I was pretty much overwhelmed by all the reviews/faves/alerts I got for this story. Thank you! Getting up at 3am to write down an idea certainly pays off...
Here's chapter two. I hope you enjoy it :) Disclaimer: Do we really need to keep doing this? I mean, legally? We all know it. This is just salt in our wounds, or whatever the expression is.
The car trip back home was quiet. JJ could see her sister was tired and thus didn't pressure for information. There were so many things playing in her mind, so many thoughts twirling around, it was hard to concentrate on anything. She couldn't forget the image of Jess standing there in the doorway: the first moment, the first seconds of their reconnection kept playing through her mind like a broken tape.
I did it again… She looked sideways at her sister, who was dozing in the seat next to her; this girl, a woman now, had been through hell twice. And she was still here, she'd run… JJ felt a surge of proud go through her. That was her sister. That was her family.
When they arrived at her apartment, Jess stayed awake just long enough to be able to walk to the spare room and take off her shoes. Then, she gave JJ one last, unfocused look, lay down on the bed and fell asleep almost immediately.
She stood in the doorway, looking at the sleeping form.
Time had had its effect on her. She could still see Jess how she'd known her, but only barely; it had been replaced by another woman, someone grown, someone who knew what life was really like.
Her eyes were filling, but she took deep breaths to calm herself down. This was not the time to lose herself; people need her. Her sister needed her. She needed to be strong, to help her sister get over the horror that had been her life.
She went back to the living room, switching on the TV and aimlessly watching some sort of cooking show. Her mind was unfocused, so many thoughts going through her it exhausted her.
What did it mean? What would it do to her, to the team? They had seen a glimpse into someone else's life; a life she had tried so hard to hide. She hadn't wanted them to see who she really was; so instead, she had made up a practically perfect childhood, and she had tried her hardest to keep up the appearances. They were now crumbling down fast, until she was exposed, naked for all of them to see.
It was not that she didn't trust them; on the contrary, she trusted them more than almost anyone. They were a team in every meaning of the word, something you rarely found these days: a connection that was there without many words.
And still… would they understand this? Would they be okay with everything that had happened, all the reasons she had forgotten that existence? Would they turn away, ignore her, thinking she was disgusting, like she herself thought she was?
It had taken her a lot of her willpower to continue living. The urge to go away, be an anonymous person in an anonymous country had been great. The urge to forget everything had been even greater.
But she'd known she couldn't mess up; not like this, not now, not again. She was on her own now; she needed to take care of herself.
So she'd stayed far away from the drugs. She hadn't touched a cigarette since leaving, and while she enjoyed the occasional alcoholic beverage she was very careful not to overdo it. She was healthy, in each and every physical way possible.
Eventually, she turned off the TV, not able to concentrate on anything to begin with. She wandered around in her apartment aimlessly, not knowing what to do. Not knowing how to act. What could she do?
Before she could think of anything, her phone rang, disturbing the silence. JJ quickly picked up, hoping the tones hadn't woken up her sister.
"Jareau." She hadn't looked at the screen, fairly positive it was someone from the team.
"JJ." She was right; it was Hotch.
"How is she?"
She, not herself. Silently thankful, she replied.
"She's asleep now."
"That's good." There was a short silence, neither of them knowing what to say.
"JJ, I have some bad news." She mentally braced herself.
"Yes?"
"They just found another body in Duluth, Minnesota." The case she had presented this morning. JJ kept silent, knowing there was more to come.
"JJ, the victim is an outstanding member of the community, manager of a local shelter. I wouldn't ask for your help if I think we could do it without you. We need your experience and expertise. I understand if you can't go, but I really hope you can."
She'd known the question all along; it was just a matter of prolonging the answer, giving her more time to think.
Pleased as she was with the compliment, she knew she couldn't leave Jess alone, not now. Even though Jess was an adult, she needed support, and JJ was the only one who could currently give it.
But this case… it was a big one, and an important one; despite Duluth being a fairly small town, news of the murders had got out to the news and it was all over the TV now. It needed to be solved, and it needed to be solved now.
A plan began to form in her head, but she first needed to know more.
"What about my sister?"
Hotch answered immediately, apparently having expected the question. "She can come with us."
"What about-" she started to ask, but Hotch cut her off. "Strauss is okay with it."
"Hotch, my sister, she… It's not going to be easy." They both knew she wasn't just talking about Jess going to Duluth.
There was a short silence before Hotch replied. "JJ, I'm sure that whatever it is, we can deal with it. Besides, we all have our own demons."
That much was true, and JJ could not find any more objections.
"Okay."
"Thank you," Hotch said on the other end of the line, genuinely grateful. Then he went to business again.
"We are leaving this afternoon, five thirty. Do you think you can make that?"
"I think so," JJ replied, glad the issue was now out of the way. "We'll be there."
