This is an Ashes chapter (though Claws helped....)

All He Could See Was Her

Tony's eyes were glazed, staring out the window at the world which passed him by. Kate was gone. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair for it to be her. Anger lay dormant inside him, as dead as the rest of his body. Numb.

Maybe he was in shock. He thought clearly, at least it seemed clearly. But his perceptions – time, life… They were screwed to hell. He couldn't understand why everything seemed to be moving ten times faster then he was, why everything from that moment, that split second of the bullet passing through his -

His thoughts broke of, and his mind went blank for a moment. He couldn't even think of her as anything-

Anything like what she had been.

Blood, that little spray of glistening rubies stark against his skin. He couldn't get the image out of his head, that look of surprise she wore as she'd collapsed as if moving through syrup. He'd wanted in that moment to catch her before she hit the ground. But he'd been as slow as everyone else.

Gibbs. She saved Gibbs the first time. That risk in itself, that should have been enough – but no. No, at her weakest moment, she'd been struck too.

Was that always the plan? Ari had wanted to kill Gibbs. They had had warning for Gibbs, Gibbs was… well…

But Kate. Shot in the head like a whore who'd owed some high-powered drug lords a lot of dough. Or maybe high-powered terrorists; who knew with women these days?

Tony leaned his forehead against the cool glass, letting the sun blind him.

And pathetic as it seemed… all he could see was her.

Tony, he chided himself. Possibly for the first time, he decided not to turn this into a horror or a porn story in his head. Or a mix of both. That would be – no! This was Kate. It was… Kate. He shouldn't think of her like that. He could see her now, glaring at him. Icily, of course. She could read his mind – damn it.

"That's cheating," He growled at the empty air – startling McGee a little.

She could always tell.

Two little tiny tears rolled down his cheeks. Nothing dramatic. No single tear to set free his emotions, no bursting of the floodgate of manly pride. So… just a few stray tears, it was all he could handle. Any more and he knew he would break down. Break down… and with him would come Gibbs. He was so strong, but Tony knew, Gibbs blamed himself.

Those first few tears were joined by another, and another. A small sniffling breath escaped, and Tony coughed to cover it. He wanted to be strong, for Tim, for Gibbs…

For Kate.

~~Ashes