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Sweet Sacrifice

Chapter Two: My Heart

This heart

It beats

Beats for only you

My heart is yours


Brady

I needed to talk to Sam.

I needed advice, I wanted to know what the fuck to expect. I really wanted to do this right, because if I did this wrong… I would never forgive myself. I couldn't do this wrong. It had to be right, it had to be perfect.

Nicole was the most important thing to me, ever, and I absolutely refused to let myself get it wrong.

My eyes flickered onto to something small, lying in the grass.

A guitar pick.

A smile slowly spread across my face. What a perfect excuse to see her again.

As if my original excuse wasn't good enough already. As if the fact that she was my other half and I could not live without her now that I had found her, wasn't a good enough excuse already.

I picked up the tiny object and examined it. It was pink, slightly bent, scratched lightly on one side. I wondered how many times she had used it. How many times she had lost it. How many songs she had composed using it, how many songs she had struggled to learn using it, how many songs she could play so well she barely had to think about it, using this guitar pick.

Theories flooded my mind, and it drove me crazy that I might never know the answer. I couldn't expect Nicole to answer such a precise question, and she would think me crazy anyway if I ever asked it. I had to content myself to just imagine.

For fuck's sake.

I had promised myself I wouldn't become a sap over this imprinting thing, if it ever happened, but it looked like I just couldn't fucking help it. Everything about her fascinated me, even if it was the smallest little thing about her, such as the story behind her guitar pick.

Sweet Jesus.

I hauled myself up off of the ground and quickly slipped off the sweats, transforming in the next second. Once I had them back in the pouch on my left back paw, I was running, tearing past the trees at an exhilarating speed towards Sam and Emily's house. The tweens were still in my head, and clamoured for my attention once they were aware something had changed.

Whoa, what happened to you, Brady?? Karl asked, even though he was already putting it together in his head.

You imprinted! Josh was amazed.

No shit, Sherlock, I thought dryly. It would only take an idiot not to see the complete change in everything inside my head; my perspective, my priorities, the minutiae that occupied my mind… everything had been replaced by Nicole. She was all that was in my head, and even now I couldn't stop thinking about her.

It was just like seeing nothing but Emily when intruding into Sam's head; seeing nothing but Kim when intruding into Jared's, and seeing nothing but Rachel when intruding into Paul's. They would be able to see nothing but Nicole now, in my head.

I don't know whether I hated that or whether it made me smug.

I mainly ignored the youngster's questions, too busy thinking about all the thoughts cramming themselves into my head at once.

I was actually excited about telling everyone. Didn't fucking expect that.

I was nervous though, because now, briefly hopefully, I was going to be in the centre of attention. I didn't like the spotlight. Guys like Paul the Drama Queen and Lee the Joker demanded the attention, revelled in it, but I ran like fuck in the opposite direction. I just didn't want to have all my thoughts analysed and my judgements questioned. I didn't want the interrogations.

I didn't want an audience if I were to fuck it all up.

I was excited about seeing Nicole again, tomorrow. I didn't know where I would find her, where she lived, where she hung out, so I would try and find her after Forks High School finished for the day. I didn't think I'd be able to miss her, what with her blue hair.

I smiled inwardly. Blue hair. There was something so endearing about it. I liked that my imprint was so different from the Elite Gang's. I had never been much into conformity, and having as my imprint a girl who obviously didn't try too hard to impress everyone was fucking awesome.

My mind flashed up a clear, vivid picture of her, a memory. Just of her sitting in the grass, holding her guitar, and smiling shyly at me. She was so perfect. The universe could not have picked a better other half for me; we were made for each other, just like two jigsaw pieces.

Uh oh. Sap alert.

The youngsters fell silent at this vivid picture, and I could hear them judging her, their first impressions forming in their heads. They couldn't control their thoughts, obviously, and I decided I didn't want to hear the different evaluations of her, because she was nothing less than perfect to me, and I did not want to hear anyone think of her as anything less than that. I blocked out all the voices in my head, and ran faster.

