one could just as easily follow a pair of misfits down a winding road in search of a wizard who would grant them wishes with little effort at all. So the question now was this: which task would be easier, and faster to accomplish?

"Hmmmmm."

Boq, the tin woodsman, had a lot of contemplating to do.