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......
I was at a breaking point. It felt as I would soon become insane if I stayed here any longer. I thought I could endure it; at least a little longer then this.
......
Looking back, I thought it wouldn't affect me all too much to see that klutz of a boss continuously visiting the Vongola base using the meeting with Sawada as an excuse to flirt with Kyoya… If I could just toy with him once in a while, as long as Kyoya still viewed me as a challenge to him… I thought none would really be of importance.
I miscalculated my limit. In the end it wasn't enough just to flirt with him every once in a while… and my continuous visit to the night clubs and the large amounts of alcohol I consumed every night, still it wasn't enough to drown these feelings.
I wondered often times what the rest of those guardians would think if they knew this side of me. They already had distaste for me especially that so called right hand man of Sawada. If had they knew of my weakness, it is likely that it would be used against me. After all, the only reason they seemed to be letting me freely roam about this place was the fact they still subconsciously feared my powers. I couldn't afford to be seen as weak… at least, if wasn't for myself, I had to do it for Ken and Chikusa. They wouldn't touch Chrome because they probably preferred her being the mist guardian rather then myself… but Ken and Chikusa was still considered outsider.
The only reason the Vongola family left them be was because they feared what I would do as retaliation. Isn't that why they silently relied on Kyoya so much? Because finally he was recognized as the strongest guardian, which also meant stronger then me. They wanted Kyoya to act as my restraint… thinking that since I no longer was the strongest, that maybe I wouldn't try to do anything drastic as to betray the Vongola.
Sometimes, that fact irritated me. Many silently relied on Kyoya. As of still, most of the mission that should be considered suicide missions was given to me. They knew Kyoya was stronger but unlike mine, they valued his life. They held no sympathy towards me, that I knew, and some probably secretly wanted me to die during those missions. But what would happen when I finally leave? Kyoya was strong, I admit, but what if that wasn't enough? The chance of death on those missions were high and there would be no other they would have to send other then Kyoya if I was out of the picture.
No, I had to trust Sawada's foolish kindness. He might be the head of the Vongola family but he was still just as naive when it came to the matter of life and death. He even was said to be worried for my life… I do not understand why he would… after all, was it not I who tried to take control of his body multiple times? But because of that childish affection, he would be wise when it come to Kyoya's life. Probably he wouldn't just worry about his own well being like some of the other Vongolas… probably… he would at least try to keep all his guardians safe…
I had to endure it. I have to push on… rather then breaking down.
Like then… I have to act unaffected when I was misunderstood… silently holding back the pain that they all thought I was incapable of. I had to act as if I was not desperate…
… desperate to hear from someone that I was needed.
-Katekyo Hitman Reborn-
Devil's Merit
Chapter 2- Ice Doll
"Would you like anything to drink, Mukuro?"
"I'm fine Sawada," he replied as he sat down on the chair opposite the desk. Mukuro couldn't help but to note that, even if the Tenth's affection was genuine, he still had trouble meeting his eyes.
"I heard Chrome is doing better… As soon as she recovers she would be put to the organ transplant." Tsuna's voice shook a little. Even though it was years since the last time Mukuro tried anything, he couldn't help but to feel a little nervous around his mist guardian.
However despite his inner feelings, he tried his best to act normal around the other; for some reason, he felt as though Mukuro might not be what other Vongolas portrayed him to be. If had he been really that cold hearted as everyone described, he would have just left Ken and Chikusa behind rather then protecting them… not to mention now, he wouldn't be by Chrome's side. From what Bianchi had told him, Mukuro have never been a second late to his daily appointment with Chrome for five years… unless of course, he was on a mission.
"How is everything? Is Ken and Chikusa…"
"Why did you really call me, Sawada?"
Tsuna looked at the other with unwavering gaze; for a minute they sat in silence. "… I heard you wanted to leave the Vongola. I know you never liked the mafia and held no loyalty as the mist guardian but…"
Mukuro stood up, heading towards the door. "A year has passed since I brought up that topic with Reborn. I suggest you not to worry about trivial matters, Vongola Tenth. Why don't you spend that time worrying about the new formed Millefiore family and their motive rather then wasting your time worrying about my selfish requests."