She hung up, already contemplating how to break the news to Jess. She probably wouldn't be happy, but it was an emergency solution. They had never actually taken someone along on their cases before, but she would need to keep Jess out of it as much as possible, trying to give her the time and place to start mending her own wounds.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Jess herself, leaning against the doorpost tiredly.
"What's going on?"
Jess actually took the news quite well, too tired to really protest it. Now that the initial adrenaline of seeing her big sister again had worn off, she found she was exhausted; months of living on minimal sleep were paying its toll on her.
JJ packed some of her own clothes for Jess; her sister was a bit smaller than her, but she probably had about the same size. She had her own bag already ready, always prepared for an emergency case.
And then she waited around, having nothing else to do. She couldn't shake off a bad feeling; she couldn't forget Jess words and her face.
Jess' visit brought old emotions, old fears back up. She'd always felt guilty for leaving them all behind, but now that feeling was stronger than ever. She knew she'd be in trouble for that; she well remembered the last time, when Jess had found out that she'd known and that she still had left. It was one of her most vivid memories, that night; when everything seemed to go so much better. But now... now, she'd found out it hadn't been better: yes, he'd been to prison, but he had gotten out and he had gone after Jess. Again. Jess had run. Again. But this time, there had been no Horizon to go to, and Jess had had no other choice.
She brushed away the tears that escaped her eyes, stabilizing her breath and thinking happy thoughts. They couldn't see her like this; she was strong JJ, she had been strong Shelby. She was no weak. She would not cry... She would never give him that satisfaction again.
At three thirty, she woke Jess up. They always had to be a present a bit earlier, because there were always the last papers to sign, the last things to discuss.
In the car, Jess, still not completely awake, asked what they knew.
"Nothing." JJ's reply was short but precise.
"Nothing?" Jess sounded hurt, wounded that JJ had kept her a secret. How could see make Jess she it wasn't her she'd kept quiet about?
"Jess, in this team, everyone knows everything about everybody. It's one thing they don't need to know."
Jess just nodded, though JJ could see she somewhat disagreed with JJ. But apparently, having her sister back was more important than what she had done.
When they met with the team, an awkward silence ensued. Nobody really knew what to say or do. Their usual comfort with each other had disappeared now that they knew JJ had been hiding from them.
Of course, everybody had their secrets. Nobody knew everything, like JJ had told Jess. But to have the facts right in front of them was confronting: to actually know what JJ had been hiding, to even meet her, was much different than the other kind of secrets.
They were all glad when they could board the plane. The flight would take about five hours, but it gave them something else to concentrate on.
As soon as they were flying high enough, JJ told Jess to get some more sleep. She'd seen her sister had been yawning for the past fifteen minutes; but now that she was with other people, she had become more quiet than usual and didn't really want to talk.
Jess complied, though, and within minutes she was down and out.
They discussed the case for a while, like they always did during the flight; but without much new information to go on, they didn't have too much to talk about. JJ's gaze kept going to her sister, sleeping on the couch, looking peaceful for once. Soon, they lapsed into silence again. Morgan took a seat on his own, put his headphones on and enjoyed his music like usual; Rossi, Hotch and Reid were all focused on the case files. Garcia was busy typing away on her laptop. They wanted to know what was going on, they all did; but they also knew they wouldn't hear about it this way, not by interrogating JJ when her sister was sleeping just a metre away. It was obvious JJ was fiercely protective of her sister, and getting info out of her like that would be unfair.
Emily, though, couldn't resist sitting next to her friend. JJ looked so vulnerable right now, her mother instincts kicked right in and she had to give her friend some kind of support.
JJ didn't look up as she sat down, far away as she was in her mind. Emily could literally see when JJ came back to reality.
"It's good she can sleep," she said softly, not taking her eyes off Jess' sleeping form.
"Uh-huh," JJ replied vaguely, not in the mood for a deep conversation.
Emily got the hint. So she said nothing, just kept looking at Jess. But when she saw JJ go back to that place in her mind, she took the blonde's hand and squeezed it gently.
"You're not alone."
Those three words were enough for JJ to get back to reality again. She wordlessly looked at Emily next to her. Then she leaned against Emily's shoulders and closed her eyes, taking comfort in the worry of her friend. Emily merely grabbed her hand tighter, not showing how surprised she was. JJ never sought support; battled ever battle on her own, without asking for help. This was new, but Emily found her respect for her friend only grew because of it.
Anyone else wants to say 'aaaahh'? I don't know why I keep having Emily as JJ's through-thick-and-thin friend. Maybe 'cause in my other story (Touch/Meeting the Past), she is, too...
This is not beta'ed or anything, and currently I do not have the time to check everything... The only reason I'm uploading it now, is so that when I get home from school tomorrow, I have something to look forward to :) You wanna give that to me? Or do you want to deny my pleasure of the day? *puppy eyes*
