So, chapter two has arrived. Thanks to Caketin for reading it through for me (PS it's actually 2.297 times longer than chapter one - yay for calculators, eh?) and thanks to superstarsvtn, HermioneGranger1971 and Padfoot7Prongs (and Caketin) for reviewing - I'm really glad you liked the first chapter and I hope you like this one as much.
I feel I should give a warning for a slightly OOC James in the first flashback, as I'm not sure everyone thinks of James in the same way I do... but you've gotta thank my dear Anna and Nen (and Sarah, without whom I would have no decent reaction from Lily in that part) for that ;D
I own nothing exept the spotty-dotty notebooks and clicky pens but I still want Jamesie. Read and Review, please =D
CHAPTER TWO - STUPID MISTAKES
And with that she pushed past him, quickly disappearing into the crowd. He was left standing in the doorway, the smile slipping off his face. He sighed and picked up his own bag. He didn't have anything to do right then: something he had quite been looking forward to, but now it was just more time to think about things he wanted to forget.
"You're an arrogant idiot and I can't trust you not to make a stupid mistake."
She was right, of course. He couldn't even trust himself not to make a stupid mistake. Merlin he had had his fair share in the past, but that made it all the more likely to happen again.
a year earlier…
The rain lashed against the common room windows. Most of its occupants were chatting and laughing loudly, all warm and dry. Four of them, talking and laughing even louder than most, were huddled by the fire, dripping wet. They were probably the only four students who had braved the weather and Professor McGonagall had not been happy. Now with nothing to do, two of the four sixth years had turned their attention to homework, and the other two had occupied themselves with girls, one more reluctantly than the other.
Sirius Black felt no guilt flirting with almost every girl he met, but having asked Lily Evans out again that morning, James Potter wasn't as up for it as his friend. But, as Sirius had pointed out, Lily was in the library, and what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. And it wasn't like her and James were dating or anything; she would probably be happy that he wasn't bothering her for once. After that, James didn't need any more persuasion.
The broom closet door clicked shut, and they were plunged into darkness. A short conversation, a complaint of boredom and an offer for entertainment was all it had taken to get them this far - he had forgotten how easy it could be. Could be. It would never be that easy with Lily. That was a good thing, though. They would never really get anywhere if it only took him five minutes to get her into a broom closet. But for a random blonde, fifth year girl on a rainy Saturday afternoon, it was perfect. He needed something to take away the sting of Lily's rejection. It still hurt, even after so many times, not that he would ever admit it to anyone. He just played it cool and carried on, everyone knowing full well he would just try again. James Potter was never defeated.
He had, however, been turned down enough times to know that the best way to get his mind off one girl was to spend time with another. Somehow though, it didn't seem to be working as well as normal this time. He kept thinking of Lily's flame-red hair as he ran his fingers through the other girl's blonde waves, and when he noticed the lipstick smudges on his shirt, he couldn't help deciding that he preferred Lily's colour choices. Being there with the blonde girl – he thought her name was Jessie, but it might not have been – just made him realise how much he wanted Lily.
He felt her stiffen slightly, and she pulled away from him, a concerned look on her face.
"I heard someone," she whispered.
"Shh," he put his finger to her lips and she giggled. "Maybe we should be getting back. To our own common room," he added, referring to the fact that she was in Ravenclaw, and therefore shouldn't have been in the Gryffindor common room in the first place.
She nodded and reached out, wiping the lipstick smudges off James' cheek and neck. Then, once he was sure it wasn't totally obvious why he had been out of the common room, James pushed open the door. He wasn't surprised that the corridor wasn't completely empty, it was a Saturday afternoon, after all, and everyone was stuck inside due to the weather, but the girl who had just frozen on the spot only a few feet away was one he had hoped - for the first time in a few years, it seemed - not to see. Shit. Of all the people who could have been in the corridor, it had to be her. Emerald green eyes looked questioningly into hazel; while he mouthed obscenities and curses, she mouthed 'why?', and he could see the tears forming in her eyes.