The faster I got to Sam's, the faster I could tell him and have it all out in the open. The faster I did that, the faster everyone would fucking get over it, and then I could concentrate on making Nicole happy.

To my annoyance, Josh, Heath and Karl were congregated outside Sam's house when I arrived, waiting for me. They must have run like hell to beat me here, and Sam would kill them for dossing off their duties. But, this was a special occasion, or whatever the fuck.

"The Bradester has arrived!" Josh said loudly, grinning at me. The other two Musketeers saluted me.

Josh and Heath were twin brothers, both of them baby-faced with wide smiles. They'd fit right into a boy band, no bother. They were usually the ones, along with Lee, who were causing all the trouble.

Karl, on the other hand, was boisterous almost to the point of excess. He hadn't had a good upbringing; his father was a drunk. He was a good guy, deep down, but his mind was a little troubled. Sometimes he wouldn't speak to anyone for days, but we had the unfortunate advantage of being able to hear his thoughts, so we always knew what was wrong with him. We left him alone, most of the time. His accusing glare was enough to tell us he was angry and wanted someone to blame for what was going on in his life, never mind the turbulent emotions swirling around in his head.

"You ole charmer," Heath joked, winking at me.

I rolled my eyes and walked past them. They followed me, like eager little puppies following the big dogs.

I don't know what the fucking big deal is. So I found my other half. So what?

So, we were all fucking waiting for this. None of us would ever be complete without our other halves. It was a massive deal.

Ugh. Attention fucking sucks.

It was bad enough the tweens thought I was this 'cool' person that they could look up to, when really I was the worst candidate for the job. I avoided them when I could, mainly because I was an asshole like that, but I didn't know what they expected from me. They should go to Collin if they wanted peace of mind. I was just going to fuck them up more.

"What's going on?" Sam was surprised to see me waltz unconcernedly into his kitchen, with my little posse. A large plate of Emily's legendary muffins on the kitchen table distracted the tweens.

I knew why Sam was surprised. I didn't regularly make an effort to visit people, unless there was a good reason. I was inside these guy's heads, and they were inside mine, and I figured that I didn't need anything more than that. I just liked to keep to myself, mostly. Well, keeping anything to myself was a lost cause, but whatever.

"Brady imprinted!" Josh announced through a full mouth, spraying us with crumbs.

I rolled my eyes. It was really fucking unnecessary to speak for me.

"Are you serious?" Sam said, his eyes wide.

I nodded.

I almost wished we weren't in our human forms, so that I could hear what he really thought of that. He had on his usual calm and serene, businesslike expression on his face. He smiled at me, and I just shrugged.

"Congratulations," he said. "Who is she?"

"She's called Nicole, and she's got blue hair, and she plays guitar, and she ran away from him," Heath intervened quickly before I could answer. I glared at him, and he stared at the floor and tried to hide behind Josh. He was just as strong as me, but I had gotten into a lot more fights, usually with Paul. He used to be so easy to wind up, until he met Rachel. Now he laughed everything off, which was seriously annoying, especially when I was in a bitch of a mood.

"I see," Sam said, frowning thoughtfully. "She ran away from you?"

I shrugged again. "Yeah."

The Tween Team seemed to know better than to speak for me again.

"Did you frighten her?"

"No."

"Did you tell her anything?"

"No."

Ha. Sam looked visibly pissed off with my monosyllabic and unhelpful answers. He should get over it. Next time we transformed, he'd get the whole story, and I was never a great public speaker anyway, preferring to communicate with shrugs and glares. That was just me. Fuck him if he didn't know that by now.


Nicole

When I got home, I cried.

Don't even bother trying to deduce why. I always cried. Anyone raised their voice, anyone even glared at me, and the tears started. The smallest thing could set me off, even the most ridiculous thing.

I had lost my lucky guitar pick. And I had run away from Brady.

And I was crying.

I would probably never see him again, and it hurt.

And I didn't know why.