With that he left, closing the door behind him.
Most of the days… days where he was not sent on any missions, were dull. He couldn't stay with Chrome for more then an hour as the girl would probably push her limit in trying to keep a conversation going. She would refuse to just rest when he was there, desperately worried about his well being rather then her own. Mukuro often had to make up some kind of excuse to leave so the girl could get some rest.
Ken and Chikusa usually preferred to stay outside of the Vongola base, only coming back when it was necessary and to see how he was doing. They would usually offer to stay with him but Mukuro would refuse silently wishing they weren't chained to this family as he was. He would usually say he rather be by himself and their presence irritated him, but of course, that was a lie.
So Mukuro spent most of his hours locked in his room, not really wanting to deal with the other guardians. He would often find some amusement hearing about the Varia from Belphegor or Squalo. Yes, he kept contact with the Varia… for many reason, they weren't as awkward towards him as the rest of the Vongolas. During the past few years, he was given the offer by Xanxus to join Varia rather then staying as the mist guardian but Reborn refused to let it happen. Of course, probably the illusionist would fit in better when the Varia members then with the other guardians.
"Squalo is sent to the hospital for the fifth time this week… ushishishi… what a pity… he should know when to stop annoying the boss."
"Well, if he wasn't as stubborn, he probably wouldn't have lasted this long in the first place," he replied as he stared at the screen of the computer. It was a lot easier to talk to them when he could actually see them… not to mention his room didn't seem as empty.
"Ushishishi… but I actually prefer hearing them break things rather then Squalo moaning out boss's name at odd hours of the night…" his smile disappeared and he had on a disgusted look on his face… or part of the face that wasn't hidden by his long bangs. "Do you know how loud that shark really is?"
Mukuro let out a small laugh. The relationship between Xanxus and Squalo was not exactly a secret but he himself found it rather odd. He often had to wonder how the two of them really got along… and the fact that Squalo was sent to the hospital every week, didn't make it seem they had exactly a loving relationship.
The illusionist was about to add a witty comment when he heard the knocking of the door behind him.
"Ushishishi… it seems like they don't leave you alone…"
Mukuro straightened up on the chair he was sitting on. "You have no idea…"
"Well then byebye," he said childishly as the screen went black.
Kyoya Hibari turned on his phone with a bored look on his face.
23 missed calls
14 text messages
9 voicemails.
His eyes twitched at the sight… it was all from the same person… Dino.
He deleted all the texts without much thought and put the phone to his ears to hear the rest of the voice messages.
"Hey Kyoya! Why don't you answer any of your calls?"
delete.
"Kyoya, it's me again. Why is your cell phone off-"
delete.
"I'm sure you know who this is-"
delete.
"Kyoya I was wonderin-"
delete.
"Kyo-"
delete. delete. delete.
Seriously, one day, he would bite this idiot to death. When will he get the point that he had no interest in him?
"I don't think it's the cell phone's fault, Kyoya…"
Hibari turned around, knowing too well of whom that voice belonged too. "I'll bite you to death."
A smirk came upon Mukuro's lips as his voice held pure amusement. "I would like to take you on on that offer but I'm on my way to see Reborn at the moment..."
"I want a rematch."
Mukuro stopped turning his head slightly to look at the other guardian. "I don't have time at the moment, Kyoya…" he replied, the smirk sill in place.
Hibari glared at the other, "Then make time, bastard. I'm sick of you running away each time."
The illusionist let out a small chuckle. "Kyoya, you are already recognized as the strongest guardian… there is no need for you to pick a childish fight with me anymore. Don't be so unreasonable as to throw a tantrum."