He didn't know what to say. He didn't have anything to say. He couldn't apologise - it wouldn't make any sense, and he couldn't explain - basically because he had no idea what he would explain. 'Sirius made me and I was bored,' was definitely not going to explain to her why he had done it. She wouldn't understand how he felt. How it felt when the only girl you really liked seemed to hate you, but you felt bad every time you dated someone else. He hadn't had a proper girlfriend for a while now, but there had been plenty of encounters in broom closets and deserted corridors. Most of them after Lily had turned him down again. Not that she knew about it, really. Or she hadn't until today.
They stood silently in the corridor for a moment or two more; tears now falling down her cheeks. Then, quite suddenly, she turned on her heel and ran down the corridor. James turned to watch her, silent at first, before he started to swear under his breath again.
He muttered a quick "Sorry," to the blonde girl before turning his attention completely to the redhead just rounding the corner. "Evans!" the shout made a pair of second years jump, but Lily ignored it. "Hey, Evans - wait up!"
Needless to say she had completely ignored him for the next two days, and after that she spoke to him only if she needed to, building up the tension and silence until she couldn't keep it contained any longer.
"Evans?"
The red-haired girl sat in the chair with her back to him, engrossed in her book and apparently oblivious to his presence.
"Evans?"
"POTTER!" The sudden outburst made James take a step back. "LEAVE. ME. ALONE!" Her face was turning almost as red as her hair in anger, and her eyes were red and puffy from crying, but she still managed to be beautiful in his eyes.
"But-"
"NO BUTS. LEAVE ME ALONE, POTTER! DON'T YOU HAVE SOME BLONDE GIRL TO SNOG OR SOMETHING?"
He dropped his head and looked awkwardly down at his shoes. "No," he muttered.
"GOOD," her shouting was making people look at them now. A few were laughing, but most had pained expressions on their faces. They knew, if Lily didn't (although many suspected she did and she was enjoying it), how much she was hurting James. After all, they were the ones who had to listen to his grumblings afterwards. "'CAUSE YOU DON'T DESERVE IT, POTTER. YOU'RE A LYING, ARROGANT-"
"Good looking, talented guy?" Sirius had appeared behind James.
"NO BLACK – HE'S NOT. SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" She sat down again and buried her head in her arms. Even James and Sirius could guess that she was crying.
That had not been a good week for any of the Gryffindor sixth years. A sense of gloom hung over them all, as Lily's temper was time after time directed at James. She didn't want to listen to his explanations and apologies, and really he didn't blame her. Why should she? But it still sent him into a kind of depression, that spread to his friends when they realised they weren't going to get much out of him until it was had probably been James' worst stupid mistake, but it was far from the only one.
September 1973…
A group of four boys stood talking in the corridor, discussing the teachers for the new subjects they were talking that year.
"So, James, you're opinion on the divination teacher?"
"What, Professor I-would-rather-be-a-fairy?" James grinned. "Insane – totally insane." He smirked and impersonated the teacher's airy fairy tones. "Look further! Broaden your minds!"
They all laughed and James gave a mock bow.
"To true, to true," Sirius agreed. "And what about… aha!"
James turned to see what Sirius was looking at and grinned. "Snivellus," he said, softly; a wicked grin spreading across his face.
All four were looking over at the black haired boy with his arms full of books now; James and Sirius had almost identical grins on their faces, Peter was smirking slightly, but Remus was looking more worried and entertained.
"James, Evans is-" he started, but James had already acted.
"Wingardium Leviosa!" The books soared out of Snape's arms and soon they were suspended over her head. James, too busy quickly planning how best to taunt 'Snivellus', hadn't noticed the red haired girl standing at the other boy's shoulder. Previous encounters had already showed them that Lily Evans hated them teasing Snape, but even James' crush on the girl wasn't going to make them stop.
James now held his wand up in front of him. He glanced back at his friends, taking in Sirius and Peter's approving nods, but not Remus' concerned and pointed look over at Lily. Grinning and turning back to Snape, James flicked his wand sharply downwards. The books dropped out of the air, hitting their owner on the head one at a time.
His stream of choice swearing was quickly drowned out by Sirius' barking laughter, quickly joined by James and Peter, and even Remus couldn't suppress a chuckle. The laughter, however, was soon drowned out by the shouts from Lily Evans.