Maybe I shouldn't have run from him. Maybe I should have given him a chance. I mean, I didn't want to leave; I was intrigued. He was fascinating. I wanted to know why, out of all the people he could have chosen, he chose to find me. I still wanted to know what he was thinking.

And I was crying, because now I'd probably never know.

Oh, it was pointless, I know. It would be best if I forgot about him, just pushed it into the back of my mind.

And get back to my life, my usual routines.

That thought just set me off even worse.

I had no idea, but for a few short seconds, I had thought that maybe Brady could save me.

Impossible. Pathetic. Stupid.

I know.

But I was always looking out for someone that could save me, because I was drowning, suffocating in this abyss of depression and indifference, and I needed a saviour. I didn't know how to save myself.


Brady

People were staring.

Maybe I should have put on a shirt, or something. But fuck it - I was too used to going without one now. They could stare at me all they wanted.

I was waiting for Nicole.

I felt like everyone was staring at me, and I felt a little creepy, loitering around outside her school. But this was the only place I knew where she'd be, and I had to see her. One more hour without her, and I'd be declared insane.

Her guitar pick was clenched gently in my large fist.

After five more minutes of seeing faces that all looked the same, all so ordinary they blended into one another, I saw her. She stood out for me, in more ways than one, a striking, sparkling beam of light when all around me was a bland grey. All I saw was her.

She wasn't looking at me. Her eyes were trained on the ground in front of her, her blue hair half covering her face. She held a pile of books in her arms, her schoolbag slung over her right shoulder. It looked fucking heavy.

I never made a point of checking out what girls were wearing, but Nicole really stood out amidst the jeans and t-shirts, dressed in a red and black polka dot dress. I thought she looked fucking amazing, but maybe I was biased. It irked me to see how no one really looked at her, noticed her, paid any attention to her. How could they walk past someone so fucking incredible and not even look her way?

What a bunch of assholes.

I walked over to her, a little hesitant. Would she even remember me?

"Hi," I said, when I was a few feet in front of her, and her head snapped up.

Her mouth fell open and her books tumbled to the ground.

Ah. So she did remember me. I hoped she didn't think I was stalking her.

Blushing a little, she bent down to pick them up, and I copied her. We both fumbled awkwardly, sorting them into piles as fast as we could. Some bastard whacked me on the top of my head with his rucksack. I kept sneaking glances at her; she had hidden most of her face behind her curtain of hair, but I fucking swore that she was sneaking glances at me too.

I reached for a book at the same time she did, and our hands touched.

She jerked hers back, and I was afraid my burning temperature had startled her. She met my eyes, and we both just gazed at each other for a moment, forgetting we were kneeling on the ground, oblivious to the people who still walked past us.

Her eyes were gravitational to me; I found myself lost in them, drowning in them. They were all I knew in that moment.

There was no one else for me but her. No one.

My heart would beat for no one else.

Nicole broke the spell by looking away, flushing pink. She gathered up the rest of her books and stood up. I rose gracefully, surprised I wasn't falling over. She seriously took my fucking breath away.

I handed her the books I had managed to retrieve, and she threw me a grateful smile.

"Thanks," she said, and her voice, the soundtrack to my whole life, stunned me again.

"No problem," I said gruffly, and I just totally forgot my reason for showing up. All I could do was stare at her. She waited, but eventually her patience waned.

"Do you need anything?" she asked, looking up at me with confused eyes.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, and held out her guitar pick to her. Her eyes brightened and the corners of her mouth turned up.

"I thought I lost it," she said, and held out her hand. I dropped it lightly into her palm. Her eyes were a little shiny as she smiled up at me. "Thank you. You didn't have to."

"Yeah, I did," I said, and she dropped her gaze.

"Well, I have to go," she said quietly. "I don't want it to rain on me."

"Right," I said lamely, quickly glancing up at the sky. Overcast. Not unusual for Forks. She walked home? Well, I was going to fucking walk her home. What the fuck kind of guy would I be if I didn't?

"I'll see you around?" she asked, and her eyes were hopeful.

I fucking loved that.