Hibari's eyes narrowed at the statement. Of course, he knew that he, himself, was known as the strongest out of all the guardians. He made it clear when he defeated Mukuro for the 12th time. However that didn't stop the fact that everyone still viewed Mukuro as strong. His reputation was well known and he completed many missions that were considered humanly impossible.
The mist guardian was known for his wits in battle, and never had he showed any signs or weakness or fear… also unlike most of the fools in the Vongola family, Mukuro was never hindered by sympathy or mercy. Even as he made the illusionist kneel before him in humiliation at the end of each battle, he never showed anything else but a cool look... always composed, his head held up high, even at defeat, Hibari couldn't break that pride of his.
It frustrated the cloud guardian to no end; the fact that it was near impossible to be satisfied from those useless battles. Hibari wanted to see it, Rokudo Mukuro being helpless…
"Until I see you surrendering completely begging for mercy… It won't be enough to satisfy me."
"Oya?" Mukuro raised one of his eye brows, "I didn't know you actually had that kind of hobby, Kyoya." he stepped closer until their faces were mere inches apart. "Fukuku… I didn't think you would vision me in such a way."
As the other looked shock, realizing what he was implying by that statement, Mukuro pushed him quickly to the wall. "If you wanted it… all you had to do was ask…" his lips lightly brushed against the others before completely backing up, away from the reach of the other's tonfas. There was the usual smirk on those lips.
"Like I said… I'm busy at the moment. Maybe some other time, Kyoya… we shall continue this in bed," pure amusement was etched on his voice as he walked away, leaving the shocked Hibari behind. "By the way, I'm not usually the submissive type."
"Millefiore is on the move. From the information that was gathered, Byakuran was sighted at Italy 3 days before but suddenly disappeared from sight… It is likely chance he is at the main headquarters still in Italy but it's getting harder to predict his movement."
Gokudera leaned back on his seat and put his leg up to rest in on the table, earning a disapproval glance from Lal Mirch. "Well we can't really say we didn't predict this," he said, ignoring the girl. "Our main goal is to protect the Tenth… I won't let him die this time… at least, not on my watch."
Yamamoto looked from Gokudera to Lal, a small smile on his lips. "Well from what we know from that trip to the future, all we have to do is prevent Tsuna from attending that fake peace treaty…"
"Well considering you all were sent after Tsuna's death, we don't have a exact record of when or how it happened," she said as she turned away from Gokudera. "We have to be careful. Even the slightest mess up…"
"What if something changes?" asked Lambo. Yes, he was still young, only 11 in fact… and in the way Gokudera put it, 'too young to even understand anything.'
"That won't happen, stupid cow…"
However before he could go on, Lal stepped in, "No actually that is possible. Now that you all know what would happen, there is the chance you might change the future… which includes Tsuna's death."
Ryohei, who was surprisingly silent throughout the time, slapped his fist to the table. "Wait! Are you saying that Tsuna might still die?"
"Yes," she replied, calmly as ever. "If we change series of events that leads to Tsuna's death, or any other events for that matter, there is still the possibility that it might not happen, or alter the event in some way… in which case, Tsuna might not die, or he might die in some other way."
"So what's fated to happen, will happen…"
There was a silence where they just stared at one another.
"What… what does Reborn-san have to say in all this?" asked Gokudera.
Lal Mirch paused before giving a reply. "Even before Millefiore was formed, he has been keeping an eye on Byakuran. As of still, he thinks there might be some way that Tsuna might still die."
"I guess we just have to be careful then," said Yamamoto as he sat back down on the chair next to Gokudera. "By the way, where's Hibari? Wasn't he supposed to come too?"
"Now that I think about it," replied the storm guardian. "Where the hell is that damn Mukuro? Does he even take his job seriously? He should show some respect at least-"
"Hayato," Bianchi interjected. "Don't act rashly… maybe…"
"Maybe what?" he exclaimed. He got up so quickly from his seat, he knocked over the chair, making a loud noise as it fell to the floor. "We all know that he doesn't care about the Tenth! And yet Reborn-san insists that he remains as the Mist Guardian!"