"POTTER!" She stepped in front of Snape, her face livid. "LEAVE HIM ALONE, FOR MERLIN'S SAKE!"
James' grin dropped slightly, but he was still smirking.. "Aw, c'mon Evans, it was only a bit of fun!"
She narrowed her eyes, her voice cold. "I don't like your idea of fun, Potter. You should really get a proper hobby."
James frowned slightly. "Like what?"
"Play chess, gobstones, cards: anything that doesn't involve taunting people! I would suggest quidditch, but I don't really need to. I'm still surprised your broom can get off the ground though, with your head on it." She turned around, her expression quickly changing to one of concern as she saw the look of pain on her friend's face. James could just hear her quietly asking "You okay, Sev?"
James turned back to his friends. "I have no idea what she sees in him… slimy, greasy git," his voice was full of hatred that his friends could only guess came from jealousy. Seeing Sirius' raised eyebrows, James punched his friend on the arm. "I meant Snivellus is a git, idiot. Not Evans."
The attack on Snape itself was not really a stupid mistake – they were part of Snape, Lily and the Marauders'' everyday like whether they liked it or not by then – and everything probably would have been fine had James left it there. But, unsurprisingly really, James hadn't left it there.
The four Marauders were crossing the lawn to their first Care of Magical Creatures lesson the next day when they saw Snape again. They had been debating what creatures they might be looking at in their first class (Sirius and James trying to convince Peter there would be a manticore for them to study while Remus took the more reasonable approach of "we'll start small – flobberworms or something") when Sirius suddenly stopped and fell silent.
"Oh, look who it is," he said loudly, his voice full of harsh amusement. "How're ya doing, Snivellus?"
"He can't be doing too well," James smirked, once again not noticing Lily Evans' presence. "His mother's forgotten to send the shampoo again." He grinned. He had been practicing the Jelly-legs jinx especially for the occasion, and was eager to show it off. He raised his wand, ready to cast the spell but then stopped.
The exact moment James realised that Lily was there could be pinpointed at the moment that his smirk faltered and his arm dropped to his side. He quickly brushed this aside and spoke again, the tone of his voice now a far cry from the cold, harsh, sarcastic way he had talked to Snape. "Hey Evans," he smiled at her and ran his free hand through his hair, "fancy going to Hogsmeade with me on Saturday?"
The fury rose in Lily's face and she took a step towards him. "NO POTTER I BLOODY WELL DO NOT!" The girl's language gained her an approving grin from Sirius, who in turn received a glare from Lily and a kick from James.
"Encouraging her to shout at me isn't going to get us anywhere!" he hissed at his friend, scowling at Sirius' smirk. He smiled again as he turned back to Lily, acting as if her rejection hadn't affected him. "Ah, go on Evans. Surely you can ditch Snivellus just for one afternoon?"
Her eyes narrowed and when she spoke again her voice was a lot quieter than before. "How about no, Potter?" she suggested, her voice icy. "How about I tell you that I care more about my friends than arrogant bullies like you? Leave us alone." She turned her back on them and stalked off towards the waiting Care of Magical Creatures teacher, Snape by her side.
"Bad luck, mate," Remus put his hand on James' shoulder and steered him in the vague direction of the rest of the class, Peter and Sirius following closely behind.
That experience had shown him that it was a bad idea to ask Lily out straight after or midway through taunting Snape, but James being James it hadn't stopped him from doing it again. And again. Looking back, it was no wonder she didn't like him. He sat down on a bench at the side of the courtyard, lost in his thoughts.
Had there ever been a time when he had asked Lily out in a sensible way? No, he didn't think so. Memories of his failed attempts flashed through his mind: memorising her timetable and planning to get her in a certain place at a certain time (the parchment animal incident a prime example), shouting across the potions classroom and being glared at by both Lily and Snape, trying and failing to show off in front of her and that sunny day in fifth year when he had helped bring Lily and Snape's friendship crashing down around their ears. He hadn't done too well so far (oh yes, understatement of the millennium), but he still felt that Lily was the only girl for him, and he wasn't going to give up. She would come round to his way of seeing things one day. At least he hoped she would.