"No," I said, and her face fell just the slightest. But I knew that she was probably more hurt than she was letting on. I was the expert at not giving anything away, too. "I'm going to walk you home."

Her eyes widened.

"You don't have to -" she stuttered.

"Yeah, I do," I said, my tone final. She stared at me, and eventually nodded.


Nicole

At the back of my mind, I wondered whether or not I was crazy.

He could be a psycho. He could be a murderer.

But he wasn't. Don't ask me how I knew - I could feel it. And I always trusted my instincts.

I felt safe with him.

I didn't know why, but I did.

He insisted on carrying my bag and books.

I let him.

He walked beside me, and I let him.

Maybe I was crazy. Maybe he was crazy.

Maybe we were both crazy.

But I was sure of one thing. I didn't ever want this mysterious person to ever leave my life. I had known him for less than a day, but I was already so sure.

I always followed my gut instincts.

Maybe this was fate?

I didn't know. But I wanted to find out.


Brady

We talked about irrelevant things on the short walk to her house. She lived up a small hill, her large house hidden behind a wall of trees. I would never have picked that as Nicole's house. It didn't seem to me that a girl like her belonged in a place like this; surely she destined for something bigger? Better? Something that wasn't so… cold?

I noticed how her shoulders tensed, when we arrived at her house. She wasn't comfortable at home, yet she was so comfortable with me.

I didn't know what to make of that.

She wheeled to face me when we reached her front door. I wondered if she would invite me in. There was no one home; I couldn't hear anyone in the house.

"Thank you," was all she said, and held out her hands for her bag and her books. I gave them back, scrutinising her. Maybe I was fucking crazy, but I thought she looked upset. Oh shit. I racked my brains, trying to think if I did anything that might of upset her, but I couldn't think of anything.

"You're welcome," I said softly, and her baby blue eyes connected with mine once again.

"Why did you bother?" she asked me despondently.

"What?" I asked, confused, the fucking sadness in her eyes just fucking killing me.

"Why did you bother finding me, returning my guitar pick, walking me home? I mean, why? Why did you bother?"

I was annoyed and defensive. She was talking about herself all wrong, as though she wasn't worthy of any of it.

And I was going to be frank. For fuck's sake, the girl was amazing - why the fuck wouldn't I bother?

"Because I like you," I said, frustrated at the fact that the right words wouldn't come out of my mouth. Like was too vague a word. But the words never came out right with me. And I could never take them back, and replace them with something better.

She shook her head at my words, not even considering them.

"No," she said. "You should go. I'm not the type of girl you want to get involved with." She exhaled loudly, glaring at the ground, and added something else so quietly that I wouldn't have heard it, if not for my excellent hearing. "I'm not the type of girl anyone wants."

"Then how come I want you?" I demanded, before thinking.

Her eyes were bemused. Her desperate expression changed, and she frowned at me, assessing me. I could tell she didn't believe me. Maybe she wanted to. I wanted her to believe every word I said without question, but I knew it would take time.

But I just wanted to fucking convince her.

I shouldn't have. I knew it was too much, too soon.

But I was a fucking idiot.

So I kissed her.

Her lips were frozen against mine, and every part of me panicked, but then she was kissing me back… everything else disappeared, until there was nothing but Nicole. Everything was Nicole. Her lips were so warm and soft and pliant and perfect and right and I couldn't get enough, and it was better than running high-speed through the forest, better than steak and chips, better than Linkin Park live… it was the best.

Better than the best.

It was everything that I'd been waiting for.

She was everything.

She was worth everything, more than I could give her.

But then she ran away from me again.

She broke away from me, and escaped into her house. I stood outside, my head completely fucked up from her kiss, her scent, her… and the fact that it was my fault. I had fucked it up.

It was too soon to be kissing her. She still didn't trust me. She still didn't know me. I had moved too fast. She was obviously not ready.

Fucking hell, Brady. Smooth.

I had to be able to make it right again.

I had to.

Because I couldn't stay away from her.

Not now.

Not ever.


My Heart - Paramore.

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