"Don't you think you're being a little bit bias?" asked the swordsman, cautiously. "Hibari isn't here either…"
"Actually I have to agree with Gokudera," said Ryohei in a serious tone. "He never really cared about being one of the guardian… and who knows, he might even betray us. Wasn't he the one who tried to take over Tsuna's body? … The thing about Mukuro is that we can't predict what he is exactly thinking."
There was a long period of silence where everyone was lost in their own thoughts. It was true that they all weren't completely sure of Mukuro's loyalty and from the looks of it so far, he seemed like he didn't care much for Tsuna at all. He completed the mission that was given to him and although he didn't follow anyone's instructions, he still got the job done.
However, even so, they felt nervous every time Mukuro disregarded Tenth's or Reborn's words and did things about in his way. Also considering what he had done to them, although it was long ago, it was still traumatizing.
It was a well known fact that Gokudera hated Mukuro to the very core and Ryohei had doubts about whether the illusionist should really become the mist guardian. Yamamoto of course, tried his best to be open minded, but even he had his limits.
"Well Mukuro was called to see Reborn."
They turned towards Lal, wondering why she didn't say this ahead of time.
"What about?" asked Gokudera, trying to calm down.
Lal turned towards him with her usual blank expression. "About a new mission... regarding Tsuna apparently."
"Wait, why does he always get the important mission?" asked the storm guardian, bitterly. "It isn't as if he is any special. And as far as Tenth is concerned, I'm his right hand man!"
"Calm down, Gokudera… Reborn might have his reason," Yamamoto said in a whisper. However hearing it, the other turned to glare at him.
"Trust me, Storm," continued Lal. "… Be glad you weren't given those missions…"
"What mission?" his voice was still calm; successfully covering up the panicked state he was in.
Reborn merely looked up at him, almost looking as if he was uninterested on the topic of the conversation, "Hibari Kyoya is to be involved in the secret mission to invade the Millefiore base. He's the strongest out of all the guardians and…"
Mukuro slammed his hand onto the table, "It's a suicide mission god dammit!"
Reborn looked unaffected at the outburst, "We have no choice… no one else would even have a chance of survival. We need to figure out what Byakuran is up to. He was against the Vongola family for quite a while… If we just let this go on…"
A small smirk appeared on his thin lips. "No… you're wrong. This mission… give it to me… I'm the only one who has even the slightest hope of making out of this alive…"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Just a little longer… just a little longer…
That was what I repeated over and over to myself as I remained emotionless on the white bed. Everywhere I looked, it was just simply white and the smell of sweet orchid was too strong for my liking.
I made a mistake… a miscalculation.
"So you finally woken up…"
That voice…
"I was afraid I put you into a coma state from all the blood lost…"
… it was sickening…
"Mukuro-kun…you passed out for a long time... what were you dreaming about?"
Byakuran reached out and lightly brushed away the long bangs that fell onto the other's pale face. There was a smile on his lips but his eyes remained looking deadly cold. Mukuro stayed emotionless as the other male continued to run his finger through his hair… then his cheeks.
Never in his life… did he feel more vulnerable. Under the sheet, he was naked from waist down and the white button up shirt he was wearing only reached up to his upper thighs. Subconsciously he gripped tightly around the sheets with his left hand… his right being cuffed tightly to the headboard above his head. Fresh cuts covered majority of his body, especially his lower half and he kept his right eye closed, knowing the damage it took made it completely useless.
Mukuro winced slightly as he started to become more aware of his senses. He felt his stomach sickening as he regained conscious of what just happened… and remembering exactly what was the liquid that ran down between his inner thighs.
"You know, Mukuro-kun, this body of yours is so much more interesting then Leo-kun's … oh wait, but that wasn't his name was it?" there was an amused smile on his lips as he continued. "Seriously Mukuro-kun. If you were thinking of seducing me to get information, you should have just used this body from the beginning."
I would have had to be mentally ill to even have considered using my own body. Even at the thought of you touching me makes my skin crawl. If I can, I would rip this body into pieces and burn it just to not remember how you have violated it.
He flinch as he felt the other's hand trailing lower and lower… The coldness of those hands made him wince… but he didn't make any sounds; not wanting to give the other the satisfaction.
"Was it your first time, Mukuro-kun? … no that can't be… I'm sure you slept with other men before…" the smirk widened as silver-haired man leaned down to kiss the other's neck. "… or is it just the fact you never submitted to anyone until now…?"
"Fukuku… so many question… as usual, you talk too much." The sly smirk reappeared on his face, determined to look unaffected as the other violated his body. "Why not bluntly state what you want to say, rather then wasting time in useless sweet talk?"
The other smiled as he stared into the deep blue eye with unwavering gaze. "Oh? Is that so?"
He flinched again at the sudden intrusion of the other's fingers but kept the smirk in place. "A man who can't get to the point clearly is good for nothing," he said, trying his best not to let his voice shake.
"Well then Mukuro-kun, let me ask you something. How does it feel to be betrayed by the Vongolas? You know, Reborn probably planned this from the start… he knew that to complete the mission meant a sacrifice… he thought that cloud guardian was too valuable so he decided to use you… What a pity, hm? They don't see you as much worth…"
The illusionist stayed silent, trying to suppress the anger that was building up. Of course, what Byakuran said could be true for all he knew, but believing anything this man said at the given situation would probably lead to his own downfall. For his own good, it was for the best not to trust anything the other said.
"Fukuku… well then Byakuran-san, do you? So far, it seems as though to you, I am just merely one of your harem."
Byakuran let out a soft laugher as he began to stand up. The Vongola guardian secretly let out a sigh of relief as he no longer felt the other's cold touch.
"Even though you say you are not one of them… you secretly had faith in them… did you not?" He threw on the white jacket over his black dress shirt, straightening his clothing before heading towards the door. "They abandoned you completely Mukuro-kun. They announced your death yesterday."
"Should I let you in on a secret? … about that Hibari Kyoya you so dearly love?"
"From the past few weeks I learned not to believe in your sweet words," he replied stubbornly.
I don't want to hear anything from you… I don't even want to hear his name coming from your dirty mouth.
"… Well then, I'll just let you find out for yourself."
.........
Looking back, I realize I made many foolish mistakes. I should have never involved myself with Hibari Kyoya… or any of the Vongola members for that matter. I shouldn't have done everything according to Reborn's plans… I should have done a better job of covering up my own feelings.
… and most importantly, I shouldn't have underestimated this man who now stood so proudly in my presence.
Being chained to this room, held captive by Millefiore's boss, it made me look back upon all the events in my life. All the memories I wanted to forget… all the misjudgment I wanted to overlook… it all came back to me as I stared blankly up at the white ceiling above.
The thoughts of escape didn't even cross my mind. This time, even I knew it was useless.
If I learned anything from this incident… it was that there were people in this world, even I should fear.
...
Kyoya…
...how ironic that even in this situation, you managed to appear in my thoughts. Did you not want to see me helpless? begging for mercy?
… come find me now… you'll probably see the sight you longingly wanted.
To be continued...
up until now... from chapter 1 to most of chapter 2, it was just the events of the past. Now finally the story catches on to the present time... or at least mostly.
Preview of the next chapter:
-Flashback-
Byakuran: Leo-kun.
Mukuro: Byakuran-sama?
Byakuran: Want me to tell you a secret? … someone is about to die here tonight.
……
Tsuna: What about Mukuro?
Reborn: There is nothing we can do for now.
......
Hibari: You want to know what I hate about you the most? It's the fact you act like you care...
Dino: If I didn't care I wouldn't be trying this hard. If I only truly care about how I feel I wouldn't even be helping out that Mukuro! Dammit I'm trying everything to get you to like me!"
Hibari: then stop.
